My boyfriend and I live on the top floor of an old old condo with only a few units. And nothing we do seems to stop the neighbours from complaining every time we make the slightest noise.

We have done everything I can think of:

• tiptoe everywhere at all times and never ever wear shoes inside
• vacuum or clean only once a month (way less than we’d like)
• limit intimacy to be on the earlier side, or in rooms other than the bedroom
• have literally 3x those little fabric foot-stoppers on every piece of furniture that might get pulled around or sat on
• bought about $250 of carpets for the apartment that we would not otherwise have (the only thing I’ve put my foot down on is putting a carpet in the dining room, because I think that would be gross and I’ve already covered the rest of my house in rugs)
• play our record player or any non-headphone music at minimum volume
• adjusted our bedtime to try and match theirs (they seem to go to bed at 10pm judging by when the texts arrive)
• text every time I’m planning to have guests over so they’re aware
• don’t use the washer/dryer that came with the apt because it shakes the floor and bothers them
• only play rhythm/dancing games, which I LOVE, when I know 100% that they are gone
• even though both my BF and I are musicians (violin and guitar), we never play because it’s not worth the angry text we would get

And yet it goes on. They have texted when we sit at the dining room table, when we go to bed, when I get too many texts (apparently they can hear the buzz even though it’s on the kitchen counter), when we take out the trash in the kitchen when I accidentally bump into something in the bedroom. It is making us feel like our only option is to stand still and do nothing.

About a month ago, they played really loud music in the bedroom at 6am (like bumping club music) which we thought was weird but not bothersome. But then, more recently, I dropped the remote in the bedroom at midnight, and the next morning at 6am they started banging on the ceiling right below the bed – not in response to anything we did, obviously, since we were asleep, but it seemed like revenge for waking them up.

It’s true, the walls are thin – I know because I hear their baby crying all the time, and I hear them fighting (though I wish they would enunciate more when they yell at each other, I’m petty like that). I truly sympathize with them, it must really suck to live in such a fragile building that you can hear when people so much as walk around. It’s just that there is nothing more I feel I can do. But I also feel helpless and frustrated that despite the fact that we have never done anything intentionally to bother them, they are now trying to hurt us because of things we can’t avoid.

I have also recently asked the neighbor who lives below THEM if noise is ever a problem for her. Her answer: yeah, they wake me up all the time, but I figure it’s an old apartment and they can’t really do anything about it. Which is the perspective I, my boyfriend, and everyone else I’ve ever known have had about neighbor noise.

What can I do?

I M32 am the sole income earner in our household and my wife is a housewife (she had a job but could no longer keep it due to health problems). We have a year daughter at home as well.

Ever since I started working from home my wife started treating me as if I was available to do whatever she needed me to do like fix this fix that, do laundry and etc. But I work long hours from home and I need to be committed and professional otherwise I’d risk losing my position.

She interrupted my work several times already. I had a conversation with her about it and asked that she stop asking me to do things until I’m done working and she said okay but it happened again days ago when she barged into my office with our daughter all of a sudden telling me to keep an eye on her while she visits the clinic.

I paused my work session because I was caught off guard she didn’t tell me beforehand. She said that she suddenly started feeling pain in her belly and needed to see the doctor asap. I explained that I had important work and could not stay with our daughter or keep her in the office while working. She said she won’t be long but I urged her to call her sister and let her come stay with our daughter. In my opinion, this seemed to be the one reasonable solution for both of us but she lashed out at me saying no because this was an emergency while my work could wait. She said she had no time to wait till her sister come over but I said I’d call her myself and tell her to come. I even suggested I pay here and all my wife had to do was wait a few minutes till her sister arrived.

She stormed out of the office with our daughter after calling me a selfish jerk with no empathy to keep her waiting longer before visiting the doctor. My sister-in-law came some 20 minutes later and my wife left then. I tried calling her to check on her but she purposely hung up on me a few times and when she got home she was still pretty pissed at me which I don’t get because I think that I provided a solution that allowed her to go to her dr appointment and allowed me to resume my work session but no.

She kept talking about what a horrible partner and father I was to refuse to provide help when she needed it and refused to sympathize with her difficult situation and making her wait for her sister when she needed to see the doctor asap. She’s now refusing to speak to me altogether. I think my compromise was reasonable, I don’t really get why she got so mad over it.

Here is what netizens think:

• If her stomach pain was so serious, how the F she got the energy to argue with you. Sounds more like she is making a scene and being dramatic.

• The problem is wife has been crying wolf. The end result is that when she may have really needed him, he thought it was more of the same.

• I agree, providing it genuinely was an emergency. If that were the case, he ought to step up even if he wasn’t working at home.

• Good luck for the rest of your marriage, you got a drama queen as a wife.

I am an Ah Lian. I have tattoos, I dropped out of school, and yes, I work at a pub. But let me tell you something, the world isn’t as black and white as you think. Not all Ah Lians end up as single mothers, and not all of us are rowdy. We are more than just a stereotype.

I remember the first time I was called an Ah Lian. I was 15, rebellious, and full of fire. I had just gotten my first tattoo, a small butterfly on my ankle. It was a symbol of freedom, a declaration that I was not afraid to be different. But to others, it was a label, a way to categorize and dismiss me.

I left school at 16. Not because I didn’t value education, but because the traditional system didn’t work for me. I was restless, I couldn’t sit still in a classroom, listening to lectures that didn’t interest me. I wanted to learn about life, about people, about the world. And so, I chose a different path.

I started working at a pub when I was 18. It was a job, a way to pay the bills. But it was also a place where I could be myself, where I could meet people from all walks of life. I learned more about human nature in that pub than I ever did in a classroom.

Yes, I became a mother at a young age. But I am not a single mother. I have a partner, a man who loves me and our child. We are not married, but we are committed to each other and to our family. We are not perfect, but we are happy.

Being an Ah Lian is not a life sentence. It is not a guarantee of failure. It is a part of who I am, but it does not define me. I am more than my tattoos, more than my job, more than the label society has given me.

I am a woman, a mother, a partner. I am strong, I am resilient, I am capable. I am not a stereotype, I am not a statistic. I am an individual, with my own dreams, my own struggles, my own successes.

So the next time you see an Ah Lian, don’t just see the tattoos, the rowdy behavior, the pub job. See the person underneath, the woman who is trying to make her way in the world, just like you.

Remember, we are all more than the labels society gives us. We are all individuals, with our own stories to tell. And this is mine. This is the story of an Ah Lian, a story of resilience, of determination, of breaking stereotypes. And I hope it makes you think twice before you judge someone based on their appearance or their job.

Because at the end of the day, we are all just trying to find our place in the world. And for me, that place is here, as an Ah Lian, as a mother, as a woman. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

My (26F) husband (31M) is back to talking to his ex because I refused to quit my job

I posted last week because my husband wants me to quit my job at a company that I’ve worked at for 5 years.

This all started because I told him that my ex just took a position at the same company and will be working in a different department, meaning we wouldn’t be working together much.

He told me he wants me to quit and it’s non negotiable. He says he just doesn’t feel comfortable with the situation because although he trusts me, he doesn’t trust my ex.

Because I’ve worked hard to get to the position I have now, I told my husband that I can’t quit my job right now but will make sure to stay professional towards my ex.

Since I told him that, he’s been distant. He stayed out late this weekend and when I asked where he was, he said he doesn’t need to tell me since we’ve decided not to care about each other’s opinion.

He’s been constantly on his phone and tonight I finally asked him who he’s texting and he said his ex. I asked him why since it was my understanding that they haven’t talked in years.

He said if I can work with my ex, he has the right to talk to his ex.

I’m so upset that I had to leave to calm myself down. I’m not sure what I want to do when I get home. I don’t understand why this is turning into such a big deal.

I want to be the bigger person but for him to go back to talking to his ex when he knows it upsets me … I’m just hurt honestly. Any advice?