I just got tested positive for HIV and idk what to do

Long story short i slept with a random woman a year ago because i was a virgin at 22 and just wanted to get it over with, after the deed i noticed the condom broke but didn’t think much of it.

Then a few weeks ago i started having weird symptoms, i went on google to check and it turns out they’re early hiv infection symptoms, then my jaw dropped when i remembered the condom breaking.

I immediately went to get tested. And BOOM! HIV Positive. I’m confused, terrified and absolutely helpless, i still haven’t told anyone yet, not even my parents.

I was already having mental health issues before all of this but now i’m crushed, i’ll never get to experience relationships, i’ll never feel normal ever again, all of this because i pressured myself to lose my virginity.

Any kind words would be appreciated.

Netizens’ comments

1. Get a re-test. The odds of a man catching it from PIV one time especially with a condom likely containing N-9 even if it slipped are pretty darned low.
2. Hi! Pharmacist in training here:
   I completely understand where you’re coming from when you say that this is a daunting thing to accept. I can’t imagine the stress you must be under, but I do have some things that may be worthwhile to look into.
   First and foremost, it is incredibly rare for HIV to be transmitted via va—-l intercourse, so it may be worthwhile to take another test for confirmation. If you took an over the counter test, it may be best to find a location that offers more thorough laboratory testing.
   However, if you can say with certainty that you are HIV positive, then just know that your life doesn’t end here. While it is a chronic condition, it is now manageable and no longer carries the weight if being labeled (please forgive my lack of better phrasing) a “death sentence.”
   With proper pharmacological maintenance therapy, you can suppress your viral load to the point of it being deemed “undetectable” in your system, which ultimately means untransmissible!
   I have met many patients who are leading fulfilling, happy lives despite having been diagnosed with HIV. They’re some of the most successful, high-spirited individuals I know, and they certainly aren’t going to let an illness define them.
   You are just as capable and just as deserving of that happiness, and should you need any direction to any resources to get there, I’d be more than happy to provide you with some!
3. Hey! Get a retest. False positives happen. I had one and it was super stressful. But confirmation exams were done and im not positive. But i get what youre feeling. It almost destroyed my relationship, but me and GF were confident it was a mistake. And after multiple tests, turns out it was a false positive.

Is it an unwise move to quit my job and spend months travelling while job searching?

Single M in my early 30s. Doing the so called iron rice bowl job now but it’s stressful and I am not doing well.

Figured I might as well take the opportunity to change to another job that I’ll be passionate about. Next career will be something I’ll need to explore since I’m not in the lucrative IT sector.

I also want to take the chance to travel for 3 months around the world. Since I couldn’t afford it when I was younger. Currently I have enough savings to manage for a year with no issues.

But I keep reading about terrible job market, seems like it’s always a terrible market out there.

Alternatively I could slog for another 3 to 5 months while job searching and request the future HR to give me a longer gap period before starting work, which would be subjected to their agreement.

How wise/unwise is this decision?

Netizens’ comments

1. Considering you have enough savings to manage a year, if you die next year, would you regret not travelling around the world?
2. If you have an iron rice bowl job, try to see if you can work out a no pay leave arrangement. Then when you come back you can search for a new job elsewhere
3. If the job market is good, people start worrying about the huge opportunity cost in not finding their next job now. Good or bad, there’s always a reason to not take a break for fear of unemployment.
   I’d just go ahead and travel while you are still relatively free, instead of switching jobs and end up asking your new employer to make special accommodations for you.
   Who knows – maybe the market will be better in 2024?
4. I did it in my late 20s back in 2018 when I left my job to travel the world for 3 months. From my experience, you should have 2 considerations before quitting:
   – a story that you can tell your employer on this move in your life, if they ask;
   – sufficient connections to bridge you too your next job In the meantime as others have mentioned, we are probably near a recession so that makes it harder to find a job. It depends on your comfort level.
5. Please. if you are younger than 35. TRAVEL. there are visas for this. find it. I missed my chance. Don’t miss yours.

I’m considering breaking up with my girlfriend over the fact she keeps getting tattooed. For come context my girlfriend and I have been together for 5 years. I’m 28M and she’s 26F.

Okay so about a year ago she expressed interest in getting a tattoo. I’m not a big fan of tattoos, it’s just not something I find particularly attractive on anyone.

She knows my views on them and I told her it’s her body, so she can technically do whatever she wants but I don’t have to like it. After some discussion, she said she’d get something relatively small.

When she came home and showed it to me I was surprisingly okay with it. I would still rather it not be there but it wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought it would be.

Over the year however she’s gotten more, and they’re larger than I’d like them to be. It’s been the cause of many of our fights and it’s affecting me. I love her but I don’t find her as attractive anymore.

Well on Saturday she went to a friend’s house for a small get together, that I was supposed to go to but I made an excuse not to. She didn’t come home until Sunday afternoon and didn’t answer my texts.

When she came home she revealed she got another tattoo and it’s the largest one yet. She absolutely loves it, I obviously hate it.

We fought and I asked her why she didn’t discuss this with me. Arm and leg tattoos are one thing but this is too much for me.

She said she was a little tipsy and told the guy who’s been tattooing her that she wanted to do it but was scared of what I’d think.

He convinced her to get it done, and told her what I think doesn’t matter. She went to the studio he owns with her friends and she got it done.

I asked if she’s noticed we haven’t slept together in months and she said “yeah of course” and I told her why. She seemed hurt and I told her I don’t know if I could get past this last one.

She told me to figure it out and let her know because she doesn’t want to waste her time. We haven’t spoken since. A part of me knows this isn’t salvageable anymore but there’s a small part of me that still loves her and thinks I’d be mean for breaking up with her over this.

Husband touching himself to my old photos

So my husband and I are great together in bed, our relationship is good as well. We are coming up on a year of marriage and have been together for almost 6.

I struggled with some weight gain about 2 years ago and have been slowly losing it but having a hard time with dedication.

I’m not morbidly overweight. I’m about 68kg, and I used to be 86kg. So I’m within my normal weight but I plan on getting to 60 and then getting stronger I’ve just been dealing with some mental crap.

Anyways when we’re getting it on in bed, sometimes he’ll finish really fast. It doesn’t really bother me at all and I’ve communicated that. But he started like preparing himself before we do it.

He’ll go touch himself and finish first so that he can last longer when we do it, basically which I didn’t have a problem with. But the thing is he used my pictures. Alright cool no issue.

But he was using my skinny pictures… i don’t know if that’s a bad thing? He communicated his concerns with my weight and his pride of my progress.

Some women have expressed how disgusting and awful this is but I don’t really have that big of an issue with it? Especially since I intend on getting back to that same physique.

We talked and he didn’t like the feeling of touching and finishing himself alone since he hadn’t done it in forever and rather just be intimate with me and finish me first then him.

so he doesn’t do this anymore but is it weird he used my old pictures? Thoughts?

Update: I wanna be my best self for myself and him. I am even more grateful for my relationship now and I was extremely grateful even before! This is very motivating.

Also I guess I forgot to mention that he does have some new pictures of me but he says he loves them but he REALLY loves the old ones. Lol. I definitely have struggled with confidence since the weigh gain but I am gaining it back as I lose the weight!

Honestly the whole situation just motivates me to shed the remaining weight. I didn’t like being overweight either. Who does?

My husband (29M) tells me stupid lies (29F). Would you leave over something so silly?

My husband of 7 years (14 years together) is constantly telling little white lies. I asked him about three days ago to never lie to me again, especially about stupid stuff bc I can’t trust him if he does. That I can never know when he’s being serious bc he’s always telling small lies.

I just found out he lied to me again. A STUPID lie.

We went shopping 2 days ago. Yesterday he makes me a snack with something I swore we hadn’t bought. I ask him when he got it, and he said during our shopping trip.

I say that I don’t remember scanning it (self-checkout), and he responded with “maybe I did, I don’t know.” I was left doubting myself bc he wasn’t really scanning, and I didn’t remember scanning it.

I assumed he was telling the truth and I must have scanned it and don’t remember. I almost felt crazy.

Tonight I find a receipt that had been thrown away and fallen next to the bin. I look at it wondering the price of something else we bought, when I look I realize it’s a receipt I didn’t recognize from the same store.

It included the snack he served me and some other random items. I look at the dates and it was a day after our shopping trip (yesterday) in the morning before work.

I just walked into the room and confronted him. He was asleep, but I was beyond upset, sad, disappointed, and hurt. I straight up asked why he lied to me, especially after our talk about not lying.

At first he denied it, but finally fessed up. He said he thought I’d be mad if I knew he bought it which I don’t get bc he didn’t hide the item, just tried to play it off as if we had decided to buy it. I wasn’t mad when I saw it, just trying to figure out how and when.

I just don’t know what to do about these stupid lies. He’s lost my trust. I don’t think he’d lie about big stuff, but now I don’t know honestly. It sounds dumb to leave over this, but idk what to do.

Working while on MC

Is it normal to be expected to continue working and meeting internal deadlines while I am on MC?

I know some tasks have urgent external deadlines and for those I have continued submitting work and keeping things on track but for internal stuff, my colleagues keep calling and texting me to ask for stuff despite knowing I am on MC. And this is not my own work but their work that they wanted me to assist with (and I couldn’t say no because I am very junior).

I find it unfair especially since I am genuinely sick and am struggling to get through each day (not just enjoying at home) but maybe it’s just how work life is and I should get used to it and keep forcing myself to work even when I am genuine sick?

Netizens’ comments

1. It simply does not matter what your colleagues think, you are officially certified unfit for work for this period of time by a medical professional. Concentrate on healing.
2. Draw your boundaries well with your colleagues, let them know firmly that you are in no state to work.
3. If you accept it then it is acceptable to you. If you don’t accept it then it is unacceptable to you.
4. Take care of yourself! And as hard as it may be, sometimes you just gotta learn to prioritize yourself.
5. correct answer is no but this is typical SME culture
   This is something that can be seen in SMEs as well as MNCs, and especially if you are in a PMET role. It also depends on the culture of your workplace.
6. Happened to me before also, I just pretended to be knocked out after taking meds and replied only at night to their messages and missed calls. It’s partly true anyway, I was on 2 days MC and the meds for fever/flu usually causes drowsiness. The employer almost wanted to come to my house just to pass me work which I thought was crazy. I quit after 2-3 months.

I spend $2,000 on a tailored suit and my wife is calling me selfish and pretentious

I work in an office and make just a shade under six figures. Pretty good salary, but nothing spectacular. it’s enough for a very comfortable living.

I’m 45, married (she’s 47), and we have two kids, a fourteen year old girl and ten year old boy. My wife is a stay at home mom. We’ve been married seventeen years.

I’ve always wanted to have a nice suit. We’re required to wear suits at work, but for my entire career (I’ve always been at the same company) I’ve always had dumpy suits, the “3 for $200” kind of thing.

I’m not entry level but not management, either.

Let me make it clear that I never deny my wife or children anything and have always prioritized their needs and wants. An agreed upon portion of my salary goes to our savings and retirement, some goes to the kids’ school funds, all our bills are paid, we don’t have any debt.

And my wife certainly has a generous allowance every month to get her hair done, nails done, buy clothes, go to yoga, go to brunch with the ladies and so on. Several hundred dollars a month.

My own, personal expenses are very low. My wife herself cuts my hair, I don’t really buy clothes except for socks and underwear, and my wife is most often the one who buys that stuff for me.

Despite me making a good salary, I can’t really justify getting a gym membership for myself, and I don’t want to glom onto my wife’s yoga because that’s her thing and I want her to have her space.

We have our date nights a few times a month so that’s a shared treat.

Anyway, the point is I’ve always been into fitness and have always been a runner and kept in good shape, especially for my age. But my suits make me look like a doofus.

I’ve always wanted a tailored suit and never owned one in my entire life.

I decided right when pandemic hit that I’d start saving money from my lunch allowance since I didn’t go to the office anymore and set it aside to buy a suit from a manufacturer whose ad I saw in one of my wife’s fashion magazines.

I told her I wanted a suit like that, but my wife just laughed it off. As a side note, just one of her several designer purses costs as much as the suit I eventually got.

Well, fast forward almost two years and I had a nice pretty chunk of change for myself. Even though I returned to the office long ago I got used to just making my own lunch and saving money.

I looked at our expenses at home and didn’t see anything that needed to be bought or repaired. Kids’ college fund is up to date and all debts are paid, wife still gets her hair done and goes mall shopping and gets her salon fix and all that, as always.

For the first time ever, I got myself measured for that suit I wanted. I bought it.

My wife doesn’t really get up before I go to work so the day I first wore it she didn’t see me leave in it.

But she saw me when I got home and she was really shocked and asked me if I went to a wedding without her or something.

I was really proud of myself and told her how I saved basically $20-30 a week for a year and a half and how I got myself that fancy suit from the ad.

She told me I looked really good and I thought she was proud of me for saving money like that. My kids told me I looked like a model. I know they were just building me up but it still felt good.

And at the office people were giving me compliments all day about how amazing I looked in my tailored suit.

Lots of men at work wear tailored suits by the way, and from what I’ve read, tailored suits often cost way more than what I paid. It’s just that no one is used to seeing me look so good at work.

Friday is usually jeans day at work but just to be a little funny I wear my tailored suit every Friday and it’s become this silly office thing where everyone knows that’s my “formal” day.

I have no plans to buy more tailored suits but I feel so happy and good when I wear it because I saved for it and it’s mine and I know I look good in it.

Yesterday (Friday) when I came home my wife took me aside and told me I was very selfish to spend all that money on myself and that wearing tailored clothes was pretentious, like I’m punching above my weight.

I felt horrible she said that and asked her if there was something she wanted that cost $2,000 dollars that she would have rather I spent the money on.

She just said it was sneaky for me to buy something so expensive without telling her.

I dunno. She spends money at will from what I earn and I don’t ask her about it. If she wants something she buys it. If she wants to spend $50 on lunch with her friends, whatever.

The only thing I guess where she has a point is if she wants to buy something especially pricey, like if she wants a new wallet or shoes that cost more than a few hundred dollars she’ll ask me if it’s okay and I’ll always say yes, use your best judgement, bills are paid and it’s fine.

Maybe I should have told her before I bought it.

I realize now that I didn’t tell her because deep down I knew she’d shit all over my plans.

No.

I’m not trying to look good for any other woman, and yes, wife and I still bang regularly and well.

I just feel like crap.

Still not going to stop wearing my Friday suit though.

My boyfriend died this morning.

I keep crying in waves. It doesn’t feel real. I’m ready for the hospital to call and say he came back to life. I was supposed to be with him.

This man is my soulmate. There is nobody else like him. He is 28, his birthday is next week. I am 23. We renovated a house together and had primary custody of his 4 year old daughter. My life is completely entangled with his.

Every stupid item in this stupid house is him. It doesn’t feel real and I want to wake up. I will never forget his mom calling us and screaming he was dead. We were gonna start a business together, I wanted to have babies with him. He is the most amazing father, he did everything for her. We haven’t even lived here for a year.

I used to see videos of other people who had lost their partner and simply couldn’t imagine it happening to me and my perfect life. If I would have known when I kissed him goodbye that it would be the end, I would have never let him go.

I was supposed to go but woke up with a stomach bug. I should have powered through it and gone with him. He would still be alive.

This pain is unreal. I simply don’t want exist in a world without him. This world is absolutely hell.