I’m a stay-at-home mother to two preschoolers and I shouldn’t have read my husband’s private messages.

As the covid measures relaxed over the last few months, my husband has been going out drinking after work with his friends on Fridays and sometimes even Saturday nights. He typically leaves home before dinner and only comes back home at 3am or later. The man deserves to unwind and do something enjoyable after working hard for the family but I still find it hard to accept that he chooses to enjoy such activities when he is married and is a father of two.

He works throughout the day while I am left alone with the children even when things get tough when the children are home and sick. After I get the children back from school, it’s often a mad scramble to get them to eat dinner, shower, and get ready for bed. In between caring for them, I still have to do other chores like washing up the dishes, preparing their bags for school the next day, clearing the rubbish, and other household chores. My husband, tired from his day at work, often just lays on the couch with his phone in hand, scrolling through his social media, texting with his friends or watching shows on Netflix. My children are very attached to me and often doesn’t allow their father to do things for them but I feel that there is plenty for him to do to help me during the evenings. It’s tiring for me to keep asking him to do stuff for me while I am juggling the children so after some time, I stopped asking and he is more glued to the couch than ever.

Prior times when I told him about his behavior, he told me how tired he is after work and how much the children doesn’t want his involvement anyway. After years and years of asking him to improve his relationship with them, he still spends the 1 to 1.5 hour window with his phone rather than with children. He is so tired from Mondays to Thursdays to do anything significant for that short time and yet he finds the energy to go drink and socialize for 7 to 8 hours AFTER a whole week of work. This is what gives me anger, disappointment and exhaustion.

I was burnt before in a relationship where an ex cheated on me and I only found out after I instinctively checked on the private messages. This time after repeated weeks of partying outside, I had a nagging feeling and I checked on my husband’s texts while he was asleep. I found out that he lied/covered up on two occasions at least. There was one night where he went to a young, female stranger’s house with her friend for drinks. It was someone whom they only met that night and yet he told me that it was a house of his friend.

Then recently, he went out till almost 4am to drink with his friends who were meeting with a very pretty woman (I’ll name her Pretty H) that I know as an acquaintance. Pretty H came back alone to visit from abroad with the opening of the borders and was married quite recently. In the chat my wife’s friends asked her why he disappeared with Pretty H after the drinking session. My husband actually went up to her hotel room alone and said he only went to pee and slept on her bed, drunk. He told them that he cannot remember much and yet “nothing happened” because he is out of her league but jokingly said that he could have raped her.

So to me, nothing happened not because my husband sees himself as married but because Pretty H isn’t interested in him. My husband’s friend then told him to tell me what happened because it would looked very suspicious if I ever found out. I’ve waited some time and he really didn’t tell me a thing.

Now I am unsure if nothing really happened.

This is quite complicated, so I thank you in advance for your patience.

A. THE BARE FACTS

• In August last year, she cheated on me with her ex-boyfriend.

• In September last year, she attempted to reconcile with him and even professed her love to him.

• Around two weeks ago, she cheated on me with her ex-boyfriend again.

I broke things off. Since then, she has apologized daily and promised that she is a changed person.

B. MITIGATING FACTORS

She is not emotionally healthy.

• Without going into too much detail, she was subjected to a very traumatic S experience in her late teens. The scars run deep.

• She was neglected by her biological mother. As a result, she suffers from an avoidant attachment style. She led a fairly promiscuous lifestyle prior to meeting me.

• She suffers from depression and anxiety.

• She has a slight problem with alcohol.

• She has trouble with boundaries.

• Her ex-boyfriend is a narcissist, and she claims to be struggling to break away from him.

• She is very successful professionally.

• She is in a complex financial predicament at the moment. I am very successful, and I have offered her money twice. But she has declined on both occasions. She takes great pride in her ability to provide for herself and her loved ones.

• She has never lied to me, as far as I know, but she does keep many things close to her chest.

C. WHERE I STAND

Do you know the sense of joy you feel when you complete a 5,000-piece puzzle? I feel something similar to that whenever I look at her. She fills my senses in a way no one else can.

Every facet of her personality appeals to me. I can feel that she becomes different from me. Her gentle and sensitive side comes to the fore with me.

I’m an introvert, but with her, I feel like a different person. I feel comfortable expressing myself to her.

She knows all of my quirks and flaws, and she accepts them.

I love her ever so dearly. I dream of raising a family and growing old with her.

I used to feel responsible for her wellbeing. I felt that I can help to fix her and help her get over her traumas.

My problem now is, I have great trust issues. I feel she is still in love with her ex. Last year, her ex-boyfriend told me he can have her anytime he wants. Those words haunt me now, because of how easy it is for her to cheat with him.

The past half a year has been very, very tough on me. I have been hurting bad. I feel emasculated. I feel unloved. I feel so small. I cry all the time.

The truth is, I cannot cope with another betrayal. But at the same time, I love her so much. The thought of going through life without her makes me choke up – I feel a paralyzing sense of loss when I think of a future without her.

Love is bigger than pride, right? She needs me, right? I should give this another chance?

I need your wise counsel, my friends.

My 23-year-old girlfriend and I have been dating almost a year now, very happy relationship. She stays with me most nights. Cooks, cleans voluntarily, happy to be around and from what i’ve put together, a decent past before knowing her.

She is in law school, and starts her next semester in the coming weeks. We did not go to the same university, or know each other until after undergrad. But her law-school is near where I work/live.

The other day, we were texting while I was in the office and she was at home. She said that “Someone offered (her) $5 worth of a crypto currency for a textbook I’m selling lol what the…”. After a few messages, I jokingly asked “who’s crypto boy?” and my girlfriend only responded with “I (girlfriend) posted it on the law-school exchange Facebook page”, before she changed the topic a few mins later.

She came over to my place later that night and the textbook situation got brought up in conversation. Only after asking a few different times, it came out that my girlfriend knew/knows this guy who originally offered her the crypto $ for the textbook.

She stated that this guy went to the same University as her (now same law school), and also used to date one of her good female friends that I know for a short-time years ago. My GF has made it seem like she barely knows him just cause of her friend that dated him years ago, but alarm bells in my head already went off cause idk why she made him seem like a random dude until I had to ask multiple questions.

They’ve talked through FB messenger and even though they have a tentative deal in place for textbook, this guy keeps dragging on conversation with my GF about how money will be transfered/dates, when it has appeared to already have been established. Idk why he keeps dragging it on, or why my GF keeps answering his messages. They don’t seem to follow each other on social media, but found his Instagram and noticed my GF liked one of his pictures from 2-3 years ago.

Basically, I don’t think that my GF has done anything and obviously nothing wrong with settling selling that textbook. Just wondering if I should pay attention going forward that their convos keep dragging on and she lied about not knowing him previously before FB page post. Thanks!

Here are what netizens think:

• Tell her “At this point it seems like MY issue (insecurity) but I feel unconfutable with that correspondence that seems to be dragging out more than it SEEMS to need to and liking FB pics blah blah blah. I need some reassurance. “

• It’s ok to be vulnerable.

• Her reaction might tell you a lot. If she goes apeshit and resorts to labeling you controlling etc. …red flag.

• If she’s understanding and offers to expedite the transaction you may have a keeper.

A woman shared how she is obsessed with strangers and addicted to see what they are doing with their lives on social media, and she ends up being envious.

Here is the story:

I obsess over strangers

Anyone else constantly comparing their lives to people on social media? Just me?

I have a decent life. I’m a happily married stay-at-home mum, with a beautiful house and the husband and children I’ve always dreamed of so why am I always so fixated on what other people are doing?

I’m happy with my life until I get on social media and see other people getting new cars or going on family vacations or even just posting cute family pics and then I get so envious.

Is something wrong with me or is this normal? How do I enjoy my own life AND be happy for others when they experience good things instead of the “why not me” feeling? It’s so ugly.

Netizens comments

You gotta take a break from social media. Its a constant comparing game seeking validation from strangers. I just deleted my instagram and tik tok, and I already feel a lot better about myself

It’s pretty normal to feel that way, but that doesn’t make a good thing. Social media is where everyone posts stuff that makes their lives look great. It’s not an accurate representation of what’s really going on in their lives. Sometimes information avoidance is the route to go for lack of a better method.

Delete It all. It’s the worst. My overall mental health has gotten so much better. Since then I’ve found it easier to give up other bad habits as well. It’s insane how much of an effect social media has on our brains.

I went away on holiday and due to unexpected delays, my two week stay ended up being about another and a half because I was unable to get home.

My son (18) was in charge of looking after the house and I checked in daily and was always told the house was great and my animals were looked after.

When I got home the house was trashed. There were dog poo and pee all over the floors, there were dead fish in the fish tank and there were dishes piled up going mouldy.

The fridge had open food in it and the bathroom looked like a bomb site. Ofc I stormed to my sons room to tell him off!

My son has no job and was living off the money I was giving him to look after the animals and for food (about $200 a week).

He hadn’t visited the house in a week. I completely cut off all financial support for him and sent pictures and bills for cleaning.

I also sent him vet bills for the dogs and told him he had to pay it before I sued him.

I (24F) am getting married to my partner next year. I was chatting with my mom and sisters about the guest list when my mom brought up sending an invitation to my aunt, we’ll call her L (55F). I said L wasn’t invited and they asked why.

My dad died unexpectedly <2 weeks after I turned 15. It was particularly hard for me since I had been fighting with him for about 7 months prior to his death and we were still in the beginning stages of patching up our relationship after the turmoil. Needless to say, it was one of the hardest times of my life and I was pretty emotionally raw. After his funeral ended I was heading outside when I saw L in a sea of mourners cramped in the hallway. I wasn’t feeling chatty (for obvious reasons) so I gave her the same half-hearted smile and wave I gave everyone else that day and continued walking out the door. As I was walking to the car, my Aunt T walked up to me in a huff and angrily told me to go apologize to L for what I said. I gave her a confused look and asked what she was talking about. Apparently, L told her I gave her a dirty look in the hallway and said “nobody wants you here” when I walked by. I told T that never happened and I hadn’t said a word to L all day. She immediately relaxed and said “oh well that’s just L, she likes to joke. Never mind” and walked away. I was annoyed I got berated for something I didn’t do, but quickly let it go because I had bigger problems to deal with.

On the way home from the funeral, my mom needed to stop at my grandmas house to drop some stuff off and I decided to wait in the car.

As I was waiting, I got a call from my Aunt K. I answered it and she immediately starts yelling and telling me I need to apologize to L for what I said. I told her the same thing I had told T and explained I hadn’t said anything to L or given her any dirty looks. She calmed down and said “oh” and hung up the phone. My mom got back to the car and could see I was visibly frustrated and asked what was wrong. I explained what happened with T and K and she says “oh she always jokes at the wrong time“. I didn’t get an apology from T or K for yelling at me for something I didn’t do and I’m pretty sure my mom and aunts have had conversations about L’s behavior before because all of them used the exact same phrase and each of them just brushed off what she did.

After that, I decided I wasn’t interested in being around someone who starts drama just for fun and everyone else just excuses their behavior. I’ve been civil with L at family gatherings for the last 9 years, but I haven’t gone out of my way to interact with her or build a relationship.

My partner supports my decision to not have L at the wedding, but my mom and sisters are telling me I’m being an AH because I’m not inviting her over something that happened almost a decade ago. I’m starting to wonder if they’re right and if I should just let it go.

Am I wrong?

My wife said I kept looking at my friend last night.

My wife and I went out to eat at a restaurant last night. My friend works there, and recommended it because she says the food is good here and the price is worth it.

My wife and I got dressed up to come here. We saw my friend here, and she said hi to the both of us and continued working (she’s a waitress.)

Once we got home, my wife said I kept looking over at my friend. That definitely wasn’t the case. She also said I ruined the night by doing so.

She went to bed upset at me, and I’m guessing she still will be once she wakes up today. I don’t want us to argue over this, so what can I do to remedy this situation?

Netizens’ comments

There’s something else that is the issue. Ask your wife what makes her think you were staring at her?
If your wife got dressed up, did you not say anything positive about how she looks? Did you do something to make her feel insecure? You don’t want to argue-but do you genuinely want to resolve this with your wife because you care about her feelings? You know the saying- happy wife happy life. However, if you are attracted to your friend, then what is there to remedy?