SG work life: How to deal with a colleague who is only mean to you?

At my workplace, there’s this person whom obviously didn’t like me. Her tone to me is always very bad. She was rude to me as well.

It’s very obvious because I overheard her talking to other people, her tone is different. She’s just obviously being mean to me, and I really do not know why.

It’s like she just “kan wo bu shuang (see me not happy)”. I didn’t even do anything to her.

Anyway, I’m new to this company, about 3 plus weeks into it, thus I didn’t have an account of my own yet. Due to this reason, I had to use other ppls account to do work.

And today I happened to use her account. When I was about to use her account, she stopped me and said “I don’t feel comfortable with you using my account. Use other ppls account.”

Another scenario was there was this time I had to ask her some things, and she’s like “what?” in a very inpatient tone.

I have been tolerating her since the beginning. But today it was just so bad that I really broke down and had to run to the washroom to let out the tears to destress.

I know work is like that, there are all kinds of mean people. But I really do not know how to cope with it. I didn’t want to cry today, but I just couldn’t seem to handle it well.

It just feels like the accumulation of tolerating her for the past weeks just suddenly burst out. I really do not wish to cry again at work. It affects my productivity and focus.

Please provide some tips/opinions… :((

Netizens’ comments

Before I dive into this, I just want to clarify that I’m currently serving as an NSF (National Serviceman) in the SAF, with a vocation as an ASA (Administrative Support Assistant), which is essentially what most people would call a clerk.

In the SAF, we rely heavily on OSNs (Operational Support Notebooks), which are our work laptops. When I first joined my unit, there was a shortage of OSNs, and we couldn’t bring our own laptops due to sensitive information concerns.

So, as an NSF, I had to borrow OSNs from others to get my work done. Unfortunately, there was a guy who didn’t really like me. When I asked to borrow his OSN, he unsurprisingly declined, even though he wasn’t using it at the time.

So, I had to resort to what I like to call the “nuclear option.” I informed my Senior Manager that I couldn’t perform my tasks because I didn’t have access to an OSN and requested an extension on my work deadline, citing the OSN shortage. Naturally, my Senior Manager asked why I hadn’t borrowed one from the NSF who had an unused OSN.

I explained that I had asked him, and he had refused. My manager was not pleased and confronted that NSF, ultimately reassigning the OSN to me. This resolved my problem, and I didn’t encounter the same issue again.

In my case, I had a good relationship with my Senior Manager, and I openly discussed my concerns with him, as it directly impacted our work. This proactive approach helped me find a solution. I’ve learned that forming alliances in the workplace and waiting for the right opportunity to address issues can be an effective way to navigate tricky situations, especially when dealing with individuals who may not be the most cooperative.

The man (25m) I’m (27f) seeing is bad in bed. How do I tell him what I need without hurting him?

We’ve been exclusive for a month and we have been sleeping together for around the same time. He’s had more partners than me but I wouldn’t say I’m inexperienced.

I’ve had partners before that absolutely blew my mind with how amazing in bed they are. So now, I can’t help but compare.

With this man I’m seeing, I’m starting to think I love him but there are times I feel like he just doesn’t care about me.

There’s barely any foreplay. He gets tired being on top very quickly which I don’t mind because I love being on top. It’s usually the fastest way I finish but due to the lack of foreplay it’s been taking longer than usual.

Yesterday, I was almost near but he stopped me to change positions to doggy. I was so frustrated. I don’t even like that position because I can’t see him.

I’ve tried guiding him on how to pleasure me or finger me but he says he doesn’t have the strength to do so.

When I asked him to finger me a certain way, he said he couldn’t because he didn’t have the strength. He says he doesn’t usually eat a girl out unless they ask. Is this normal?

I like him a lot but this is making me feel like he doesn’t care about me and honestly makes me cry. I feel like if I ask him to do more he’ll feel pressured. I already feel insecure about a lot of things in our relationship and this just adds to it.

He doesn’t seem to care that I’m not satisfied and it hurts.

I would like to keep seeing him but feeling connected through intimacy is really important to me. I want to communicate this to him without sounding hostile. Any help in this would be much appreciated.

my guy friend and I have been friends on and off for the past 4 years. We met in school and he ended up really fancy me. He asked to kiss me once, but I told him no because I was in a relationship.

However, we had such a deep connection. Fast forward to 2 years ago he drove me down to his place and I slept over at his place.

I ended up getting really drunk for the first time and he came on to me. He kissed me and I passed out on his bed with him. Only one problem…I had just started a relationship. I cheated. I wouldn’t have done any of that if I wasn’t drunk. The following day he wanted to discuss what had happened, but I refused.

We never spoke of it again and I stopped talking to him because of what I did until now.

Presently, we reconnected. Two weeks ago we got coffee and talked for two hours. Catching up of sorts. It felt like no time had passed. He bought me the coffee and he opened his car door for me. It felt very date esque. Since then we have been texting every day, sending each other songs, and today we hung out again.

After interrogating I found out he is in a relationship with a really nice girl, Jill, for 4 months…. immediately I feel wrong about the whole thing because he has liked me for the longest time. Why didn’t he tell me before when we were getting coffee. And we had just been playing card games, drinking the bottle of wine he got me hours before, and just started dinner.

I ask further questions, stating “soo your girlfriend is fine if you hang out with other women who are just your friends” and he says “of course”…. “If she wasn’t that would just be controlling”

When should a girl start paying for dates?

Hi Singapore community! Wanted to canvass some quick views on this question.

For background, I’ve been dating this girl for several months now. It’s been great and all, but not once has she volunteered to pay for anything on any of our dates or meet ups.

Hence, I’m wondering, for people who are or were in relationships where one party started off paying exclusively for everything, at what point do you sit your partner down and have a conversation about them, maybe, starting to pay for some stuff?

It’s not really that that I can’t afford it, in fact I earn several times more than her, and I’m happy to continue as it is, but I think it’s more of the principle of the matter and the fact that she hasn’t volunteered before, that slightly troubles me. What do you all think?

Netizens’ comments

1. I’ve offered to go Dutch since day 1, and offer to pay the next meal if guy insists to pay first for the current meal.
   Those that have the concept of splitting equally will suggest so pretty soon, by the second or third date usually.
   I think you should just ask if she minds if you go Dutch for an upcoming meal. If she talks at it or gets cold /unhappy, I think this is not the kind of girl you will like to be with long term.
2. Does she spend anything on you? If not, then she is probably not that interested in you
3. Dump her bro, save your money
4. I never had to discuss this sort of thing when I was dating before.. I wld usually just take out my card (on instinct as I don’t want the server to wait long) n the guy will snatch it away (most of the time). But if he lets me pay then it’s cool. Don’t matter where we eat. I don’t think I’ve ever had this thought of ‘oh he’s a gentleman if he pays’ ‘not a gentleman if he doesn’t’ .. Too much headache /drama involved.. For me it’s more of ‘u work hard.. I work hard too..’ so let’s treat ourselves to some good foo
   This will never end man.. Cause what happens if u guys break off? Would u re calculate everything u spend on her then be bitter abt it? If u guys are vibing well, then should just let it go.. If she’s a problem for not offering to pay.. I can guarantee thousands are just like her.. Due to this feminist shit..

Mum gets Angry if I Say What I Feel

F45 here. I live with my mum and I bought our present home and paid for everything. Before this, we never had our own home and lived with relatives, and stayed in a rental flat for a few years. My parents are divorced and my dad does not keep in touch with us.

Since young my mum disliked me having friends, and she is like a tiger mum. She pushes me to study and expects me to be obedient and listen to her.

Whenever she wants me to do something for her, and if I express my own opinion or feelings, she will say I am threatening her by not agreeing with her.

I know it sounds wierd to those with normal families. But my mum gets upset whenever I do not agree with her.

For instance, she likes to scold customer service staff and if I tell her to stop, she will become unreasonable and scold me publicly.

And when I tell her that her behaviour makes me embarrassed and upset, she will say I am threatening her (she loves to use such strong words) by wanting to get upset.

Since young, she has been so dependent on me and my aunt (her sister) financially and emotionally that it has become so tiring.

Whenever I read about other people having great and strong mothers, it makes me wish I had such a mother too.

Today was really tiring. She did not care that I gotta get up early for work tomorrow. She was upset because I did not know how to help her with some tv wiring, and I wanted to leave it to the weekend. To her, if she want my attention, she expects me to give her my full attention.
Anyone got such a mum like that? Especially one that gets upset if I am not there for her and sees any disagreement as a threat?

My daughter “Jane” 16y.o has about $2800 in savings. She got the money from saving up the allowance, running errands, and selling homemade jewelry. She treasures her money a lot.

Yesterday, my son Jon (M10) told me that Jane paid her friend to tear up his painting. He loves art and has been working on a painting of a winter landscape. The worst thing is that the painting was supposed to be for Jane (for her Christmas present).

He was so upset, and obviously, I was furious. I demanded an explanation from Jane, and she said “It was supposed to be for a reaction video…” I told her I didn’t care, it was a horrible thing to do. She argued again and again that it was just for fun. Jon said it wasn’t funny and was visibly hurt.

Eventually, Jane gave a half-hearted apology. I told her that she wasn’t sorry, the apology meant nothing. So, as a punishment – I told her I was going to take away all her money until I felt she deserved it again. I would also never give her allowance again.

She looked stunned and started getting hysterical. She said that was her hard-earned money, she worked for it so hard and now I was taking it away. “All for a silly thing!” was what Jane said. She started crying that she was going shopping with her friends next weekend, and now she would have no money. She stormed out tearfully and locked herself in her bedroom.

Jon agreed with what I did, but he said I should give it back to her when she apologises properly. I feel it’s too lenient. He’s already ready to paint another landscape for her if she apologizes.

My husband is totally horrified with my decision and said it was unfair to Jane. He said I should just ground her for a month. He thinks I’m being an A-Hole (and of course so does Jane). So is my punishment too harsh?

Here is what netizens thinks:

• Withholding her allowance until you’re able to pay the damages out of it if she won’t step up and do it herself is entirely reasonable. Seizing money she’s earned without any involvement from you is not.

• Tearing his painting in front of him to capture his reaction is downright mean. But your reaction was out of line. The punishment didn’t suit the crime. Confiscating her money for an unknown amount of time is outright preposterous. She needs it and it’s hers.

• It’s not about the punishment fitting the crime. It’s about the punishment getting through to the child that committed the crime.

In our daily lives, we often encounter situations that tug at our heartstrings, forcing us to confront the ethical dilemma of whether to extend a helping hand or not. The stories of Victim 1 and Victim 2, shared by concerned individuals, shed light on this predicament. We delve into these narratives to explore the complexities of aiding strangers, especially when their stories seem poignant and compelling.

Victim 1

At boon lay hawker when I was walking to car park one old aunty stop my way asking for money saying that he need to go see doctor and I ask her where is her children he say don’t want to border them she ask for 50 dollars I give it to her few months later she met me at boon lay again but she not recognise me and she say the same thing to me and I give her 30 dollars did I do wrong.

Victim 2

Saw someone posted something about old Aunty asking for money. At least she blatantly asked for money. I shared my story here so you all be aware. Few mths ago, when I was ordering at Toa payoh Burger King using the service kiosk outside the store, one aunty, 50-60ish approached me. She looked very friendly and soft spoken, just like the typical innocent ahma. She asked me to order for her as she doesn’t know how to use the kiosk. She wanted one ice cream pie then added mango popsicle when she saw the poster. After ordering, I asked her how she want to pay, she told me that she is old and no income, I should be kind to old ppl like her and pity her, she even mentioned she just visited an old folk home to do charity. All the bs to guilt trip me to treat her and her friend. I was tired and starving, really no energy to process at the moment so I just paid for her. Since this incident, I always think a lot before helping anyone esp old ppl. Sorry for all the young or healthy looking elderlies when I didn’t give up my seat on mrt for you, my broken soul might need the comfort of the seat more than you.

The Moral Dilemma

The Urge to Help

Both Victim 1 and Victim 2’s stories highlight the natural human inclination to assist those in need. When we encounter someone who appears vulnerable or distressed, our empathy often compels us to step in and offer help. It’s a testament to our compassion as a society.

The Skepticism that Arises

However, these stories also illustrate the skepticism that can arise in such situations. As we navigate the complexities of modern life, we become more aware of scams, cons, and individuals who exploit the kindness of others for personal gain. The prevalence of such incidents has made many of us cautious about extending help, especially when it involves giving money.

Balancing Compassion and Prudence

Balancing compassion and prudence becomes crucial when encountering strangers in need. It’s essential to assess the situation carefully, ask questions, and use our judgment to determine whether the need is genuine or a ploy. While we should not let cynicism erode our humanity, it’s equally important not to be naïve.