Im thinking of breaking up with my fiance.

We’ve been together for 4 years. I love him to death. But for the last 2 years he hasn’t had a job and he has no motivation in life.

All he does all day is play video games and smoke. I fell in love with a working man. I know sounds cliche but it’s true. Him having a job made him attractive.

But now, I’m losing attraction to him every day. I can’t even bring up him getting a job because he gets so upset about it.

I just got a really good job and I have a goal for my life. I have a plan. He has nothing. I thought about this a year ago and told him he needs to at least start, START or I would leave.

He hasn’t done anything. I’m scared if I actually do break up with him tho, it’ll push him over the edge. He’s said multiple times I’m the one for him and if I leave him he’s going to die alone.

My situation is also the exact same as my parents. My dad doesn’t have a job and drinks all the time while my mom works her butt off.

I don’t want to end up like them. Unhappy for thirty years where he was gone for about 20 of those. I don’t want the man he’s become.

I want my old partner back.

Netizen’s comments

Tell him exactly this. It will become very clear how much he actually cares about you and your relationship in the coming weeks.

A few days ago our daughters (4 year old, 1 year old and the baby just turned 5 months old) went to my sister in law’s house and we had a night just for the two of us and well, we had some fun and without realizing it I left a hickey on my (27F) husband’s (41M) neck and as a joke he gave me one too, and it was in a very visible place so i covered mine with foundation and tried to cover his so no one would see it but he is darker than me and the foundation didnt work so we obviously failed, and the next day when we went to pick up the girls my sister-in-law saw the hickey on his neck even though he didn’t even get out of the car and she started joking about it.

She started telling him to stop acting like a teenager, that we already have three daughters and one on the way (I’m currently pregnant) and that he’s really old for that stuff, and when he told her to shut up because I don’t like to talk about it she just joked telling me to stop acting like a teenager too, because it’s not good for the baby. I just ignored her as much as I could but that wasn’t enough because two days later we went to my in-laws house for my mother in law’s birthday and everyone was like “here come the teenagers of the family” and I could have died of embarrassment that day, I hate when people make jokes about intimate things.

Husband just said to ignore them that in a few days they will forget but but I couldn’t, I was so embarrassed. They literally made jokes like “Next time the kids come here I hope you guys don’t make a new baby, oh I forgot you did that a few months ago.” and they even joked that I should learn to cover my hickeys in another way because the way I do it now obviously doesn’t work.

And it’s not like we went to the birthday party with hickeys on our necks, my sister-in-law saw them when we went to pick up our daughters a few days ago and they’re making jokes based on what she told them.

The point is that when they said something like that for my husband’s birthday they should give him condoms I felt really embarrassed and I burst into tears, maybe it’s the hormones I don’t know I just know that I was crying and that my husband told them to shut up and stop saying those things because they obviously don’t make me feel comfortable. And they said they were joking (and also said something like those were jokes between adults or something like that) and that it wasn’t their intention to make me feel uncomfortable.

And after that the atmosphere changed and I feel like it was my fault because I overreacted when I could have just ignored them. And I would like to apologize to my mother-in-law for ruining her birthday, but I don’t know if that would be right.

9 months ago, my husband was at a friends birthday party, and he was drunk, and he got a BJ from some early-20s girl who was at the party, and then they apparently had S for a few seconds before he stopped and left. He told me the next day what happened. I was devastated, and also somewhat relieved. I am gonna be honest, there is an attractiveness gap between us, in that he is a very hot, fit guy and I am a chubby short woman lol.

I have, somewhat, always SLIGHTLY suspected cheating, its always been in the back of my mind since we started dating, like “why would he not cheat on me? he could get any girl he wanted”. But it was never too big for me to really think THAT much about it. ANYWAYS, when he told me that, some part of me was relieved, in that I know now that he does feel bad about cheating and that he isn’t banging supermodels every week while I’m at work.​

I was still devastated though to a large extent, and I told my sister and mother about it and we talked for a while. They really wanted me to leave him, they have absolutely zero tolerance for it, but I was pretty torn and wanted to stay. I ended up staying. We do have an amazing marriage together, and one drunken mistake that he right away apologized over… it seems absolutely absurd that I could just give up my 13-year marriage over it. We are very happy together, I couldn’t even really imagine my life without him. Hes a bit of an goofball idiot but thats okay.​

But my family, they are seemingly angry with me over my decision. They bring it up to me a LOT, how they hate him, how they think I need to leave him, and how horrible cheaters are. I’ve told them, please, stop bringing this up, its my marriage. They just won’t listen, its like they think I am under some kind of spell.

Did my husband put a gong tao on me?​

How common is it for doctors to dismiss your symptoms when seeking for help?

I would like to ask how common is it to be treated dismissively by a doctor in Singapore when explaining your conditions.

I recently went to one of the specialist clinics in the public hospital and the advice I received was not so good, at least to me. I am a little bit disappointed and unhappy because Singapore emphasised preventive care and also to see a doctor if one is sick.

The doctor that gave me the referral letter to the specialist clinic was also dismissive of my symptoms though I had been sick for about a few weeks.

I was also polite to the specialist doctor. But I left with more worried questions and actually no current treatment for my symptoms till the next check-up.

But during the consult yesterday, he kept interrupting me and talking over me. I fear that he might have missed important information and have a superficial understanding of the main concerns of me as a patient.

It is a bit different from what I asked my friends or read online about their experiences at that clinic. It is not the first time either. I sometimes wonder if its because I am a relatively younger guy. I often find that male doctors tend to be more dismissive of me.

Netizens’ comments

1. Well, my late dad had shoulder pain for months, when to polyclinic and was diagnosed for muscle issue every time he go there, until I dulan and brought him to private clinic that discovered he had 3rd stage lung cancer that pressed up onto his shoulder nerves.
2. cuz sometimes the docs have seen ppl in your condition before and it takes something new to change what they know
   last time i went to specialist for my ankles and tell him everything then his immediate reply was “my friend, welcome to aging, now you older these kind of things can happen so u need to do warmup every morning but to be safe i send u for MRI”.
   MRI came back his eyes pop out and went oh wow u do have something, internal bone fracture
   me: *rolls eyes*

I get bored halfway in and can never finish.

I, 19 F, never thought I would be sharing something so personal with a community of strangers on the internet.

Every night, when I try to get myself off, it’ll start off really good. But once I finally build momentum, I slowly start to lose interest and everything feels so dull, so I eventually give up out of defeat and go to bed.

I don’t get it. I’ve tried thousands of videos, different techniques, and tried every single tip I’ve read online. I’ve never done it. I don’t have any toys, and I use my hand. (In all honesty, I’m afraid to buy one for myself. Ladies, Is it worth it?)

I’ve tried googling this, but I can’t seem to find anyone with the same problem. What should I do??

Netizens’ comments

1. The thing is that this is the kind of problem that doesn’t have a magical “solution”. Probably there isn’t something that changes everything into what you desire (what could be that you finish much quicker or that you don’t get distracted).
   And the other thing is probably that from the moment on that you think “oh my god this is nice, but I’ll get distracted in a few minutes” you’re distracted and it might be over.
   What you can do? Don’t look out for a solution, just work on stuff or figure out things that slightly improve the situation.
   Can you do anything to keep your concentration a bit longer? Can you do anything that makes it even feel nicer? Probably small things, but that might help and get you closer.
   Maybe the time of the day isn’t the best. Maybe that you’re already in bed. Maybe your distracted by adult videos. Maybe you just have a wandering mind. Maybe you should use two hands. Maybe whatever… Anything that makes a slight improvement is an improvement.
   I’m easily distracted too and can loose interest in a heartbeat. When I’m in that mindset, I just stop for a bit and continue a bit later.
   I know that when i’m easily distracted while I’m getting off, I’ll probably as easily distracted when doing something else and I’ll just go back to it after a bit.
   Toys are no wonder solution eather. I mean, it can make me get off slightly faster. It can be or feel a little bit more intense.
   But it can also be something that distracts me (because it makes noise, there are too many buttons, the ideal lube situation could be with slightly more or less lube, … But they are fun, it adds to the excitement and every girl should have a couple of them.

I’m a 30 year old female virgin who’s never been in a relationship

Most people my age are already married with kids and I on the other hand haven’t even had my first kiss yet. I never even held hands with a guy.

Yes, I really am THAT inexperienced. It’s so embarassing to admit this. My 16 year old cousin has a girlfriend and seems to be in a happy relationship.

I’m happy for him but I also can’t help but be a little jealous of him. I can’t believe my cousin, who’s more than a decade younger than me, got into a relationship before I did. I feel like such a pathetic loser. What is wrong with me?

I have no one else but myself to blame for this. It’s not like guys never showed interest in me. I was just always too shy and too anxious to talk to guys.

Whenever any guy showed any kind of interest in me I didn’t know what to do or what to say. I would get very embarassed, I would avoid eye contact and most guys took this as a sign that I had no interest in them so they stopped talking to me and moved on to a different girl.

I understand that it’s my fault that I’m still a single, kissless virgin at 30. If I don’t want to be single I obviously have to put myself out there and show interest in guys.

I obviously should also go to therapy to deal with my social anxiety but I feel like doing all of this is just pointless. I mean I already hit the wall.

I’m not nearly as young and pretty as I used to be. What’s the point of improving myself and putting myself out there? It’s not like any decent man would show interest in me anyway.

Most guys aren’t interested in dating a washed up, old inexperienced hag like myself that is way past her prime and who has nothing to offer them.

I wasted my youth doing nothing. I spent my entire 20s rotting away in bed and doing nothing. I have been unemployed for 8 years.

Still live with my parents. Can’t drive. Barely graduated school. Don’t have any kind of career. Haven’t worked in years. My entire family is disappointed of me and it’s all my fault.

I cannot imagine why any decent man would want to date someone like me. I’m a mentally ill loser with a lot of baggage and have literally nothing to offer to a man.

Most men my age also seem to prefer to date women way younger than myself. I’m not ugly but I can’t compete with young girls in their early 20s.

There’s so many beautiful young girls out there that aren’t losers like myself. How can I compete with them? I can’t.

I don’t blame men for being attracted to younger women. It’s biology. I do sometimes get very sad when men online talk about how ugly, unattractive and useless women over 30 are.

I hate constantly being reminded of how ugly I am to most men. I mean, I get it. Young women are obviously more attractive than old hags like myself. That’s just a fact. That’s just how it is but I really wish some men on here could be a little nicer and have more compassion for older women.

Not all of us are narcissistic and only chasing chads. Some of us older ladies haven’t found love yet because we are mentally ill and have a hard time putting ourself out there, not because we are too picky.

Please don’t laugh at me but sometimes I lie awake at night and cry myself to sleep because I’m too old to truly be considered attractive by most men my age and I will never know what’s it like to be truly desired by a man.

I will never know what’s it like to be lusted after, to be truly wanted by a man. I truly want to be desired by a man. I dream of it everyday. I don’t want just to be settled for.

I know there’s plenty of men out there that are desperate and would fuck anything with a hole in it but I actually want to sleep with a guy because he truly desires me and is attracted to me and not just because he can’t find a hotter girl to sleep with

but as an older woman it’s so hard to find men who are truly attracted to you and aren’t just secretly settling for you because they can’t get anyone better. It makes me sad that I will most likely never experience love.

I don’t want to force any man to be attracted to me but I just wish there were more men out there that are attracted to older women and that can look past flaws.

If I would have put myself out there when I was younger I could have found myself a nice, understanding man that would have been attracted to my body

now that I’m older it’s gonna be very hard to find a guy that is interested in me and is willing to overlook all my horrible flaws. I’m sorry for the long rant but I really needed to get this off my chest.

I’m pretty lonely and don’t have any friends that I can talk to about my troubles. If you’re still reading this thank you for listening to my troubles. Typing this out made me feel a little better.

Is ‘the chase’ really necessary or overrated?

Coming from a girl POV, I personally dont like to be ‘chased’. What i mean is that the guy making the extra effort to take me out to expensive dates, or do unpractical stuff that is out of his way just to make me happy.

And all of this effort usually die down after becoming official in relationship. So ‘the chase’ kinda make me feel that it is a ‘fake it till you make it’ strategy and most of the time it got nothing to do with or not beneficial to the practicalities of a long term relationship, like consistent effort, responsibilities etc.

In fact i see it as detrimental to the health of the relationship because its very common to hear things like “wah when he chase me that time he do this that this then now all dont have already.”

So like, whats the point of chasing girls and allowing us to create this unrealistic expectation of guys, thinking that oh they can maintain this effort thruout?

Like please SG cost of living so expensive, every week expensive dinner once its almost not practical for most people.

But the things is, i realise that if i ‘cut the chase’, the guys will feel weird like they dont know what to do next lol!

Like i try to keep the date practical, normally hang out in dressdown clothes, but it somehow these settings kinda kill the romance for most guys?

So idk la… thoughts?

Netizens’ comments

1. Yeah personally as a guy, I hate chasing after girls too lol. As a practical guy and someone who likes to “cut to the chase”, you’d probably be a good fit with the right personalities if I was still looking for a partner.
   But I think that’s the beauty of us people – not everyone is the same and we’re all unique in our own ways. Some girls like to be chased, some girls don’t; some guys like to chase; some guys don’t. And I think that just makes being a relationship with the right person even more gratifying.
2. Girl you are a unicorn.
   It is normal for people to enjoy the feeling of being chased. Most people (both girls and guys) would not mind that.
   But societal norms dictate that guys should do the chasing. And then there’s this whole “happy wife, happy life” mentality after marriage. Such expectations are instilled into people even before they start dating. Hence guys don’t mind doing the chasing and girls expect to be chased.
   Maybe I’m also an outlier, but I don’t subscribe to any of these ideas. Because what’s the point of a relationship if I’m the one that’s doing all the giving but I get little to nothing in return?

Girl I’m dating asks for my salary and net worth

Im dating this girl whom I met on dating app and we have gone for 3 dates and things are going well. Late last night, she texted me and asked if im okay to reveal my salary and net worth along with a screenshot of my latest payslip.

She said it’s good to know the figures early for future planning and she believes in equal financial contributions in a rs.

To be fair she’ll also reveal hers and she told me she even has a detailed excel sheet with all her savings, investments, spending etc all tracked and she can send to me.

Im not sure exactly how to respond yet as it’s the first time I’ve been asked this way. I’ve tried to buy some time before deciding whether to reveal.

For context, we are both in late 20s and we also said early on we are only looking for serious rs, ie. no dating just for fun and exploring and we would either go serious or break off early if things dont work out considering our age.

Would yall be ok if someone u are dating asks point blank on your salary? Do you need to know the exact salary and net worth of your partner before settling down?

Netizens’ comments

1. You are dating a financial advisor looking for clients lol
2. Screenshot of payslip? That’s very odd to say the least.
3. i don’t even show my payslip to my wife.
4. She’s definitely a FA… Asking is one thing but asking with screenshot???
5. With so much scams these days, better be careful. Screenshot of payslip sounds oddly specific and could be used for signing up for certain services?
6. Just say no if you are not comfortable.
7. Hi, it is a red light. i will go for other dates if i were you..
8. Run buddy run….and don’t ever look back.

I (F22) have started flirting with potential employers during interviews

I have been out of work for 3 months now and my husband and I are just barely skating by. I have been applying for a job as a waitress or bar back and it’s just so defeating.

I have self respect and don’t consider myself the kind of woman to use her sexuality to manipulate men, or to get what she wants.

Having said that after like 5 interviews that didn’t lead to offers I’ve started to lean into dressing differently and being more openly friendly with the manager and flirtatious.

The first time it kind of happened accidentally but I got close to a job by laughing at the dude’s jokes etc. The last three months have been so stressful, and I’ve felt so desperate to support us (my husband is also out of work), I just feel like I’m running out of options.

Netizens’ comments

1. Put your husband in some fishnets and high heels and send him the f out there.
2. That is completely stressful for sure. I feel for you.
3. Every husband praying this isnt the wife’s post.
4. Someone did this to me in an interview. Admittedly she also touched my leg and asked to take the interview to the bar. Then I looked her up and found she was a glamor model with a track record of employment issues. Needless to say we didn’t hire her.
5. You gotta do what you gotta do. And you won’t be young and attractive forever.
6. You gotta do what you gotta do. Show some skin and bring home the win.
7. You have a husband. I’m sure he can also try and find a job. Don’t lose hope, there are openings in every area. If you go down and start flirting with the person that will hire you, you can mislead his thoughts and afterwards you may be in a even bigger problem than you thought. Again you have a husband.. you wouldn’t want to put your marriage in jeopardy.