helloo i’ll be enlisting this year and im a little worried about interacting with guys.

i know its a weird issue.. but I’ve never really had a guy friend before (i was an unsociable kid in school and only made a small group of friends all of which are girls) i don’t know why i avoided guys in my school back then but what’s done is already done

my family only has sisters and my cousins are majority girls (2 boys but they’re in primary school) which made it worse for me ( i do love them , it’s just I would like to have a brother/ guy cousin near my age)

in poly i’m also the only guy in class for 3 years straight and i feel that i forgot how to talk to a guy (if that even makes sense?) i even signed up for a Cca just to make some guy friends but i was the only guy in my cca session :/.

The only few guys that i talk to are my sisters boyfriends (sometimes even my friend’s boyfriends) and they keep telling me that ill be just fine and that its a good chance to make some guys friends

thus why i’m a little excited going into ns, tho i’m leaning more towards anxious

since majority of you here are guys how should i interact with all of you? Am i thinking too much into it? Should i be worried? I tried talking to myself in the mirror but i’m really not sure anymore

Netizens’ comments

• There is nothing to worry about mate, u dont need to always try to engage urself in your bunkmate’s conversation or what, just try to find common interest. And dont talk about others on their back or screw things up for them by saboing them or something. We are all here to serve, just get the two years over with and carry on with life 🙂

• Ummmmm, it may be a little hard at the beginning I admit, but trust me you would get used to it. Like I faced a similar situation that I mainly had female friends. When you enlist, most people will be kind of hesitant and awkward for the first few days and its perfectly fine, but gradually somehow from just doing activities together you would warm up. Most of the common topics would be like uni or future job, maybe even scholarships if you have ambitious people around. Before enlisting I had this preconceived notion I admit that it would be hard to talk to guys about emotional stuff but what I learnt is that like all stereotypes it does not represent all people. So ya wish u luck, it can really be nerve wracking but just try the few common topics, maybe share a little about yourself and things should get going from there.

We started dating 2 years ago (pre-pandemic) and instantly hit it off. My GF was super sweet, drop-dead gorgeous, and full of life. She regularly worked out and did dance and ballet to be in good shape. I was immensely attracted to her. I was also fit and stayed in shape until this day.

Over the past two years she has gained so much weight she is now clinically obese. Completely let herself go. She doesn’t do anything except sit in her room and cuddle with our cat (we do not live together currently).

She hates to go to the gym, she hates going for walks and the only activity she wants to do is eating food. She hates doing all the things even a year ago we used to do all the time. She lives a completely sedentary lifestyle and stuffs her face.

I’ve tried talking to her about it but she lashes out defensively. We discussed the issue in couples therapy, the therapist says I have to give up control. That I can’t control what she does.

So here we are. I’m in love with my obese gf that struggles to breathe at rest, that stuffs her face and does nothing but sit on her ass. Her attempts at dieting have failed, and she goes to the gym once or twice before reverting to her lazy lifestyle.

During bedtime, I had a hard time getting my little brother to work as my 2nd brain is telling me that I am about to enter a piece of meatloaf. Even if it finally got up, i will fake that I finished and tell her i have premature problems. Since I’m wearing a rubber and quickly runs to the toilet. she does not know

There’s nothing I can do about it I just needed to vent.

Here is what netizens think:

I get feeling concerned when you SO gains a lot of weight. I work in medicine and frankly obesity is unforgiving, it changes so many physiological processes and can lead to many chronic diseases. It’s not an inert condition. However, the fact that her mental health and the medicine is a footnote in the complaint of his main pejorative, which is not being attracted to her…tells me he doesn’t understand what’s going on at all. He should leave for both their sakes.

He shouldn’t have used those words. I agree. But it’s clear that he’s actually feeling that way, and that’s ok. He’s talking about it and trying to figure out what to do. It’s a harsh thing to say, but he’s not in the wrong for feeling those things. He can’t change if something repulses him. Weight is absolutely a boundary for me. I cannot be physically attracted to someone who’s overweight. If this happened in my relationship, I would be struggling with those exact same feelings. I would be repulsed by someone I love, and I’d expect my partner to feel the same about me were I to gain a ton of weight too.

Now if this were me, I’d want to work with her and do everything I can to lift her up out of that situation. But it sounds like this isn’t something that’s going to be resolved soon. It sounds like OP needs to walk away and come to terms that it’s ok to do so.

Share your company’s most ridiculous “rules” or “SOPs”…

I will go first.

The most ridiculous made-up “SOP” my company enforced is controlling staff’s lunchbreak. This takes place in a school-based after-school care center.

The Manager stipulates that lunchtime is only 30 minutes but “out of goodwill”, she would give an extra 15 minutes.

She is also unhappy and sulky if staff were to leave the office slightly earlier (5-10 minutes) to have lunchbreak.

Furthermore, she does not allow staff to dine out of school premises, because school teachers would somehow look for staff to discuss issues.

Netizens’ comments

1. Ex company. If you want to request new pens for your desk, you have to return the old pens that have ran out of ink. Want a new box of stapler bullets? Submit your empty box first. Everyone just went screw it and brought their own stationeries. And of course didn’t stay long.
2. Worked in startup and corporate setup before, here’s some: -cannot look occasionally at the keyboard when typing notes during Zoom meetings because boss requires straight face on the screen -must not laugh nor smile when something funny arises because it’s “unprofessional” -we must follow the “eating time” of the boss (lke the Queen), can only eat when she’s eating and must be finished also when she’s done
3. Ex indonesian mnc company, must arrive office on time, but cannot leave on time, must be at least 10 minutes after 6 before you can leave office. Eating alone at lunch they say u not team player, must assign someone eat with you Office auntie gossip about you = straight to HR questioning
4. Here’s a few that I have seen:
   -Employees must be in the office before the bosses and can only leave 2 hours after the bosses leave
   -Employees must sign out for office stationery and the HOD can tell us that each person only needs one pen and that it’s to cut costs so that they can pay our bonuses
   -“Talking back” to the boss is grounds for dismissal, but the boss can yell and treat you like shit (this was embedded into the employee handbook as well)
   -Copy and Paste function cannot be used because manual 4 eye check and input processes is more accurate and can catch “mistakes” better
   -Automation is not allowed because it goes against risk controls and manual processing is more accurate
   -To fight fraud, each and every email correspondence must be printed and archived
   -Employees cannot WFH but the bosses and their favored ones all can WFH
   -Bosses tells a staff member to pay for team dinners/team events first and submit the claims for approval, only to reject the claims and tell the staff to split among themselves because the claims policy doesn’t allow team events

This happened fairly recently. I was on a night out with couple of my friends. Nothing out of the ordinary, just three single ladies going to a club to dance, have fun and see where the night takes us.

There were many guys trying to approach us, which is completely normal because we’re at a club, but one guy stood out. He was not super handsome or anything, but just the way he approached me was very smooth.

the main thing was that he did not try to just buy me drinks, get me drunk and f me right then and there haha. Exaggerating of course, but you get the point. He was a tourist (don’t remember which country).

Long story short, the nigh was going well and we ended up at my place as he was staying at a hostel. We started making out and ripping each other’s clothes off.

When the moment came we both waited for and he just tried to stick it in and I pulled back and said “Do you have a condom?”.

He said “No, don’t worry, I’m clean” and proceeded to try to stick it again and again and I kept dodging his D like Floyd Mayweather for good 5 seconds.

It actually looked kind of funny. The way he was doing it was not really aggressive, looked more like a guy who just desperately wants to get laid.

Then I said “Wait, stop, stop, I’m not f-ing you without a condom”. He got all in his feelings and with an almost surprised expression in his face asked “Why?”

For the next 20 minutes or so we were literally sitting in bed and he was trying to convince me to let him put it in without a condom while getting more upset and frustrated by the minute.

I told him that there is a 7/11 nearby. It’s 15 min walk, we can go get condoms there, but he would still insist on doing it without one.

By the end he got frustrated, started kind of shaming me, saying why would I even invite him to my place if I would not f him, bla, bla, bla……like dude, seriously?

I understand it kind of kills the vibe a bit, but lets go to 7/11, buy condoms and we’re good. What’s the problem.

So yeah, he finally ended up leaving and it was just so weird for me. Why would he be almost begging to smash specifically without a condom. C’mon dude, 15min walk there and back and we’re good.

He did not get aggressive or make me feel threatened, it was more like talking to a child who’s upset on why you should wear a seat belt.

That was a first one for me lol

Just found out I make $30k more than a coworker who has much more work and responsibilities than I do. She’s too timid to bring it up to management. Do I stick up for her – and the rest of the team?

I think it’s incredibly unfair that I make more than she does, yet she is doing far more work than I do – including travel for work. She literally cried when I told her my salary.

She was grandfathered in when her previous company was bought out, whereas I was hired on separately. She is too timid to bring it up to management, thinking they won’t even do anything about it and convinced that if she threatens to leave, they’ll show her the door.

Should I write an email to my boss to stick up for her – and the rest of the team, who I now know all make significantly less than me, despite having the same title? Will that either come back to bite me or reflect poorly on me? Is this just overwhelmingly none of my business?

Netizens’ comments

1. Your company would already be aware of what they pay staff and of the difference here. If they wanted to fix it they would. In this situation the other employees need to push for themselves. I feel it’s quite unlikely any company says “you’re right. Let’s spend more money”
2. This is something she needs to do. But, feel free to pepper in compliments of her work here and there and how much of a team player she is so that her name and work ethics are known instead of overlooked when she does approach for an increase.
3. If you are a good person, most definitely, it is the right thing to do. Don’t put it in writing though! If you are a sensible person, consider that in all likelihood this will blow up in your face and you risk losing your job.
4. Right or wrong, it will likely have a negative impact on you. I personally would advocate to my colleague to speak up. But I wouldn’t say shit for them unless they cared enough to say shit first.

Children hold women back in their careers

I feel like people don’t talk about this enough, perhaps because it’s a sensitive topic.

Before I realized being childfree was even an option, I dreaded the thought of inevitably becoming a mother and having to give up my career so I could be more involved with my future kid’s life.

Even though things have changed a lot since the 50s, women still overwhelmingly bear the burden of childrearing.

Statistics show that 4 out of 5 stay at home parents are moms. Spending more time taking care of the kids means less time spent at the office and consequently not being seen as proficient, dedicated, or passionate. Hence, they get passed over for promotions and career opportunities.

There was even research that showed that the wage differences between men and women peaked during the stereotypical childbearing and childraising years (so 20s to 30s) but decreased dramatically around the time the kids are grown and out of the house (late 40s, 50s).

Makes you wonder how many brilliant women we missed out in history because they were chained to motherhood…

Netizens’ comments

1. I got married and pregnant immediately after finishing my masters and became a stay at home parent. Now that I am ready to rejoin the workforce, I can’t even get an interview for a minimum wage job.
   I have a degree. I have a masters degree. I was halfway through my second masters when I quit. There is such a huge gap in my resume from when I finished my studies and now that any job I would’ve normally been able to get is passing me for freshly out of college graduates. It sucks.
2. I am a woman. Retired. I had one child a son. I was successful when I worked. Now as a grandmother, I am fortunate that the world’s greatest daughter in law is mine. And she shines even brighter in her chosen career field. Raising 2 children with my son!
3. The mental load alone is a doozy on careers. It seems in most households the men go off to work and just work. Women go to work and juggle the childcare, schedules, appointments, grocery lists, meal planning etc etc. even in households where chores are split at home the mental load more often than not falls on women. (And yes I know there are men who take this on, so don’t not all men me)

38 year old PMET here. Did ok in life. Worked a corporate job but have not much to tie me down here besides family.

All the euphoria about the rising property prices in Singapore has to be a top signal. Property prices are falling and mortgage rates are rising globally and somehow, we believe that SG is this invincible bubble?

Something I don’t have the balls and bandwidth to do (yet):

1. Find citizenship elsewhere.

2. Withdraw my CPF.

3. Short the Singapore stock market with the proceeds.

There is no future for me here. This is a country for those born with a golden (silver aint enough) spoon in their mouths.

Looking at our birth rates and unfavourable costs of raising children, we won’t even have the young populace to support the tax burden of maintaining all our healthcare needs in the long run. Our shiny MRTs and other public amenities aren’t cheap to maintain either.

There’s plenty that needs changing before I can believe this is a country which looks out for the future of its younger adults as opposed to maintaining the net worth of the rent-seeking older ones.

This country behaves like there is a perpetual motion machine to prop all this up. I am not that optimistic.

Here are what netizens think:

• Thanks for donating all your money to Singapore economy

• I think because of the crazy inflation affecting cost of living, there is a fear we can’t afford our own country anymore. I as an older person am also anxious that my nest egg seemed to have strunk. Dun feel so secure as before. But where do you suggest to go? It’s seems like due to the more fluid immigration flow, alot of more eligible countries have tightened their immigration laws. Still, this may just be a rough period, we need to ride it out. Inflation affects everywhere.

• Okay, so what are you going to do about it? Being a keyboard warrior won’t change things. They are not going to change. The problem isn’t just them.

Male waiter refused to give me the food I ordered because he “wanted to protect my slim figure”.

I love chicken, I think it is delicious. But it is NOT what I ordered. I ordered knuckles at this restaurant. When the food came out I realized that it was CHICKEN, not pork.

I flagged down my male waiter and pointed out the mistake. His response was winking at me and telling me he gave me the chicken instead because he wanted to help protect my slim figure.

From his expression you could tell he expected me to thank him for being considerate.

Instead I asked for the manager, who thankfully was a woman, and got me the pork taco salad instead.

Netizens’ comments

• As a firmer server, the only times I didn’t get someone what they wanted were 1) When we were out and 2) When they were ordering alcohol and I was cutting them off.

F that dude.Hope he got fired.

• This takes the pink tax to a whole new low!

If I pay $300 for some bougie expensive meal and they give me smaller portions just because I wear my ovaries on the inside, my fists are flying.

It was just a one night stand, but it happened last night.

We’ve had three months of insane fun, love, and security. That all ended tonight. She called me after I got off and told me what happened. That she couldn’t stop herself. That she wanted to but she couldn’t say stop. The man who did it initiated the sex and she didn’t stop him.

I’ve initiated a three-day no contact period as I told her to do whatever with whomever as I gather my thoughts, and pray. This has happened so many times before, and I’m spent emotionally and I’m just numb. If she comes back, I don’t know what to do. To say.

Should I cut the cord on Friday and end it? Should I do it now? Should I just wait and gather myself and let her come back Friday? Should I start over?

Someone, please help.

Here are what netizens think:

• Cut the cord now. You said this has happened multiple times? It’s over.

• she’s cheating 3 months into the relationship. thats so early it’s ridiculous. if she can’t even be loyal in this short term of a period, she won’t be loyal for the rest of it

• You’ve had three months of getting to know each other and enjoying the new relationship high, basically. What you found out during that time is that while she’s fun to be around, she is neither loyal nor that into you. So now you decide whether that’s the kind of partner you are after. If so, by all means continue, but be fully aware of whom you’re choosing to commit to. Praying and not texting her for three days is obviously not going to change who she is and what she has to offer.

• it’s only been 3 months, staying with someone who cheated on you after 3 months is not worth it and you’re barely 21. her excuses are whole bunch of bs as well. she couldn’t stop herself? really?!??? just dump the girl.

I like to pretend to be a boy

It’s pretty weird but I like to pretend I’m a boy sometimes (I’m a girl). I’m not referring to trans people as they aren’t pretending.

But like sometimes I’ll randomly be all ‘how cool would it be I was a dude’ or try to dress in a way that’s more masculine just for the heck of it.

I honestly pretend I’m alot of things, cat, princess, elf, prince whatever I’m in the mood for.

I’ve never told anyone (I’m 16 and so too old to play pretend) but Idk just wanted to tell someone

Netizens’ comments

• You’ll be playing pretend more often in your life then you realize, you have to do it as an adult all the time.

• Consider getting into drag spaces! There aren’t only drag queens but also drag kings too. You don’t have to be Trans to participate in those spaces and if it’s a type of self expression you like then you can have a lot of fun with like minded people!

• tbh i used to that and turned out trans lmao

• Do whatever you want and enjoy being yourself 👍

• “Too old to play pretend” pffft. Have you seen cosplayers? You’re never too old!