My tattoo artist shat his pants during session

The majority of people loves my stories and experiences, with a few who live boring lives and don’t believe anything ever happens. Here’s another pointless story people probably won’t believe!

I was getting my first “big” tattoo done on my arm when I started to feel lightheaded and sick. I told my tattoo artist and he stopped inking immediately, sat my chair back, got me water and glucose tablets, etc.

While I was recovering he asked “is it okay if I go to the bathroom really quick?” I was like yeah sure buddy it’s gonna take me a while to recover anyway.

Well he was in there for a while. When he finally came back he was wearing different pants. He started inking me again, and I don’t know why he decided to confess this to me, but he said:

“I just want you to know, while you were recovering, I thought I had to fart… it wasn’t a fart. I just shat my pants”

My tattoo came out beautifully!

Netizens’ comments

1. You know, we often tell our kids, A fart is not always just a fart. One day you might gamble and lose.
   It’s usually directed at our 12 year old son who enjoys tormenting his siblings with toxic gas.
2. Eating lunch at work one day and I squeezed out a fart… except, this fart decided it had to be a jet of liquid poop. I told everyone that I just poop myself, and we all had a laugh. I drove home, showered, changed and went back. More jokes for weeks on end.
3. We have an older gentleman at work who came in and announced he was leaving for the day because he had, “An adult accident.” We all looked at him puzzled, so he blurts, “I shit myself! Okay?”

I was forced into an expensive funeral by my relatives. Should I cut off contact with them?

My mother had a stroke after chemo and was hospitalised in July. One of the aunties got her undertaker ‘friend’ visit and discuss funeral arrangements with my distraught father.

My father was pretty pissed as he was pretty hopeful for a recovery and wanted my mother to live.

Relatives wanted a grand 3 day funeral and nice niche instead of my arrangement of 1 day funeral and scatter ashes into eco garden. Got called unfilial and ungrateful. Some Chinese cultural thing about having grand funeral and big face culture. Said they will help with expenses and anything if I asked.

Plot twist: Same auntie asked for my mother’s gold jewellery, claiming there was an arrangement before she died. Don’t know if she’s bullshitting or not. Claims that she promised the gold will be sold and money used to ‘help’ me(the son) incase anything happens. She’s not giving me the money directly.

Fast forward to actual day mother died. One other relative wanted to ‘volunteer’ their funeral undertaker services as they are running one. They quoted 12k for funeral arrangement excluding 4k niche. Current one was around 7.5k and 3k for niche. Asked about current funeral arrangements and constantly complained how the current funeral arrangements were lacking. Granted the namo lou was quite unprofessional and expensive (350 per chanting session, wtf man).

1.Should I cut off contact with them after this? I don’t foresee myself wishing to see them for CNY or ever.

2.I find it hard to respect or follow Chinese customs after these particular incidents. Is it normal for Chinese customs to be so extravagant and expensive? Can I choose not to follow? How will the other Chinese view this?

3. Are there cheaper funerals? I feel very very indignited about paying for the niche and monk services. 350 per chanting session is very expensive. I had to employ him for 6 sessions including 3 day funeral, niche, Tou Qi and Qi Qi. I threw a huge fit at hearing the fees about how Chinese Buddhism is a farce and chinese funeral customs are bullshit.

Sorry for long rant. Just had to get this off my chest and look for opinions anonymously. I am seriously sick of the exploitive funerals and relatives. I don’t know how the next generation can cope with these BS customs.

After 20 years and many relationships, I feel like my first girlfriend was “the one.”

We were young but had a surprisingly deep and mature relationship for about 3 years. I’ve had 5 or 6 relationships since then, and it recently dawned on me that my first girlfriend actually ticks all the boxes the others didn’t.

We only “broke up” because she had to move far away. We tried to keep it long distance for a while but realized it wouldn’t work.

We briefly met a few times in the following years and we’ve always had this connection…like a look of ‘knowing’ that we each give the other.

There are also a handful of songs that, when I hear them, seem to transport me right back to a vivid memory of being with her.

Anyways, I am now single, not really motivated to date anymore, and have gone through bouts of extreme loneliness. I think there is a real possibility I might never start a family and end up dying alone.

She has three children and a husband she seems happily married to. We follow each other on social media which is how I know this.

We also check in with a few messages randomly every now and then. Even her sisters seem to be just how I remember them, and they have a great family that is fun, loving, smart, and attractive.

It hurts to know that ship has sailed. Just wanted to put these words out there, for some reason.

Netizens’ comments

Realistically she probably isn’t the same person you are remembering. People change and grow so she will have 20 years worth of change from who you remember. Her memory is probably rose tinted for you as well.

We can’t help but remember the good things and most of the time we don’t notice little changes to that memory. It’s one of the reasons eye witness accounts are so unreliable in court cases.

You believe the memory you have is reliable but your mind has been quietly adding or changing little details without you noticing and you think they have always been that way.