I would never tell my children or husband this but becoming a mother is my biggest regret in life.

I’m 38 and I have three children at 12, 10 and 8 and while I of course love them dearly I do secretly regret having children. 12 years ago my life stopped.

My career ended and I essentially became a full nanny, a chef and a maid for free for little humans I carried in my body for 9 months who talk back to me, make my life difficult and honestly don’t really like me.

My husband’s and my activities in the bedroom also died. We F maybe once every couple of months because he’s always at work and is usually very tired or just not in the mood.

Childbirth also ruined my body. I have stretch marks all over my body, two c-section scars, loose skin and weirdly colored nips that still get milky and gross every once in awhile.

I also have a scar from when I split open all the way to my a-hole with my first born. I have virtually no bladder control after spending a combined total of 27 months pregnant in my life now either.

I literally have to wear panty liners all the time because sometimes a little bit of pee just comes out on it’s on. Honestly being pregnant and childbirth is easily the worst thing that’s ever happened to me.

After the 3rd time I made my husband get a vasectomy. I told him I cannot do this again and thankfully he understood.

I did it all for 3 children who honestly don’t like me very much at all either. They constantly talk back, tell me I’m a terrible mother, tell me they hate me or won’t listen to what I’m asking them to do.

I’ve tried to be a good mother and I still try because I know firsthand what it’s like to have a bad one. I try to take good care of the house, kids and my husband but the last 12 years have been the worst of my life and I have another 10+ to go assuming I make it that far and that my children will actually leave the home.

By then I’ll be almost 50 and my husband will be over 50 and then what? Will we actually have a life again over 20 years after they ended?

Will we somehow manage to have a passionate intimate life again in our 50s? I doubt it.

But yep that’s my confession. I deeply regret having children and believe it ruined my life and extinguished the passion and romance in my marriage.

CEO asks employees in the elevator why the company should retain them!

The CEO at my employer is an odd man who scares everyone to death. Being in the elevator with him can be the end of their career if they don’t say the right thing.

Lay offs are coming and he is trying to determine in a very unprofessional way who should be laid off. He will approach staff members and demand that they justify their existence in the company.

He basically says this: “The company is cutting staff soon and I am fact finding who is actually valuable to the organization. Tell me how you provide value to the organization and why we should retain you in the company.”

Would you, could you convince your CEO you should be retained during company wide layoffs?

Netizens’ comments

1. “Great question! I’m so underpaid that by being here I have already added value.”
2. Ask why if he is an effective CEO are they laying people off and then go let the air out of his tires.
3. “Pop the hood of your car, dig down in there, and remove a random gear or wire that you find. You may not know what it’s purpose was, the car may even run normally, for a while. But sooner or later you’ll discover that that random, seemingly unimportant component did something. Your car is broken, and it was foolish to think that shedding weight by just picking some part at random would ever work. Everything was added for a reason, if you want to shed weight you do it by targeting functions to be removed, not parts.”
4. Yeah, I would already be looking elsewhere so would be tempted to say, “If you don’t know what roles add value to the company it sounds like you don’t add any value and are not doing your job correctly. Maybe that is why we now need layoffs.”

My daughter, 16 told me that she’s going out to dinner with her friends at a local place. I was taking our dog on a walk and walked by a park where I saw her kissing a girl. I didn’t say anything, just walked by.

A little bit of a backstory: there was a kid in my daughter’s class who my daughter told me like girls. Their guardians were not supportive, and they endured a lot of mental agonies and eventually tried to end it but she survived, but have a long road of recovery (both physically and mentally) ahead.

From what I understand, this kid was very popular in school, was overall a very bubbly and outgoing person. My daughter was good friends with them, and their entire class is shaken up by this. School is providing counsellors to help them navigate their emotions in a healthy way.

I told my husband and he says we should let her come to us at her own pace. I obviously agree with him, but my mama heart just wants her to know that no matter who she chooses to love, her dad and I are always going to be there for her. Are there any subtle ways to do that?

Here are what netizens thinks:

• So my parents had a hard time with it when I came out almost ten years ago. My aunt however, didn’t skip a beat. One day visiting, she left a pride sticker on my dresser with a note that said “I will always love you. Be you. That’s the best thing there is”

• For real though, I would maybe ask how her classmate is doing and express your disagreement with their guardians’ bigotry and make it clear that it would never make any difference to you. She may clock what you’re doing, but I think that’s okay. You could also find an age-appropriate TV show or movie with a same gender love story and make a supportive comment about it. Hearing positive, affirming things about same-sex relationships is a big comfort for kids who are nervous about coming out.

• Just let her know that you always have her back. You love and support her and are there if she ever needs help.

A netizen shared that he heard rumours of “negative energies” at Pulau Tekong, and asked those who are serving or have served to share their stories of encounters with the energies.

Female voice on walkie talking

Was on exercise during hungry ghost month.

Dead of the night and the signal set decides to act up. Couldn’t contact the others. No sound from the receiver.

Then… boommmm it bursts to life, but it sounded like it was picking up random interference. Could hear like muffled radio all.

It was really noisy so my friend reached over to unplug the speaker… and I swear, we all heard a female voice saying “help me” over and over again.

We all stunned till my encik pulled the speaker and said to try contacting again in the morning.

Tekong Ammo Dump

Ammo Dump on Tekong is a hell of spooky at night. The street lamps on the road towards the building itself do not help at all with the dense foliage. I always felt creeped out with my hair standing doing prowling duties like there is something hiding in the trees looking at us, but it could just be my own imagination scaring me. My buddy and I did hear faint but clear Muslim prayer calls at around 0200 AM in the morning, honestly, it was spooky because the Ammo Dump is located in the middle of Tekong, so if the prayer calls came from Malaysia, it had to be really loud to travel all the way here. Seems totally implausible too because having it loud means disturbing the whole kampong there too.

Ghost selling nasi lemak

A friend of mine claims his buddy and he saw an old Malay uncle pushing a pushcart on the main road when they were lepaking at the junction of the Ammo Dump. The uncle came up to them and asked if they wanted to buy Nasi Lemak, but they both turn down the offer. The uncle then continues on and when they finally turn their back around, he disappeared. It could be a troll story, but based on my own experience at that place, I just find is hard not to believe.

Shadows at old seletar airbase

Unit wise, my former camp used to be part of the old Seletar military airbase. That place is really damn ulu and also unclean because of the said past histories with the Japanese during World War 2. When doing guard duty, we had to prowl near the old hangers of 35th SCE. You know they are remnants of World War 2 because the blast doors of said hangers had bullet holes riddled in them. The area around the old hangers actually felt eerily because of the lack of light sources and they are near a body of water. Some claim to see shadows darting inside via the broken window panes. Really a huge sense of negative energy especially during the 7th month.

Mysterious cat

2am-ish doing guard duty prowler at the ammo dump at the Rocky Hill Camp further down a bit. Was told by the guard comd that there’s a cat playing with the ammo, told to go check it out.

Heard some light “plink plink” sounds as we were outside the armskote room thing, like metal gently hitting each other. Went in, no cat, sound stopped. Guard comd says he can see it on the video. Shine torchlight at that spot, no cat nothing.

Got out, starting to leave, plinking sound restarted. Went back, take a look again, sound stopped, no cat, everything in place no touch.

Got out again, starting to leave again, plinking sound restarted.

BTO horror stories : Did you regretted your BTO choice after staying there due to the environment?

Some backstory to my question.

Back around 2015, I applied for BTO in the west side of Singapore because back then the BTO projects were largely concentrated in the sengkang/punggol area and those weren’t my favourite locations. Plus there were plans about making the west the next CBD etc thing as well as the high speed rail project. The price of the BTO was manageable for my salary back then and would be considered relative cheap (who dont like cheap right?)

Water under the bridge, everything happened and fast forward….

I’ve been staying in my current estate for a few years now and frankly I really like this area and the west side in general, but it’s the people’s behaviour and the kind of people staying there that make me regret my choice.

Below are a few of them:

Very often I observed very serious high rise littering, ranging from packaging products to food, tissue, etc. The cleaners are doing their best trying to keep up with the litters.

Dog poo. There are so many dog owners here, including myself. But there is also a high number of unethical ones. Dog pee still ok, pee in grass or pee on lamp post etc, but some of these people don’t even pick up their dog poo and poos are everywhere, from staircase to shelter areas and even on grass.

Unruly neighbours. I have a verbally rude neighbour living near my unit who is constantly shouting at his family. Neighbours who are singing karaoke at anytime of the day, even at 9pm and blasting for everyone to hear. Screaming, shouting and even fights at the common areas late into the night. Sometimes police are involved.

The latest case, some druggie caught by police and it was reported in the news.

I’ll probably get flamed to oblivion for this, but I told my wife immediately after reading the news. Are we staying in a gettho?

All these are making me feel like I unknowing onboarded into problematic estate and it’s making feel really uncomfortable staying here. I used to stay in the infamous north side of Singapore and I can assure you, Yishun might be crazy, but not as crazy as what I experience in my estate alone for the last few years.

I will definitely shift out of my current estate into a better one in the next few years and again, I’m going to state something really nasty but I stand by it and some might agree with me, that estates that are generally more expensive serves as a poverty barrier and naturally you will observe less of such unruly things happening in such close proximity around where you’re staying.

Let me know your stories if you have one.

Is it just me or do most companies in SG have atrocious/non-existent onboarding process for new hires?

I’ve worked at 5 companies so far and only 1 of them had any sort of proper training for me to learn the systems and intranet.

The other 4 just have me dumped straight to my desk on the first day and I”m somehow expected to know everything… I get that one way to learn is to ask around colleagues, but it’s a tedious way and runs the risk of me eventually becoming an annoyance if I keep asking questions.

But seriously why cant these companies just make a PDF user guide or something? Wouldnt that help the hundreds of new hires joining the company in the future? Also how do other new hires even grapple either when theres zero guidances for them?

Netizens’ comments

1. Knowledge management is an investment. Many companies don’t see the ROI in it, not high enough anyway.
2. SMEs or MNCs?
   Most companies? Nah. Is it uncommon? Probably not. But personally I’ve never faced this issue in 15+ years of working in Singapore (all MNCs).
   Saw that you’re a fresh grad – maybe the companies you worked at expected your internship supervisors to guide you instead of going through the onboarding process for full-time staff. Not ideal but sadly not uncommon.
3. I’m at an MNC. There was nothing to onboard me to hit the ground running in my new role. Had to create documentation, SOPs and dashboards which took a year to complete by myself.
   Fortunately for my subordinates in the different markets in APAC who later joined us, they had a smooth on-boarding. Ngl, while it was tiresome, it made me glad that people were using my training materials.
4. Companies dont want to spend time and money to train new employees because theyre afraid theyll jump ship after 1-2 years, but if the employees dont get proper training, they will be overwhelmed with work and unable to cope, causing them to be burnt out and leave. Its just a weird cycle
5. I think also the fact that systems and SOPs changes so frequently nowadays no one bothers to update the onboarding deck in event of a random new hire joining.

My wife is pregnant but she cheated on me and our first kid isn’t even mines.

I was out for a work trip that was going to last a week. Before I left we installed a camera door bell system so I could see if something was happening while I was gone.

She thought the system only worked if somebody pressed on it to start recording but it’s motion detected.

While I was gone, I kept getting notifications on it. I finally got one of her and my son leaving the house. I got another one an hour later of just her kissing on another dude while going into the house.

I called her to ask what she was doing but she lied and said just relaxing. I knew from that moments this was going to get ugly.

I came home and didn’t question her about it. I was deciding my next move when she told me she was pregnant.

The math was adding up but I played along. I then decided to take my son for a dna test and obviously we aren’t related.

Wife doesn’t know what I know. She thinks everything is perfect. She walking around excited about the new addition to the family.

She told everybody the good news about our second kid. She doesn’t know I’m searching for a lawyer as we speak. Both of our lives are about to be ruined.

Netizens’ comments

1. Ugh what a nightmare. So you’re sure the second child isn’t yours? I’m sorry, but also I’m so happy you are out this sham relationship. Good for you for taking yourself out of this situation.
2. Make sure you keep the camera evidence!
3. Passing off another man’s child as somebody else’s, is the most diabolical thing to do to another human being. Your strength is astonishing, I give you that.
4. Please record the video of her kissing that dude. Go through her phone if you can and take pictures if you find anything.

Yelling at my husband at night and telling him never to sleep in same bed again because he keeps wetting the bed?

Finding myself (36F) in an awkward situation in my marriage. I have been married to my husband (38M) for 5 years and we have 3 kids. We are happily married.

He is very loving and caring to me and the kids, no doubts there, he is a great dad and husband. Problem is now and then he wets the bed at night.

When it first happened, I didn’t even know how to react, I felt embarrassed to talk about it with him. The next morning he took out the sheets and cleaned everything up.

Then it continued to happen; sometimes once a week sometimes every other week. And I have been understanding and empathetic for the most part hoping this phase of his would come to pass.

Background: He lost his full time job 18 months ago and has been between jobs since then. so he does odd jobs now and then while learning to become a property agent.

Well for almost two years now I have been the main bread winner. Not sure if this is the reason for the blow-out bed wetting but recently he wet the bed again and I blew out on him that night, screaming at the top of my voice and told him he should never sleep on this bed again with me unless he solves his issue.

Next day he was back to himself again. Very kind and caring and since then he sleeps in the guest room. I am so confused!

Has anyone been in a similar situation? What should I do? I love my husband so dearly and would die for him.

Netizens’ comments

1. Your husband is obviously going through something, whether emotional or medical, and rather than offer support, you went after him. I get it: pee isn’t pleasant. But neither is a spouse who makes you feel even worse when you’re at a low point.
   You say you’d die for him. Why not trying to help him first?
2. 1000% bedwetting is not something people can control…
   If he is wetting in his sleep, there is a medical problem!!! Whether that is a physical or mental health issue would be for a doctor to sort out.
   Let’s see, he lost his job, money is tight, he’s trying to start a new career…. do you think he might be under a little stress???
   I get that it’s not fun for you, however, yelling at the man is not going to make it better. Why not be the supportive spouse who has a calm discussion about how to work together towards a solution?

Calling out employers for underpaying their employees.

So today I had a phone interview, and at the end I told them my salary requirements. “We can’t meet that. That’s more than we are paying our two existing employees in that role.” they said.

To which I answered, “Then perhaps you are underpaying your employees. We both know that my skills are in demand.”

The manager thought for a second and said, “I guess we’re done here.”

I replied, “Yes, I guess we are. Except you can count on me contacting your existing employees and telling them they are underpaid. You have a nice day.” then I hung up.

We have to give these a-holes no quarter. They want wage slaves for nearly nothing. Misinformation and lack of communication between employees are their main weapons.

Netizens’ comments

1. Nice work! Way too many businesses count on employees not knowing their own value, or employees who are just desperate for the work.
2. I actually got into a bit of an argument with our owner today. He told me to discipline one of my staff for discussing wages with other employees. I told him the only reason he has an issue with it is because it makes him look bad and that it sounds like a problem he could fix quite easily by paying everyone the same.
   You’ll have a stronger idea what your skills are worth when you find someone willing to pay more for them.
3. I inform all people in my social network that do my profession of the going rate and what other facilities are paying. One should never short change your profession you are in and aspire to always raise salaries and benefits through sharing information
4. I interviewed for a job Monday and didn’t ask about compensation in the interview because I knew that all went through HR. Looked up the pay range on Glassdoor and I’d bet my last paycheck they’re gonna lowball me and offer less than I’m already making.