As the title states, my wife has gained upwards of 30kgs in the last 3 years. Her entire body type has changed completely, and I’m finding it almost impossible to be attracted to he and of course there is almost no “exercise”.

I feel like a complete jerk, and I never want to tell someone how their bodies should look. I still love her, don’t have any intentions of cheating on her, etc. But as hard as I have been trying to embrace and be attracted to her physically as she is now, I can’t seem to do it, and I don’t know what to do anymore.

I keep a healthy calorie count, and am also the one who tends to do most of the cooking. I always try to make health-conscious meals and snacks for her to have. She eats them and seems to enjoy them, but will also always buy or have chocolate, chips, ice cream, etc. that she seems to be eating consistently between and after almost every meal.

I also suggest we work out together when we have time. She’ll sometimes reluctantly agree, but then is very quick to cancel or find a reason not to when the time comes.

She has been experiencing some small indicators of her health declining since the weight gain (back pain, shortness of breath when walking, etc.) that she will always make a point to say obviously has to do with something else. Bringing up the possibility that it could be related to weight is a recipe for an intense argument, and I don’t take that route anymore.

Every once in a while, she’ll say she wants to lose weight, and I say that I will support her in whatever way she would be comfortable with. But every time, after either a week or two, the effort is dropped either because of a holiday, some friend event or birthday party, etc. And then it goes right back to the same way it was.

I’m trying to read as many articles as I can for how I can reframe my mind to change what I can find physically attractive. I try to let go as hard as I can to what my initial physical attraction to her was. But I can’t, and I just find myself increasingly depressed and frustrated.

I’m kind of at the end of my rope here. I would be more than happy to go to a therapist for myself, or maybe a couples councilor if that would be helpful. Though I fear that even bringing it up in a counseling session would start a huge fight.

I simply feel defeated and a bit lost at this point. Any insights into similar circumstances, recommendations for how to approach this, etc. would be so, so appreciated.

Thank you!

So I’ve known this girl in Ho Chi Minh City. I even went to Vietnam and travelled the country with her and now marriage has come up.

So we got married and eventually, I had to help her apply for a Long-term visitor pass to let her stay in Singapore.

But here is the problem, she is telling me that she works in Singapore but she has next to zero qualifications and she has a language barrier.

So I paid for her to go for some English courses but she failed terribly and gave up.

When I married her I already told her that I am not rich and will have trouble feeding her if she decides to be a housewife.

But here comes the bigger problem, I can spend less and make sure I can give her the essentials like food, home and a phone but she wanted more.

Just 3 months into the marriage, she said she wanted to go back to Vietnam to find work to feed her family.

Of course, I did not want that to happen and I took up a 2nd part-time job as a Grab driver to basically to earn more and let her feed her whole kampong in Vietnam.

However, after a few months. This is getting very tiring. Day time I work office, evening time I work Grab, and other Grab drivers will agree that one bad Grab customer can really spoil the whole day. I am even driving Grab on weekends.

She is still not having any intention to upgrade herself and wants me to feed her and her whole damn kampong while she is on the bed all day watching Youtube or something.

I am at a loss and thinking about what to do.

My friends told me about the annulment of marriage but I don’t what to do. Time is ticking as there is like a “1-year rule” for the annulment of marriages.

My wife (28F) and I (30M) have been married for several years, and our life is generally awesome and blissful. We are each other’s first bf/gf, are also each other’s best friend.

This means that we really just speak about anything and everything, and we haven’t really argued about anything since knowing each other. We are relatively successful at our careers so far, making enough money and also leaving a lot of time to spend with each other as well.

There’s just one problem. Our S life is very boring, by all standards, as you will read about soon.

This becomes even worse because I am pretty open to and seek new experiences in all aspects of life, such as food, entertainment and even at work. Actually, my wife is normally quite open as well, and we manage to experience many new things together, but in terms of S, she becomes dreadfully conservative.

One example is, when we got married, it took her about 6 months to be mentally ready for intimacy. This is already quite weird, because we dated for quite long (around 5 years), but apparently that dating process and getting officially married wasn’t enough for her. But this is still not a problem to me.

One big concern to me is that we only ever have S in one particular position. Yes, the exact same thing, from start to end, every single time, for several years since we started getting intimate. It is really getting boring, and in my mind, it is really becoming a chore.

I still love her very much and think that she is physically attractive, but the repetitiveness is affecting me. Think of it as eating the same delicious food every day, it will still eventually become harder to eat and less tasty. Or, let’s say, even if there was a peeping tom with a hidden camera in our bedroom, I doubt he would be still interested in watching us, haha.

The thing is, I have, for a long period of time, constantly tried to suggest new things to try. But she is rather resistant, and just rejects them most of the time. In the occasions when she is willing to give it a try, she usually stops me almost immediately, saying that it feels weird or she doesn’t like it.

And of course, I don’t pressure her whenever she rejects me or dislikes something. In case I get bashed in the comments, I must preface this with a disclaimer that we are both very vanilla with pitifully little experience, so these “new things” that I have suggested are really just simple tutorial-level stuff I googled off the internet. The extent of this, is that it can even include small changes to the brand/type of lubricant or condoms. In other words, we are “noobs”, and I have suggested very healthy and simple things to spice up our S life, but in vain.

However, this is only the first part of the problem.

Recently, my wife has been hinting that we are not having S often enough.

To preface this, just a brief description of how things work between us: I am always the one asking for it, and she either says “okay” or “not today”. So, she basically hinted that I have not been asking for it enough, and seems concerned about it. Frankly, I have just been responding by saying that “I don’t know. But probably due to work stress and also the reduction of testosterone as we age”, which is only partially true. On a side note, I am not sure why she is concerned about the frequency, but is not taking the initiative to ask for S – but this is a different problem.

Anyway, I have actually been purposely slowing down the frequency quite considerably, because I felt that spacing out the sessions helped me mentally, and also made each session more exciting for me. In fact, I was starting to get some performance issues at our previous frequency, mainly because it felt like a chore. But I am afraid that saying this outright would hurt her feelings. And I don’t want to use this as a reason (or threat) to get her try new things, as it is really just my own issue.

As I don’t have close friends or siblings to confide these things with or ask advice from, I have to resort to posting it anonymously. I know that going to a S therapist is a potential solution, but I already know what my wife’s response to that will be.

Plus, posting here, I actually just want to know if this is really a problem? Is this actually normal for couples, who are a few years in? Is there anyone that has resolved a similar problem? Any tips on what I should do next?

I feel like I am in a super weird situation. My boyfriend said he wanted to try out dating other people to get some experience and I suggested a possible open relationship to try out. He said he was dating another girl and did not want an open relationship because he was afraid she would not accept that.

I found this weird because in that sense he was choosing her and not me, I confronted him about it and he said he was not looking for a long term relationship but just wanted to try out being with another person. If it did not work out with her he wanted to go back to me in the future again or he saw a possibility try some other girls/ relationships and see if he would be interested in me after that.

For me this is really confusing as he said he really cared for me and that I was perfect to be in a relationship with but he still wanted to try out other relationships and then much later in life when he is ready again to come back to me again.. Is this some kind of relationship shopping? I have never experienced this before and still really love him but I also feel I am being put second and kind of as a reserve?

I don’t know how to feel about this. Is this normal? Is this a thing people do at some point in their relationship as a new and exciting thing? Or is this a way of breaking up and not trying to hurt the other person by giving them some hope? I feel so confused that I don’t know if I should be angry or sad. Is it worth it to be in touch with such a person and hope for them to come back to you at some point? It sounds very silly to me but I don’t know if it’s me having high expectations for a relationship or if this is normal…

Forgot to mention, he also said that we could still do physical things like kissing and hugging but just not calling it a relationship. We are supposed to have a talk on Friday as he still wanted to talk to me in person (we only talked on the phone so far).

just found out I was a “practice relationship”. Oh well. What a day to be alive. Just want to thank everyone for their kind words and for taking the time to read this and reply. I definitely do not want to get back together with this person ever again.

I’m currently serving SOL in *camp name redacted* camp, and I stay in none other than the infamous level 6 bunk, alone

Was about 6pm, was studying my own things in camp, mind u it was a rather sunny day, sun hadn’t set yet.

All the usual stuff you’d hear about cupboards banging, breathing down yr neck, feeling like you’re being watched,

what shocked me the most was that one moment I was doing my own studies, then the next moment I was outside the bunk lying on the bunk floor, having just hit my head on one of those metal box things, as well as red marks on my arm

Sitting here rn at the medical centre; DO told me to go to guardhouse but it isn’t a long term solution, I’m in my smart 4 and I have nothing with me except my wallet and my phone and a powerbank, and the guards don’t have spare manpower so there’s no way I’m going up to get my stuff

it’s day 2 of my sol, I have 12 more to go, 6 nights of sleeping alone, anyone have any advice? is this enough reason to get an ooc? I’m not stepping foot in there even if my whole platoon is with me.

Netizens’ comments

Damn, why do they still make people sleep at Level 6 if it is that infamous for paranormal activity?

I’ve seen multiple stories shared by people with their own experiences about *camp name redacted* Camp. Would not want to set foot in there, definitely.

I’m a girl and I never get called pretty by guys nor my own friends. I don’t even think I’ve ever been called pretty by my mom, or at least it was so long ago that I can’t remember it.

The only time people say I was pretty or cute is when looking at pictures of me when i was little(5-8yo).

The only compliment I ever get about my looks is about my hair (I have very curly hair which is kinda uncommon in my family).

And that even is only by adults/elders (mostly in my family), most people my age and my friends actually make fun of it and say i look like a clown or like I’m wearing a cheap wig.

I know it’s all jokes but it’s practically the only thing about me I kinda like.

I’ve only ever had one person have a crush on me and that was in 1st grade. And I’m just not attractive in any way I don’t look good nor have a skinny waist and it has just really been messing with my self esteem and worth recently.

Netizen’s comments

Stop it. Stop it now. Youve been conditioned to believe that. I understand because Ive been there. Dont be me, dont wait until youre 34 after traumatizing relationships to see that you are beautiful and that you are more than worthy.

Dont ever let others opinions GUIDE you. How you feel about you will resonate in the world and youll attract ppl who aee the beauty and light in you

I just turned 27 days ago and I feel like I have no friends and have never had a boyfriend. I take care of myself and never have a problem finding a date, but the guys turn out to be pretty crappy and end up ghosting me or ending thing with me before anything gets serious.

I also have no genuine friends. I’m a nurse practitioner and I have kinda put friends on the back burner for the past couple yrs due to being in school for so long.

My only friends now are 2 girls from school but they are both engaged now.

One of them hasn’t really talked to me and for my birthday all she wrote was “happy birthday. hope it’s a good one”. I just said “thank you” in response.

Then my other friend forgot my birthday and made up some excuse that she had it in her calendar a day late however she forgot my bday last yr too.

I’m in both of these girls wedding sans just spent over $1000 on the first girl’s bachelorette party (it was out of town) and $200 on the other girls bridesmaid dress.

I ended up having lunch with the 2nd girl yesterday and she didn’t even bring me anything for my bday and barely asked how it was (I had to be the one to mention it).

I just feel like I have no genuine friends and I do t even want to be in these girls weddings anymore. I feel like I’m just a body that they need for the photos at this point.

My closest friends are honestly my coworkers but I’m about to switch clinic locations (I’ll be an hr away) so I won’t be able to see them as much. I just feel lost with my relationships.

I’m religious and have been thinking about joining a church to meet people. I refuse to do dating apps again because those just hurt my feelings and I would get so attached to the guy only for him to ghost me or end things a couple weeks into dating.

Any advice?

A netizen shared how she hits her boyfriend as a form of “play”, which the guy then got angry at her because he found it annoying and they got into an argument.

She then took to Facebook to ask if all guys are really this “sensitive”.

Here is the story:

“Asking girls, do you hit your boyfriends? And guys, do you like being hit? Of course i’m not talking about actual physical abuse, i mean just playing around.

So i hit and pinch my boyfriend quite a lot. It’s just for fun, but recently he asked me if i can stop it. It actually became quite a big argument.

Can dish out but can’t take it

i said that as a guy he should be able to take it and i’m not hurting him anyway. He just said it annoys him sometimes as i do it very often, and i wouldn’t accept it if he did it to me.

I said of course not as i’m a girl, and i thought most guys like these kind of playing from their girlfriend anyway.

Asks if guys are this sensitive

It went back and forth and after that i think he just gave up and said ok do whatever you want. I don’t think i did anything wrong as he’s a guy and i’m not intending to hurt him.

Pls no big discussion about equality in the comments, i’m just wondering if all guys are really this sensitive.”

Editor’s note: You clearly have issues.

Images source: Unsplash

Boss told me that work life balance will prevent me from advancement
True story, sharing because I can’t help but laugh

Former workaholic here, partially because of personal desire to succeed and also wanting to advance with company.

After realizing that late nights and skipping lunch/breaks wasn’t getting me anywhere I started prioritizing work life balance. Now I take my breaks, leave my desk for lunch, and arrive/leave on time (nothing more).

Boss man pulled me in and said it looks like I’m no longer invested and that if I will no longer be considered for a manager role if I’m not willing to work through my lunches or into the evening.

That would have bothered me before. Now I can’t help but laugh because it completely reinforces my thoughts toward the boss/company

Netizens’ comments

1. “Well, Boss, that’s a shame. Because healthy, well-rested managers would be far more efficient and effective, and thus more profitable for their firm, than managers who burn themselves out from a lack of balance in their lives”
2. I fricken hate that carrot dangling talk.
   OP did put in the work, wasn’t acknowledged/rewarded – but they’ll happily throw out the “well if you don’t work harder…we just won’t promote you!”
   Simple fact (that most people here already know), there was never ever going to be an advancement outside of the goalposts.
3. Work life balance will make you happier and healthier. Then you will do your job better while working less hours.
4. In order for workaholism to make sense, you have to trust that management is smart enough to both know who is carrying the team and reward those people.
5. Boss: “I’m a complete loser with no life, so you should be too!”
   You: “No”
6. When it’s obvious (especially to you) that they weren’t considering you at all. Let someone else reach for the imaginary brass ring. Advancement will only get in the way of work-life balance anyway.
7. Didn’t “advance” when i was busting my but…. so now i don’t

My(22F) boyfriend(26M) says that even 10 deeks can fit inside my vagina

I’ve been in a 5 years long-distance relationship with my bf, I met him only twice in 5 years, once we stayed together for 4 nights and second time it was for 7 nights and we got intimate both the times.

But now he tells me over his phone that he slides inside me too easily and even 10 d-ks can fit inside me, which implies my hole is very big.

I have never cheated on him and also that was my first time sleeping with him. I am soo deeply hurt and devastated after hearing this.

How do I calm myself down? And what should I do further?

Netizens’ comments

1. He doesn’t know basic biology. Sometimes when you’re reallly comfortable with someone and love and care about them, you will become more loose. He’s an idiot.
2. wtf, your boyfriend is an imbecile.
3. Your ‘bf’ is insecure about how small his D is. Also how do you do a 5 year relationship and only see each other for less than a fortnight?
4. He seems immature, angry and insecure. You are young, it’s hard to have a relationship where you see someone 2 times in 5 years…
5. If you’ve been with someone for 5 years, but you’ve only met them twice in that period then you’re not in a relationship, that’s called being a pen pal.
   Sorry but, you have to stop deluding yourself that you are somehow in a relationship with this person. You are not. A real relationship involves much more than messages, phone calls and the 2.5 yearly meet up just to F. Do yourself a massive favour and take a good honest look at this so called relationship. I’m sure you’ll realise that most of it is based on make believe and an idealised image you’ve created in your head about this other person.
   I’m not even going to say anything about the comments he made about your private parts because that’s just dumb.