For me, friendship is based on mutual trust and respect. I used to treat her as a very very special good friend, and also including getting her along for most of my social outings, getting to know key ppl, but over times and again, many times there were inconsistencies, betrayals and most importantly joining different groups, getting close to ppl and then gossip and form sub groups.

These actions I have seen for myself including with our common group had caused rifts and underlying negativism. If can do it to others, I am just very cautious and worry to become the next target.

I feel that even when we used to be so close and she was unprovoked, she could make personal gossips just like that, makes me scared for myself, my reputation, my work, my loved ones. She also goes after my very close friends now which I intro to her. So I really scare for myself and don’t want to say anything till now as I scare target me

Also yesterday in our common group, she had stated she keen to join an event, organised by a friend in the group, also her close friend. I was surprised then end up she came for another event yesterday, this not being very upfront and fair to ppl. Just one very recent example amongst many.

To me biggest concern is gossiping about close friends, sometimes using a fact, but putting it in a different context, and using the sympathy card. And then get very close to ppl in each group she join, text them a lot, finding out activities through pics and social media, ask to join in, and then gradually onwards to share gossip about others behind back, yet after that can act all close and happy to the person. after sometime ask buy friend business venture things. Very consistently like that. She also told me v recently she having vip access with the group I into her to.

So I tried but at this point I no longer find it possible to maintain such a friendship. Spoken Words is one thing but repeated actions like that speaks a lot.

As we are in common social groups, and alumni, doing shared common activities and having close common friends, How do I deal with this?

The fake receptionist trick

I am all sure you have heard the of receptionist trick/story .

Man walks in for an Interview, treats the receptionist like crap and it turns out the receptionist was the interviewing manager.

Anywhoo, I thought this was a myth /fake story until I experienced it.

Walked into for an interview for a relatively senior role.i was fine with receptionist. I’m always polite with them but the only thing I thought slightly odd was they asked me if I was nervous for the interview.

Not overally odd just thought it was a bit personal. I gave them a fairly shallow response, dismissed her and sat down.

I waited for about 10 minutes in the waiting room with the receptionist there until she led me to the room and surprise she was the interviewing manager.

I was so thrown , like why would she sit in the room with me for 10 minutes saying nothing. Anyway I was autopilot while she spoke about the family culture as I gathered my thoughts . I just did not feel right until eventually I landed on my issue.

So I tried to diplomatically ask what the purpose of the receptionist act was? She gave the canned response on “right fit, do you treat people with respect bla bla”

I said, but it goes both ways. She just misrepresented herself to entrape me. She created a situation to try catch me out.

Maybe I would be rude because I was nervous and distracted. Does she do that to current employees. AGAIN, SHE SAT IN THE RECEPTION ROOM WITH ME FOR 10 MUNITES WITHOUT SAYING A WORD. What was she looking for?

Anyway, interview went south after that and we agreed I was not a good fit.

Was I wrong in how I read this?

My Fiance bought me a cheap ring.

Now, from the title, yes, my engaged ring is a walmart ring that costs $50. He proposed to me on our 4 year anniversary, and I said yes, we had a wonderful night. It’s a big ring with lots of small “diamonds” and a big fat one in the middle.

We planned on marrying for our 6 year anniversary which is a month away, because we haven’t lived together and wanted to wait 2 years. I found out my engaged ring is cheap walmart ring just a few months ago, which made me really happy.

I’m the type of woman who doesn’t want someone to spend half their salary on me for a ring. I’m gonna go lower and try to buy his ring for 10 dollars.

I can’t wait to see his reaction

Netizens’ comments

1. This took a nice turn
   I wanted a “cheap”ish ring, but eventually my (now) husband and I sort of caved to the pressure of convention and got a real Diamond. We were both ok with it. I kinda wanted an aquamarine instead, and sometimes I wish I had just had the unconventional wedding I had dreamed of
2. I’m happy to hear you are not upset about such a trivial thing. I wish more people were like that and didn’t expect some fancy expensive ring, it’s ridiculous.
   My only thing is I wouldn’t really go the route of trying to go even cheaper than he did just because he bought a cheap ring. That could be interpreted different ways and he may not take kindly to that. It could come across as an insult, not because you bought him a cheap ring, rather you went out of your way to buy one that was even cheaper.
   I don’t know y’all though so perhaps it will be an amusing memory. Either way, congrats and wish y’all the best!
3. My husband and I didn’t even exchange rings, we just decided we wanted to be together forever, eloped, had chinese buffet and had our first dance on the beach, just me and him.
   My brother and his wife had a big 20k+ wedding, everyone has a different style!
4. My husband bought me a candy ring lollipop.

Long term live in boyfriend only wants me when he’s drunk

My (25f) long term live in boyfriend (26m) and I only ever have intercourse when he’s drunk. He doesn’t initiate any physical contact or affection EVER when he is sober – not even a hand hold or a cuddle or a kiss on the cheek.

When he’s had a skinful however he decides that then is the time to try and ask me to F.

Whats worse is I always agree even when I don’t want to cause it’s the only time we ever get any physical intimacy

My self worth is in the gutter – am I that awful that he has to be drunk to want to touch me?

And I know people are going to come for me like “do you ever initiate?”, and the honest answer is no, I don’t. But why would I want to f him when he doesn’t even want to hold my hand or give me a hug when he’s sober.

Any advice or stories from people who have experienced similar would be greatly appreciated

Netizens’ comments

1. Refusing to initiate affection tends to lead to your partner doing the same. It’s unhealthy on top of unhealthy. Talk to him about it without accusation if you can. If he blows you off, kick him out and move on or live with it. If he doesn’t, maybe you can resolve it.
2. The other question is, did you discuss it with him when sober?
   Maybe he has some sort of mental block when sober that he can only « overcome » when alcohol lowers his inhibition. For all we know, maybe he built his own doom and gloom scenario in his head, where he assumes you aren’t attracted to him since you never initiate. Or could be a mental block coming from being raised in an affection negative family.
   Or it could be something else entirely, only he knows.
3. Doesn’t sound like either of you are mature enough to be in a relationship. Not with each other at least.

Women what do you really think about when masturbating?

My wife claims her mind is totally blank. I find this hard to believe, but maybe women’s minds really are wired differently

I feel it is difficult to have a blank mind, especially while doing that. Wondering if she is serious or just ashamed to say what she is thinking about.

I’m a very easy going person too, so I feel that she realizes if she were to admit she was thinking of other guys or crazy situations that I’d understand it doesn’t mean anything in real life.

Basically I feel that if she is lying it is not because she is afraid of my reaction. I feel she’d be lying because she feels ashamed or something.

Or is she possibly really doing that with a blank mind?

Netizens’ comments

1. Sometimes I focus and concentrate on what I’m feeling and do what I need to do to get myself there. Sometimes I let my imagination run wild and go off a certain scenario I’m making up as I go along or think of something I’ve enjoyed in the past. It depends on the day and the vibe lol
2. Blankly think on how good it feels…then drift to the grocery list and then remind yourself to concentrate… think about how good it feels… drift off on thinking how I need to clean this bathroom… okay okay concentrate….
3. When I play with myself, I think about the look on my partner’s face when we f-ed in the past. Whether it’s from f-ing in front of a mirror or looking behind me and seeing them plow me, it’s all the best visual that I need to get off. I just remember my favorite encounters
4. I close my eyes and focus on sensation. I’m not fantasizing about anything just feeling everything.

Does anyone else feel like people can just sense you’re low income, and then treat you poorly/differently because of it?

I try my hardest to look middle class. I keep my hair buzzed very short with the top styled in gel. My skin is clean and free of oil and blemishes. I wear a smart watch. I try to wear brands like Nike and Vans.

And yet when I’m out in public buying something, or even at work, I feel like people think they can take me for a ride or use me.

I feel like they think no one cares about me and that I don’t really matter because I’m low income. Therefore they think they can overcharge me, make up charges, or just have a disrespectful attitude with me.

I’m a very respectful person to strangers so I don’t know why I frequently run into this. My only guess, like I said, is that they disrespect low income individuals and think that I’m lazy.

Netizens’ comments

1. Well, unfortunately, it may be a bit of the opposite – THEY don’t realize you are lower income, but you are putting on an act, and they are probably subconsciously picking up on the fake-ness. Wearing certain brands or that sort of thing doesn’t have the impact you probably think it does.
   How you carry yourself, how you speak, those things will make more of a difference. I know a lawyer (who has plenty of money by the way) who buys secondhand things and gets cheap things online and puts together cute outfits that get her ton of compliments. These aren’t fancy name brand things, they just look nice together.
   You know what she does have though? Inner confidence, and she exudes that everywhere she goes.
   I’ve seen this in how I get treated in my sport based on how confident I’m feeling where I’m at. When I’ve been feeling confident and enjoying things, I get treated differently than when I’m feeling a bit lost and unsure and just trying to force up the competition in myself. It really does affect how others respond to you…
2. Never dress because you want to belong to a group, dress for you. Dress for your own confidence.
   Income isn’t defined by clothing, most higher class/super rich people wear joggers with no brands. They wear what they want and are confident in it.
   Follow suit.

Ex-colleague is holding grudges against me, is this a minor nuisance or is there something to be concerned of?

I used to have an ex-colleague (I’m in 20s and he’s in late 30s) and I was his assigned trainer.

Our working relationship started okay-ish, but turned sour because I was inexperienced at managing people, he struggled to adapt, I did not like him chatting too much on non-work/personal/gossip stuff at work, he did not like my way of pushing him during training.

I did not like that he kept making repeated mistakes and claimed he wasn’t being taught despite already being given the materials. I also did not like that he failed to make progress after I repeatedly bailed him out.

He did not like that I kept giving him work assignments and kept pushing him to practice tasks that he didn’t like.

He was more reliant on being spoonfed, while I practiced facilitated learning. We weren’t able to reach a common ground.

Also, he crossed my line, a few times. He didn’t like my way of teaching and wanted another colleague to be his trainer (that colleague was the only person in the office that entertained him), but instead of telling me directly or raising it to our line manager, he took MC from work, asked that colleague out, and asked that colleague to be his trainer.

Eventually, he quit in order to avoid being fired for failing his probation. By this time, nobody in the office talked to him because the entire team was tired of repeatedly bailing him for his mistakes.

I later learned that he had rejoined his previous company (he quit that company to join us because he said his company was too toxic). But here comes the weird thing:

Every now and then, he kept texting my colleagues, sometimes he shared life quotes, sometimes he sent video about workplace harassment, sometimes he asked other colleagues if they have contacts in their previous employers that they can refer him to, and sometimes he complained about being mistreated here.

More recently, he texted another colleague and reminisced his days in our company (he has already quit for almost a year now). He emphasised that I didn’t know how to teach, I had sabotaged him, and he would have stayed if another colleague was his trainer instead.

I find it odd that someone could hold a grudge for this long. Do you guys think it is just a anedoctal amusement, minor nuisance or there should be a cause of concern for me?

I (21M) have an issue with my (20F) wetting the bed when she’s drunk. It’s disgusting….

Every-time my GF goes out she gets so unbelievably drunk that she wets the bed. She somehow gets wasted (and I mean wasted to the point she can barely stand) from 2 – 3 drinks, so you can imagine what’s she’s like when under the influence of her friends all night.

Not to mention, she’s just a massive D when she’s drunk. I absolutely hate it when she goes out. It’s Disgusting having to wake up in a wet smelly bed.

I’ve started making her sleep on the floor when she’s at my house as that seems to be the only fix. I fear that this might tip me over the edge as it really is unattractive and embarrassing when your partner has 0 self control on her drinking to the point that she wets the bed constantly. Any advice ?

P.s if she had a genuine issue that meant she couldn’t hold it in, it would be different.

Netizens’ comments

1. If you’re asking for permission to break up with your alcoholic girlfriend who doesn’t care that she drinks and pisses herself… constantly. Yea you have our permission.
2. She needs to not be drinking at all if she gets that black out after 2 to 3 drinks.
   Can you set a boundary that you don’t want her coming over when she’s drunk?
3. What is her reaction to this the morning after?
   • (OP) She’s done it at mine 3 times and 4 times at her place and she did wash the sheets to be fair to her (cos I asked her to). After that I refused to let her back when she was drunk. I make her go to the toilet before she goes to bed (that’s if I’m staying at her place) then I sleep on the floor cos she refuses to sleep on the floor in her own flat.
4. If she’s getting blackout, piss yourself drunk after 2-3 drinks, then first of all – I think she’s lying to you about how many drinks she’s having when she goes out. Either that, or she’s got an intolerance to alcohol. Regardless, she should stop drinking.
   This isn’t normal behavior. But know this, OP: she won’t stop drinking until she’s ready to stop drinking. It’s completely valid to not want to be with someone who behaves like that when they drink, especially if they refuse to stop drinking. But she won’t get sober until she’s ready, even if it means losing you.

My mom is like my loan shark

As the title goes, im like a bank to my mom. Growing up she always told me to save money. Now im 23 i give her money monthly $150 bcuz thats what i can afford to give her.

She says it isnt enough. She kept asking regarding my bonus for months and now mid year is here she asked again.

I mentioned that its for my savings & she said i MUST give some to her too.

I explained that i need to save for future plans (wedding etc which she said she’s not gonna help) but she says no such things as savings there’re still many years for u to save up.

Im so hurt by this, i havent gotten a single cent from both parents since 13. I spend my money buying necessities paying bills giving money to them & for years i feel like a bank.

They never believed me when i said i had $0 in my bank once, which was true. Im just stuck now anyone has broken out of this situation before? Im so done

Netizens’ comments

1. Don’t say you’re saving for the future. Say your salary isn’t enough to cover your expenses and that you didn’t get a bonus.
2. what I’ve learned over the years and advice from my siblings and this one aunt; In one ear, out the other.
   If she asks, either nod your head or shrug. Never give a verbal answer back. If she gets angry/upset that you’re not answering her, show her your digibank with proof that you literally have zero in your bank. I once showed my mom, in real time, the amount in my account on my phone. Shoved it into her face and it said: $-5.60.
   Ahhh fun times.
   Anyway, she stopped harassing me for a bit but obviously it wasn’t forever before she lapsed back into her usual antics.
   Other than that, tell her you’re paying part of the bill as well and insist that that’s all you can afford to give.
   If you’re legally an adult, try to move out, stay with a relative or friend who’s willing to rent a room for cheap or try to find a place that has low rent as much as possible. If you can’t afford it, just let it go in one ear and out the other.
3. i never really understand why is it so hard to say NO to your parents, i have seen marriage, career destroyed, coz the parents keep demanding and they give in.
   buying car and condo after u graduated from Uni and just start working, father got a mistress, spending money and selling house to financial her spendings, going for monthly holidays, … lists goes on

My wife was in a bad accident a few months ago that resulted in her being in an 8 day coma. Obviously when she went into the coma, no one knew at the time how long it was going to last.

I was envisioning months, if not years, before she would ever wake up. If she ever did. It truly felt like I had lost her already. I was destroyed with grief and the weight of all the uncertainty. Every day that passed with no good news further plunged me into despair.

We have been married for 10 years. We have traveled the world together. We are truly each other’s best friend. I was seriously considering ending my life if they told me she was braindead or just wouldn’t come back from it.

One night, I was in our bedroom and really going through it. It was probably the 5th or 6th day. I was emotionally and physically exhausted and drained from it all. Another day of no good news.

I was laying on her side of the bed because it still smelled like her and it was comforting to me. She used to put on lotion at night before we got into bed so I opened her nightstand drawer to get the bottle and saw her diary there.

I have never gone through her things or her diary before but that night I just wanted some piece of her. I don’t know why I didn’t just reread our old texts or something. I wasn’t really thinking too logically. It’s not an excuse, but it is what it is.

I began to read her diary. She didn’t write every day, so sometimes entries could be days or months apart. This diary was started a bout 3 years ago. Very quickly I realized that almost all of the entries were angry ones.

Angry about female friends or social media followers. Long paragraphs about how they were home wreckers and ugly/talentless/whatever negative trait. She would become furious if a woman followed me on social media or if we ran into a friend in real life.

She wrote pages about these women and how she wanted them to die or have their lives destroyed. She was angry that I “basked in all the attention” and didn’t remove female followers online.

She was angry if a woman followed me and didn’t also immediately follow her account because “we are a package deal, not that these wh*r*s know any decency to respect that”.

She wrote long rants about how women know the nuances of social media interactions and this somehow proved for certain that they “wanted” me and were actively trying to disrespect our relationship by only following me and not her.

I need to stress that none of the women she was angry about have ever messaged me inappropriately or acted in any way besides a friendly manner towards me. These were school or old friends mostly. A big common element many of them had was knowing or being friends with exes of mine.

She raged on about how I should not be allowing them to glimpse into our lives, and she suspected they were “reporting” back to my exes. To be honest with you, the entries were very unhinged and angry.

Then I read some entries about how she had messaged some of them from secret accounts. I am summarizing here but basically over the course of 12 years she has messaged and harassed several women and subtely accused them of trying to sleep with me or disrespect our relationship.

She pretended to be an anonymous person and would tell them things like “heard xyz talking about you and they told Wife and Kitchen_Animator_678 that you are obsessed with Kitchen_Animator_678” and just weird manipulative shit that would result in the person deleting me without ever telling me why.

Like YEARS of this. Any new person who added me and not her was immediately a problem and she made sure they knew it somehow in a way that would never blow back on her but still got them away from me.

So much made sense. Friends who had ghosted me over the years. People who blocked me. People who didn’t say hi in public anymore. It’s not like hundreds of people, but definitely 10-15 who I just never understood what happened.

I would mention these things to her and she would seem comforting and try to reassure me and then ask innocently if maybe they had a thing for me? Always non-threateningly. Always saying something like “Yea ive had some guy friends who did that. It turned out they were jealous of our relationship.

I had to cut them off, it’s just not appropriate to have them around knowing their intentions were not purely platonic”. I never suspected anything. I accepted everything she told me as plausible and even thought to myself how graceful she was in light of it.

I’m not even covering half the stuff in the diary. Just blatant manipulations of other people and their lives, people she got fired by digging up dirt (literally nothing crazy, maybe a FB comment) and sending it to their jobs. There were some normal entries. Basically things like trips we took and how much she loves me. Absolute night and day.

She woke up from the coma days later, but had some mobility issues that are now mostly hammered out. I couldn’t do anything. For months I’ve had to be the supportive loving husband she knew before the accident. I’ve supported her through her entire recovery. I have had to act like I don’t know any of this. All the while living with dread whenever someone adds me. I immediately remove them as a follower.

I don’t know where to go from here. If I’ll ever actually confront her. I would like to thing I’d have the stones to do it, but honestly, I doubt it.