They say the one that not being loved is the 3rd party?

Im a single mum with 2 young kids. In Dec 2020, i met this guy (C) through a dating app. We went out a few times and eventually got together despite I know he is married. He is not a local, his wife and boy don’t live with him all these years when he is in sg.

Last year, I found out that im pregnant, I decided to keep the baby without thinking about whether he will take the responsibility or not. I didn’t expect him to stay with me throughout the pregnancy journey until i gave birth. I never request him to get a divorce or plan anything for our future.

We are happy with the current status.

However, whenever he goes back to his home country to visit his family or when his wife came over for holiday with his boy, i feel kinda terrible.

He told me he and his wife still stay in the marriage because of the son, no more love between them, How do i know if this is true? He will still text me as usual when he is with his wife. I always wondering that whether his wife ever checked his phone? Now that i have his child, definitely easier to sense something wrong with the husband, is she really dont mind the husband having an affair?

I never want to be a 3rd party in someone’s marriage but its already the fact that we are together and we have a child together and i can really feel his love towards me and baby. Who is the 3rd party in this relationship?

Netizens’ comments

1. You are the third party of course, how do u want to justify or gaslight the wife is actually the third party? Goodness u are just duped by a man who won’t divorce his wife and manage to have you be contented as the side chick having his illegitimate child. How silly is this? What’s going to happen to this child? Did u even think before u do anything? he can just leave and go back to his country anytime – can u wake up and do some planning for future?
2. There is no third party in this relationship. All are main characters! He loves you, and he has a wife whom he doesn’t love much, if at all.He probably doesn’t want to divorce his wife, as it’ll affect their son. His wife doesn’t know about his extramarital affair with you, but the rs between him & his wife is definitely not strong.He certainly loves you more than his wife, so he’s with you and didn’t mind having child with you.You can’t marry him, but you and your child are already an important part of his life. So just continue this way if that makes both of you happy.Plain & simple.
3. So he was married but still go on dating app where you met him? Well, not for us to judge, I guess. There are many situations like this where couples stay together on paper for their kids but actually live separate lives. He sounds like he does love you and the baby. If you are happy with this arrangement then what do you care who is third party? But I think it would suck if the wife found out he had another child even if there is no love between them. Also when your child grows up, how do you explain to him that his father has another wife and that he has a step-brother? If you do care, then have an honest talk about long term plans…..will there come a day when he finally divorces his wife? You are not asking for anything so I guess you are not getting anything and he can have the best of both worlds to his benefit. I would be checking if his profile is still on the dating app just to be sure.

She’s said to my face she wants to marry rich and tried to “teach me” how to seduce a rich man instead of earning my way. She tried her damnedest to put me through gold-digging school as a child. Luckily, none of the lessons ever really stuck around.

When mom left my father after a particularly nasty divorce, she bounced back fast. The divorce case in court was still happening when she started dating Ken. Gold Digger rule number one: Look for a fancy car.

So, Ken had a sporty car. Perfect condition. I could tell I was an afterthought during all this, since whenever I absolutely had to go somewhere, Ken and my mother would just put me in the trunk of this car. Luckily, they have very nice windows. They are pretty cramped, however. Here was the problem with Ken. Ken didn’t want kids. Ken definitely didn’t want me. My mother had him wrapped around her finger.. but he was my worst nightmare.

I won’t go into the details, but he threatens to beat me, threw me down the stairs, put me through hard labour, and at the end of the day I slept on an exercise bench until I was given a bed at the spare room for the year or two years we stayed there. I believe I was six.

Gold Digger rule number two: You don’t have to like them, you just have to make them think you do.
A while later we had a guy over at the apartment a lot. I was a bit older and got the gist of what was going on. He wasn’t much to look at, but he got me a portable DVD player (this happened when I was much younger) and all of the movies I like, then actually wanted to spend time with me. I hoped beyond hope that this was the one. I really, really liked this guy.

He happened to overhear me telling mom how much I loved the gifts while watching my new TV. He also overheard mom scoff, and say: “He’s not here to amuse you. He’s here because he pays the bills.” That was the last time I saw him. Honestly, I genuinely miss that one.

Gold Digger rule number three: illegal money may also count as currency.
The shorter-lived guys were all over the place. I’m still kind of in disbelief that my mom would take me over to these houses, to be real. Some of them were.. really weird. There’s a shady guy she met who has an entire house filled with beer cans stacked along up his walls. It was.. really cool to a kid, but none of the guys really wanted anything to do with me. I just sat on the sofa like a good kid, kept my damn mouth shut, and waited for mom to get her to fix of whatever and finish her romp.

The quicker she got what she was after, the quicker I could go home.

Gold Digger rule number four: Get a guy with an extra vehicle. That way you don’t have to buy yourself a car.
This guy was.. something else. He was really trying to win mom over. To the point where we moved in with him, he bought me a slim PS2, and he gave mom a car that she could use. What he didn’t tell her was that his car was his ex’s, and when she found out where and what the car was being used for, she stole it back— legally.

She also stole everything of value to me, since it was unfortunately in my bookbag.. in the back of the car.

At the end of the day, the guy got tired of Mom or me and He kicked us out. Of course, mom blamed me. I don’t know who’s at fault it was. I was getting really tired of this though.

Gold Digger rule number five: Keep the details to yourself.
This is actually my rule, and I’ll tell you why.

The last guy I care to explain was.. weird. He hired a sixteen-year-old to build a company website for him, then got very upset when some of the HTML wasn’t professional standard. Honestly, I did my best. This guy put me to work though, and I resented every minute of it.

I basically functioned as an on-call secretary for his business, while he and my mother drank and drank on the patio. I’d do emails, screen calls, check information for clients, and somehow have to find time to build this damn website with no help. That’s not why he’s a problem though.

See, one night my mother came home, screaming, with a perfect set of teeth on her chest. They were bleeding, and she was bruised in the face. Mom said that he attacked her. I called the guy and bitched him out as well as a 16 year old can.

In the end, couldn’t do anything because they were drunk and apparently there’s a claim that it was self-inflicted. At the time I didn’t believe it. Now? …Possibly.

As far as my current relationship with her, it’s bad.

We live separately now, and she’s dating a guy named Dave. I’ve never met him, but she’s claimed for a few years that he’s verbally and psychologically mad. She says she’s called the police up there countless times, and has “tried” to kick him out, but he just won’t leave.

I offered to send help up there, and she refused. Why? You might think I’m being unfair, but that brings me to my final rule.
Gold Digger rule number six: He can get away with anything, as long as you don’t have to lift a finger.
Regardless of if she’s in trouble or not, she’s refused my help multiple times. It’s been years. I wash my hands of it.

Oh, and by the way— she absolutely 100% blames me for Ken.

Joke’s on her to be real. I married flat broke. Couldn’t be happier.

I (29M) found out my wife (29F) cheated on me, and don’t know how to navigate a divorce with young kids.

So back in May, I (M29) found out my wife(F29) had been cheating on me with my neighbor/best friend🙃

we have been together a total of 15 years, and after fighting all weekend, I decided I wanted to see if there was anyway to salvage the relationship(I know most people think that’s stupid/weak but oh well that’s what I wanted to do at the time. Hard to let 15 years go).

The following week we are trying to work on things, and end up having “makeup” s-x…..and now we have another child on the way(we already have a two year old).

As the months have gone on, I’m not really making any progress with the situation, and am starting to feel a divorce is imminent on my end.

I guess I’m seeking advice from people out there who have navigated a divorce with young children. Even if we split, we are level headed people, I do feel she is genuinely remorseful, but I don’t forgive her.

We have talked about divorce, and both agree we want equal custody, no one is trying to keep the kids from one another.

Similar salaries so neither side will be looking for child support. Just wanna hear from people who have been through it. Is it as bad as it seems its going to be? Trying to raise two kids under three in seperate households?

Disclaimer: there were a lot of stupid decisions on both sides, from the cheating to start, to us now having a kid on the way and likely getting divorced. Not looking for opinions in what happened, looking for advice on the future.

Netizens’ comments

1. You should DNA test all your kids but especially this new one.
2. If she’ll cheat on you with your best friend then she will sleep with anyone but never admit it. Do a DNA test, don’t be a fool. You can divorce and it still be okay on the kids, just don’t put one another down, leave personal feelings out of it. It doesn’t have to get ugly, the only way to turn it ugly is by yours or her actions due to ego. You never ever stay because of kids. Also, DNA test all the kids. She can’t be trusted and she proved that.
3. Just be sure to get a paternity test with the newborn before making any decisions about custody or getting attached.

I was recruited for this job. At first I didn’t accept the terms for hire but since it was only part time, I took it because I was told this would lead to full time employment and possibly promotion after a year, which is the terms I agreed to.

Instead, they started asking me to come in on my days off, often when I already had plans and always at the last minute ,as well as pressuring me to pitch in money for various outside events that I wasn’t even a part of.

I was made to feel guilty and “not a team player” if I didn’t agree to this.

After about a year and a half of this, and having been denied a transfer on the grounds of: “why would I want to lose a perfectly good employee to another branch?” I decided to quit.

I was surprised when the manager started literally yelling at me, demanding to know why I would want to leave and how ungrateful I was being for even suggesting it.

She wouldn’t even let me explain myself, so I finally said I was living for my health and it was a private matter which seemed to be the only explanation she would accept.

The next morning, (before my shift would have started) I received a letter that said they had given it some thought and had decided they would “accept” my resignation.

Now, I’ve never experienced anything like this before. But from the sounds of it, if they hadn’t accepted it, they would have just expected me to keep showing up?

It makes no sense to me, so I was just wondering if something similar has happened to anyone else?

Netizens’ comments

1. No, they can’t just say “no, you can’t quit”. That’s a movie thing, not reality
2. Boy are they in for a surprise when you’re not there one day!
3. You have the right to resign. You gave notice that you were resigning. This just shows how petty they are by saying they have accepted your resignation. 

I’m currently working two jobs but still struggling to make ends meet and today, I started considering stealing and shoplifting…

I’m in a toxic relationship, working two jobs and basically being a single mom to not just my infant son but to my deadbeat baby’s father whose parents were pretty much funding his whole life style

I came home one day after work to the home in a complete mess. my son hadn’t been changed and my ex had left him and had just basically neglected him all day.

I lost it and pretty much told him I was sick of him, sick of him blowing away money and not taking care of our son. it ended with him screaming at me and pushing me into a wall and he kicked me in the stomach.

he screamed at me how ugly I was, how used and worthless I am and I just had enough. I ended up taking my son and leaving.

Im on the hunt for either a full time higher paying job, or at least a second part time job that will pay me more. Its been tough.

I still don’t make enough for a 1 bedroom unit for me and my son to share. I dont know if my ex will ever pay child support (I had to change my phone number so my ex couldnt find me).

Im just so tired. I legitimately contemplated stealing a pair of socks when I was buying my son a new tub of milk because he was running low.

Im wearing some strangers socks (at least they were washed) because I left with the clothes on my back and my son’s diaper bag. I have nothing to my name besides what was in my purse when we left.

I am so tired of waking up from having nightmares of my ex kicking me in the stomach again. I want to be able to buy a new bra or a burger without being worried that it’ll put me in the negative.

I want to be able to buy my son brand new clothes (ones that fit because he’s out growing the three different outfits I have to cycle through)

I would never steal and I didnt do it today because the last thing I need is a shoplifting charge against me but goddamn I cant wait for this nightmare to be over.

Ive had anxiety dreams over winning the lottery and just…starting fresh with my son and never looking back and never being involved with his crappy father.

I know it’ll be a miracle if I ever see a cent of child support once it’s all said and done but it is so sad and makes me feel like a piece of shit mother for struggling to buy just the bare necessities for my son and not even being able to buy myself a pair of new socks

I dont know where I was going with this but I know a lot of people reached out and I guess I wanted to give an update on every thing. Here’s to hoping life gives me a break and I can take a breather and maybe one day find myself out of this mess

My job just told us that is u have less than a 97% attendance rate u get a reduction in pay by 50%. I’m about to quit, it’s my last day anyway.

But that’s just crazy. I might not even work today I start my new job Monday. I just need the money but I’m really thinking about how bad I need it …

Edit: for reference this place was apparently voted on e of the worst places to work in 2017

I took a 45min lunch when it’s only 30😌 . They’re literally lucky I’m even here today lol

I mean it’s a company wide email. It’s a crappy call center job. And there have been other company emails about call avoiding, so I’d say that.

Regardless I’m leaving. This place it terrible.

Netizens’ comments

1. They want you to leave. I’d go in and do nothing.
2. Do literally nothing today. Stay, get paid, do not lift one finger.
3. You can’t expect an employee to continue to perform if you reduce their pay like that. If I had my pay reduce because of my attendance, I’ll reduce my performance by 50%.
4. Just start showing up 46% & you’re back on top.
5. It just means if you miss a day, you might as well miss half your days and look for someplace new to work
6. Sounds like too much bullshit for me. I’d take a long weekend and focus on the new job that starts Monday if I were you. It’s a gorgeous day out there and I sure wouldn’t waste it on a place like that.
7. Management: This will be a great way to increase attendance. Also Management: Stop quitting guys, we were joking about the pay cut hahaha
8. Yeah. Definitely quit. If a company can’t get past the fact that life happens (sickness, accidents, children issues, etc), then every body in that company will be docked 50% at some point. Everyone should just quit. That’s some kind of dystopian bullshit right there.

Hate the gender roles

I want to marry a woman who earn more than me.

I believe I have good reason for this. I came from a broke family. I worked hard, studied hard through the biggest lie of the system called meritocracy. Guess what, I have nothing to show for it after all that effort.

My parents’ education only PSLE, how they know what JC and uni is like. No guidance. Can’t afford tuition either. Mug my ass off also cannot do well.

Now I’m in an average uni course with not high earning power. So I rather have a woman who is qualified enough and can be the main breadwinner, while I have more of a family man role.

After our children are born, I want to take care of them when they are young. I will still work, but scale back to part-time probably.

I will take care of the kids, make sure they grow up healthy, bring them for their health checkups. I know this is not an easy job. Some will think it’s sai kang but I don’t mind it.

I will guide them through the education system that was stacked against me. I’ll combine my personal experience and my wife’s earning power. Our kids will succeed. Don’t say I no ambition ah, my ambition is for our kids to be successful.

I hate being born male. It’s as though there’s a mismatch between my assigned gender and my personality. As you can see, a lot of things I listed would be so much more acceptable if I was a woman.

Everything I said makes logical sense until we bring in traditional gender roles which don’t even have biological basis.

Why should men earn more than women in white collar jobs when both genders have no difference in cognitive ability?

And most of our ladies still believe in this. Even if I was a handsome yandao, how many of them are willing to accept me and my unconventional idea of family?

I lost 2 dice rolls, being born poor family and wrong gender. Why must I be male…

40 is awesome! Age discrimination from both directions!

25 years working, 15 in chemical manufacturing. One interviewer strongly implied I’m to old to be starting fresh. (asked a lawyer, it’s not actionable)

Another told me I don’t have enough experience!

Hiring managers; You have collectively lost your goddamn minds.

Netizens’ comments

1. WTF 40 isn’t even old!
2. I’m 39. I feel ya. I don’t even have as much experience as you. Yay 08′ recession!!!
   Here’s what it is…..they want someone with 25 years of experience who’s 20 years old. That’s the problem.
3. As a woman, after 40 I earned less than I did at 27. I didn’t even have my degree then. After investing thousands of dollars and years of my time in getting the degree to support my family, I averaged less than minimum wage.
   Oh, I was in demand though! I had all these fabulous contract jobs that gave me a “chance” tobecome permanent but in 15 years with that carrot on a stick, I came second at all interviews and didn’t get the job. Then my kid grew up and he made more money than I did.
4. All I am hearing is “You are too knowledgeable and experienced to exploit.” Gross
5. I’m 44 and feel this strongly. Just got a new job and feel like those slightly older and more infantilise me, those younger think I’m an old fogey.
6. As a 45 year old woman looking for a job this is depressing. Went to a group interview today for a job I’m completely capable of doing. I was the only person there of my description.
   I was the only one who left without an orientation date. I have a degree and have managed businesses in the past. I was well dressed, well spoken and completely qualified. Made me feel worthless.

 I don’t know that I have ever experienced an epiphany or anything until now.

Here goes, I guess.

I’ve (42M) been best friends with J(43M) since we were kids. We’ve been inseparable since we met. I love this guy so much.

I’m an only child so I see him as my brother. I’d take a bullet for him, and he says he feels the same way about me. Don’t be weird. We’re just friends. There’s nothing wrong with two grown men being best friends and expressing their emotions!

Anyway, here’s some context. I’ve always been more of ladies man. I’m much more outgoing. Never been super interested in anything serious. No one hurt me, I just never cared too much. I’m not a scumbag or anything, I just want to have fun.

J is the opposite in everyway. He’s always been really shy and introverted. He’s great. Funny, stable, probably the most thoughtful guy, and (no matter what he thinks) not bad looking.

He’s just so insecure. He’s my boy! I’ve always hyped him up, but you know, it’s who he is. Plus, he had one gf that really broke his heart. He hadn’t been the same since.

A year or so ago, he met E(32). He fell for this girl hard. It was easy to see why, she’s drop dead gorgeous and really cool. He was too scared to make a move for a long time.

Long story short, they’re living together. I’m really happy for him. She’s perfect for him – fun, outgoing. She brings out the good stuff in him.

So, this is the part you’ve been waiting for. I was supposed to come over to his place to hang. I was running errands but finished earlier.

I went over to his place about 45 minutes early. I knocked and he didn’t answer, but I knew he was home. I had a spare key so I just went in.

I saw them immediately. They were going at it on the kitchen counter top. I feel totally guilty for noticing (and I would be respectful to his face) but she had an incredible body!! I was shocked. Like, deer in the headlights. I was going to leave but I couldn’t stop watching.

I didn’t mean to be a creep! I swear! It was just like something out of a rom-com. They were so passionate. I still can’t get over the way she was looking at him. They were so into each other.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had good partners in bed. I have dated beautiful women. (Not to brag.) But I don’t think I’ve ever experienced something like that.

It kind of made my heart hurt. I don’t know how else to say it. It made me realize that I want someone to love me that way. I’ve never felt lonely before. I’ve never once thought I would be the kind of guy that wanted a wife. But now, I kind of do. I want what they have.

A woman shared a story about how her husband suddenly stopped sleeping with her, holding her hand and hugging her, and he then went to live with his mistress.

Here is the story:

“I’m a 33-year-old woman and married for 8 years and I’ve known my husband for 16 years, we have a lovely 3-year-old son,

He is easily an almost perfect husband, we lead a very good life financially and romantically, up to until our child was born.

All of a sudden one day, he stopped sleeping with me and holding my hand or hugging me, and 4 months after that happen he admitted to me he fell in love with someone else, and he then packed up his bags and left to stay with his mistress,

We are still in contact because of our boy, and he still settles the household expenses and my bills which easily amount to what people earn in a year

I do believe it’s also partially my fault because I put almost all my attention on my boy and neglected his emotional needs,

Now I’m still in shock, I spent half my life with him, and this happen, what should I do, I don’t believe I can get him back.

I’m crying every night for the last 6 months.”

Editor’s note: Let him go, he is a disgrace to men.