A netizen shared his honest thoughts about single men who have trouble dating.

Here is the story:

“Read this if you are a single male who wishes to, but has trouble dating.

Men are mostly logical, so here are some statistics that you can easily google. Most of them are approximated/rounded for easier typing, but you can fact-check them.

Dating applications like Tinder and OKCupid have released their data before, and it has been revealed that the top 90% of women go for the top 10% of men, while the bottom 90% of men go for the bottom 10% of women.

Men rate women fairly, with approximately equal amounts of women being above and below average, essentially a bell curve. Women, however, rate 80% of men as below average.

There is definitely nothing wrong with wanting the best partner for oneself, but when 90% of hunters are going for only the top 10% of catches, this results in super skewed dating experiences.

Women always go for the “ultra chad”

A female will constantly gun for the ultra chad, and wind up feeling like they settled when they do eventually pick one, while a large majority of men are just invisible on the dating market.

You will be hard-pressed to find a woman who actually believes that her boyfriend is below average. The truth is that men cannot all be above average partners, simply because that is not how statistics work.

Statistics aside, the qualifications necessary to even be considered by women for a romantic interest are also skewed against you. Height, looks, dressing, education, job, etc. You have to be above or at least equal to her in most aspects.

Very few women will date a man less educated than themselves, to the extent that you actually will read about Uni grads dating ITE grads on news sites simply because it is so rare.

The same goes for height, where if you are unfortunately below 165cm, you are really playing on hard difficulty. All these can be severely looked over with insane amounts of wealth, to a large extent. But unless you have a Lamborghini to help you with that, you can only work on what you have.

Again, I know of some women who can overlook such stuff, but these women are practically unicorns when you compare them to the overall population.

Losing close friends with every relationship

On a side note, you can beat such expectations with women from developing countries/regions, such as SEA, Russia, etc. You will easily beat out the resident male population in such countries, in terms of most of the metrics that I have pointed out. That’s also why you see Siam Bu wives and Vietnam girlfriends.

Let’s say you actually get a girlfriend. Congratulations! Just what are you getting into? Here are some perks of the job, and what will be expected from you.

You get an aesthetically pleasant partner to hang out with, who can possibly increase your social standing in the eyes of your friends and associates. You have a ‘partner-in-crime’ to do fun things with, unlocking some exclusives such as pottery, art jamming, or bakery lessons etc. You have someone to BTO together with, have children, and potentially look after the house in your stead when you are busy/at work/occupied. You get 24/7(almost) company, and encouragement to strive in your endeavors.

Your safe space from the evils of the world is present in said partner. And you get to make love to someone!

Or….it can all go the other way, an ugly partner, one who is socially inadept, does not want to try things with you, expects you to buy the BTO, take care of the children, and virtually not contribute at all. You are robbed of solitude yet afforded no company.

Worse still, your child may not be yours, and you are merely financial support for a woman who sees you as nothing more than a tool to be used. On top of that, you take on the role of guardian, where you are expected to throw yourself into harm’s way, no matter the situation. You increase your mental load with the birthdays, obligations, and potential trigger points of their insecurities.

You take on a portion/majority of the finances cumulatively spent, risk losing a significant chunk of your belongings in a divorce, and even bastard children that you can never truly guarantee are yours.

You put up with unreasonable behavior and moodiness especially during menses periods, and it is generally expected that your partner will strike you when she is upset, especially since society plays it off as acceptable or even encouraged for ‘shitty‘ husbands/boyfriends.

You will lose 2 close friends on average with every relationship, and a part of your identity as you give up whatever hobbies that may not be acceptable to her. You can’t even have female friends or even look at other females, for a majority of girlfriends.

Relationships are give and take

A relationship is all about give and take, and the honest result is that there will likely be a disproportionate amount of giving from you, while she takes.

The domesticity of a wife is mostly compromised with the modern woman mindset, so you can skip the idea of a clean house and homecooked meals. You can expect to have a greater portion of household chores as well, whilst letting her control your purse strings, football nights, or even outings with friends.

Intercourse is not a guarantee either, if that’s the one thing that is still tying you into this deal.

Before I get bashed for saying that a man cannot expect anything from his partner and that a relationship should not be measured by who gives more, you are right. You have no claim, nor can you demand anything from your partner, a person who is free to decide any and every decision for herself.

You can be the best partner in the world and still receive no reciprocity. Society has mostly programmed the reaction where a wife’s demands not being met is seen as a failing on the husband, while a husband’s ‘needs’ are mostly suggestions for the wife’s consideration.

And hypergamy will always be ever-present, for those of you feeling insecure, to begin with. Her supportive colleague, best male friend, friendly superior, handsome classmate will always excel in areas you fail at.

A man is valued by what he brings to the table

A man is valued by what he brings to the table, whilst a woman’s value is intrinsic and ever-present simply on her person.

On the flip side, you provide to her the same suite of benefits and almost no disadvantages to such a deal, provided you are a normal functioning adult. Perhaps childbearing will be the only thing that you can truly stand to gain, but again, that’s still up to her.

Keep in mind that the issues I mentioned will exist in the majority of Singaporean women, not all 100% of it but a supermajority. There will always exist outlier cases of shit boyfriends that have a wonderful girlfriend that gives a lot more into the relationship, but by and large, the majority of giving will be done by you. Don’t forget the copious amounts of giving in too.

You can do more with your own gender

A funny story: I recently went for a meal with friends, and I made everyone at the table laugh, both male and female when I mentioned that my girlfriend had to be a reasonable person. Everyone agreed that I was pretty much looking for a yeti.

So what do all these spell for the average gennerman?

To you, I ask “Why?” If you wanted someone to do things with, you can do it with your friends. Most ‘exclusive’ events are catered to women, to begin with, and those that you may actually enjoy/ want to try out, you should have no problems engaging in them with your friends.

I have done picnics, archery, fitness classes, cycling, skinny dipping, cookouts, shopping, baking, café hopping etc with my platonic friends before, both male and female. Add to that the physical capabilities of the average man and woman, and you will realize that you actually can do more things with the same gender.

You can go at a pace that is more to your own, be it climb mount Everest, bike across Singapore, bouldering, or even supper, etc. Damn, you can even go clubbing and socialize with others, instead of having to constantly bat off roving hands; you lose a whole range of activities once you become attached as well.

Prostitutes cost less

On the bright side, you do supposedly get a regular supply of physical pleasures/company, etc. But from a logical standpoint, a prostitute or even paid dates would cost less, and without all the issues that come with a girlfriend subscription.

You can get the best parts from a sugar baby, and none of the other bullshit parts. You literally get all the fun without the extra commitment, and of the exact amount as you deem sufficient. Take it from someone who considers himself a horndog, that you can actually have too much intercourse.

Both my JC and Uni partners are testament to that, where we would actually engage in risky behavior practically everywhere at their behest.

There are even moments where I actually wished that I didn’t have so much, especially when my muscles were cramping, kidneys throbbing, appendages sore, and simply sleep-deprived. I actually dreaded when my partner would just start feeling me up because I knew what was to come, and the boyfriend duties that I would have to fulfill.

Throw in divorce statistics, where a majority is initiated by the woman and the fact that 90-95% of alimony is paid out from the man to the woman. The numbers get worse with women of higher education, where a larger proportion of college-educated women initiate even more divorces than their less-educated peers.

You do enjoy some benefits if things go very well, but the realistic chances of that happening is low, and near impossible to keep up with for a lifetime. Don’t just take my word for it. Observe for yourself in your life, how all your fellow male friends are doing, and decide for yourself if the payout is actually worth it.

Grass is not greener on the other side

It is worth noting that I’m not pushing for some social agenda or anything by writing this, but more of inspiring contemplation with regards to the valuation ascribed to relationship roles. The average man is likely to value add but is treated as beggars.

An average woman is likely a liability yet thought of as complementary. Most men are guilty of condoning such behavior with a ‘That’s just how it is mentality’, while women inadvertently develop an entitled attitude towards the privileges they unknowingly enjoy. Happy wife, happy life? Why not happy spouse, happy house?

Hopefully, this paints a more realistic picture for singles, and encourages attached persons to be honest with themselves, if the relationship really is what they want. The grass may not always be greener on the other side.

Granted, I lean more towards the already happy end of the spectrum with fulfilling friendships and moderate successes in most metrics of my life, but I can tell you that a woman will definitely not make you suddenly complete or happy like so many of you are thinking of.

This is not to tell you to give up on yourself or women entirely, but rather, take care of yourself, work out, earn money, build your worth.

You can enjoy life alone

You can enjoy life alone as a high-quality individual a lot better than being in most of the dysfunctional relationships that are normalized at the expense of men.

I understand that a relationship is not always logic-based, but if you maintain respect and uphold standards for all parties, including yourself, you will have a much more satisfying experience.

And if you do eventually end up with a girlfriend, you will also be a more holistic individual who can better appreciate what you have.

P.S. I think it’s fair to point out that I’m part of the demographic that actually gets to choose my dating partners. I’m no super chad, but I find it hard to think that most of society appears to be blind to this market inefficiency.

Most of my friends ascribe to similar expectations, and their relationships are a lot healthier that way. It’s not about hating on or complaining about the system. We can all grow and be better, whether you choose to date women or not.

The goal is you, not women. Women may come and go, but your gains are yours and yours alone.

There is plenty of space on the podium of life, and I wish my fellow wojaks all the best in their pursuit of growth and maturity.”

Editor’s note: You do make some very valid points.