I (30M) and considering asking my GF (28F) to marry me but our bedroom activities is holding me back

Tl;dr: I have been dating my gf for 7 years. Our relationship is good except for what we do in bed. I’m happy otherwise though. Can a marriage survive this?

We’ve been together 7 years and living together for 5. I’m in love with her, she’s great, my best friend, and all that.

But we are super dry in bed though. We have been together for 7 years and she’s initiated with me twice. She wants to get physical though but I have to always be the one to start. She never turns me down if I initiate and complains if we haven’t done it in a bit. But she’ll never initiate.

When we do sleep together, it’s always the same. Just a somewhat painful hj to try to get me in the mood. Then missionary while she uses a toy until she finishes. Then I finish.

I’ve told her I would like for her to initiate with me, try different positions, and she says she’ll do it, but it never happens. I’ve asked if she ever wants to do anything different and she doesn’t.

I’ve been finding lately that I only get physical with her just to keep her from complaining, and I actually have more fun touching myself than letting her touch me.

The thing is…other than this I’m happy. I’m planning on asking her to marry me next month so I guess I’m thinking more long term now. Can a marriage work if I’m unfulfilled in bed?

I should add this isn’t a new issue. This is how it has always been for us.

Netizens’ comments

1. DO NOT MARRY INTO A DEAD BEDROOM. NO NO NO NO NO!!!!!
2. The only person that truly knows whether you will be happy long term is you. Can you have a good life in a dry marriage? Sure. It isn’t the end all, be all. But neither is love. You guys have kids or add more stress (different jobs, more expenses) and the it will get even drier and less frequent. Maybe you should see if she will do therapy with you before you pop the question.
3. You don’t get married to fix a relationship. It’s not the answer. Either work this out prior or move on. You can never get this time back. What if you get married, you realize it didn’t work anything out, you have a kid or two, then you’re dealing with that long term. And how fair is that to the kids? To yourself?

Non-contractual agreement to increase salary after probation, boss now completely ignoring me.

For starters, I have 2 jobs so have the luxury of being able to do whatever I want in this situation.

I started a new job earlier this year. It was a big career jump for me so I didn’t have the on-the-job experience they were looking for, but I did have certifications as well as the right attitude to learning and was hired, they said they were looking to fill the position for 6 months prior and just waiting for the right person.

When they offered me the job, they offered it at xx salary with a 15% uplift after successfully passing my 6 month probation and proving that I can do the job despite my lack of experience.

My probation was passed earlier than 6 months so I was doing something right. 7 months in, the uplift hasn’t been mentioned so I drop my manager (now my manager’s manager) an email and remind them and ask if they’re happy to proceed with the uplift.

No reply.

A week later I send a gentle reminder, specifically asking if the lack of reply is the answer to my question. No reply again.

So now these guys can screw themselves. I was overworked anyway, and hate everything the company stands for so I’ve already started applying for other jobs.

I have a longer than normal notice period which is annoying. I’m thinking of giving them the same courtesy and giving my notice then ignoring them when they try to ask why I’m not working it.

What would you do?

Netizens’ comments

1. After sending the notice, switching from “overworked” to “bare minimum” would be the main priority.
2. Maybe a bad company, but either way you go, recommend a live discussion first face to face.
3. Why are you even still serving a notice? Just f-ing quit straight away. Go into the office, raid the pantry then get out of there for good.

Is anyone else struggling to save money?

I’ve been stressed out as hell these past couple years as I’ve seen inflation eat into my ability to save, and looking at all the crap that’s happening around the world is just making things worse.

I used to save between 25 and 30% of my take home every month pre covid and now I barely save the 10-12% or so.

It sucks living basically paycheck to paycheck. I don’t get paid for another 11 days and I’m already dry. I’m sitting here thinking about how the hell im going to afford it if something comes up within the next week and a half…

What the hell is this world coming to? Are all of us millennials and Gen Z people just doomed to get f-ed over by the higher costs of living

Netizens’ comments

1. Honestly, I’ve got nothing super encouraging to say. Just that I feel the exact same way. I thought something was wrong with me for not being able to save much. I put maybe $50-75 in my bank account every 2 weeks for each paycheck. I’m trying to pay off debt and it’s nearly impossible because I’m trying to save too.
   I hope things get better for us soon. Living paycheck to paycheck is so rough rn.
2. You are not alone. I don’t even have a savings account. Ugh. It’s tough.
3. Wish I had advice worth sharing for everyone in this same situation… just want you to know you’re not alone!
   We’re in our 30s with 2 kids. The cost of literally everything has gone so high that we couldn’t afford to fix our home. Our savings account has a total of $0.03.
   I know what you mean about what you’re gonna do if something comes up before pay day. Living paycheck to paycheck really sucks. Keep your head up, friend!

To guys, what would u do when ur peeing and a female janitor comes in?

Happened to me several times alr. I was in a middle of peeing with the kkj out, and this middle-aged auntie janitor, indifferently, would just barge in and start cleaning around.

Not trying to be a social justice warrior here, but if the role was reversed (male janitor and a girl is still using the toilet), this wouldnt be okay?

im sure 99% of the janitor aunties have no intentions and just doing their job. But some male urinals are just so open n exposed which makes it really uncomfortable

Netizens’ comments

1. how does a male janitorbarge in and start cleaning around while a woman was in the middle of peeing with her kkj out
2. Pee with confidence. She has (probably) see more than you have.
3. Aunty: wah lao this guy pp so smol I can’t see anything… *moves on to do her job
4. she’s just doing her job. she probably doesn’t even give a shit where you’re standing or what you’re doing. she just wants to finish mopping and go for her break.
5. Pee in cubicle if you so gu niang
6. i nervously said, in mandarin, ‘err aunty we are guys here’ and she just replied ‘aiyah i how old orredy, everything i see before liao’.
7. Happened to me a few times. I’d rather it not happen but what can ya do? I just finish up, wash my hands and leave
   If they are already cleaning when I get there, I just use the cubicle
   I guess it is hard for them to wait to clean the men’s bathroom as compared to the women’s one. With the women’s bathroom, they can come in and clean the whole bathroom while it is still active, since everyone’s modestly within the stalls.

Was reading the top traits of a bf thread, and saw one comment saying that if a guy follows female influencers then this is a red flag.

Not sure if that’s true for all ladies out there? Like if your bf (before you got to know him) has been following female influencers for awhile, will you ask him to unfollow all of them? What if the female influencers are instead, idols/actresses?

Does it make a difference?

Here are what netizens think:

• According to the logic of those that say that it is a red flag, All those girls that ki siao over K-pop handsome men are also red flag? siami lan sai logic is this.

• Depends on how many he follows and the type he follows? If he follows those scantily clad girls it is a red flag and a huge turn off. It also reflects on his personality

• i follow female influencers to discover outfit ideas for my gf

• i follow 2D virtual youtubers who wears bikini clothes during summer, i also donate 30sgd to them at times for them to say my name, is that a red flag

• Just wondering though if the reverse happens, girls following tons of celebrities and/or male models will it be a red flag as well?
  
• Girls are attention-seeking creatures, they can give attention to celebs but when their boyfriend shows interest in an online person who they will never meet is taking away their GF’s attention time. So in other words don’t talk logic with women.

Seeking advice on overthinking about the smallest things

I somehow believe I overthink and worry too much into the things I want to do, that I ask myself a lot of questions, thinking about scenario that can “possibly” happen.

Pulling in a simple example, Lets say I want to get a contractor to install something at my toilet, can consider it as an upgrade.

I will overthink things like

1. what if the contractors comes at 5.45pm, when 6pm is the cut off for installation,

2. will they get denied entry by the security

3. what am i going to say to the security to convince them to let the contractors to continue.

4. when will they come back to install again,

5. do I need to take leave,

6. are they going to charge me extra for the 2nd trip.

7. If they can make it in time, (in terms of installation) where are they pulling the water from, how much changes are they going to make to the existing installation.

8. Are the changes going to look nice, if nice, how nice, what is the definition of nice..

9. if not nice, what do i need to do to make it look nice, how bad it is that installation is deemed as bad.

10. How about the old installation, are they going to throw it away for me,

11. where are they going to dispose it, a random place? then will anyone come look for me because my contractor did not dispose the waste material properly,

12. will i get fined.

13. am i going to claim the damage from the contractor,

14. what am i going to say to them to make them pay for the disposal.

15. if they refuse to dispose, where do i throw it at, do i have the capability to even dispose it away by myself,.

16. How are they pulling in the power to my installation, do I have an electrical outlet or any spare power lines above the partition.

17. What if the contractor say they are unable to install due to whatever reason, how am i going to make a decision.

18. if the size is wrong, then what can i do, rebuy the stuff, how much time it will take,

19. What should be the basis for my decision….

20. Am i going to engage another contractor (extra money) or what am i going to do.

It is just a trivial installation matter, which may eventually take about 2 hours or so. I will ask so many questions like these to myself and feel stressed when unable to answer them. So I will just start to worry worry worry.

Eventually, I will end up giving up on the idea and don’t dare to proceed, and forget about it.

I really just want to carry out my ideas without worrying so so so much stuff.

Netizens’ comments

This is definitely anxiety and it’s more common than you think! Some of us just mask it better.

Ignore the advice : “don’t overthink, just do it!” because they don’t understand our brains are wired differently.

What helps me sometimes would be someone else who reminds me that there are so many “what ifs” and those questions would only slow me down, and sometimes cutting your train of thoughts by focusing back on the goal helps too. I also redirect all the “what ifs” by planning and making plan Bs for different scenarios as well. It takes time and practice but gotta always keep in mind that action has to be made.

Lastly, if its too overwhelming, do seek some help!

Good luck!