Hooked up with a guy who scratched/petted me like a dog and I loved it.

I hooked up with a guy last night and it was great, we were chilling on his sofa eating snacks and he starts scratching my neck, back, behind my ears.

Just absentmindedly scratching whilst we watched tv, like I was a dog.

It felt bloody wonderful. I adored it. If I could have done that weird self scratch dog leg jitter thing I would have. I will now assess scratchability in all future partners.

Netizens’ comments

• I have a very itchy back, like I think there’s a pinched nerve or something that gives me these itchy spots that can feel better than intercourse sometimes.
  Anytime I’ve got an impending breakup it’s always front of my mind “who will scratch me??” Its one of the more intimate affections I share with my current partner and I’m not sure he even realizes.
• Physical touch is my love language and when family, friends, or lovers touch me affectionately it makes me feel so happy
• Lmao this is something else.. especially with you wanting to do the dog leg jitter. Kind of like when humans stretch and then we start shaking cause it feels good haha

I am a 22-year-old guy and I still have a large group of friends from my school that get together when everyone is free. The group is around half a dozen or so people with about even girl to guy ratio. Recently, I started to notice that one of our friends (we’ll call him “Hank” for anonymity) hadn’t been around for a while.

He has a blue-collar job so he is around town year-round. Our group gets together in some capacity multiple times a week during winter/summer breaks, so after a few weeks of not seeing him I began to ask, “where’s Hank?”.

The reaction I got was like silence and No one would respond. After some pestering, I finally got one of my friends to admit, “Hank did something really bad, I wouldn’t inquire further…I wish I didn’t know. You’ll never find out.”

Now, clearly, I am not going to hang out with him due to something potentially awful that he did. Maybe murder, rape, drugs, who knows, but I do know that based on my friend’s reactions when I mention Hank’s name in casual conversation, at least 4 people know what happened. With that information, I feel I can safely say that most of them that know were not directly affected by Hanks’s actions.

Why then am I not allowed to know what happened? Am I supposed to continue to act naive about the whole thing, even though something seriously wrong happened? Is it morally wrong of me to ask my friends to give up a secret, that probably shouldn’t even be a secret? How would you guys go about seeking out this information in a way that’s not morally ambiguous? Are my friends protecting him by remaining silent?

Thanks for the help

Here are what netizens think:

• Have you tried googling his name, might have appeared in some newspaper before. If nothing pops up it’ll at least rule that out and you’ll know it was likely something more personal unless it was a crime that went unreported.

• If so many people know and not telling you, whatever your thinking is probably true.

• You’re probably just going to have to get enough of the story from Hank directly, to then get on the same page from others. Not a fun thing to do

I have been in a relationship with a girl for 3 years now.

Shortly before we got together I liked someone very much and was pretty sure she liked me back, but due to bad communication and slight misunderstandings, it ended pretty abruptly.

Following that basically, immediately I met my current girlfriend and in the first couple of months, it got me distracted from the other girl. After that, though I kept starting to think about her again to this day, even though I’m in a relationship with a person I love and a person I can imagine spending a lifetime with.

Of course, I can’t just leave my relationship for a girl whose personality might live in my head and be a “crush”, leading to pain and regret for a long time.

Is it normal to still have thoughts of a different person rooted into your mind, even though you’re happy in a relationship? Or is it possibly an indicator of doubt? Do people in decade long relationships still crush on others beyond their love for their partners?

Here are what netizen thinks:

• There are some important life lessons in this situation. One is that sometimes, you have a crush on a person and create an image of them in your mind that is not necessarily true to who they are. Whoever this girl was three years ago, she isn’t that person anymore and you probably have a crush on more of an idealized version of her than an actual person. It’s important to stay grounded in your actual reality and take care of your girlfriend who you do actually know. The second lesson is that the grass is usually not greener on the other side, it’s green where you water it. Put this other person out of your head and focus your romantic energy into making your relationship as happy and healthy as can be. Good luck, I hope it all works out

• It’s always the what ifs and what could have been that sticks with us the most. It’s easy to say dont live in the past and move forward. But it is normal to feel these feelings. Embrace it.

• You can’t erase people from your brain, no matter how healthy, happy and moved on you may be. Acknowledge it and bring yourself back to your present relationship.

I hate my life. I hate my kid. I resent my family. I resent my inlaws. I resent my wife. I hate myself.

I never wanted kids, but was never adamantly against having one. I get married. My wife knows how I feel about kids. When we were engaged – my answer was “maybe one, definitely not more.”

As my friends started having kids, I started leaning heavily against having kids. Some parents had good kids. Some parents had bad kids. Even the easy kids looked like too much work.

Queue my wife’s sister dying. All of a sudden “family” is SUPER important to my wife. I get that.

At this point my answer to kids was still no. My wife bothered me and bothered and bothered me. Eventually I was convinced. The deal was her parents would come live near us.

I was convinced. I was so dumb. I was told not to worry about all the realities of having a kid and losing my life – because grandma and grandpa are nearby and would be all the parents baby ever needed. Since my wife’s sister died – she was the only hope for grandkids.

My wife and her parents worked me over so good. They convinced me. They made good points. My wife’s parents were in their 50’s and good health – they would be here “beyond the baby phase” and “would have enough energy to keep up with a kid”.

I’m shown enough Disney movies and Kodak moment and am promised that I just have to be a good dad and provider. A 1950’s dad if you will – one where the mom unfairly does all the hard stuff. All the good and no bad? Cool – fine by me.

Well here we are, 11 years later. My kid has “ODD” which is pretty much alphabet soup for your kid being mean and defiant. Nothing else is wrong with them – the diagnosis is literally that they are vindictive and cruel and seek conflict. Not because they can’t communicate or are hypsersensitive to stimuli – but just because.

Guess what? Grandma and grandpa say the kid is “too much”. They haven’t helped for more than a day a month in almost 7 years.

I came home from work to my son spitting on the neighbors doorknob – his reason “get the neighbors sick”. Why does he want them sick? His amazon package got delivered to their house in the morning and they waited until evening to give it to him.

Well in returning for telling him not to do that, my son went into the attic and peed all over the box of memorabilia I have from my parents – who both died before I was 20.

I left the house and am sitting in my car. I don’t know if I’m coming back.

And I don’t want advice. This isn’t “lack of discipline” or “bad parenting”. I’ve read every book. I’ve worked shifts 6 days a week for a decade to pay for tens of thousands (probably 100,000’s) of therapy, behaviorists, counseling, classes. You name it.

At the end of the day, it is my fault. I am so spineless. I knew I didn’t want kids. I was convinced, because, well, I’m a jellyfish. And here I am. 45 years old, crying in my car.

My advice to other men and women out there: only have a kid if you 1000% want them. Don’t listen to others when they say they’ll “help”. They’ll help if you have a happy, bubbly easy-going kid. Not if you spawned the devil himself.

Folks who have been unemployed for more than 6 months, how are you doing?

I personally fall into this category and I don’t feel so good. I was doing design prior to enlisting but I’ve practically stopped doing anything related during my 2 years in NS.

So my relationship with design is basically broken but it’s the only education and work experience I had, if you count internships.

I could just do up my portfolio with all my old works but I feel like I’d just be lying to myself and suffer imposter’s syndrome if I do get a job with it.

It’s been months since I ORDed, my portfolio is undone and I’m obviously unemployed. Now I just look back on the time I’ve wasted, in shame.

Though I’ve been looking at other available jobs, I just feel under qualified with my lack of experience. There’s just so much overthinking, while my savings are depleting.

Netizens’ comments

1. Job market went to shit right as I started looking, I decided to sign up for SCTP for potentially higher paying skillset, paid 0 nett (since I used subsidies + skillsfuture credit + last few hundred from PSEA), hopefully i will land a role soon enough…
   My savings are alright.. I spend very little, I got a side income, but that’s dwindled abit since I am focusing on studying. Building a portfolio through my assignments and projects, but not sure it will be enough. Hiring for entry level roles are quite full of shit now, if I am honest, without even considering the competition.
   Gigs are still alright, if you need it to make up for the meantime.
2. If you feel a lack of confidence, maybe start doing some projects of your own to get back in the groove while applying? I’m sure many non profits or small set ups wouldn’t mind a free do up.
3. Don’t give up! Try to do something that you find interest with. Maybe you can take on some part-time jobs while you are trying to find your direction. Sometimes, other experiences in life will bring you in the right direction!
4. I feel and fear that. In NS rn, have a diploma in animation. But i’m starting to think it was a bad idea because I don’t have the time to work on a portfolio to further my studies in that industry.

My father’s unemployed, my mom’s broke and I don’t have money and am stressed

My mom’s is the only breadwinner of the family. My father is unemployed for many months already. Hes the type that will work for a few weeks then quit for lamest reasons.

I’m nw in my sec year of poly and i’m 22. I feel that it’s also my fault cos I don’t save money cos I suck at it. I’m a spend thrift as I mostly spend on food.

I always wanted to put aside my money in a money binder thing but I don’t seem to do it. With just my mom working, I receive an allowance of $250 every month.

Honestly speaking i don’t find it sufficient as food in poly is ex + transportation even tho I use student card. Initially I wanted to work during the term break, but cos my gpa was not good my mother forbid me from working and told me to focus on my studies instead.

Tbh idk how my fam and I are going to survive till 2 more weeks. My mom’s salary will oni be at the end of the month. And schools starting next week and i’m very stressed at this point of time.

My timetable is also not flexible as most of my classes start at 9 and ends at 6. One of my friend recently received a scholarship money of $5k.

I actually wanted to ask her for $30 for the week and pay her once I get my allowance at the end of the month but I damn paiseh to ask her as i’m afraid it will strain the relationship between me and her. I honestly have no idea what to do.

Sorry if it’s unorganized I have a lot going on in my head but thanks for reading guys!

Netizens’ comments

1. Every poly has its own financial assistance scheme. Talk to your school’s student affairs department.
   Also, explore working on weekends since your timetable is inflexible. Tons of F&Bs hiring, and usually weekend rates higher. Start with joints like Starbucks, Subway, Coffee Bean etc
   If you feel you’re academically competent, you can also give tuition to primary school or sec school kids, or even your year 1 juniors.
   Also, start looking for internships. Don’t wait till final year. Internship gives you headstart in your professional career. Helps to raise your pay earlier than your peers.
   OP, I know it’s very stressful for you now. I’ve been though your situation. I had to start supporting myself financially at the age of 17. What you have to do is to focus on solution. Brooding over the problems will only give you anxiety, the problems won’t go away on their own.
   Hang in there. Don’t give up. Don’t give in. Ganbatte!
2. Your friend earned her $5k scholarship but your first thought is to borrow $30 instead of thinking about how to make $30? Among students, I don’t believe none of your friends/classmates got no lobang for part-time jobs. Plenty of ad-hoc jobs cash pay if you bother to search on gumtree, telegram, facebook groups etc. Banquet job these days will fetch you 10-12 per hour min, with each shift usually lasting 5-6 hours, that’s double your $30. Even tutoring primary school kids will fetch you 15-25 per hour (probably more now).
   Let’s say your classes are 9-6 every day (which I highly doubt), and you need to study or whatnot at night (doubt you spent your entire term break or free time studying either), you are still left with 2 full days on the weekends to either do something useful (or look for someone else to borrow $30 from).
   Also, every poly course will have a course coordinator/counselor, so seek help from them.
   You are 22, not 12. If you really empathize with your mom, then between adding on or lightening her load, the choice is very clear.

What exactly is causing the bad job market now?

As above. Recently so many ppl saying the job market is bad and it’s reallyyy hard to land a job. But we are not in any recession nor is there any big global event like the Asian financial crisis or 2008 recession.

I thought that only tech is affected due to the layoffs but looks like almost every industry is affected.

Can’t believe that just in 2022, there was shortage of labour and companies were fighting left and right to hire and it was so easy to land multiple offers. What caused such a big change in a short time?

Netizens’ comments

1. I saw a job listing looking for data entry clerk for $1.5k per month, but requires master’s degree. You say leh?
2. It’s getting expensive for large companies to take on debt to expand operations, and simultaneously fresh investor capital is being diverted away to fixed deposits or other securities with higher ROIs.
   The impact on the global economy is decreased demand for goods and services, transmitting down the supply chains to virtually all businesses whether they want to borrow money or not.
   This is across the entire global economy, almost everywhere is facing the same issue with decreased economic activity.
3. Not too relevant but whats with all the associate roles requiring 5-8yrs experience? I still try to go ahead and apply but they said lack experience. Isn’t associate lvl around 2/3yrs exp?
4. I feel like it is really sector-specific. Some industry sectors are still very aggressively hiring, especially for those in construction industry, or roles like electricians, technicians, F&B, retail and certain service industries, especially those closely tied to tourism industries.
   But one thing is industry-specific knowledge. I often hear that your first job often defines the rest of your career and that is true in Singapore. When certain industries like tech or finance are going through a bad time, it can be difficult to switch to other industries.
   Another reason is salary expectations. Most positions in service-related sectors, who is still hiring, don’t pay well, at best around $2K to $3K.

My 16-year-old daughter has recently gone vegan, due to her wanting to help out the earth more, and I’ve been extremely supportive. I promised to make her vegan meals alongside with my non-vegan meals. She was happy about that.

I’m a single dad, and I do all the cooking, cleaning, etc, and I get really tuckered out by the end of the day. Recently, work has been keeping me late with a bunch of new projects & documents, and by the time I get home, it’s almost around the time you’d eat supper, and I’m about ready to sleep. And on top of having to make MY meal, I have to make a whole seperate meal just for my daughter.

However, I would push through even if I was tired. After about 2 weeks of it, though I decided my daughter’s vegan diet was most likely a phase, as I’ve seen multiple people go through this vegan/vegetarian thing. I decided it was not worth breaking my back over, when it would be so much easier to just make one meal for us both.

I immediately let her know, and I told her my reasoning, and that in a few months, she’d probably not even remember the time when she had wanted to go vegan, and I just honestly couldn’t keep putting myself through extra labor. She called me a bad father straight away, and told me I was ignorant to her feelings and her diet was not my choice. I understand that, but I don’t feel her “diet” should make me have more work to do.

I finally told her I was not going to change my mind, and she could either eat the meal I made, or she could go buy her food herself. She continued to call me a huge AH.

So whats wrong? What should I do.

Here are what netizens think:

• You went from doing 100% of the work to stopping altogether with little notice. Try her making her own meals, or making some of the family meals vegan, or some kind of compromise. Telling her it’s just a phase and she’ll forget all about it in a few months was really condescending. She might have forgotten about being vegan–but she’ll never forget you being a jerk to her like that.

• What is it with people thinking that anyone under the age of 18 has no long-term memory? I can remember my childhood – including the legitimate phases I went through. Whether or not this is a phase, a 16yo is not going to have her memory erased by the Men In Black in a month’s time.

• this is something a lot of people fail to realize. we all go through a ton of phases through our life. just because they eventually end doesn’t mean they’re completely erased and mean nothing. when you think about it, there are so many things in life that don’t stick with us forever. high school is a phase that will eventually end. should we have just not cared about it? pets don’t live forever, and their existence in your home is a phase of your life, so should you just not care and never get a pet to begin with?