How do I (29 M) tell my GF (27 F) she is bad with money?

So we are together for more than 4 years, and during all that time my GF is making significantly less money than me (like, for a long time it was half the money I make).

And I’m not even making that much, maybe an average pay. Because of this for these past years I wasn’t really able to be financially stable, so to say, because it was always like “please buy me a coffee” or “please give me gas money” or “please give me 10$ for something”.

for a long time I also had to carry a bigger part of food spendings (we live together), so every month I’m down to square one, with almost no savings and nothing even bought for myself. I don’t really need lots of stuff, but damn, I want to treat myself once in a while.

With time I developed a system for us to spend only a fixed amount of money on groceries and it was really working. So I am more or less aware of my incomes and spendings, but still she was regularly asking for money here and there.

Recently she got a good new job which pays more (still less than I make but with short term prospects of making more than me), and I was kind of relieved,

I managed to save up some money in the past few months and I was planning to buy some nice things for myself and for the new apartment that we are moving into.

But here comes the moving day (right in the beginning of a new month so she got her paycheck like 1-2 weeks ago) and she says she has no money again, so I had to pay almost my full monthly pay for the rent, advance and all that crap.

Keep in mind, we were talking about moving and actively looking for an apartment for a month minimum, so she was aware that we were going to move and pay that much money at once. So now she owes me half of her paycheck as well, so next month she’s gonna be broke again. So the cycle continues.

That said, she never holds back in spending money not even for herself, but for everyone else. Like, we are going for a dinner to my parents, she buys candy for the kids, wine for mom, groceries to cook something for them. Sometimes she even buys something for me, something I don’t necessarily need.

Every time I start even a remote conversation about the money and spending, not even insinuating that she is broke again and I have to carry us through with rent and etc, she just gets pissed at me and says something like “you always tell me how stupid I am with my money”.

We had one of these conversations yesterday and it was the same thing. After all these years she says that she tries to keep it together with her spendings, but for the love of god I can’t see it.

Fuck man, I’m really close to breaking up with her just over this, I love her, but I want to buy things for myself and just feel stable once for 4 years of this and not grab money from my savings account (which is miserable as is) just to get by.

Should I fire my NTU interns

I am getting complaints from my colleagues and boss that the interns are not responsive. Despite my repeated reminders and even going to the school’s internship office, the situation is not improving. They are on 10 week internship ending in mid July.

From time to time, the interns take long lunch breaks (2-3 hours) during working hours. My startup has a relaxed culture where we WFH 1-2 days a week. Despite this, the interns take long lunch breaks when they are in office. This is a very blatant misuse of the trust given.

The interns are slow to respond on whatsapp and do not acknowledge when work is assigned to them. This makes coordination difficult as they do not seem to value work as being important. They have ignored work assigned to them by my boss and other department heads until I had to call them.

The interns expect the supervisors and other company staff to match their timings. The interns seem to think we are their lecturers or school teachers and we must meet their expectations. They were late for an event and expected me and my colleague to wait for them.

Seeing that the interns were late and there was a long queue. Me and my colleague wanted to have an early lunch at HDL and didn’t mind treating the interns but the interns refused and made us go back to attend to them.

My colleague felt very offended and felt that the interns did not have respect for us. They have also forced me to give them an off on 29 May as it was results release day and threatened that they would not be in the mood to work.

Despite me telling off the interns on their work attitude, they have threatened me and told me to tell their school to release them early for internship if I am so unhappy. When I emailed the school, the school said they are interns and expect me to give more guidance and be understanding.

At this point, I feel more like a nanny and lecturer. Should I just fire these interns and get banned from the school or leave the interns to finish their internship.

Wife working on weekend non-stop

Hi, So my wife has just got a job not long ago as a publishing house editor. She has been working on every weekend for like up to 3 weeks plus. Now her employer says because she earned more than 2600 a month she’s not entitled to OT or anything.

Is this even legal? My wife says her company quoted MOM saying that shes not covered under part IV of Employment Act.

I would like to ask for advice if anyone has any.

Edit: The main point of this post is really to see if this is a common practice in Singapore. And unfortunately I guess it is… I can only imagine how many people are being worked to death just to earn what they rightfully deserve. And they probably deserve even more.

So here is the thing, there are deadlines to meet and her company deals with government projects so I guess it is pretty intense.

Her boss asks her to work on weekend because almost every Friday the ministry will send in one last round of feedback when the deadline is on Monday. And in order to fix those comments from the client, as an editor she has to consolidate the comments and then instruct various designers, artists and the authors to make the changes and then consolidate those changes to submit on Monday.

She is a very capable and meticulous woman and she seldom fails to deliver. But I guess in this case there is really not much she can mange “better” so that she can avoid being so last minute. It is just not up to her.

Netizens’ comments

1. If i’m her and i don’t absolutely need this job i’ll quit instantly, not worth trying to last one year for your resume to look clean, by the time her mental health is damaged it won’t be worth it.
   Also mom has a limit on OT hours worked per month on phone can’t quote properly but see below.
   Maximum hours of overtime An employee can only work up to 72 overtime hours in a month.
2. Is she forced to go to work on weekends?
   Or are there deadlines to meet that are especially intense this time of the year?
   Or is it because she is new at this job and she isn’t editing as fast as the employer thinks she should be, and therefore she needs to catch up on the weekend?
   Not entitled to OT is correct. She’s an executive, and working extra hard to meet deadlines is legal.
   The question is whether your wife wants to keep the job or not. She’s not going to get more money for sure.
3. PMETs have very few protections under the law here. Unless it’s in the contract, there’s no paid OT. You can find out more on the MOM website. Check her contract too.
   coverage of part iv https://www.mom.gov.sg/employment-practices/employment-act/who-is-covered
   Editors are usually tertiary educated professionals I think. Rough luck, she should check what her notice period is and see if she can find a better job elsewhere.

How to get my mom to go back to work?

Well, I’m currently in poly and my mom is… picky with jobs. She wants a job that’s close (30min and below,) short shifts, less working days, and doesnt want to do fnb/be a nanny. I have tried again and again to nudge her in getting a job first, because shes been looking for her ideal job for 3-4 months? And my parents are divorced, and my dad only gives her 1000 a month for alimony (joint custody). So we’re kinda just scraping by (we don’t need to pay rent, have our own flat and its fully repaid).

I’ve tried to convince her and ask her to lower her standards, and everytime she says “你当儿子的教妈妈怎么做人？” idk how to translate but it basically means “why are you teaching me about life as a son?” We always get into an argument when we talk about it, so I just avoid the topic nowadays. The thing is however, we can really use the money (miracle we survive with 1k on two people), and she also has no savings to speak of, so shes banking on me to support her in her golden years.

And its not like she’s spending the time productively. She also doesnt go out much and lives a sedentary lifestyle, watching tiktok lives and scrolling facebook everyday. At least if she was caring for her health I’d be less concerned. Shes a housewife, but honestly theres not a lot to do around the house. I do my own laundry and wash my own dishes, clean up after myself, and I’m the only child, so apart from some basic cleaning theres not a ton to do.

Idk what to do with her or how to convince her. She has the FastJobs app installed, so its not like she doesnt know how to look. Shes just very selective. Does any korkor or zehzeh here have any advice? Please help out

My boss denied my vacation because it’s “unfair to the other employees”

I’m going away in a couple months for a birthday trip, we’re going to Europe so it makes sense to go for a good 7-9 days.

My boss denied my leave application and said I can only go 5 business days because it is unfair to my other co-workers.

I don’t understand how two days makes a difference, I also asked everyone else in my office and no one has an issue or is taking time off at that time.

I also made a point that we are fully staffed and that I’m going at a time that it’s actually very slow in the office as it was also slow last year.

My boss threw a whole fit and said that it’s unfair to everyone else for me to take so many days off. I said I don’t get how that matters as plenty of people have gone on vacation and a lot of people in the office have gone away at the same time.

I can’t afford to quit right now so until then I’ll just look for any small job and take whatever, if not I will not be going back there after that trip.

I work 40 hours a week how is a week and some change going to affect the job? These companies are ridiculous.

Netizens’ comments

1. Job hopper raise, job hopper problem solving, job hopper vacation! If they didn’t want you using this solution then there would be another solution.
2. You’re not ASKING for vacation, you’ve giving NOTICE that you’re taking vacation.
   Don’t let your boss BOSS you around. Stand your ground. I have NEVER been denied a vacation request.
3. “Hi boss, I wish I could say I get where you’re coming from, but unfortunately I really don’t. It doesn’t really matter though, because my time belongs to me until and unless I choose to sell it to you for a wage. My time on those days is not for sale. I’m giving you notice so that you can plan around it.”

I am leaving my husband because of my mother in law.

I (34F) have been married to my husband for 5 years. Of those 5 years, I spent the last 3 years taking care of his mother. His mother is very sick. She can hardly go to the bathroom on her own. I have to wash her and clean her.

He never discussed anything about it to me. He just moved his mother into our house without asking me. I suggested that we should hire a nurse and he said it was a waste of money. Why do we need to hire a nurse when we can take care of her.

My husband promised he would help but he hasn’t lifted a finger. I did everything. I fed his mom, I bathed her, I cleaned her after she did her business. I am exhausted and feel like less of myself. I don’t recognize myself in the mirror anymore. I always on clock for her. My husband doesn’t help me. But he expects me to help his mother. He just comes home and plays video games.

I complained about this and he yelled at me. He said he is very stressed about his mother and he needs video games to calm his nerves. The only time I saw him do anything was on his mom’s birthday.

We were about to start a family last year but he said not now and has the audacity to complain that I do not look myself anymore. I gained weight, I have eye bags, my skin looks dry, my hands started to resemble his own mother. I am just done now.

I sacrificed my job for him. I left my job and took a part time job just to take care of his mom. I should have left when 4 years ago I asked him to lend me some money for my dad’s operation and he gave me a bunch of excuses.

He even criticized me if I spend too much time with my own sick dad. Today at work he is going to be served. I have been planning my escape for few months. I am staying with a close relative. I have enough money saved for me. I am glad I didn’t have kids with such an ungrateful man. Robert, I hope you enjoy cleaning your mom’s poop everyday because I am done.

I think that my (29m) girlfriend (30f) is expecting for me to propose on our anniversary. How do I tactfully discourage those expectations?

My girlfriend and I have been dating for about a year now, and our anniversary is coming up. Over the last week or two, she’s been doing things like sending me marriage advice-themed social media posts, or teasing/joking about marriage, and a few other similar remarks, and it’s making me think that she might be expecting me to propose on our upcoming anniversary.

For the record, we have had conversations about our future and marriage, and I am planning a proposal later this year, but I’m not quite in a position to be able to do so just yet.

Is there a way I can tactfully let her know not to expect a proposal on the anniversary, so that she’s not quite as disappointed if it doesn’t happen when she expects?

Netizens’ comments

1. Honesty is the best policy here. Tell her you’re planning on it but you still have stuff to take care of and it’s not going to be happening until later in the year. Boom, you’re both happy.
2. Bro, this literally just happened to me. I was planning on proposing, and we had V-day coming up. I didn’t have the ring yet, I wasn’t ready to buy it, but my gf kept bringing up “when we get engaged” comments, and I felt a little pressure. So one day we were on a walk and talking and I said “hey, I want you to know that I love you and we’ve talked a lot about getting married and I want that soon. But, I am not prepared to propose to you on Valentines Day.”
   She laughed and said “oh baby that’s fine, I know you will do it when you’re ready.”
   And that was it. She asked if I felt a little pressure to do it then, and I told her yes, and she apologized for bringing it up so often, and I said that I love talking about our future together and we should keep talking about it.
3. Just tell her you’re planning the proposal but it’s not on the anniversary.
4. If youre already thinking and planning to propose later in the year, make sure to say that. She’s obviously a woman excited to be proposed to and married- this will prevent a ton of hurt and sadness.

My girlfriend gets turned on when I smell disgusting?

So a month ago I was late for work so I had to leave without showering,putting on deodorant or cologne, I work a pretty physically demanding job so when I go off work I REEKED, I had to drive home with the windows down just to not make myself nauseus on the way home.

When I got home I walked past her on the way to our room and she sniffed the air and I apologized explaining why I stunk but when I did she buying her face in my armpit and breathed deep before saying “you smell delicious..”

So instead of a shower we had rough passionate intercourse, her smelling the air like a bloodhound the entire time, afterwords when we were cuddling she still didn’t stop sticking her face in my chest and arms and inhaling me like Kirby, she was even hesitant to let me take a shower, now someday she requests I don’t put on any product. She says she loves it and calls it “boysmell” even if I think I smell like the devil’s trashcan

Anyone else had this happen? Why is this?

Netizens’ comments

1. It’s totally normal. Lots of people are turned on by the natural smells of their partner’s body.
2. That’s a good sign! She likes your chemicals.
   I LOOOOOVE my husbands natural scent. ESPECIALLY when he is slightly “lived in”. OMG, so good. It’s pretty primal.
   Happily he prefers me slightly live in as well, so it works out. It can get a bit goaty around here on the weekends let me tell you. 
3. Some people really really really like body odor and natural musky scents.
   Napoleon on return from a campaign wrote to his wife “Please don’t wash, I will be home in three days”
   So even a few centuries back, people were getting off on a strong musk.
4. I have an fwb of 6 years. His natural scent is the reason I can’t quit him – even if we are only down to getting together three times a year or so. This man’s scent literally makes me crazy like no other person I have ever met. He always apologizes for sweating and makes sure to shower but the best memories are of him coming by in dingy work clothes and after a 12 hour shift. Decadent.
5. It turns out that you’re not actually disgusting and the way you smell is how you’re supposed to smell. The deodorant commercials have been lying to you and everyone this whole time.

Narcissistic mother on hunger strike

Hi all, need some advise from you guys for my situation. I have a narcissistic mum who likes control of me and to do things according to her wishes.

For context, im a 30plus year old adult who is staying with her (70 years old) only and providing for her such as paying the housing loans , bills and her meals .

She would go to the extent of not letting me do laundry claiming that I would mess up the clothes and stupid stuff like going through every single thing i throw.

I also have to eat whatever she wants me to. Recently, she wanted to force me to drink chicken essence before going to work which i hate.

I was rushing for work and I told her no. Subsequently, when I came home she told me that she would not have her meals as I did not follow what she wants me to do.

This is the third day for her hunger strike. She does this frequently when things dosent go her way. I gave in to her frequently but not this time as I am so sick and tired of her.

I am not sure if she did eat anything when I am not around her though. But I saw her once while on hunger strike snacking on peanuts after I have head off to bed.

Does anyone have any experience on this kind of situation or know is there any authority which i can get assistance from? I am emotionally drained because of her.

Netizens’ comments

1. by giving in to her u are giving her attention just ignore her and she will automatically start eating by herself
   also try to move out if possible as this is not good for your mental health, also since she is already 70 she should be able to stay at a care centre if she isn’t able to take care of herself
2. If you’re going to work I seriously doubt she’s doing a hunger strike. What’s the point of a strike if you’re not there to watch? You have to stand your ground or she’ll know threats like this get you moving her way. Same goes for kids. Some old people are just big toddlers. My mil is the same way like to “force ” people to eat things. Just leave it and go. She’ll have no choice to keep it or eat it herself.