If only life journeys could be smoother

In my mid 30s rn, and sometimes I feel like I’ve kindof wasted my past 2 decades by making so many wrong decisions be it regarding health or career.

For eg, spent more than a decade in a job industry which I didn’t enjoy and it took me so long to realise it and take drastic action.

In terms of health, hv endured through long periods of poor quality health ie poor sleep due to high stress, stomach issues due to bloating etc.

Life just has a way of bringing you in wrong directions.. it’s just so hard to get it right just in a few tries for me. It’s only till now that I start to see some real hope of improvement in terms of my health after I saw a naturopath.

Also in career wise, hv finally made a drastic change. I hope it’s not too late now, but also really wish this could hv happened earlier in my life.

Would like to hear if anyone of you feel a similar way? Wouldn’t mind hearing yr stories as well

Netizens’ comments

1. Today is the first day of the rest of your life OP. Look forward don’t look back!
2. Look it this way,if you hadn’t gone on that wrong path,you wouldn’t have realised that it is something that you do not want.Life is such that we just have to learn and improve from there.That wrong decision you’ve made also helps you realised that,everyone’s life journey will not be easy as you have seen on the surface. I wish you the best of what’s coming and be brave to embrace changes if needed to
3. Some people waste their entire lives away doing something they hate, only to realise it on their deathbeds. 30 is still young!
4. Hmm I guess if you hadn’t been through those experiences, you wouldn’t have learnt those lessons and change your course today. Sometimes life’s sweeter moments taste sweeter bcos of some of the bitter moments in life.
5. Hi OP. Im in my late thirties. What i can say is, as long as you dont quit, there is hope. The moment you give up, you have lost.
   I have a similar story, in that i didnt make optimal choices due to my natural inclination to explore, as well as a lack of guidance. Amongst my friends, I’m probably the least financially successful. A lot of them who went the safe route have made their pot of gold already, some have even retired.
   Some of my suboptimal experiences have been quite traumatizing. However, these experiences have shaped me into who I am today. And I can say that I’m a much better person in terms of maturity and mental strength. In fact, I’m glad that life was not overly smooth, because now I have the hunger and motivation to catch up to and surpass my peers.
   Mid 30s is definitely not too late to catch up. Life is a marathon, not a sprint. I see some friends who hit ED at 38, but they look so tired. I myself have a roadmap to hit that at 45; will 7 years make such a difference when we are 65?

Are taxi drivers no longer helping passengers with luggage?

Before you come at me for being self-entitled, I just want to say that I genuinely want to know. I have been away from Singapore for the last 6 months and live out of Singapore for periods of three to six months.

This time, upon being back, I realized that there has been a marked change towards helping passengers with their luggage.

I remember that taxi drivers have always been very helpful in bringing up my luggages to the trunks of their taxis.

So I am just asking if there has been a blanket policy change cos suddenly it is like there has been a silent consensus not to carry luggages anymore.

It would be good to know cos then I would just go ahead to lug them up myself instead of standing and waiting by the trunk.

Netizens’ comments

1. Came back from Thailand last week-end, and the taxi uncle helped me load/unload. Similarly on my last few trips, either from a Taxi or Grab/GoJek.
   Maybe you got unlucky?
2. No blanket policy. Depends on their mood. You just got unlucky. Once I tried to do it myself, but accidentally knocked it against the driver’s car (was a Grab), and he was visibly displeased. So I think there’s still reason for drivers to prefer to do it themselves.
3. It’s up to the individual driver. Some may do it because they feel like it, some may do it because they don’t trust passengers to not knock the car, or place them properly in the boot to minimise the chance of it sliding. Or maybe the driver is worried about pulling a muscle or has a bad back. They’re not covered by the company if they hurt their back lifting heavy luggage.
4. For my trips since last year, so far all of the taxi n Phv have helped me. Maybe because I look weak. 

Why do Singaporeans gatekeep their circle of friends?

So I grew up and studied in Singapore, but have had the opportunity to spend a portion of my adult life in UK and Australia. I have been back in Singapore for a few years now. And this is my observation.

The ang mohs tend to co-introduce to each others friends and that’s how your network grows wider. Like, a friend of mine will jio me for a group lunch even though I don’t know any of his friends. And vice versa.

And over time, we all become one big group of friends (and sometimes acquaintances cos its impossible to get along with everybody).

I realise for Singaporeans, people don’t tend to introduce their friends to another group of friends. In fact, quite the opposite.

There was once I was trying to organize 2 groups of friends to join together for an activity but both sides were very against the idea. They did not see it as a good opportunity to connect and make new friends at all. I was quite dumbfounded.

I feel this is probably why many Singaporeans feel lonely and isolated. It has to do with this gatekeeping of one group of friends from the other.

My few years back in Singapore has left me feeling frustrated that I have been unable to make as many new friends as I did overseas.

Thoughts?

Netizens’ comments

It’s a cultural thing, but I’d like to correct your assumption. It’s an ang moh thing, if you define ang moh as “red-haired” or anglos (UK, Oz, USA).

Having lived and worked in multiple countries, groups of friends tend to not mix so well and people tend to gatekeep their circle of friends in Singapore, Germany, France, Korea, and many other countries. I guess in societies where people are colder at first contact tend to do this, while societies where people are “warmer” at first would indeed introduce people to each other.

Two different ways of doing things. I think for many of us, friendship and social circles are long term commitments, and bringing new, random people to a well-established group might be perceived as potentially rude or inconsiderate. I would consider introducing a new person to a circle if I am more or less 100% certain that this person would be a good match.

I understand it can be hard for you if you’re used to the other style, but the problem you encounter is definitely not 100% singaporean.

Hi all, advice needed. So sorry for the long post ahead.

My mom and me have always been very close so I have always talked to her about my day since she always ask about it. So my typical topic of discussion with her is usually about life, school, personal relationships and work etc. Ever since she married my dad 40 years ago, she quite frequently got verbally abused by my dad due to his bad temper so she’ll rant to me about it too. The only reason she stayed with my dad was because he provided well for the family.

However, recently I had been seeing some changes in my mom. When I have a topic of discussion with her, it started with her sometimes getting irritated with me within 15 minutes if she isn’t in a good mood. Within a span of a year, this had worsened to her everyday getting irritated when I’m discussing topics halfway by at most the 10 minutes mark. Ok, i admit I have an inquisitive nature so I tend to ask a lot of questions during discussions, but this had never been an issue with my mom for the past 20 plus years of my life until only recently. When I asked her why, she said recently she felt physically and mentally tired, and she have no interest to talk for too long even to her siblings. Since she’s tired, I suggested talking another day but she refused.

On top of this, her language had became a lot more vulgar when she used to avoid using vulagarities in the past. And her language had became a lot more extreme. When I complained about certain people at work, I was only looking for advice to solve the problem but she would suddenly use extreme language and said “YOU WANT ME TO TAKE A KNIFE AND STAB THROUGH HER CB???” Basically, she is no longer the mild-tempered person I once knew.

It had also became more frequent that sometimes when I asked her something, she looked like she completely zoned out so she don’t reply me, or she would answer me a totally different thing so it made me wonder if she’s listening or she don’t understand my questions.

She is also starting to say things which makes no sense. When male colleagues talked to me and its just about work, she immediately suggested that maybe they’re interested in me. I know it’s definitely not the case so I tried to correct her thinking and she got irritated at me. She also said nonsense like if only I have a husband, nasty colleagues wouldn’t have targeted me at work.

Lastly, I noticed she seems to have become more forgetful. The most recent incident was she told me to retrieve an item from the left cupboard but I couldn’t find it. She said she told me to put in the left cupboard but I insisted my stand that I was not the one who kept it. Then she got irritated at me again and said “NEXT TIME THINGS YOU KEEP LAH!!” She looked for the item and it turned out to be on the right side cupboard and she’s actually the one who kept it, not me. I mean if she forgot and I was only repeating my stand that I really didn’t keep the item, why the need to get irritated at me?

I don’t even dare to bring up this point about her being forgetful recently, because I know she’ll get defensive and retort “MAYBE NEXT TIME YOU HAVEN’T REACH MY AGE AND YOU’LL BE WORSE THAN ME!!”

In summary, my mom seems to have become an easily irritable person. If it helps, she’s currently in her early 70s and she have hypertension which is well-controlled by medicine.

Are the above problems caused by a much shorter attention span due to her age? And is her behavior listed above just a normal part of aging and a simple matter of her being tired, or is there something more I need to be concerned about? Sadly, I couldn’t bring up about seeking professional help because I know she’ll get very defensive.

Thank you for reading and would appreciate any advice given.