Want to ask everyone here on your thoughts of the “modern dating” scene?

I’m in my mid 30s, female, and using dating apps since last year. The apps that I use are supposed to be the more “legit” ones.

Putting scammers aside, I’ve met guys who only want fwb/open relationships etc.. Some are upfront and those are appreciated so I can be upfront and reject too.

Yet there are some who only wants a purely physical relationship and they lead you into thinking they want a commitment.

I recently met a guy who I really thought was someone special and we could connect. There was some misunderstanding, and then his attitude changed. I wanted to work things out together with him and tried my best but seems like I pushed him away even more. He ended up ghosting me.

It seems like dating is so shallow now and people don’t bail at the first tiny sign of anything that they don’t like instead of trying to work things out together.

The mentality of “this person doesn’t work.. I’ll go find someone else.. there’s other options on the app.” And by bailing, they don’t even say anything, they just ghost or they breadcrumb…? (I’m learning so many new terms from dating nowadays)

I know I sound desperate. I also know I’m not perfect, maybe I’m too clingy and I’m working on it. But I’m just a girl trying to look for a genuine relationship, and someone who I can build a life with.

Is this impossible now cos of the convenience of apps? Happy to hear what everyone here thinks

Netizens’ comments

1. You’re not alone! I’ve completely given up on dating apps because of how shallow the people I’ve met there can be.
   Meeting people in real life seems to work better for me, but its also easier said than done because you need to share similar interests with the opposite gender, and that’s not always as straightforward as it seems.
   Everybody wants love, but not everyone wants to work for it.
   I hope things work out for all of us eventually.
2. Just keep trying. My wife and I met on CMB (coffee meet bagel) we are happily married for almost 2 year with a baby boy 
3. What do you have to offer the man you want? Remember a man always has options. You need to clearly and critically evaluate yourself. Do not confuse the things you want with the things he wants. If you find yourself unable to offer anything he actually wants, no dating app or real life dating can fix this. Good luck.

I slept with my girlfriend’s sister 5 years ago

Me and my gf now trying to bto and get married soon after 3 years of dating. I knew my gf got a younger sister but I have never met her or seen her pic as my gf is a very private person even on social media.

Last week, my gf brought me to meet her family for the very first time to discuss about our marriage. That was when I first met her sister and realised she was the one I ghosted when I was 18 yo after we slept tgt.

I ghosted her because she lied about her age on tinder. I won’t disclose her sister’s age but it was a one time thing and I felt horrible after knowing the truth.

I pretended that I didn’t recognised the sister during the dinner and kept calm so that my gf won’t suspect anything.

Everything went well until later that night I received a text msg from her sister, asking if I rmb what happened 5 years ago and asked why I ghosted her.

She also said that she couldn’t stop thinking about me and felt very hurt after I ghosted her.

I just told her that I was only looking for hookups on tinder during that time and got hurt because she lied about her age.

I also told her to keep this a secret from my gf and just let it go as it was 5 years ago where we were still young and not know better.

She agreed that we should let it go. This conversation happened earlier this year, so it has been awhile.

But recently, my gf has been asking me about my past hookups/rls. This make me panic a lot because I told her before about my past, so I don’t know why she is asking it now.

I suspect her sister told her smtg because my gf keep asking me what exactly did I do 5 years ago when I was in my dating app phase.

Do I come clean to her and tell her about her sister as I only had one hookup during that phase and ntg more? Or do I just say I had one hookup and not tell her it’s her sister? What should I do? Pls send help.

Planning a proposal is an exciting and significant step towards a lifetime commitment. Traditionally, the act of proposing has been symbolized by the presentation of a dazzling engagement ring, but in recent years, there has been a growing trend among Singaporeans to propose with a BTO (Build-To-Order) flat instead.

This unconventional approach raises the question: Is it right for Singaporeans to propose with a BTO instead of a wedding ring?

1. Introduction

Proposing with a BTO flat has gained traction in Singapore as couples prioritize practicality and financial stability when starting their lives together. However, it is essential to understand the implications and emotional significance behind this alternative approach.

2. Understanding the BTO system in Singapore

To comprehend the choice of proposing with a BTO, it’s crucial to understand the BTO system in Singapore. BTO flats are government-subsidized housing units offered to eligible couples at affordable prices. They provide a practical and affordable option for couples to own their first home.

3. Traditional proposal customs

Traditionally, proposing with a wedding ring has been the norm, symbolizing love, commitment, and the beginning of a new chapter in a couple’s life. The act of getting down on one knee, presenting a ring, and asking for one’s hand in marriage carries a profound emotional significance.

4. Pros and cons of proposing with a BTO

Proposing with a BTO offers several advantages, such as financial stability, long-term planning, and investment in property. However, it may lack the romantic and sentimental aspects commonly associated with proposing with a wedding ring.

5. Emotional significance of a wedding ring

A wedding ring holds deep emotional significance as a symbol of love, fidelity, and commitment. It represents a lifelong promise and serves as a constant reminder of the love shared between two individuals.

6. Financial considerations

The high costs associated with weddings and housing in Singapore can create financial stress for couples. Opting for a BTO proposal can help alleviate some of the financial burden, allowing couples to focus on building a stable foundation for their future together.

7. Symbolism and personal preferences

The choice between a BTO and a wedding ring proposal ultimately depends on personal preferences and values. While a BTO represents practicality and security, a wedding ring carries romantic symbolism and sentimental value.

8. Balancing practicality and romance

It is crucial to strike a balance between practicality and romance when making a proposal decision. Open communication and understanding each other’s desires can help find a compromise that aligns with both practical and emotional needs.

9. Cultural perspectives

Cultural backgrounds and traditions play a significant role in proposal customs. Different cultures may have their own expectations and symbols attached to proposals, including the importance of a wedding ring or other meaningful gestures.

10. Communication and mutual agreement

Proposing is a mutual decision that requires open and honest communication between partners. Discussing expectations, preferences, and financial considerations can help determine whether proposing with a BTO or a wedding ring is the right choice for both individuals.

11. Importance of understanding individual relationships

Every relationship is unique, and what works for one couple may not work for another. It’s essential to understand the dynamics of the relationship and consider the couple’s values, goals, and aspirations when deciding on the method of proposal.

12. Making the decision together

The decision of how to propose should be made together as a couple. It’s crucial to involve both partners in the discussion, weighing the pros and cons, and ensuring that both individuals feel comfortable and satisfied with the chosen approach.

13. Celebrating love and commitment

Regardless of whether a BTO or a wedding ring is used for the proposal, the ultimate goal is to celebrate love and commitment. The focus should be on the significance of the moment and the intention behind the proposal, rather than the material aspects involved.

14. Conclusion

In conclusion, the question of whether it is right for Singaporeans to propose with a BTO instead of a wedding ring is subjective and depends on individual circumstances and preferences. While proposing with a BTO offers practicality and financial stability, proposing with a wedding ring carries sentimental and romantic significance. The key is to find a balance that aligns with both partners’ desires, values, and long-term goals. Ultimately, the proposal should be a reflection of the couple’s love and commitment to each other.

FAQs (Frequently Asked Questions)

1. Does proposing with a BTO mean the couple is prioritizing material possessions over love?

No, proposing with a BTO does not necessarily mean prioritizing material possessions over love. It is a practical choice that considers long-term financial stability and planning for the future.

2. Can a BTO proposal be romantic and meaningful?

Yes, a BTO proposal can be romantic and meaningful. It’s all about the thought and effort put into the proposal itself, rather than the specific item used for the proposal.

3. Are wedding rings still important in Singaporean culture?

Wedding rings still hold cultural significance in Singaporean culture, symbolizing love, commitment, and the union of two individuals in marriage. However, cultural perspectives may vary, and personal preferences should be considered.

4. Should couples conform to societal expectations when it comes to proposals?

While societal expectations may exist, it is ultimately up to the couple to decide how to navigate them. The most important aspect is that the proposal reflects the couple’s love and commitment, aligning with their values and desires.

5. Can couples combine a BTO proposal with a wedding ring to create a more comprehensive proposal experience?

Absolutely! Couples can get creative and combine elements of both a BTO proposal and a wedding ring to create a unique and comprehensive proposal experience that suits their preferences and showcases their love and commitment.

Seeking advise to help for my husband

I am a 33 years old working mum of 2 son, 4 and 2 years old. My husband is 30 this year but he is very lazy.

I met my husband through a common friend 5 years back when he just returned from studies in the UK. We hit off pretty well as he’s witty and humorous plus he secured a very good career in an MNC company and decent family. I’m comfortable with him taking the lead and planning for everything so I usually don’t have any inputs for his decision despite him always asking me for it.

I got my legs swept off by him and agreed to marry him after 1.5 years of relationship. But things start to change much after marriage. He became very lazy whenever I asked him to do stuffs. Like when I asked him many times to get a driving license, he said that he never actually needed one as he has someone to chauffeur him around and taking PHV or cab is cheaper than owning a car in Singapore unlike UK. I was pretty upset when he said that as a car would be convenient for checkups for my gynae visits and meeting up with my friends.

He does not help out much in housework except for washing of clothes, windows cleaning and fans as there are much more things to do apart from these. He will usually lounge around or sneak off to go for exercise once he is completed with those chores while I need to look after the kids. I told him there are many other chores to do but he always said that he will do later but never did.

His working hours are pretty hectic as he will usually reached office by 8.30am and will only reached home by 8pm. As I finished work earlier, I will usually picked up my kids from childcare and buy dinner, which is quite tiring when my cab doesn’t arrived on time or when the food delivery doesn’t come early and need to tend to hungry kids. Travelling can be pretty tiring even via taxis. I always tell him to cab home but he likes to travel by MRT as it helps to save cost. Cabbing home can reduce an hr of travelling time which he can help me to tend to kids when i’m tired and he’s earning a high 6 digit figure per annual, I can’t figure out why he is so petty on money when I’m only earning 1/3 of his salary. Although he pays for all the cab rides and food but I just want him to share the load of actual parenting. I felt so overwhelm by the fatigue that I actually quit my job to take care of the kids when my 2nd kid was born. I told my husband that he should spent more time to take care of the household but he often use work or a need to exercise as an excuse. I don’t understand why he needs to choose timing to go for exercise. For weekdays, he has free time from 11pm onwards, but he can choose to go straight after work. For weekends, it’s even worse, he can opt for timing like 1 to 3pm where the kids are usually sleeping or 10pm onwards but he choose timing like 6am in the morning or 5pm in the evening when the kids are awake or going to be awake.

Things start to have a strange turn of events when he mentioned that he wants to quit his job and spend time. I felt very happy and relieve when he said that. But the downside is that, he told me that I may have to look for a job as he could have difficulty finding a job that has work life balance and decent salary. I was happy and disappointed at the same time, but I guess that’s life. So I agreed and he quit his job and he’s taking care of the kids at home while I went back to the workforce after 2 years of being a housewife.

Things are doing great for me as the workplace is good and the pay is much higher than my previous job, but not for my husband. He has difficulty finding a manager entry level job as he is over qualified, having armed with an Imperial College degree and INSEAD MBA, he has difficulty finding a job that support work life balance and decent salary when he is willing to take up to a 75% pay cut. Despite being at home, I find that the status of the house cleanlines is not up to my standard when I can find small peck of dust on the window grill when I do my spot check and he still has the tired feel when he doesn’t even need to work. I don’t understand why can’t he take care of the house when I’m earning the dough.

When confronted, he said that he is making pretty good money while being a day trader and suggested that we should get a maid to do the menial work while both of us earn the money but I don’t like strangers to stay with us. I also urged him to be more active on job hunting as we have expenses to pay for. I need his contributions for my parent housing loan and our utility and my cab expenses. Luckily our 5 room is fully paid thanks to his investment. He’s pretty lazy as his day trading can fetch about 5k for good months and 3k for bad month and has a emergency savings for 10 years without working, but it can be embarrasing for a guy to be unemployed for long time.

I asked my friends for advise but their responds are pretty mixed and I’m also dried up for solutions, which is why I would like to sought for more options to get my husband to help out more.

Here are what netizens think:

• All I am reading here are about your own needs, own face to save, own unhappiness, all about you and yourself. I don’t see any respect for him or any needs from your children here. He is not lazy but you are the kpkb one here. If he decides to divorce you, pls let us know, I’m sure many would glady want to queue to know him pls.

• He needs to learn shadow clones to meet your expectations. Home paid for, money to last 10 years. That’s fantastic. If he doesn’t exercise he lose his figure and health. You will then nag why he doesn’t exercise. Home can never be dust free. Just like a rifle is never clean.

• He is lazy cos he can afford it lol. And it seems like he’s actually not as lazy as what you think cos he’s actually helping out with the household chores. It just feels like it’s damn difficult to satisfy you. He become house husband you also niao him about the dust. And mentioned that it’s embarrassing for a guy to be unemployed for a long time. It feels like you’re the selfish one. Seems like whatever he does will never please you.

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