Is a 3k monthly salary enough to do all the big adulting things in life? Like getting a house, renovation, marriage and kids. I grad in 2022 and just started working.

I have a GF of 6 years and we have plans to marry early and I intend to propose soon. The biggest worry is finances. Due to my past mistakes in younger days in partying, buying gadgets and loss in the stock market, I’m only left with less than 5k across all my bank accounts and about 4K in cpf.

My GF is a PR non degree holder and earning 2.3k. As a man I feel I should shoulder most of the finances. But recently, I read that even buying a BTO requires 10% downpayment and I feel helpless.

On top of that, each of our parents have health issues and siblings studying and we have to help out the family finances.

Here are what netizens think:

• Best advice to you is, DON’T GET MARRIED. Do not fall into this trap simply for the sake of “buy a flat” eligibility. If 2 people truly love each other, there’s no reason why the both of you cannot cohabit. Focus on your career and work towards getting a private property. Remember… It’s cheap to get married but it is going to cost you an absolute fortune when shit hits the fan! Legal fees… Division of assets… Etc. Remaining legally single but emotionally commited to someone is a much simpler process to deal with when the relationship sours – you guys sell the shared property and split the proceeds 50-50. Clear cut.

• Skip the wedding and all that overpriced marriage nonsense. It’s unnecessary. That’s $30-50K saved (or more), almost a full downpayment right there.

• If there is one side in-laws that is nicer, both stay there first. Or just live separate until you can bto down the road. Don’t worry about it. As long as the focus is each other, everything will be good.

Just wanted to share my experience with my mother-in-law, because I feel like I need to write this out before I finally close this chapter. Super long, but I hope my story entertains someone at least…

Bluntly speaking, I hate my mother-in-law. I’ve been married 2 years and it’s not gotten better. For context, my husband is Chinese Singaporean and I’m not (my exact race is irrelevant). We dated for a few years before he proposed and all those years, not once did she show me any unkindness. After getting married, while waiting for our BTO, we moved in with her first (supposed to be for just 10 months, and we only lasted 2 weeks).

She’d wake me up at 8am for no reason at all, except “Daughter in law should be awake before parents in law. No need do anything, just be awake.” Meanwhile, my husband would sleep in. She bought me my own hamper because she said “*my race* needs to be separated from her family — who are all Chinese”. Whenever I’d eat food, she’d take photo and send my mom, and say “This isn’t a Chinese diet. No wonder she’s getting fat”. And many other stories. So, 1 week in, we started quietly looking for a room to rent. When she found out, she said really crude things like… I was stealing her son away / I must’ve fed him nasi kang kang to brainwash him, etc. Then she texted my parents, “I regret letting your daughter marry my son.”

That day itself, we moved back with my family instead — slept on my parents’ couch for 2 weeks until we found a place to move in to. My MIL continued sending harassment messages. Like, would tell my husband “I’ll beat her up when you’re not at home.” It was too much.

I’ve kept myself generally low contact. I can’t bear to call her, Mom, and after all the insults she’s hurled at me – These take the cake:

1. For Guo Da Li and Si Dian Jing, she said I didn’t need to receive it because I’m not Chinese anyway. But whenever she asks for things, she said I must give it because I’m marrying Chinese now.

2. I asked her, why she was so kind all the years I was a girlfriend. She said, even if I was his girlfriend for YEARS, it would be okay. But marriage means I must become Chinese. The man must always be followed.

3. She visited us once and I was scrubbing the toilet floor while my husband was wiping the fridge (chores day), then she scolded me for making her poor son clean. WTF.

4. My family paid for the wedding and she got more than half of the tables – she said my family providing for me is the reason I’m so spoiled, and dont know how to spoil her son instead. During the wedding, my parents, my father in law, all went around taking photos and stuff. She refused to greet people because she had no escort — her wedding or what?? People commented about her, and our wedding photos has pics of her frowning, looking sleepy, playing phone games… and she says we never give her face??

5. But finally… last night, my grandfather (who was visiting us) had a seizure. My husband updated his parents, and instead of sympathy she told me to “throw” my grandparents back to my mom instead. I told her she had no sympathy, and she said “So what?”. I’ve decided to cut her off. I blocked her on social media and messaging apps.

She’s been calling my husband non-stop and insulting me, my upbringing, and is telling him, she regrets giving birth to him, and if he doesn’t go back to her soon, she will jump off their HDB flat.

There’s so many more things but I can’t type them all. I’m tired. Is it wrong if I just genuinely dont care? I dont know how much disrespect I have to take.

Hello everyone! I am Mainland Chinese female, now studying in Singapore.

I want to ask, what is woman’s requirement to men for marriage in Singapore? In China, everyone knows, 有房，有车，有存款, that means, he must have the house, the car, and the money in the bank.

But, I know Singapore has different situation with the HDB and car certificate, so I want to ask about woman’s requirement in Singapore.

I already know the wedding ring requires 3 months of the man’s salary amount. Is there any other requirements?

Here are what netizens think:

• The requirement is that you need to be pretty, a virgin, fair skin, sexy, long legs, non-hairy, big breasts, A4 paper waist line, 三从四德, in order for you to qualify for house, car, cash, wedding ring.

• So sad to read ur post. Marriage to u is like a transaction. I think u should get married in ur hometown then. Good luck.

• Sorry to burst your bubble. Most Sg guys expect you to work. So you contribute to the house, the car and the assets. Even for wedding, count yourself lucky if the man is able to contribute more than half of it.

• You are better off marrying a bank. It seems you wanna be a taitai and get everything you want from a marriage ratherthan working tgt with your partner. Do you have a local partner right now? Do us a favour and let him off please. Put him out of his misery

•  I once saw a 抖音 from one of your own mainland bros saying, with all that money they got to spend on a house, a car, a ring and a wedding, and all the nonsense you’re going to make them buy over the course of the marriage, a man can comfortably retire, go on 2 pretty good holidays annually, and see a different girl from a parlour every single week for 40 years. Added bonus of not having to pander to rules, nagging, and demands. So why would they want you?

I dated a poor guy. We were both from NUS, graduated so in love and very much I n debt.

Blame that on the student loans we had to take. Our dates were mostly hunting for cheap and good hawker food, cooking at home, going shopping in neighbourhood markets, streaming movies online and cuddling.

We didn’t celebrate anniversaries, partly because he couldn’t afford and always refused to have me pay for everything, but mostly as we didn’t bother to remember the dates. For everyday we were together in the past years was special and I would not trade my days with him for any gold or diamonds.

I love my poor boyfriend, except now that he has becomed my debt-free/start-up owner/decent income earner/still extremely hot fiancée. We still don’t celebrate anniversaries, and we still go hunting for cheap deals. He still opens the door for me, pulls out chairs and tells me he loves me everyday.

We just bought our first home together in a pretty condo (missed the HDB income ceiling by a few thousands) and are expecting our first baby in a few months time. Girls, believe in your men.

They might struggle at times but if you love them unconditionally, they would do anything to give you the happy endings you deserve

Here are what netizens think:

• The problem is the dating range of women in singapore have overtly high expectations for men and look down on them despite not being much themselves.

• Hunting for cheap and good hawker food, cooking at home, going shopping in neighbourhood markets and streaming movies online do not equate to being poor. It’s just living simple. Being poor means struggling to put food on table and pay bills on time.

• Not all girls are like you, not all boys are like him. You both got lucky found each other congratulations.

• Congratulations! I married someone who has much lower education than me. Knew him when I were 18 years old. Life was hard than when our $ wasn’t enough. I am glad our life got better as he is a very hard working man. Our life is simple, yet very full filling. This year, at the age of 55, I jave choosen to retire early, focusing on my family. My decision was very well supported by my 2 young adult schooling sons and husband too. Now, I am doing what I like. So to everyone out there, life can be beautifully, if you choose to stay simple. No need the 5Cs!

Todays housing market is ridiculous.

Don’t get me wrong, the HDB scheme is amazing and through this scheme the housing authorities really do take care of those who are within that income band with various support measures for those who are struggling to make ends meet as well.

However, there is a group of people that have fallen through the cracks.

With this economy in place, wages have been rising and our government has not been keeping up be evolving their income limits together with the growth in wages. What group is that? They are the ones who are early in their careers, hence having a low amount of capital, but holding a well-paying job that puts them just above the income ceiling for affordable housing.

I fall into this category, and even though my girlfriend and I are ready to take the next step to look to live together, we can’t find anything that we are able to afford. We don’t come from affluent families who are able to help us with the downpayment, but our combined income doesn’t allow us to apply for HDBs or ECs. The next level that is available to us would be resale HDB flats or condos.

But looking at the housing market today, Punggol resale flats going for 1 mil, new launch 2 BR condominiums going for 1.8 mil. Floating mortgage rates expecting to hit 2+% by the end of 2022, how are we going to afford housing in this market? In addition to that, some basic renovation will at least cost 50-100k. This housing market right now is unattainable. Our governments policies of attracting the rich and wealthy from overseas are backfiring on their own people, with entire clans of mainland chinese moving to Singapore and keeping the bubble growing.

Just frustrated with the inability to move our lives forward, subsidies don’t work for us, affordable housing is not available for us and the next level of housing is getting more and more unattainable.

Kicking my parents out of my house after they never showed any concern for me?

I have had a rocky relationship with my parents for as long as I can remember. They always prioritized their work and social lives over me and my siblings. As a result, I had to become independent at an early age.

A few years ago, I managed to buy my own house and establish a successful career. However, my parents fell on hard times, losing their jobs and subsequently their house. Feeling some sense of duty, I let them move into my house, thinking they might have changed.

They’ve been living with me for two years now, rent-free. They didn’t contribute to any of the bills or housework, and they showed little interest in looking for jobs or becoming independent again.

It felt just like my childhood, with them taking for granted everything I provided.

Recently, after a particularly harsh argument about their lack of contribution, I asked them to leave my house. I told them that they had six weeks to find a new place.

They’re upset and calling me ungrateful, reminding me of how they raised me. Some family members are siding with them, saying I’m being too harsh.

But I feel like I’ve been more than patient and accommodating, given our history. They’ve shown no appreciation or reciprocation of the care I’ve extended to them.

Netizens’ comments

1. It drives me wild to see how many parents think their kids owe them anything in thanks for raising them. They chose to have kids and take on that responsibility.
   Don’t fall for that BS. They’re grasping at pity-party straws now that they realize they went too far.
2. Good for you for standing up for yourself. People like that will always try to play the victim – “how could you treat us like this after everything we’ve done for you?” because they’re narcissists. Don’t play into it.
3. I think the response is “yes, you raised me to be independent through your chronic narcissism and emotional neglect. So I’m encouraging that same independence by kicking you out”
4. They did not raise you. They let you raise yourself but even if they had, that is their job as a parent who chose to have a child/ren.

Should I divorce my wife? (Serious Question)

I found out yesterday that my wife lied to me about going overseas alone where in fact she has been planning to go with a guy (which the guy has been chasing/texting/contacting my wife frequently and has declared his love for her once).

The truth is I discovered this as my wife passport had no longer than 6 months validity till expiry hence she can’t go.

I am heartbroken and furious. I wanted a divorce but I can’t bear to leave my daughter (4yrs old) and I have a son who just turned 1yrs old. I don’t know I can continue the relationship with my wife or not.

Also, I am contemplating to inform the guy’s wife (yes, he is married with a son) or not. All I know is that that he is also having major problem with his wife as well.

I have left the house as of yesterday and am now confused on what to do next.

Thanks in advance for anyone advice to me. Appreciate it

Netizens’ comments

1. Wow 2 young children and yet the mother went to see another guy for romance. That’s fked up, Going out with a guy overseas romantically without informing is a BIG no-no.
   Your 2 kids will grow up one day to realise how their mother is like. RIP
2. I can only give you advice based on what I did in a similar situation.
   I told her, nicely, “if you want to live a different life, go and live it. Leave this home and build a new one. The kids will remain here with me. You will have access, we can work out the details.”
   The goal here is to negotiate an amicable divorce, where the children stay with you. (Assuming you want that). If it’s a contested divorce, you will lose daily access to them because the law is in favour of women. By maintaining the household on your own, and convincing her this is the better option for her.
   As for telling the AP’s wife, well I think you should, but you should also choose the timing wisely. Blowing up your wife’s life like that can make the abovementioned much harder, or impossible. She will see you as someone who destroyed her happiness. Yes the hypocrisy is apparent, but it’s also a mainstay in the cheater’s playbook.

I’ve (23m) been seeing this wonderful and amazing girl (23F) for about 4months-ish; she’s incredible and we do get along great; hands down someone I care about and I know that we’re venting into the whole “where/what are we?” situation soon, but this is minor rn.

Romantic aspect apart — she has the highest libido I’ve ever seen. Seriously high. I’m average-a-bit-lower-than-average maybe?

Anyway, because I do like her I’ve just adjusted to it as I know she has certain needs, which I’m happy to fulfill. Plus, she also respects that my drive is much lower; so sometimes she just asks for oral and that’ll do.

The problem is that she is genuinely bad in bed. Like a lot. And I’m not her first partner, her body count is much higher than mine (which I don’t care about at all); but sometimes I feel like it’s always her first time.

She lies down and does… nothing? And stays in there until she’s done. She always offers me bjs and then keeps licking me instead of doing whatever else she could; she loves being on top and and taking it from the back but won’t move an inch at all.

I don’t want to sound mean, I really like her and I swear I’m very vanilla on this; but I rarely ever finish and I’m worried she might think that I don’t like her at this point — I do, but she needs to… do something too? I’m not saying that I’m great myself or anything, but I feel like the game is totally unbalanced.

I’d truly appreciate any input, how should I address this? How do I approach this issue nicely?

Netizens’ comments

1. This is fixable. Try ordering her around in bed. Tell her exactly what you want her to do.
2. If she is just a FWB and the B is bad, are you just friends? I’ve only kept fwbs bc I wanted to sleep with them. If you really want to be in a relationship with her not just a hookup, talk to her.
3. Compliment her on what she does good. “Its so hot when you ….” Or if its something she hasnt dont yet “It would be so hot if you…”
4. Any girl can become amazing in bed with the right guidance. Sounds like she’s very passive and maybe submissive, so perhaps talk with her and she if she would be into you taking control and telling her what to do. A lot of girls love this.

My girlfriend and I have been dating for five months. Before we started dating, I had a crush on her for roughly a year. It was quite well known since one of my old friends spilled it directly to her and her friends.

They giggled for some time, but she never made a move on me or spoke to me about it. We’re just classmates and aren’t close.

For new years, she hosted a birthday party. I was overjoyed and happily came. It was a great party. Though, I was mostly off to the side since my old friends were mainly mingling with other people.

A few days afterwards, she came up to me and asked to meet me after school. We agreed and she confessed she had feelings for me and wanted to be a couple. I was over the moon and we began dating that day.

Our relationship was pretty solid. We didn’t get to many fights, but she wasn’t all that affectionate which I was fine with. We never got intimate and mainly did small things like cuddling.

Skip to five months. She was in my home and in the kitchen, making herself a snack. Her phone was buzzing and she asked me to bring it over. Her settings are where you can see the first line of the message. The phone also automatically turns on whenever she receives a notification.

I took a glimpse and it was one of her friends. I didn’t take a good look, but it read something like ‘when is the breakup happening?’ Which immediately attracted my attention.

I unlocked her phone since I knew her password prior. I read a few more messages where they were talking about a prank they pulled on me. I confronted her about it and she went silent. After some prodding, she confessed.

During her birthday, one of her friends dared her to ask me out. She got guilty when we continued dating for months upon months. It was supposed to be a one time thing with a simple date at a restaurant.

They planned to hook me up with someone and frame me for cheating in the next few weeks, so she has a valid reason to break up with me.

It also gave the other girls a chance to spread rumors about me. We got into a huge fight and I told her to leave and that we are done.

It’s only been a few hours and I’m absolutely devastated. I really, really liked this girl and she decided that it was a fun idea to pull on my heartstrings.

I don’t know what to do. Her things are still here, so I’m going to put it all in a box and leave it outside. She’s been texting me, apologizing and trying to explain herself.

I blocked her friends numbers since they were also harassing me. I haven’t blocked her number just yet since we have to get each other’s stuff from the others houses. After that, I’ll be going no contact.