Views on boyfriends protecting their girlfriends for the wrong reasons

I was riding my pmd one night on the shared path on the bicycle side (the red color concrete) with my lights on.

There was this couple who suddenly dashed out, which caused me to nearly hit the gf. That gave me a shock. As I reach the traffic light junction, the light just turned red so I couldn’t go. As such, that gave the couple time to catch up to me. When they did, the bf then came up to me and shouted at me to watch out next time and it a very rude tone. Mind you, I have been feeling super depressed lately and this is the last thing I need. This then makes me wonder…

1. Why does the bf have to confront me when it was the gf who I nearly got into an accident with? Can’t she not protect herself?

2. Who was in the wrong? Me or the couple?

Much input is most appreciated, tia!

Here are what netizens think:

• it’s ok lah…doesn’t matter who is wrong, as long as you get back safely and bring food to the table that’s the key point…everyone has a bad day sometimes…just chill and settle what is more important in life

• Many people don’t know that the red bicycle path give rights to cycle faster up to 25km/hr, actually it’s dangerous to walk on it, news should educate public more on it. However as a pmd rider / cyclist, it’s our role to slow down when there are people nearby to anticipate possible danger too.

• Both are wrong. They never see u n dash out. However, u also never stop in time. Shared path. Why u ride till u cannot stop in time till u almost knock into the gf? N did u even stop n apologize? If yes, why need to catch up with u? Just saying.

• He’s wrong, he’s being macho in front of his GF, there is only one solution to deal with people like this, unfortunately, it would result in police involvement, such that you just have to ignore and walk away.

I’m 21 years old. I was in a relationship with my 38 year old boyfriend for three months. We had a good relationship and I had no reason to doubt him. That is until recently.

It all started six months ago when I started to notice my boyfriend acting a bit strange around me. He was avoiding any physical contact and when we did have “S”, he would never put on a “condom”rubber”. When I asked him why he, he said he was allergic to wearing rubber down there.

At first, I believed him. He had never lied to me before and I trusted him completely. So, I let him continue to not wear a every time. Little did I know…..

this would eventually lead to me getting pregnant.

It wasn’t until a few weeks later that I began to suspect something was off. I started to notice that he was avoiding me more and more, especially when I asked him about the pregnancy. That’s when I started to suspect he was lying about being allergic to wearing rubber down there.

After a few days of investigating, I finally found out the truth. He wasn’t allergic to wearing rubber down there, he was just too embarrassed to admit that he didn’t want to wear a condom because he wanted to enjoy more.

He had lied to me this whole time and I felt like a fool for believing him.

I was so angry and hurt that he had lied to me like this. I had trusted him completely and he had betrayed that trust. It was a hard pill to swallow and I’m still struggling to come to terms with it.

He eventually went MIA on me and now I am stuck with a child.

I will never forget the fact that my ex-boyfriend lied to me about being allergic to wearing rubber down there. I was so naïve and trusting and he took advantage of that.

I got pregnant because of his lie and that’s something I will never forget.

I was called handsome by a girl in front of other guys and my ego is over the roof now

I met my female friend in 2019. She was into me and we became friends because she spent several months pursuing me.

I never led her on, I just didn’t have the chance to turn her down until she asked for fwb relationship, she would disguise her behaviour as friendship, she would have said ”nah I’m just being friendly” and it would have made me look stupid. She’s cute and petite, but not my type.

She has been in a couple of relationships these past few years, but it’s clear that she still finds me attractive, we’re just friends, but she likes me.

I think it’s just physical attraction, not a crush. She acts like she wants to sleep with me, she doesn’t seem to be in love.

Last night we were having dinner with other friends of ours… friends and guys from school (14 people, only 2 girls)

At some point she looked at her friend (another girl) and said ”Nick is very handsome though…” and then looked at me for 5 seconds straight, everyone was silent and looked at me.

I was embarrassed, but being called handsome by a cute girl (yeah, not my type, but 95% of men would be happy with a girl who looks like her) in front of other guys really stroked my ego.

Just a stupid confession that I wanted to share… it’s not like I had never been complimented before. A few days ago I helped two random middle aged ladies with heavy stuff and after I helped them one of them looked at the other one and said ”this guy is handsome, isn’t he?”

but a compliment in front of other people is better lol.

Should i stay, or go

Hi, everyone so recently I was offered a job as a commodities trader for a HK firm. I managed to pass all 3 rounds of test, however the working hours is insane. I mean like 6am to 1am steady state.

The manager in charge of the trader told me this is a high intensity job with a very steep learning curve.

I am expected to understand complex financial models and global politics fast.execute trade quick and with precision. And be contactable at all hours

The base salary is 3.8x what I am drawing right now which is 3.8k. My current work place is quite slow, people here are nice, the business is very straightforward nothing complex.

I hit the jackpot for retirement job. My current WLB is the best 8:30-5:30.

However, the problem now is I am earning less than median income(4.5k-fresh grad) for my engineering degree.

I kinda enjoy what my work environment right now,life is slow, things are easy but. The pay sucks. I am a single guy with monthly expenditure not exceeding $800. No GF(reason: too ugly).

Should I leave? I am in my mid twenties

Netizens’ comments

1. While 14.4k looks very attractive on paper, let’s do an actual breakdown of your new hourly pay.
   Assuming 5-day work week (Mon-Fri):
   -6am to 1am = 19h minus 1h for lunch = 18h of work a day
   -5 days = 18 * 5 = 90h work week
   -Anything above 44h a week is considered overtime (1.5x pay), so means you’re working 44h regular hours and 46h OT hours
   -As OT pay is calculated at 1.5x, 46h OT is equivalent to 69h (nice.) of regular hours
   -That brings your total regular hours worked a week to 44 + 69 = 113h. Monthly that would be 113 * 4 = 452h a month
   -That puts your hourly rate at $14,400 / 452 = $31.90/hour
   -With that hourly rate, using the average 40-hour work week, that would be a monthly salary comparable to $31.90 * 40 * 4 = $5,104
   Do what you will with these numbers, but for the amount of hours you’re putting in, it actually isn’t that much an increment from your existing role. Not to mention the toll on your physical and mental health.
2. You will go crazy within MONTHS working 6am – 1am, burnout and eventually resign. It is not manageable. There is a reason they are willing to pay you that much.
   What’s wrong with a slow paced job that you enjoy? 3.8k pay is not that bad, like you said it’s slow, people are nice, it’s chill, you get to have extra time to watch netflix, workout, go out, have hobbies or do things in your life.
   Life is much more about money – please enjoy all other aspects of it!
3. I interviewed at a similar firm before. Old school commodities trading firms are known for their such toxic culture.
   My interviewer straight up said, “are you ok if i yell at & insult you?”
   “Are you ok with leaving office at 8pm daily and then rushing home to monitor the positions til midnight?”
   More modern firms adhere to “follow the sun” model whereby each region takes over once their market hours commence. Eg London takes over the trading book once European markets open and SG office can rest. Likewise after European close, New York takes over.
   China commodity firms tend to wanna trade 24/7 markets despite situating all employees in 1 single office. Hence the ridiculous hours.
   Not worth it. I urge you to turn it down.

Fiancé cheated for 2 out of 3 years

My ex (M21) and myself (F22) were together for 3 years. We had bought a house, had a son, got engaged, and even had wedding plans set until about 3 months ago.

Even being young, we were relatively successful. Good jobs, supportive family, and (what I thought was) a good relationship.

My suspicions of cheating started with the continuing $600 a month credit card bill. He never did give me real answers when I asked why it was so much, especially when it wasn’t used on bills or groceries.

I found a pair of VS underwear in our bedroom, one size too small for me. It was a style I would wear, so I couldn’t figure out if they were actually mine or not, and my memory was horrible.

After about a year of him not having a passcode on his phone, one popped up. He never went anywhere without his phone, and made sure to carefully watch me if I ever used it.

Roughly August of last year, he broke it off with me for a single night, and ended up having a girl over. We got back together the next day (something I should never have agreed to, I think) and he told me about it. I was upset and hurt, but loved him too much to do anything about it.

The end of December last year, I put him on my phone plan. Brand new phone, smart watch, and tablet all under my name. By the first week of January he had left his watch charging on the counter, and by curiosity & suspicion I went through it. I found a Bumble verification code from just three days earlier.

That same night, when he went to bed, I took his phone and locked myself in the bathroom. I found that he had been talking to all other girls on snapchat and instagram. I found his Bumble account and the girls he talked to on there. I found his OnlyFans account where he was tipping girls there (note: the credit card bill), and his entire photo gallery was TikToks of girls, videos he had saved of them, and screenshots of conversations.

I confronted him the next morning, saying that a friend of mine (who was single at the time) had seen his Bumble account. I told him to delete the account and block all the women he had talked to. He did.

We ended up trying to repair the relationship, but by the end of February (right before we were suppose to get married) he broke it off with me saying he wasn’t happy and, “Didn’t have time to date”.

Two months later he started sending pictures of me and his new girlfriend kissing.

I’m happier now, and moving into my own place soon since I’ve been living with my parents for three months.

He tells the story of how we just didn’t get along anymore, but I know the real truth.

How do I nicely reject ppl from coming to my house?

Recently moved to my bto. It’s a 4rm, the living room isn’t big. My older bro and sis have been telling me it’s very small, kept asking me why I buy only 4rm. They each stay in a resale 5rm executive or 5A whatever.

Last week I went to my husband’s friend’s house warming. We are quite close to the whole group, about 12 of them. They said next gathering should be at our place, I told them our house too small to host, but they insisted to come visit.

My and husband’s parents, siblings, aunts etc have also been asking when are we having house warming. Arghh.

I know my house is small. I don’t want to invite ppl over and be subjected to their scrutiny and judgement, be it imaginary or real. I also don’t like to host gatherings or hang out at homes.

How do I reject everyone nicely? Do I pretend say okok and just never invite them?

Netizens’ comments

1. Just tell them you don’t prefer to host guests in your place ? Why even need to provide a reason ? No is no, don’t want is don’t want. It’s time for you to be an adult and learn to define your boundaries.
   Another thing you also need to learn is to not care too much on other people opinions. Why let their opinions live rent-free in your head when there are better things in life to enjoy.
2. Taichiiiiii…. say haven’t unpack… got new paint smell, pet anyhow pee, very messy, not accessible, husband turned living room into gym etc. keep anyhow say excuse until People give up. Or say people’s house nicer.
   But another perspective is maybe they also sick of people coming to their house.. maybe can suggest meeting at restaurants instead.. Good what nobody need to clean up. Eat finish just leave…
3. It seems that your sibling’s comments are the ones that have been affecting you the most to be honest, hence your reluctance to host. Your friends probably don’t care how big or small your house is. Speaking from experience going to single friends with small condo houses(which are smaller than BTO btw). We just want to hang out for a gathering, who cares what people say.
4. Had a house warming of 20 in my 4 room flat. Really just boils down to whether you really like the people you are inviting. If you are hesitating, take the opportunity to dig deep and ask yourself why. The rest just don’t reply.
   Congrats on crossing such a huge milestone in life and welcome to adulthood OP!

How do you cope with being mediocre among high-flyers in SG?

i’ve been struggling a lot lately. excessively scrolling through linkedin and just feeling so unaccomplished compared to my peers who are of the same age as me.

i understand the sentiment behind ‘living life at your own pace’ but it’s so hard to because everything is eventually about making yourself employable and you need to be competitive and make comparisons to understand where you stand.

seeing how much more competitive university applications into local unis here have become, i can’t help but wonder what is enough.

i’m trying to shift my mindset to understand that not everyone (including me) is exceptionally exceptional and that is perfectly fine. but it’s so hard when those around you are flourishing.

how do you deal with feeling mediocre in such a competitive country?

Netizens’ comments

It’s particularly bad in Singapore, where children are often raised to believe that achievements in their education and career are the only way for them to achieve the respect of their peers and to live with any amount of dignity.

The competitive culture in Singapore isn’t a competition to survive, it’s a competition for social recognition.

The way that I try to deal with this is to start by recognizing that this line of thinking, that your salary and education level should correspond to the amount of respect or value that you allocate to yourself and/or to others, is irrational and in many ways pretty toxic.

Your salary has very little to say about how much good you’ve done for the world, or how much good you can still do.

Of course, this doesn’t change how other people (particularly, Singaporeans) might perceive these things, but if you can learn to dismiss them as individuals who haven’t given these things much thought and find themselves in the same cycles of envy, insecurity, resentment and ultimately unfulfillment chasing fundamentally problematic ideals, it becomes a lot more easier to dismiss their opinion of you as well.

Husband wanted an open relation, I kissed someone and now he wants to divorce, what did I do wrong here?

Hi all, thank you for reading.

My husband Tom, and I have been dating for 5 years, married for 1,5.

Tom and I met and agreed to be monogamous. However, 2 years ago, he suddenly, out of the blue, told me that he wanted to have an open relationship.

I was very surprised. As much as I respected the choice of people to have an open relationship, I knew that it was not something I was willing to do. I told my husband, and he replied that I was just ‘still young’ and that ‘In a few years I would think otherwise’, and that sleeping with other people was something he had always wanted to explore himself

This was a rough period where he wasn’t very nice about me not wanting this, even the idea of cancelling our wedding was an option. I told him that I did not want an open relationship but that I wanted him to be happy, so if that meant us breaking up, so be it.

After a month of reflection on his side, he told me that it was his mental health issues (which he was suffering from) that made him say this. We organized our wedding, and I thought that was it.

A year ago, Tom was telling me about his sister, who had cheated on her husband, I was very shocked, and so was he, but he told me that he was very much in favour of the fact that it’s not because you are in a relationship that you can’t go and see someone else if you are very attracted to them. He called it ‘following your attraction to the limit’. Again, I was sceptical, but until six months ago, the topic didn”t really get brought up again.

6 months ago he came back with the idea of an open relationship. I decided to hear him out, and he told me that it wasn’t fair that I had the possibility to experiment with other men while he had always been in commited relationships. And that he felt like it should be something to experience. I asked him if that would mean that we would have some rules, to not make it a very messy situation, but Tom assured me that an open relationship doesn’t need rules, and that he didn’t want any, he wanted it to be spontaneous.

I was hurt by this. But in the months after that it did come up, and 2,5 months ago I gave in. Not because I wanted to, but because I did not want to stop him from doing what he wanted.

2 months ago, at a dinner with friends, I met a man: John, we got along very well and afterwards I told Tom about my evening and about John. Tom, who was never jealous, suddenly became mad and insecure, asking everything about John. In discussions afterwards, he would tell me, ‘Why don’t you go ask, John’ etc.

John and I were in the same Whatsapp group so we texted a bit in that group and met up several times together with our friends. One evening, John kissed me.

When I got home I told Tom about this and he got mad, really mad. He told me an open relationship doesn’t mean you can text someone and/or hang-out with them and that I ‘betrayed him’.

He packed his bags the next day and today I got a text of him saying he can’t get over my betrayal and that he wants a divorce.