Is it normal for your kids to pay for your parent’s house renovation?

My parents are getting the BTO house soon and we are in the midst of finding ID for quotation for the renovation. They told me to chip for the renovation because it’s pretty pricey nowadays. When I ask my parents why they want me to chip in, all they say is because I’m staying and they have not enough money.

I also found out that they did not do any Fix deposit years back to save up for the house. So I was pretty worried about the renovation costs etc.

Initially I was ok with chipping in since I’ll be staying for a few years..But then come to think about it, I’ll get married and probably have a family and place of my own.

So I shared this situation with a few of my friends and relatives to get a sensing of should I chip in or how much would be good. They were shock after I told them my parents want me to fork in.

I have been working for less than 3 years and I’m still paying off my student loan. I have a savings of my own just for my future house as housing is becoming more pricey.

So I’m not sure if it’ll be wise to chip in the renovation of their house or not. If I don’t chip in how can I tell my parents?

Netizens’ comments

1. Since u started working, how much allowance are u giving ur parents ? Ideally I would pay 500 rent and 300 allowance every month, if u havent paid anything than pay that for last 36 months.. . now if u plan to stay in the house for next 4 years, just multiply 800 x 48 and tell them this is max i can give..
2. What is the amount your parents are expecting ? What is your salary ? How much savings do you have now ? How long down the road do you expect to get your own place ? No proper information no one can give proper advice.
   Personally I don’t think it’s “shocking” that parents ask to help financially. Back then retirement planning is just having more kids so there’s that. What you can do is help them to oversee the whole renovation process to ensure things go smoothly and if you are able to, try to contribute a percentage of the whole renovation cost since you mention you will still be staying with them for the foreseeable future. If not just try to manage expectation based on how much they have to spare.
   Edit: After you shed some light on your finances, I think the best approach is to take charge of the whole process & get those renovation package that costs around low 20K to 30K. No idea how much your parents have or what their “dream home” cost but tell them this is what they can afford, take it or leave it. Avoid giving them any room to add more things or idea. I think chipping in 10% sounds reasonable.
   Again, with no information how much savings you have & when you plan to get your own place (also the type of place), no one can provide constructive financial advice. For e.g. if you are only say 24YO now, obviously your parents expect you to chip in more as they would have the impression that you will be staying with them for quite a while.

So at a restaurant recently, I went there with my gf, her sister, my friend, his gf, and 3 other friends with nobody else brought along.

So as you can imagine, there was 8 of us at the table and it was crowded in the restaurant already so the waiters weren’t really happy to see such a big group turn up and have to seat them.

It started to get awkward when they couldn’t see a free table immediately but eventually they did and we sat down.

I originally offered to pay as I had invited them all and never had the liberty of paying for once. I unfortunately do have some money problems because of gambling but I am clean for 2 years now and have really been getting on with my life, with a new job and more pay.

Even with a struggle, I thought I could easily pay for everyone but apparently not, I thought people would know unofficial boundaries for money spending, but I wasn’t expecting what happened with my friend’s gf.

She asked who’s paying, I said me and she then began to eat and make sure she chose the most expensive stuff she could in the menu.

I thought she can’t be serious right now but I thought lets see where it goes surely she knows what someone would want to pay for, but I was wrong but after about an hour and 30 minutes of this and 4 rounds of drinks (for her) I said to a waiter can I have the bill.

When he came back, it came to a grand total of just over $260. I was astonished, I could afford it but that doesn’t mean I wanted to pay for it.

So I refused to pay for her bill of $113 and asked her for the full amount or some form of payment towards it. She refused and called me an a-hole, I originally believed she was taking the mick out of my generosity but now I understand that she’s normally like this.

why does my (20F) boyfriend (20M) say he needs alone time and then games with his friends for days straight?

me (20F) and my boyfriend of three years (20M) have been having some issues lately around ‘our own time’. consistently, i would stay at his house on the weekends, and then he would also stay at mine one night on wednesday.

lately it’s been “bothering” him i suppose, so he has asked if we can try out me only spending sunday and wednesday with him because he needs his alone time.

only thing that bothers me is that during his ‘alone time’ he will spend 6+ hours on call and gaming with his friends (again i have no problem with this on its own because he works 10 hours a day 5 days a week, so him gaming is relaxing for him).

i guess i just get mixed signals because he says he wants alone time, yet that only seems to mean without me, because “it doesn’t count with my friends”.

any experience on this??

Netizens’ comments

1. Alone time doesn’t mean that you don’t interact with other people over tha time. It means that it’s your time to do with as you please and not have to worry about making time for the expectations of another person.
   I’m guessing you are an extrovert and he is an introvert. It’s helpful to try and understand him rather than feeling offended that he doesn’t want to spend constant time with you. Even if you get married and/or live together someday, you should not expect his “alone time” needs to change. Decide if you’re OK with that.
2. He should be more precise. He doesn’t need alone time, he needs game-time. But that’s just not a widely accepted thing to say.
3. Alone time in this case just means his time without you. Alone time rarely means you just sit in an isolation tank. There is nothing outwardly wrong, he just wants to play videogames with his friends. As long as he continues to make a satisfactory amount of time for you, then there is no problem
4. Young people want time to hang out with their friends and have fun. It happens. I remember wanting to run with my friends while I was in a relationship around that age. I’m sure he loves you, but he also loves gaming with ‘his crew’

how’s it like living in your town/neighborhood?

personally, i live in the west arnd bukit panjang. whenever i travel to the east like tampines or to the woodlands area, it’s like a whole new environment.

people there are nicer, more friendly, and seem less tense, compared to cck-bp.

in comparison, some stores i went to visit in tampines had cashiers who kept smiling, thanking me for purchases, and even initiating in small talk.

meanwhile, when i go to bukit panjang plaza, the cashiers and shopkeepers are seemingly more rude and frowning 24/7, some even getting into arguments with others because of small matters.

peak hours are the worst. buses are congested simply because of heavy traffic taking an arriving feeder to arrive at the bus stop 6 minutes later, and just getting from plaza to interchange takes 7 minutes by bus even though they’re right beside each other.

just my opinion, but anyone from bp feel the same? how’s a daily life like in the east for easties (hougang-tp area), commute and environment?

Netizens’ comments

1. West side best side, don’t come at me with your arguments.
2. Woodlands smell like longkang.
3. I have always assumed that since HDBs in mature estates are more expensive, the residents there may financially better off than those in newer estates. They have less on their plates, are probably less frazzled, and more personable as a result.
4. I frequent hillion mall instead, don’t seem to notice that the cashiers and shopkeepers are like how you describe. Agree with the commute though
5. Rest assured buses here during peak and non-peak is crap so you’re not missing out.
   As for people’s attitude, perhaps generally there are more younger Singaporeans staying around the east (especially Tampines) due to the BTO projects that is gradually TPO-ing. Maybe that’s why the mood better compared to BP/CCK area which is more senior populated. Source: Tampines-rean
6. Well, my area Redhill is quite rabak.. Mrt Tunnel / tracks separates the rich and the poor.. and lots of old people too with ur usual yp blasting music here and there.

Absolutely inhumane interview process

So the HR manager of this big company reaches out to me and shes like you’re great for this job we would love to hire you. They then make me go through 4 rounds of interviews and then at the end give me 2 days to finish a “prework”

This pre-work brief just says this:

build a platform strategy. Your strategy should include:

1. Chosen social platforms, with ranking of focus/priority. Outline the approach, thinking and research that led you to your chosen platforms
2. Role of each platform (including objectives)
3. Target audience by platform
4. Recommended objectives by platform
5. Recommended content formats, with rationale
6. Content frequency

So I put together a 7 page single spaced document with a super detailed platform strategy including everything they ask for.

They ask me for a call and in the call they tell me “we arent moving forward with you but wanted to give you some feedback”

They tell me they expected a fully designed powerpoint deck with objectives, design work, numbers, research done for each target audience, how to do the research step by step methodology, paid media, how much money for each paid media like thats insane and wasnt listed in the brief. They also wanted graphics done and mockups.

if they wanted more why not just tell me? why not just ask for what you actually wanted? if they told me they want a deck with all that stuff I would have happily made it and included KPIs and numbers that I guess they wanted me to pull out of my ass because they never gave me a budget

I brought up my concerns that I 1. already have a full time job, 2. was only given two days to do this and 3. why not just ask for what you wanted?

Their answer:”we wanted to see where your mind would naturally go”

its just effed they expect me to magically know that they want way more than just what they brief asked for

Am I crazy? I tried to go to my friends and their replies were:

“Next time follow up with an email with all the questions that you have. shows that you’re being proactive. “

“usually you have to just give a number which is dependent on the running period and KPIs”

“it’s a pretty common standard to keep the brief “brief” and then see what the candidate asks as a follow up.”

wtf happened to if you want something you say what you want and dont expect people to read your mind. Am I losing my mind? I feel like I’m going crazy

My daughter asked me for permission to go out with her friends this weekend to watch movie and when I asked her if she has enough pocket money to go, I was shocked to hear that she doesn’t need to bring money cos her friends usually pay for everything.

I asked her how come she let her friends pay and she told me that they are rich so it’s okay. Also they are the ones who wanted to watch the movie and want her to go out with them so they are very happy to pay for her movie.

She also said that if she needs to pay for the movie herself, then she would rather stay home cos she wants to save money.

I was quite shocked and didn’t know how to respond so I asked if she could get her friends’ parents’ contact numbers so I can just check with them and she told me that they already know.

When I called them, they sounded surprised and said that they don’t interfere with what their kids spend on as they are old enough to handle their own finances.

If they want to treat their friends to movies then it’s their choice.

Am I very boomer for thinking that there is no free lunch in this world? Or has the world changed and I’m still stuck in the past?

I’m very tempted to ask my daughter to return her friends the money they spent but she’s also right in saying that she didn’t ask for any of this so why should she pay?

Netizens’ comments

I think it’s good that you are concerned and want to pay back the money that your daughter’s friend spent on her, but on the other hand her friends are willingly spending money on her. Like you said, times have changed, not everyone is nitpicky about everything.

Let’s be honest, do you guys shower in the morning?

It’s insanely humid in Singapore recently and temperatures are rising. We also tend to sweat more during such seasons. But even this humidity isn’t deterring some from not taking showers in the morning.

6am, 7am, and some already smell like moist socks I can only imagine how they’d smell like when the afternoon sun hits them at 12pm.

I’m taking like 2-3 showers daily and even so I still feel so sticky and urgh. My colleague at work smells like crap and we have hinted him on couple occasions on how important morning showers are but he just brushed it aside saying “for what shower going to sweat again in the afternoon what” and we’re like ???? And he said he can’t smell himself but dude the whole office can smell his pits.

PSA people we can all smell you and that bedhead pillow mustiness even tho you claim you can’t.

What about you guys do you guys shower?

Or you have that friend who is a firm believer that morning showers are redundant

Netizens’ comments

1. You’re not gonna get a representative response. Most of those who don’t shower will not answer.
2. Yes. Makes me more refreshed and I feel cleaner and better about myself. Doesn’t change the fact I start sweating the moment I step out though.
3. Yes. I can’t imagine not showering before going to work.
4. Just curious, if y’all had to leave house at 5.30am for work, would you still shower? Especially ladies with long hair that takes ages to blow dry?
5. Sometimes is just personal hygiene in general. I change my sheets every two weeks, my laundry is done nicely and dry, puts on new shirt every day. (most smells i noticed actually come from poorly dried/washed laundry ugh). I dont get comments saying im musty or smell bad. Usual feedback from friends is just my light perfume smell, but since i dont have bo so i dont want to speak on behalf of people who do.
6. When I was a kid, I only showered once a day.
   After a while (not sure when), I started showering in the morning and when I return from school/work. This was mostly because I felt icky in the morning.

I just got retrenched

Never really thought I (24) would be retrenched so young.

Hearing the news of those working in tech getting retrenched, I was thinking probably won’t happen to me because I don’t earn big bucks and I don’t work in tech.

I joined the company a few months back and I thought I had finally found a new and promising career path.

I heard about some retrenchment happening soon. I thought hmmm probably next month or something. I had some feeling that it might be me but I thought I was thinking too much.

This morning I started to pack my drawer. Shredded all my documents and thought I should bring some stuff back in case I got retrenched.

As I was packing my stuff, the boss called me in and let me know I was being let go. For a moment I felt like I wasn’t physically present, like I zoned out for a bit.

Part of me was relieved because I don’t have to wonder when it would be my turn. Then they said I had to pack and leave now because of company information confidentiality and they were quite sorry about it.

I mean I was okay actually. Even though I was prepared that it would be me, the sudden departure left me with no closure. I felt like I didn’t have a chance to say a proper goodbye.

My team mates sent me to the exit door and said good bye. I kinda regret not having a nice lunch with them today. We still talked about tomorrow’s lunch plans this morning, but I guess there’s no chance now.

Last week I was still on vacation and now I’m wondering what I should do next week.

Does anyone have any advice on how to get over this crappy feeling?

Is it wrong to get hard when a friend sits on my lap?
I (M18) have a friend (F18) who I have a crush on. She is pretty flirty and will often sit on my lap when we are out as a group.

The problem is I find her so attractive that I get hard as I feel her bum push against me and it’s embarrassing. I’m pretty sure she would be able to feel it, and I get so anxious about being a creep or her thinking I’m being super inappropriate by getting an erection with her on me.

She hasn’t said anything but I’m trying to avoid those situations now as I know I can’t control myself, I still find times where it will happen though.

Ladies, assuming she has no interest in me romantically, would you be creeped out in that situation?

Netizens’ comments

1. You haven’t tried the line, “Sit on my lap and we’ll talk about the first thing that pops up” before?
   Anyway, it normal so long as you’re not trying to press it on her like some sort of sleaze. The fact you’re worried about it shows you have some respect for women too. That’s a good thing.
   Now just ask her out already. She’s not sitting on your lap for comfort.
2. Often sit on your lap? She might be into you aswell, but ask her about it. The worst outcome is she says ‘no’ and you can just politely say that maybe she shouldn’t sit on your lap all the time, because it sends mixed signals.
3. There is a reason she’s flirty with you and will sit on your lap. It’s almost certain she knows what is happening. Why do you think she hasn’t said anything negative?
   Ask her out already!
4. Gotta say here, as a girl who used to act very similar with a male friend at a younger age… I was praying he’d do something about the flirtation we had. Can’t count how many dreams I had of him taking me off alone and showing me what I could feel I was doing to him.
   All we ever had was flirtation and mixed signals. Even years and years later as a very happily married women, I can’t say I don’t still think about the what if from time to time. There’s a reason friends to lovers is such a popular trope. Because we all want it at some point!