Parents of Singapore, how do you guys discipline your children?

We had a conversation at work. And one of the elder colleague mentioned that the current teenage generation is too soft because they aren’t well disciplined by their parents.

He said back then, when we did something wrong we will be caned by our father or scolded harshly. And because of that we learned to be more discipline.

I believe the 80s and 90s kid can attest to that. The fear of tasting the wooden cane or belt because we did something wrong. Right now they are afraid to even lay the hands on their kids for fear of accusations from the public.

But in this day and age, esp with social media and protection of children and all, it seems that caning and such is frowned upon.

And sorry to say but you can really see how rude and ridiculous some children these days are; esp to their parents and elders.

They literally have no respect for others and some parents just let them be. My friend has a colleague whose child was 7 year old was caught stealing in primary school on four different occasions but all she did was tell him “don’t do again next time ah” ??????!?!????. Needless to say it happened the 5th time.

So I’m curious, for parents of the current generation, how do you guys discipline your kids? The old traditional route that our parents did or the “let’s just talk some sense into them till they learn”?

I’m starting my own family in 2 years and this is one of my biggest concern tbh.

Netizens’ comments

1. “My mother cane me, school cane me, prison cane my father, so what, train from young mah”
2. I grew up being caned often, sometimes to the point of bleeding welts. I have never bought a cane, nor raised a hand to my son, except for some smacks on his diapered bottom when he was a baby to deter him from stoves and irons and dangerous things.
   He is 13 now, and we talk all the time. If he has to be punished, he knows exactly what he is being punished for and how long the punishment will last. Usually this involves taking away privileges, sometimes it involves doing stuff he does not enjoy, like extra chores. I am a Gen X, and I promised myself to bring my son up the exact opposite of how my parents raised me. Seems to be working well so far.
   We are friends, but he also knows I am Mom. Kids need boundaries to feel safe and loved, and I have always tried my best to let him know where the boundaries lie. They get wider as he grows up, because I am raising a future adult, not a man-child. I am giving him roots now, so that when his wings grow in, he will know that he will always have a safe space with me.
3. lol i had 2 friends share their stories with vastly different methods.
   guy A say he is the law and judge, his kids fear his every move and he’ll smack them until bleed kind if necessary.
   guy B is oh my kids step all over me, they don’t listen to anything i say and they do whatever they want.
   to me both also is like wtf bro u ok or not
   my kids know when to fear and listen to me, but i usually just talk it out with them rather than going all fierce mode unless they still disobey and not listen
4. We scold and give time outs to our son. He’s still young and he listens well with warning/scolding & occasional time-outs when he’s really acting up, so never really had to spank him. But not completely ruling this out in the future for really serious cases.
   Idk about others, growing up it’s not the spanking or the scolding that I hated. I understand sometimes I deserved them esp during my rebellious years. It’s the lack of respect or communication from my parents that I really despised. I mean things like when they yelled at me in public (kids can feel embarrassed too), or when they just decided to scold / hit me because they unilaterally decided I was wrong and they were right without giving adequate explanations to me.
   So for us, when we scold / give punishment to our kid, we make sure to talk to him after that and tell him why he was punished. Or give him plenty of warning before actually punishing him. Sometimes as parents we may have a bad day and lose patience and overreact – in that occasion I will also apologise to my kid once I’ve cooled down.
   Idk if this is gonna work at the end of the day (we just barely started this parenting journey), but we’re trying our best to strike a balance to instill discipline in our kid without ruining the relationship 🥲

My 24M boyfriend is no longer attracted to me (23F) after a year of dating

yesterday my bf started sending me links to female genital tightening exercises and it isn’t the first time he’s subtly made comments about my body like sending me gym exercises or telling me my chest look nicer/perkier when I’m stretching.

after a long, arduous conversation, he basically told me he still loves me but does not have desire for me anymore despite nothing changing about me since beginning our relationship a year ago.

he told me I am the “loosest” girl he’s ever slept with and he thinks that’s why he often has difficulty getting/maintaining a full hard on which he claims was a problem he never experienced before me.

I am exactly the same height/weight as I was when we started dating and live an overall healthy lifestyle.

He was unable to pinpoint anything about me he didn’t like aside from physical features he says he does like but he’s allowed to have other preferences for since “nobody’s perfect,” however all the physical preferences seem to match those of his ex and not me.

we are planning to move in together in July but I don’t know how I’m going to mentally get past him essentially blaming me for the root of any dysfunction he has and comparing me to his ex physically and in bed possibly without realizing.

I do love him and want for this to work out and believe he does love and care for me too, I just don’t know what to do from here. he waited until a year into our relationship to bring up things that have been allegedly bothering him since we first started dating and I am still unsure why he chose to get involved in a relationship with me if he felt this way all along, so any advice or words of wisdom is appreciated.

Netizens’ comments

1. Most importantly, don’t move in with him. Also, end the relationship and find someone who won’t be manipulative. I’m sorry you’re going through this, I promise you it’s not normal and you’ll find someone who won’t say those things to you.
2. I’d break up with him if it were me. He can move in with his imaginary girlfriend he creates in his head.
3. He will miss you only after you’re gone! Life’s too short to waste on these controlling types. Go out and live your best life and let him go find his pleasures in one of those silicone toys!!! Let us know how that conversation goes with him.
4. You should not move in with him. He didn’t just bring up a problem in your relationship, he told you you’re not good enough and he wants you to not only change with exercise but also get surgery. He chose to bring it up in a way to tear you down and destroy your self-confidence.

My wife did grocery shopping and brought my 3-year-old daughter along. After which, she went to the coffeeshop nearby to get coffee. Being in the queue with my girl in her stroller, naturally she occupied more space in the queue. The stroller was at her 5 o’clock position.

An uncle joined the queue behind her but for some reason, he pushed the stroller aside. My wife was shocked to see the stroller moving. She looked back only to see the uncle’s hand on the handle pushing it away from my wife.

Wife: “Why did you push my stroller”

Uncle: “Oh, i want to queue”

Wife: “Ok but why push my stroller? Can’t you wait?”

Uncle: ” Shut up you f-g b-d”

I kid you not. My wife just froze and decided not to react and went home and called me. I got furious and immediately left my office and rushed down to confront the MF.

When I confronted him, he said “nothing wrong with just touching the stroller. Never touch your daughter or wife what”.

I also confirmed that he called my wife a f-g b-d because he confessed to it. His reason as to why he said it was because my wife was rude by asking “cant you wait?” Expletives were exchanged.

Out of nowhere, presumably with him not able to say anything else, here comes the xenophobic part:

Uncle: Shut up you f-g pinoy.

Me: WTF, I am Singaporean you fk.

Uncle: You come here take PR, not Singaporean.

Me: I was born here, pink IC, i did my NS. I’m Singaporean you dumb fk.

Everything is wrong. I would not let anyone push my daughter’s stroller without informing me or asking for my permission. Would you?

Are boomers devoid of manners? A simple ‘excuse me’ would have suffice.

Also, I am a Malay Singaporean, and with so many Filipinos here, a Malay person could be mistaken as a Filipino. But I don’t think that is something he should point out when race/nationality has nothing to do with what just happened. In no way, did I point out his race or nationality when I was spewing expletives at him.

I am so scared right now

Hi everyone, apparently my bf and I were caught by a cleaner for doing it inside a public toilet, a handicap toilet.

She reprimanded us and warned us that there is a CCTV outside. But she didn’t take our ICs or asked our names.

My bf is having a panic attack rn since he is scared he will get reported to the police. Since we are still in our early 20s, we are scared that our future would be affected from this.

Someone pls advice.

Netizens’ comments

1. She didn’t see you in action and you can just say your BF is helping you zip up your clothes. If there’s a footage in the toilet you can take counter action against them.
   Unless the cleaner knows you, it will just be a lesson to remember and laugh it off in the future.
2. Just book a hotel lah, what if someone disabled needed to use the toilet and you were busy banging your boyfriend inside, so inconsiderate.
3. I was caught actually inside my gf in the Raffles City basement handicap toilet. It was one of those electronic lock toilets.
   The cleaner tapped to open the sliding door (rude!) And she had a glorious view of my back view while I was inside my gf, who was sitting on the sink counter.
   She gasped, mumbled something in Malay and tapped the door closed. We quickly dressed and left and the macik wasnt outside when we left. It was a good laugh.
4. To have any repercussion, the cleaner would have to go to their manager and report the incident. Then, someone would have to take time to retrieve the footage, download the relevant part of the video, and bring it to the authorities.
   I don’t know if you’ve ever reviewed CCTV footage, but it takes forever and the cleaner would have to sit there and confirm you are the two people they saw in the bathroom.
   Let’s pretend the manager can be bothered with such a massive waste of time. Since the cleaner didn’t take your IC, facial recognition would be needed to prove who you are, unless the camera managed to get a clear take of both your faces.
   If the cameras are cheap, it’s hard to achieve and extra costs would be necessary to confirm your identity.

Company ended remote work today.

After 3 wonderful years of waking up 5 minutes before my morning standups, spending breaks walking my dogs or taking care of chores so I didn’t have to spend my weekends on them, and saving thousands of dollars on commute expenses, my work’s executive team announced a mandatory return to office this morning.

This comes after they repeatedly announced that work from home has been a resounding success, has improved productivity, and has saved the company millions. Even promising in writing that work from home would be a permanent change.

Many of my coworkers made permanent arrangements as a result of those promises, now it’s looking like anyone who can’t or won’t comply with the order will be fired.

For those who can comply this will effectively be a pay decrease across the board creating unnecessary commute costs as well as a serious hit to work/life balance.

Leadership has refused to provide any data supporting their new claims that working from home is inefficient and does not allow for effective communication, and instead has insisted that we trust that they know what is best for the company.

Remember everyone, no matter how great you think your company is, no matter what your bosses promise you – we are all still just red lines in a ledger to them to be cut or replaced whenever they feel like it.

Never trust an executive, never give them anything but the bare minimum.

Netizens’ comments

1. Friend of mine was reporting into an office about 10 minutes from her house. Worked there for near twenty years.
   Worked from home for the past three with similar success and results.
   They informed her… not ONLY with they be requiring people to report to their office.. that her office was being moved.
   They are now about to lose a twenty+ year top performer in their group.
   Idiocy. Idiocy all around.
2. Sorry for your loss, I’m glad it lasted as long as it did for you. It’s beyond stupid that we even need to have this conversation. It would be nice if everyone who comes back into the office is less productive….
3. Seeing this happen all over the place. Would love to hear from an executive, even anonymously, about the real reasons for it.

SOS. Mentally exhausted and feels disgruntled against my company

I would like to ask how to continue working when you are extremely disgruntled with what your company has done to you. My industry is suffering global mass layoffs so I cannot afford to jump at this moment. 30YO (6YOE), local, IT industry (Project Management PMO and IT outsourcing in nature). I am dragging my feet to work every morning.

Here’s the story. I don’t have family nor friends to talk on this. I don’t want my family to get worried (besides they are not working in corporate world, so whatever happens they always blame it on me).

Last year I joined this company and I have been performing well according to the internal one-to-to appraisal discussion. Unfortunately I was diagnosed with some illnesses with major surgeries (it was a matter of life and death and the recovery was very tough on my body and mental health).

Luckily I managed to survive and the illness is a one-off thing and is not a chronic disease. So I just need a few months to fully recover (bedridden). So my future work performance is not impacted.

Unfortunately this was what happened. I mean I do not expect them to be concerned of my feelings and conditions to the extent of asking how I feel. But I definitely did NOT deserve this. Knowing that I was hospitalised, I was immediately informed that my probation was extended to further notice due to low performance. (My probation ended right before the surgery, and should be well deserved with all my hardworking wasted every night and weekend doing outsourcing work).

I was devastated, I was really upset. I was on my bed (I couldn’t even get up) crying. What did I do to deserve this? Please note that I just escaped from death and my mental wellbeing was very terrible.

So what was even worse? As I didn’t pass probation, I was put on unpaid salaried employee for months as I don’t deserve MC and Hospitalisation Leave.

And the worst is coming. My insurance agent told me it is not certain if my bills get covered. When I enquired my company on the insurance policy, they said I am not covered. Despite this, Knowing that I am totally broke and falling apart, they proceeded to not pay my salaries. Any subsequent doctor visits I am on unpaid salaried position. Needless to say, no bonus, no anything, nothing.

So currently, I just passed my probation after more than 15 months of being on probationary period.

I can’t get over what they do it to me. Is this typical in Singapore company? IT industry is also suffering now and I can’t seem to get a job. What should I do to continue working in such company? I can’t even bear to stay even one day.