My crazy gold digger/SG citizenship chaser story: I began dating a girl in late August. Before we even began dating, I told her that I refuse to get married to anyone unless we date for at least 2 years.

We can begin talking about marriage after a year of dating, but the act of marriage cannot happen until at least 2 years. She rebutted with, “I want to get married in a year”. Me being the open-minded person I think I am, I did not think much of it then.

A week later she asked me, “if I leave the country to go study abroad for 6 months, will you stay loyal to me?”. I told her, “I have been single for a while and I am not really up to that. Not that I would cheat. It is just that I don’t want to commit to it.” Then she told me about her living situation and the reason WHY she wants to get married. “I live with my parents and I want to get married and move out.” 

This part is very important later but suffice it to say she was lying about that. She had her own place, money, and agenda. Then she told me that she was ready to follow her husband anywhere in the world. Now, why would she say such a thing? Well, before we even started dating, she told me about her plan to immigrate abroad no matter what.

One day we were in my apartment and we were cuddling and chatting when her phone goes off. She picks it up and the caller ID says, Future Husband. Before we started dating, she told me that she had a foreign boyfriend that lived in Taiwan but they weren’t dating anymore. This was that boyfriend, which I later found out. So another lie.

After maybe a month of dating, I started to get a gut feeling that things weren’t right. So during one of our calls, I told her that even though I thought that she was physically and intellectually the type of girl I wanted, we couldn’t really pursue a relationship because of her future goals. She tried, in vain, to have us continue dating but I just didn’t feel right about it and after a week of trying to salvage it, it went nowhere.

A month of no contact later, I sent her a message apologizing for walking away the way I did and hoped that we could stay friends and when she figured out whether she was going abroad or not, maybe we could continue dating. She told me she was down with that plan and wanted us to hang out, go play pool, yadda, yadda. This went on for a week and then she stopped responding to my messages for a week.

Crazy foreigner story: When this girl eventually responded, it wasn’t her. It was some guy from Spain who identified himself as [Insert girl’s name]’s boyfriend. He then started to send me voice messages as well as text messages telling me to stay away from his girlfriend, that he was in Taiwan and if I don’t stop messaging his girlfriend, “we are going to have a problem” over and over again. It turns out that he was the “My Future Husband” guy, they had become a couple a single day after I called it off, which means that they had been dating for a while before then, and she had never told him about me.

And she had told me that they had broken up a long time ago.

The guy continued to threaten me to stay away from his girlfriend “and that guys that hurt the honor of other men in his country end up dead”. He kept telling me that he was going to come to Singapore to find me. He was 165cm, maybe 30-35 years old, and looked like this was his first girlfriend and was willing to kill to hold on to her.

Ever after finding out that her girlfriend was with another guy, had been emotionally cheating on him with me, lied to him about the things she wanted us to do, the guy, seeming desperate, did not end it with her. A month later (about 2-3 weeks ago), I looked the guy up on Facebook and his relationship status was set to “Engaged to [Insert girl’s name]”.

I am certain that he was making empty threats and was trying to look manly in front of his girlfriend/now fiance, but the constant threats he made, came off as a crazy desperate foreigner to me. The girl came off as equally desperate that was willing to do anything to get a Singapore citizenship, even if that meant getting engaged and married within only a few months. The crazy part? With exception to maybe 1 girl, all the girls I have dated here have come off as the same as the girl in question.

At which point can I just not have anything to do with my family anymore?

At which point can I just not have anything to do with my family anymore (except for my mum)? How important are family ties & filial piety in today’s context?

I’m in my 30s, F, and no longer staying with my parents, I didn’t move out on bad terms and still see my parents once in awhile. However when I do spend time with them, it just leaves a bad taste in the mouth, especially with my father.

We have always had a rocky relationship since I was a teenager and he was mostly the reason I moved out in the first place.

Not staying together has helped not put further strain on the relationship, but I can’t deny nor ignore the remnants of all the past years of toxicity and physical ill treatment (this was when I was much younger) and biasness (he has always shown favoritism to my sister).

Ya, no thanks for daddy issues ha. I have taken a long time to forgive him and to get to where I am today.

I enjoy my life out on my own a lot, I have a wide social circle and enjoy time spent with my friends and boyfriend, choosing to give and receive energy from people with good vibes. But with my own family, it’s just bad vibes I would say 70% of the time.

I feel mentally and emotionally drained each time I spend time with them. I have tried my best to be a filial daughter, bringing my parents out for meals and overseas trips after moving out – my mum has always shown her appreciation and tells me she loves me, but my dad rather speaks to the Grab driver each time I take a ride to pick them up, rather than ask me how I am (after not seeing each other for weeks), for example.

And it’s not that I did not initiate a conversation with him either, but he will just answer with one line and turn back to the Grab driver.

My sister has also moved out and has her own family and kids. We used to be close when we were in school but not as much now with adulting and being on different life paths, which is fine and understandable.

We still text and try to meet over a meal once in awhile but her personality has also vastly changed since becoming a mum.

She gets cranky and angsty easily and gets anal about stuff. I try to be understanding but I feel like because she has kids she expects to be treated like a queen in our family and everything has to revolve around her/ her kids.

Which again, I try to empathise but it’s getting mentally and emotionally tiring. Family gatherings have to suit her/ her kids’ schedule, and I constantly feel that both my parents and myself have to walk on eggshells around her.

I miss her carefree and fun self before she got married/ became a mum, but this is her life choice and I know I can’t expect things to remain the same forever. To be fair she is the more responsible one, handling my parents’ insurance policies etc. and for that I am thankful.

I have made efforts to host my family before at my place for festive occasions such as Chinese New Year or Christmas, or arrange meals outside together. But I’m really tired, and especially when I don’t even tremendously enjoy the time spent together.

So my question really is this, can I choose to just live my own life and not care about my family anymore, except for my mum? I have even thought about cutting ties with my father. I will still definitely bring my mum out or meet her but I really don’t feel like seeing or spending time with my father and not with my sister for now either (but with my sister eventually, perhaps).

Is it because we are Asians so I am feeling conflicted about this? I don’t know, and I also don’t know what I’m hoping to get from this but I know for sure I treasure my mental peace a lot. Is blood thicker than water? am i wrong if I want to protect my peace and sanity and not have anything to do with my family/father anymore?

What should I do when my friend owes me money and still blames me?

I was damn stupid to lend my friend almost 6 digit worth of money by bank loan even private loan, only for everything to be lost in a scam.

He told me cause of business failed all the money to settle his business debts. So I tried being understanding which he promise would return the money to me.

Really he don’t even bother pay me been 3years, I see his family going on trips to Korea etc. Which he using my credit card pay for it .

I posted he and his family recently on social media they’re fraudsters. He found out angry text threaten me said I’m a b-h , his family going to report police. He even text me give a chance to remove post. WTF… did he forget he the one owe me money didnt pay a single cents.

A lot of people say this money is confirm lost, he and his wife fraudsters. It’s not business failed actually their overspend. Because I don’t make noise, they keep taking advantage right?

The worse when i showed him all the transaction money he owed me. He say need check first correct anot. WTF… he said I’m one who screwed up friendship because of money

Netizens’ comments

1. Hes playing u out to escape the payments he owes u. He paiseh because the whole people in his life will see this and be wary of his antiques. Tell him to pay u pay in smaller amounts, u keep track of the amount n balance.
   But frankly la, by the way he act, can see the money cant be returned. Take it as a painful lesson n stop lending ppl ur money permenantly. And cut ur friendship with him n whoever that u know who is with his side for good.
2. This is painful to hear. I would ask what’s wrong with you instead of what’s wrong with him. This person treat you like atm you still call him a friend. What’s so special about this person and friendship that you will allow yourself to be used until no limit?
   And yes all the money is confirm gone and will not be returned. You did not make him accountable for his actions and left it entirely up to him to do ‘what is right’.
   In the first place, most people who know how to be a friend, would not try to borrow money or use other people’s money or credit card. You’ve met a scammer.
3. Why still need to think ? Make police report first ! Let the police investigate!
   You are fooled and cheated by him, that’s all. And why you want to let a married man use your card ? This is something I can never understand. Is there something beyond a pure friendship? Why are you so scared about him making police report against you ?
   I can’t even imagine you allowed him to go for tour and charge to your card. Only sugar mommies does that …