Not paying for my friends half of the trip

me and my friend, Jane, have been planning a trip to Europe for months. we both agreed to split the costs of everything evenly, including flights, accommodations, and activities.

However, a couple of weeks before the trip, Jane tells me that she’s been having some financial difficulties and won’t be able to afford her share of the costs. She asks if i can cover her expenses and promises to pay me back as soon as possible.

i’m hesitant to agree to this, as i’ve also been saving up for the trip and don’t want to be stuck with all of the costs. i tell Jane that im sorry, but i can’t afford to cover her expenses.

Jane gets upset and accuses me of being selfish and not being a good friend. She says that if i were a true friend, i would be willing to help her out in her time of need.

i feel guilty and don’t want to ruin my friendship, but i also don’t want to put myself in a tough financial situation. im now wondering if i were being selfish by not agreeing to cover Jane’s expenses.

What do I do now

Netizens’ comments

1. Jane has NO intention of ever paying you back. If she’s in a ‘time of need’ she shouldn’t be going to Europe, period. She’s trying to guilt and mooch off you.
2. “Friends” like this rarely have actual “times of needs” because they are so used to taking advantage of other people (often in their time of need). Her anger and calling you the selfish one is part of the gimmick to trick you into falling for it. It’s no coincidence that she found someone who is gonna feel guilty for saying no.
3. my parents taught me you only lend what you can afford to not get back. If Jane is struggling financially she shouldn’t be going go Europe. Don’t feel guilty for not being willing to put yourself in an adverse financial situation to help Jane, who I feel won’t pay you back.
4. She knew what the trip cost and didn’t make any attempt to meet that amount. Now she’s asking you to front the money. If you do you’ll never get paid back. She might make small payments but in the end you’ll ask her for the repayment, she’ll throw a fit that you care more about money than her, and she’ll use that as the reason she can no longer be your friend.

How common is it for adult siblings to share the same room in SG?

My sister (25F) and I (21F) have been made to share the same 12 square metre room ever since we could remember because we don’t have enough space in our flat.

Recently my sister moved to the UK for her studies and began living on her own and I got to have the room to myself.

Now that she is coming back, our mom is making us share the same room again even though my sis and I have found an arrangement so that she could move in with our uncle (who lives alone and has vacant rooms) and have a room to herself, quoting that “I had to share a room and the generations before us had to so why can’t you.”

She was married at 25 and moved out around then with our dad. She also said that she expects us to only move out when we married (we’re both single atm) or reach 35. How common is it really for adult siblings to still share a room in their mid 20s.

Edit: To questions about the arrangement, my sis is willing to pay rent and my uncle is also okay for her to stay.

EDIT 2: A lot of people are saying that I’m evicting my sister but she is more than happy to move out. She has the facilities to move out but our parents are not willing to let her, and for us to have our own separate rooms.

Netizens’ comments

1. I don’t think it’s abnormal if there’s no space… but I also think it’s very normal for single young people in that situation to try and find alternative accommodation if they can afford it.
   If your uncle has vacant rooms and is okay with your sister taking a room, I don’t see an issue… unless your mother thinks it’s inappropriate for a niece to stay with her single uncle
2. common. my bf (25M) shares a room with his sisters (27F and 23F) bc they live in a 3R HDB flat, 1 for the parents and 1 for them. they have partitions so in a way still have privacy.
3. I (24F) am still sharing the bedroom with my 2 sisters (26F & 18F)
   Not everyone is lucky (and rich) enough to own a room to themselves and there’s barely enough space for anything. But that’s the way of life.
4. Start staging fights in the middle of the night and scream at each other at the top of your voices. Make it so loud that everyone cannot sleep. Then, propose moving out again.

I’m (F, 26) incredibly attracted to chubby / fat guys despite being a health-nut myself

So i just wanted to vent a little here and write my thoughts down.

All my life Ive been incredibly attracted to chubby / fat guys, i’m struggling with my thoughts about it because im a bit of a health-nut myself and the rational part of my brain is telling me to stop being attracted to it bc its unhealthy.

I also have a very warped relationship with my own self image and weight, taking it to the extreme in the sense of wanting control over food.

So I feel split between both sides on this. Sorry for the ramble.

Netizens’ comments

1. We appreciate you and your love for us.
2. As a chubby guy I just want to say… its awesome girls like you exist , we don’t usually get any love !!!
   • (OP) Thank you so much. There’s definitely a double standard imo. Please remember there’s definitely girls like me who think you’re hot as hell
3. Girl love that belly and get over it. It’s okay. Who cares what anybody thinks. You still do you health wise and get you some loving.
4. I married a chubby fat guy! Now that “dad bods” are considered hot he’s had several coworkers who have tried to date him he’s told them all that he’s happily married, he also wonders where all these women were when he was single. Chubby fat guys make wonderful husband’s I’ve been married for 11 wonderful years!
5. I’m married to a chubby fat guy and it’s great. He’s like a pillow lol
6. Exactly! We’re just the best of both worlds.. both strong and cuddly. Plus, you can eat whatever you want and we wouldn’t judge you.
7. Personally, and my female friends & work colleagues tend to agree- in general we don’t like men skinnier than us. If they’re bigger, it makes us look smaller
8. My very first boyfriend was a heavy guy. I loved him with all of my heart, and even though things didn’t work out, to this day, 40 years later, I am still drawn to heavier guys. My husband wasn’t a heavy guy when we met and married, but as he’s gotten older and heavier, I am more and more attracted to him because of his added weight.

What are your parents/elders’ ridiculous superstitions?

Or can be young people’s also. Eg women’s underwear cannot be washed in the washing machine with mens clothes if not will bring bad luck to the men. Like who even invented these things?

I also had bosses believing cannot early morning ask for money. I got told off for reminding boss on a payment we owe a vendor in the morning.

Or that if first order of the day is cancelled its bad luck for the entire day. Or first dish of the day cannot order fried rice.

Netizens’ comments

1. Cannot go to another friend’s wedding and vice versa if your wedding date is close to each other. Bc it’s considered a clash. Ridiculous
2. cannot have a shower/bath late at night or your head will leak air.
3. eating chicken will make you cough. i had a massive argument w my grandaunt over this. she insisted it was real, i insisted it was psychological. she said impossible.
   i sat next to her and whispered ‘gai yok, gai yok, gai yok’ (chicken meat in cantonese in her ear. within ten seconds she started coughing. i said ‘nah, proven’.
   she was furious and kept saying i was disrespectful. dad and mum were just laughing away.
4. If you don’t finish your rice, your future spouse with have a pimply-face.
5. point ur finger at the moon and u will get a cut behind ur ear
6. I think this is pretty common but the superstition that moths are a harbinger of death. We’ve had quite a number of moths coming into my workplace lately and my YOUNGER colleagues are speculating over who died or that someone is gonna pass on soon.
7. And not really a superstition but more on the paranormal side – a few of my older (like in their 50s) colleagues, including my boss, say that cotton plants are like a host to pontianak. We brought back some cotton plants and seeds from the community garden and they were freaking out lmao.
8. Enter hotel room need to knock door first. 7th month cannot whistle.
9. I have a few that my wife inherited from her parents (we don’t even know the origination TBH):
   cannot turn on WiFi at home because the signals will cause illness
   guys cannot walk under a woman’s underwear (when they are hanging to dry) and vice versa
   after midnight cannot cut fingernails/toenails
   cannot give bags/wallets/kitchen ware as gifts to others because they symbolize you giving your wealth/luck to others
   cannot take people’s gift of slippers because their bad luck will drag you down
   cannot buy running shoes for your spouse/significant other because they will “cheat”/”run” away from you
   cannot have wind chimes at home because it’ll attract spirits to your house
   if you’re pregnant you cannot go to funerals/weddings
   win TOTO/4D must give/donate a portion of it away so that you’ll win more in the future
   cannot take/buy 2nd hand items (jeans, furniture, etc) because it’ll mean that you don’t have wealth to buy new things
   cannot say negative things because words have power and what you say will come to you (e.g. I don’t understand how people can fall down from a chair while seated)

Can cyclists be punished for reckless riding on the road?

For context, I was on a bus passing through the CBD area this morning and the bus was stuck between a formation of cyclists near the Esplanade Bridge (2 in front, and 4 beside the bus).

One cyclist that was riding in front of the bus suddenly changed his mind right before entering the bridge by braking and ducking to the pavement on the left (he pretty much ditched his bike and dived towards the pavement), forcing the bus driver to jam-brake, sending all 4 passengers (myself included) flying forward and slamming into various parts within the bus.

An elderly man seated at the reserved section was flung into the ground by the force, causing cuts in his face and bruises, while my knees and forearm were slammed into the metal plate separating the standing section and seats due to the force, resulting in some cuts and bruises.

Just out of sheer curiosity, are there any laws or regulations governing reckless cycling on the road?

Netizens’ comments

1. You could try filing a complaint with the bus company; if it’s the cyclist’s fault they’d be very interested in tracking down the cyclist.
2. Nope, you’re on your own. Cyclist are the cockroaches of the road, you can’t do anything to them and they aren’t regulated.
   The bus should have kept a safe distance from the cyclists. You can claim your medical bills against the bus company.
3. Eh. I think the cyclist slow + CMI and then paiseh to be holding up the bus you are on that’s why he ducked onto the pavement.
   Makes no sense the bus had to emergency brake unless the cyclist wasn’t on the extreme left (and had cut into the bus lane before ducking onto the pavement) or the bus driver wasn’t maintaining a safety distance away or keeping 1.5m abreast from the cyclist?
   Like tailgating a slow “vehicle” just that this time round it’s a cyclist.
4. How to track them when they have no license plate? That’s how they beat red lights and do whatever they want without consequences.
5. Just encounter one idiot moved from lane 4 to lane 1 one Tampines Ave 10
6. Cyclist aside, the bus driver will likely be reprimanded for following too closely/ not maintaining safe gap. Typically, if the car in front of you stops for no reason it’s the following driver’s duty to ensure there’s sufficient space for their vehicle to come to a safe stop.
   A very sudden stop or lane change may change this but not usually if the following driver had sufficient opportunity to take defensive steps (eg slow down, create space). This standard is applied particularly harshly to drivers of heavy vehicles (classes 4+) involved in accidents.

Other accidents caused by errant cyclists

Joined MLM accidentally years ago

When I was 18 fresh out of school and i dont know what was the next step in life. I accidentally joined an MLM. I didn’t know what’s MLM and what was so bad about it back then.

My “mentor” kept telling me that it’s not a MLM system. They only wanted good quality people. And if I found something good, then I’d share it with my friends. And this programme was good, great mentorship, proven track record… and also said if this company was illegal, then it would not be located right opposite CPIB.

Thinking back, I was really naive into believing that this could be a something for me. And in the midst of that, even blindly dragging my friends and acquaintances to attend those seminars because I needed to “trust the system”.

They were really convincing. I don’t know what I was doing but my “mentors” kept saying, you just need to find ONE good downline. And even gave me examples of how Mr. A found Mr. B because they randomly talked while queueing for groceries (point they waned to make was, just recruit everyone and anyone).

Also, was convinced to buy 2 water filter system to hit my goal. I didn’t have that much money and had to borrow from my mom.

I was so confident i could repay her since hitting my goal was such a big thing but the returns were not enough to pay half of one water filter system.

I have been thinking: does my “mentors” know what they’re doing or they also hated that part of their lives.

Very glad university started so I didn’t continue that.

If you’ve joined an MLM and regretted, please share your story! If you’ve joined an MLM and didn’t regret, please share your story!

Should I quit without a job?

For context just joined a new company, just one month into it now. That company took 2 weeks just to get all the system access approved.

The mentor that was supposed to guide me and provide on job training always taught in a very condensending and rude way, or in a very reluctant way.

To further elaborate, I did ask questions and everytime I asked, I’m always get retorted back with another questions from the mentor.

Everyday I’m dragging myself to work because it just feels like I’m being thrown into the deep end with no guidance and it’s seriously affecting my mental health.

Any advice please.

Netizens’ comments

1. Seems like you either have a very bad mentor or 2) you must have pissed off your mentor some how
   Have you tried to ask for another mentor to work with?
   2 weeks for all system access is quite fast already. In my co, some people work 5 years still do not have access to some system.
   • (OP) You know what, I actually wondered that myself too whether I did anything wrong to offend her but for all I could rmb, I think highly not the case. Unfortunately the scope of work is only tt she will know so to ask for another mentor to work with would be impossible.
2. Even if you quit and be jobless for a few months you should prioritize your mental health over anything. Just cut down your spending and dig into your savings for a little – no point making yourself miserable
3. Unfortunately that depends on whether you can get by without a paycheck, and for how long. I was in the same situation as you, when I got my first job. No proper guidance, the boss uses sarcasm on employees all the time etc. It took a toll on my mental health. Oh boy, I tried to stick it out.
   They fired me 4 months into the job, citing fit issues. Ngl it was stressful for me as I don’t have much savings. I took about 3-4 months to find another job and by then I saw my savings dwindling down fast. Can’t tell my parents anything bc they are not supportive, and I still had to give them monthly allowance.
   One of the most stressful times in my life but I went through it somehow. I would say quit if you have a good strong support system at home, where you don’t need to worry about bills or meals.
   But if you don’t have a strong support system, maybe try to find a new job asap while you stick this one out.

Report HDB illegal rental. Anyone done that before?

Anyone done that before? Can share on their experience?

My neighbour been renting out their flat. The previous tenants were alright cos can tell they are white collars professionals, quite friendly and they leave their main door open for ventilation so you can see it’s quite transparent.

After the previous tenants left, the new tenants were totally different and they are mostly blue collar workers from a nearby country.

I can count like probably 7-8 people staying there, main door always closed and some of them dun have keys so they have to call or knock on the door.

I can also see that somehow the living room is partitioned up. And every now and then, there’s always new people bringing in luggages.

They seem to be quite secretive and like keep to themselves. I also overheard a few complaints from their top and bottom neighbours for smoking and dripping laundry.

U think I should report to HDB? And what can HDB do? And if I report, I’m not sure if it is really confidential and got any repercussions for me.

I’m also wondering if the landlord knows about this or the landlord is deliberately doing this to gain more rental income.

Netizens’ comments

1. Any reports are confidential and really, while the owner might suspect it’s a next door or nearby neighbor who reported, there’s no way to be sure because it can be anyone who reports it.
   There’s also a possibility the landlord might not be aware of the number of people/tenants in the flat if he’s a hands off person and doesn’t inspect the place.
2. A house in my block was being misused for this. I personally didn’t mind because they were quiet and peaceful. But apparently some kaypo minded and reported and there was a notice pasted outside the unit. The house has been empty for almost a year now.
3. How is your relationship with the landlord? Have you informed him about your grievances yet?
   • (OP) Zero relationship with landlord. Only seen him once when the previous tenants moved out and he arrange to do repainting and cleaning but I didn’t manage to talk to him.

Tired of living paycheck to paycheck, hell I’m just plain tired

Seems like I’m seeing more and more posts on Facebook where people are coming to get solutions to all sorts of problems. I guess we’ll see if I can get lucky too!

I’m a 29m, who racked up quite a bit of credit card debt (23k). I’m an idiot, and “fell in love” and got caught up helping her move. Rented cars, bought meals, shopping, helped with all sorts of things. I also used the CC to bridge some of my own financial gaps.

I figured I would be in a position to pay it off later, once I got established. Well obviously that’s not the case because I’m here asking for help.

I do have some stocks I could sell that would eliminate a large portion of the debt, meaning my monthly payments will become much more manageable, but then I lose the ability to put that towards something in the future.

Right now with my current job, I’m pretty much just surviving, with very little getting saved. If I were to have even the slightest “emergency” I’d be buried.

So my question is, what’s my best option? Sell the stocks to alleviate the debt?

Netizens’ comments

1. Sell the stocks. They aren’t going to outperform credit card interest rates
2. Sell the stocks, and cut up the credit cards. Literally cut them up. Burn the pieces of them. Close the accounts so you cannot put more debt on them.
   I had accrued a lot of CC debt (though nowhere near 23k) and the best thing I did was to simply not have the credit available until I fully paid off the card.
3. I’d look at increasing your income for starters. Find a new job, a second job. $30,000 is a really poor income assuming full time at this point in time.