I have been with my partner for almost 14 years. we do not have children, but we’ve lived together for 12 years and own a flat together.

For a lot of our relationship we have had a lot of fun together but over recent years things have changed. In 2020, he was demoted at work due to a restructure, and he completely lost motivation and started spending a lot of time in bed. I always thought he drank too much, but his drinking escalated during this time.

In 2021, I found out that he’d spent the $80,000 inheritance that he’d received in 2015 after his Dad died. He told me he had run out of money because of the demotion at work and had, had to keep dipping into this.

Later, in 2021, he was signed off work for 11 weeks as his condition got worse. He’s never wanted any therapy. He finally admitted he had an alcohol problem but said he wanted to give up himself without support from professionals. His heart had started to beat faster, and he was often drenched in sweat when he woke up in the morning. He’d have the shakes if he stopped drinking.

In 2022, I found out that he had been taking money from my account, 100 or 200 here and there. When I confronted him he owned up and appeared ashamed. He was very apologetic, and I chose to forgive him.

Last weekend, I found out he’d transferred money to his account from another account. This time, when I confronted him, he said it must have been an accident.

I told my brother about this, who said that it’s not possible for this to have been an accident. I then confronted my partner again, and he admitted to stealing as he needed to pay off his debt.

When I asked how he could possibly be in debt as he never buys anything, he finally admitted he owed money from his drinking

I decided to stay at my brothers 5 days ago while I process everything. If he reaches out for professional help, am I a pushover if I then choose to stay in this relationship?

A small argument between a customer and me (restaurant owner)

I’d like the internets opinion on this please

A table of 6 enters the restaurant and orders 6 individual dishes. We provide the dishes and later they add on an additional side dish (fried potatoes)

Upon receiving the order, we start preparing the fried potatoes

to complete the dish, it takes 10minutes

after 9 minutes, the customer wants to cancel the dish because “it took too long to arrive at the table”

the dish was at the pass, ready to be served to the table

customer receives the food from the server and rejects it on the spot, saying “no we’ve cancelled the food”

manager goes up and says “ma’am, we’ve already prepared the food, you’ve cancelled it too late.”

she still rejects the food. Restaurant proceeds to put the food in a take away container

During billing, she was forceful to not pay for the dish. I reasoned with her, saying it takes time to prepare a dish. She still insists to not pay for it

At this moment, I said I’d call the police to settle the matter of payment

She goes on “you’re calling the police over $16?” And I reply “I’m calling the police because you refuse to pay for a service that I provided”

She pays for the bill at the end, speaking French to her family, saying “this is not how commercial businesses run” and “it doesn’t make commercial sense” and “this guy (me) has no principles”

Am I in the wrong?

Netizens’ comments

1. Personally, if I want to cancel a dish, I’ll ask if the food is already prepared & can be cancelled. If the restaurant is already preparing or cooking the dish, I’ll just wait & not cancel.
2. Especially if it’s only been 9 min since the order was placed. I can (sorta) understand wanting to cancel an order if I’ve been kept waiting for ages (like, 30 min or more, or if all the other dishes I ordered at the same time have arrived and been finished except for that one dish). But this wasn’t the case here and the customer wasn’t reasonable. And actually for me – even if I’ve been kept waiting for a long time – if the food suddenly appears I’d feel bad about cancelling so I’ll usually just accept it
3. Since the patrons have already decided to add on the side dish (assuming that they’ve done so at a later time), it is only reasonable that some preparation time is be given.
   And cancelling an order just after 9 minutes does seem a little abrupt.
4. 10 mins to prepare the dish is sensible. Since the manager informed it’s too late to cancel and despite customer reject the dish, your staff still proceed to put in takeaway container. So you are not cheating them.
   Usually before cancel any dish, I’ll confirm with the staff if it’s possible to cancel. Not possible, then what to do, just wait lor. It has to be mutually agreed.

Is defaulting and missing IPPT/RT considered a criminal offense?

So I legit forgot (it slipped out of my mind) to attempt IPPT for reservist last year due to heavy commitments in both school and work, and would like to know if this is a criminal offense.

I believe that this is like under military jurisdiction/law and would only be made known to SAF and not the employers right??

What happens if an organization (e.g. educational organization) asks me to declare my criminal record?

I mistakenly declared my IPPT as a criminal offense (which i don’t think it is???) and am kinda in a tight spot rn because it seems that the org. is not giving me a placement due to my declaration

Netizens’ comments

1. Ya, I missed my IPPT and I am now wanted by INTERPOL and on the run from the CIA, FBI, MI6, Justice League and Avengers.
2. Not criminal offence la. Just go CMPB, tell your sob story and say sorry. If you heng, occifer give you warning only.
   Not heng, $50-200 fine depending on his mood. Just say thank you sir and walk out. Scan paynow qr code that the MP give you and move on with your day.
3. got charged once during my undergrad days as I skipped ippt for a year due to the curriculum workload. Had to report to a junior disciplinary officer at cmpb and got off with a warning, plus an instruction to attempt ippt within the next 3 months.
   Had another friend who defaulted a few times, ignored all the red letters, and was eventually charged by the CO when he went for ICT. Think he got a fine too, but was a pitiable amount that he even laughed at it.
   Definitely not a criminal offense.
4. Kena charge once for not going to IPPT, ended up paying fine of 50 bucks. SPF btw.
5. I kena charged before for defaulting. IIRC you get penalised more the more you default:
   -warning
   -$100
   -$300
   -$600
   -db
   They gave everyone a chance in 2020/2021 because everyone was dying even before exercise already lol
6. you so busy you cannot take even 11 days in 1 year? just attend, fail, do 10 NS FIT sessions, repeat.

I am a NUS graduate, and currently evergreen I didn’t find love during my university days as I was focusing on my studies.

I was never into the idea of using a dating app but my friends had always been encouraging me to.

I find it intimidating to meet and talk to a stranger whom I have never met. Upon my friends’ influence, I tried using it and I had a match with someone whom I thought we could have something more.

I finally mustered the courage to meet him in real life after talking for a month or so and guess what. He brought me to fast food restaurant on the first date and we went dutch.

& He then ghosted me after a few weeks.

I am so done with dating app after this experience and simply do not know if I can ever find love. Please advice… It is so so difficult for me to find love

Netizens’ comments

1. You looking for free meal at fine dining restaurant? Idk you looking for boyfriend or ATM. If it’s the latter I think try sugarbook got better luck
2. first of all, the venue wasn’t all that bad. What were you expecting, fine dining and free treat? these can come later when you have earning power no need to wait for a guy to provide. Be patient and open to dating different kinds of guys to broaden your mind and fine tune your expectations too.
3. Uhhhh so meaning prior to this OP was basically expecting dating apps to be some kind of complimentary all-expenses-paid fine dining experience service? 
   (How little have times changed; I actually slightly pity my date-seeking straight male friends now)
4. Well. Shows he’s not pretentious and sensible. Alternatively, there are other more lucrative places u can look for dates. 
5. Love isn’t something you can “find”. It will happen when it’s meant to happen. Of course, you can take steps to improve your odds of finding a suitable partner. Take care of yourself on all aspects, external grooming, shaping up a personality that people will find appealing and etc. And maybe most importantly, your attitude toward others. Nobody wants to hang around a person who gives off negative vibes.
6. When I was in my 20s, I went to the dating apps. I met friends who are also in dating app. On the other hand, I have friends who let nature take its course.
   20 years later, my friends from dating app are married, mostly with kids. My friends who let nature take its course remain single.

25M looking for a significant other, hopefully within this year, and married next.

A pet lover, humorous, and earns a decent salary. I have been called a pretty boy my whole life and hopefully, my potential significant other be pretty as well. If my significant other can do about 80% as well, we can easily afford a 3br condo.

A hopeless romantic all my life, surrounded by couples all the time. I guess I should take it as a sign. I’m feeling lonely. Oh, I wish I’d find a lover that could hold me.

Oops, side track, back to the topic, the dating scene has been horrific, so I gotta expand my chances here. Erm my criteria aren’t high. As long as she is kind, treats her family well (and mine in the future), presentable (hopefully pretty), well educated (like myself), independent, able to take care of house chores, be a good mother to my future child, faithful and honors me, will add on to the list when I can think of more.

If you are interested in signing up for this role, please drop a message in the comment section and I will hit you up! Thanks and looking forward

Editor’s note: You buy too much cai fan, hear the auntie call you shuai ge too many times is it.

Netizens’ comments

1. ” If you are interested in signing up for this role “
   – Are you conducting job interview ? Does she need to send CV with past relevant experiences ?
   ” Be a good mother to my future child “
   – Pls don’t come here & create single mum, our ladies won’t thank you enough.
   Real women do not need a man-child. Good luck !
2. Your post is horrific. You looking for husband or wife ha? Want to marry a wife who is pretty, can cook , can take care family, then you should earn and support her and your kids in future, she does not even need to work even she is highly educated .
3. What time already. Go and sleep la.
4. Don’t contribute to our divorce statistics. Stay single. You’ll thank yourself a decade later.

I have been reading stories about toxic parents, and parents who demand too much allowance. So I’m here to share my story. Just want to get this out of my chest.

Mother was divorced shortly after I was born. She then cohabited with a gambler who frequently molested my elder sister and me. We told her a few times that we were being molested, but the most she did was to tell the gambler that he must be careful in the way he touched us so that we won’t call it molest.

Had to live in fear everyday for more than 10 years until they spilt. Then she got together with another guy and they got married, so legally he is my stepfather. But I am totally not close to him.

My relationship with my mother wasn’t good to begin with. Since young, I blamed her for not protecting me when I was molested for so many times. She was also very biased. She treated my sister much better than me. My elder sister always had new clothes and toys whereas I could only have hand-me-downs.

I had to put up with her daily insults and she laid her hands on me even when I was in JC. She never scolded my sister before, no matter what my sister did. I had to do housework while my sister could slack at home the whole day. I could go on and on about the disparity in treatment.

Her attitude towards me slightly improved when I entered the workforce because I started to give her allowance. At first, I thought that I can finally have a loving mother and experience some family warmth. But I was wrong.

After I got married and had kids, I told her that I could not give her as much allowance as before. Her attitude changed immediately. When I brought my kids over to visit her, she liked to criticise them just like how she insulted me when I was young. She has never bought any gifts for my kids. I dreaded bringing my kids over to her place because the vibe was always so negative and my kids were puzzled why their grandmother hated them so much.

Then one day we had a big argument over money (she obviously wanted more money from me) and I decided that enough is enough. She is just seeing me as a money tree. Given how badly she treated me when I was young and how nasty she was to my kids, I felt that she does not deserve to receive another cent from me and I want to protect my kids from their toxic grandmother. So I cut off all contact with her.

In case you all are wondering whether she is acting this way because she didn’t have enough allowance, I can tell you no. She has stopped working for the past 20 years and her monthly allowance from my stepfather, my sister and me was $3000.

She is just a housewife who cooks dinner 3 times a week, spends most of her time sleeping at home (or flirting with other men outside, behind my stepfather’s back). Yet she is getting $3000, more than the hawker centre cleaners who toil their back from morning till night. And she had the audacity to ask more money from me? It didn’t occur to her that she had been mentally and physically abusing me since I was young?

It was that big argument that made me realised that I really hated her to the core all these years. After I cut off contact with her, I dreamt of her occasionally (I never dreamt of her before). And in all my dreams, I was venting my anger on her. I was scolding her all the things I wanted to say to her face in real life. I even slapped her in my dreams. I would wake up feeling angry because the dreams felt so realistic, but also quite satisfied that I ‘got my revenge’.

I do feel that I am in a better place now. I don’t need such a toxic mother to ruin my life and my kids’ lives. I can have my own loving family, with me modeling what a good parent is to my kids.

Why are the poor so entitled? Everytime see comments on Facebook and Instagram poor people complaining about their wage and jobs.

Like if ur not happy with life go get yourself upgraded? It’s as if you expect jobs to be a god given right and the government owes you something.

Everything all blame government blame society. Just because ur not intelligent or not hard working and therefore poor, you blame it on others.

You expect the rich to share their wealth with you? If that’s the case then no meritocracy needed in Singapore.

Netizens’ comments

1. Many rich people who were born with a silver spoon in their mouths believe that their wealth is solely due to their hard work leh.
2. Why are the rich so entitled? Every time I see comments on Facebook and Instagram from wealthy individuals boasting about their lavish lifestyles and complaining about having to pay taxes, it’s as if they believe that their wealth is a god-given right and that society owes them something.
   They seem to think that their success is solely based on their intelligence and hard work, completely ignoring the role that privilege and luck play in their lives.
   And yet, they have the audacity to criticize the less fortunate for complaining about their low wages and lack of opportunities.
   They conveniently ignore the systemic barriers that prevent many people from climbing the socioeconomic ladder.
   It’s time for the rich to take responsibility for their own advantages and recognize the responsibility they have to contribute to society.
   They should be willing to share their wealth to ensure that everyone has a fair shot at success, rather than hoarding it all for themselves.
   If they refuse to do so, then what’s the point of a meritocracy in a society that perpetuates inequality?
3. Kinda right. We’re poor bcos we’re spending our extra time on social media comparing, instead of trying to think of ways to start a biz or earn passive income
4. Regardless poor or rich, as long the mindset is correct, it’s okay. I only despise those who always wish $$ will drop from sky & don’t need to work hard for it.

Upset over my husband peeing in the sink

BACK STORY: My husband started peeing in the sink mainly because when I was pregnant him peeing in the toilet made too much noise so after me giving birth he continued to do so as to “not waking the baby up”. We have a two sink bathroom (but weirdly he does this in mine)

Lately he does this everywhere, my side of the sinks where our daughter plays with the water and today the guest toilet to the extent the Pee was all over the floor… I was out with my friend and came back to it, yes I was drinking but me bringing up how him peeing on the floor and in the sink leaving stains isn’t okay is because I’ve had a few drinks.

Where I live we have house help however I don’t believe in making them do things they shouldn’t be. We already have a new dog that my husband insisted on getting that’s peeing and pooping everywhere I feel my helpers shouldn’t be having to deal with his mess as well.

I clean it up in our bathrooms every morning without a word (cause it’s just in the sink) but I never knew he does it in our public areas

1. Im disgusted by touching another humans body fluids he knows this I only share drinks with him when they are alcoholic otherwise I don’t share.
2. I would wake up to a yellowish stain in the sink and obviously know what it is and open the tap and clean it off.
3. He said it was better for him to do it in the sink as him sleepy makes noise I just never knew that he does this onto the floor in the guest bathroom too which is nasty
4. My daughter and myself sleep through a lot of noise we don’t care, she’s 1, only thing I requested is don’t flush.
5. I’m just trying to understand why I’m cleaning up after a man at 6pm

Netizens’ comments

1. you have a husband problem. This is nasty behavior to the nth degree. The pregnancy is over, the baby is born, there is no need for him to continue acting like a toddler.
   Stop cleaning up his mess, if he doesn’t want to use the big boy potty, he has to clean up his pee pee
   Sit him down and have an adult conversation about this, he stops or you leave. This is a hill to die on!
2. When my kids were little, they never peed in the sink. I just can’t even imagine what would make a sane person think it is ok to pee in a sink all the time. I mean seriously. This is where you brush your teeth, floss, put on makeup, check yourself in the mirror. I don’t want to be doing that with a puddle of pee around me. Ew.
3. It’s easy to pee in a toilet without making noise if you are male: you just aim at the rim on one side of the middle of the bowl. It’ll swirl around and into the water more or less silently.

I quit because my boss canceled my interview for another position without my consent.

That’s a story from a couple of months back when I used to work at a corporate hellhole in the pharmaceutical industry.

I was a technician and applied for an analyst position within the same company/site I was working at. After a week, I get an email from HR with my interview date and time, which was more than a month ahead of time.

I immediately warn both my supervisor and the person in charge of scheduling that I would need to be available for an hour on that given date for an interview. They both confirmed it was okay and marked it in the schedule as a “meeting”.

Fast forward to the morning of the day of the interview, and my supervisor tells me that the workload is too high for that day and that I -have- to cancel my “meeting”. I respond by telling him it was not a meeting, but an interview, and that both he and the scheduler gave me the okay 5 weeks ago. He goes “Okay, let me see what I can do” and leaves.

Not 5 minutes later, I get CCed on an email that my boss sent to HR saying: “Khriss1313 is not available for his interview today, please cancel it”. That effing pos did not even tell him it was his fault, and I looked like an effing idiot trying to explain what happened while staying professional.

I still got to reschedule the interview after talking with HR, but I chose to quit anyway since I thought that a company where this kind a disrespect toward employees is not worth my time.

Netizens’ comments

1. Boss: I had them cancel your interview because we need you here instead
   Employee: Okay. I have a way to ensure this won’t happen again.
   Boss: Wonderful.
   Employee: I quit. Now my availability at any given time is no longer your concern, nor business.
   Boss: Wait….
2. This is another example of you being a ‘resource’ instead of a ‘person’. Just bidness nothing personal. Take the stapler when you quit.
3. When I was a manager I saw part of my role in helping people move to the right job for them. If someone wanted to move on I would try to find out why and help them as much as possible. I saw part of my success as maximising the potential of a team member.