Is ghost marriage a thing here?

Yesterday, I watched the Taiwanese movie “Marry My Dead Body”. The movie (which is really really good!) tells the story of a guy that is forced to marry a ghost through “ghost marriage”.

I found this ghost marriage phenomenon very interesting and intriguing. I come from Indonesia, where ghost marriages are sometimes performed in the rural Chinese enclaves in Kalimantan. I’ve heard stories where during the ceremony, the tea inside the cup intended for the “ghost” gradually disappears in front of everyone as if someone drank from the cup.

I was wondering if ghost marriages are/have been a thing here in Singapore? If anyone has any anecdotes to share – that would be awesome!

Netizens’ comments

Yes. It is a thing. There is a temple at Tanjong Pagar that perform this ritual. I can’t recall the name, but it is the one that is near a hotel and near the huge patch where there are swings for people to paktor.

It’s called 冥婚 and largely common in Taiwan.

Ghost marriages

Ghost marriages, also known as spirit marriages, are a centuries-old tradition that is still practiced in some parts of Southeast Asia, including Singapore. This unique cultural practice involves marrying a deceased person to a living person, often with the intention of providing the deceased person with a spouse in the afterlife.

In many Southeast Asian cultures, it is believed that unmarried spirits can cause mischief and bring misfortune to the living. To prevent this, families sometimes arrange ghost marriages for their deceased loved ones in the hopes of appeasing the spirits and securing good luck for the family. The practice is most common among ethnic Chinese communities in the region.

In Singapore, ghost marriages were once relatively common, especially among the Hokkien and Teochew dialect groups. While the practice has become less common in recent years, it still persists in some communities.

In a typical ghost marriage, a living person is chosen to be the spouse of the deceased. This person may be a member of the deceased person’s family or someone who is hired for the purpose. The wedding ceremony is often similar to a traditional wedding, with offerings made to the deceased person’s spirit and vows exchanged between the living and the dead.

After the wedding, the living spouse may be expected to perform certain duties for the deceased, such as offering food and other offerings at a shrine or grave. The living spouse may also be expected to refrain from marrying or having children with another person, as this could be seen as a betrayal of the deceased spouse.

While the practice of ghost marriages may seem unusual or even macabre to some, it is an important part of the cultural traditions of many Southeast Asian communities. However, the practice has also been controversial, with some arguing that it perpetuates harmful gender roles and can lead to the exploitation of vulnerable people.

While the practice of ghost marriages may be fading in Singapore and other parts of Southeast Asia, it remains an important cultural tradition for many communities.

how to deal with unreasonable landlord?

Been living with this landlord (70F) for 9 months. Contract ended 3 months ago but I was told I could continue staying without signing further contract if I want to.

I continued because rental rates r crazy and I prefer not to live with my parents. We got along fine at the start.

Problem is her mood is erratic and she is extremely stingy (e.g. Doesn’t allow me to boil water, complains I use too much electricity at home just because I don’t go out on weekends etc).

She has gotten even more unreasonable recently getting pissed at me because i took a few days off to study for exams, saying I’m causing her bills to surge.

Note she also went in to my room when I’m not at home (I know this because I realised my fan blade broke into pieces when I came home one time and the knob was turned to zero but i forgot to turn it off before I left).

Now I’m planning to give my one months notice soon but I’m worried she might not return my deposit. And her appliances were not in good condition before and she tries to blame me for “breaking” her stuff.

And she’s been slamming things constantly (because she’s pissed at me for being at home) and it’s been disrupting my sleep and revision. Any advice on this?

TLDR: stingy landlord might not return my deposit after one months notice is up and has been disrupting my peace.

Netizens’ comments

1. Small claims tribunal. However, I’d advice just forgo the deposit and consider it back payment for the cheap rent as well as a lesson learnt.
   Landlords from hell in SG are super common and personally as a life long renter, I’d advice trying to find units with no stay-in landlords. You could consider finding housemates and renting an entire unit together. That’s gonna open up another can of worms though.
2. you need to talk to someone experienced/familiar with the law in terms of landlord/tenant. for example, i know that wear and tear (in this case the fan) is borne by the landlord. same argument for the appliances. you wont get the right responses here unless some experienced agent will give u free consultation
3. You chose not to sign new contract, so you have no standing. Best is, either forfeit the deposit or delay last month’s rent with excuses. Of course you have to make sure you have already landed a new place before then.

I’m $100k in credit card debt and it feels impossible to get out

I spent the last two years really struggling mentally. I got out of a toxic marriage but still share kids with this person.

I came out of the divorce at $0. No debt but no assets either.

I make decent money but I was totally in denial about how much the divorce and custody battle would cost, but also how much I needed to scale back my lifestyle.

I really just wasn’t paying attention. I was just trying to survive and keep things as smooth as possible for my kids.

The last few months I started to feel normal and happy again, but then I finally had the energy to take stock of my finances.

I f-ed myself big time. I’m writing this here because I can’t talk to anyone about this yet. It’s so embarrassing, but I really need to face it now.

Netizens’ comments

1. Bankruptcy will give you a fresh start. That’s what it’s for. I had to do it because of medical debt. You will have to reestablish credit asap but don’t repeat building debt again. There is a way out but learn from it. Good luck.
2. File bankruptcy. It’s not as bad as it sounds and it sounds like you’d really benefit from it.
3. Scale back your lifestyle and start paying ot back. You got yourself into it, now get out.
4. Make a deal with the creditors. Tell them you can’t pay it and usually they’ll agree to a monthly fee for a certain time. It’ll take some effort to call them all but you aren’t the first and will not be the last.
   If they won’t make a deal get some credit counselling they’ll make the deals and you’ll probably have to pay more but it’ll be in one payment per month.

New manager floating the idea of his daughter taking my Social Media duties.

So, I have a new manager and he’s been there for 4 months maybe. To provide context, I have been in my role for 3 years and my social media role for a single year.

All platforms have grown exponentially and I have got nothing but praise by my director and board members.

Now, in a meeting to discuss a potential raise my new manager relayed to me that not only do I make enough money, but his daughter can do my job at a cheaper rate. His teenage daughter can do what I do apparently because she handles some posting for a couple of shops.

Yesterday, I overheard him speaking to our manager about my pay and how his daughter can do XYZ.

It’s honestly disrespectful that this is being brought up. I have been great at my job and somehow this guy who has barely any knowledge of our work wants to push me out of this role to bring his daughter in.

I’m not sure what to do. Speak to my director? Him directly?

I want to point out the social media management is just a job duty I picked up a year ago and currently paid extra for, so this situation is detrimental to me financially but of course I worked hard to get our platforms where they are. I have a full other position besides social media. (Want to in terms of my program my work is done efficiently and in a timely matter so no need to alleviate any perceived burdens)

Specifically, the content we post has to be crafted and framed in certain way and as someone who is immersed in the target audience/demographic, removing me and installing someone who is clueless to (my manager as well) our mission would be a head-scratching decision.

In terms of data and reporting, I provide my monthly reports for all platforms and discuss data points related to our website/google etc..

I (25f) have just found out my mom (49f) has cheated on my dad (50m) with her brother in law (55m)

Long story short, my mom has cheated on my dad with her brother in law. Her sisters husband. My cousin walked in on them and caught them in the act.

I don’t know what to even think, say or do. We were such a close family, we always hung out, did family parties now it’s all gone.

My mom drinks pretty heavily and is just blaming it on that. I don’t think it’s an excuse. My aunt has left and gone to stay with my grandma.

My aunt and cousins will never speak to my mom again. My dad is just making excuses up for my mom saying she was drunk and didn’t know what she was doing but we’ve all had our suspicions for a while.

My mom and aunty have argued before about how close my mom and her husband are. I can’t bare the thought of never speaking to my mom again but I’m so so angry.

My family is ruined. I feel empty and I can’t talk to anyone about it because it’s so embarrassing. What the hell do I do?

I just can’t believe this is happening to me.

Netizens’ comments

1. Remember, nothing is your fault, only your mother/uncle’s fault. Maybe your father is married for too long and his spirit is already broken since he’s being a chump, regardless it would be nice to give him some support.
   Forgiving your mother is your choice but remember that forgiveness is more about yourself than about others. You do it in order to have a lighter soul and a calmer mind, which doesn’t oblige you to interact with your mother the same way, just allow you to don’t get angry or sad whenever you see her.
   Best of Luck!!!
2. Ah the last resort of the shameless cheater, ever present in their armoury.
   Just remember, this isn’t about you or your morals, this is about them, you need to feel no shame for what they’ve done or who they are, this does not reflect on you. Support your dad, without referring to your mum, because he must be going through all sorts of pain right now, as you are, and just try and heal from this betrayal, which will come with time.

Why people in Singapore don’t like to greet each other?

I’m genuinely interested to understand this. Every time you try to smile or greet someone in the elevator or other places, they act like they didn’t even see me.

Some people even make faces, like I asked for their kidney or something. Am I doing it wrong? I mean It has worked in other countries! A simple nod or a smile isn’t gonna hurt anybody.

BTW I’m not new in SG, been here for 5 years.

Netizens’ comments

1. Most Singaporeans aren’t groomed for small talk. It’s a largely introverted Asian keep-to-yourself-don’t-rock-the-boat-don’t-stand-out-and-hammer-any-nail-that-do-by-gossiping-that-person-to-the-gutters culture.
   They don’t want to “waste” awkward time pretending to be comfortable with someone they have never met in their life and will probably never meet again. It’s emotional labour to them.
2. I think in Singapore culture, it’s uncommon to be overly friendly….rephrase, we’re naturally cautious around strangers. So much so that when the situation presents itself, we don’t know how to react and hence have no reaction or go towards a defence mode of ignoring the person.
3. My mummy say don’t talk to strangers or else they’ll kidnap me and sacrifice my soul to the underworld
4. Hah my first year in singapore from the us, i was doing the typical american thing whenever buying something at 7-11, “hey good afternoon, how are you?”
   them — “ohhh hi” nervous giggling and them looking at me like i’m from Andromeda
5. No one trust each other as much as they do before. I remember when I was a child, I was overly friendly and would smile at people regardless of whether I know them or not.
   But once I grow I realise the world isn’t as simple and as safe I thought, plus with my parent’s teaching and other life experience, I don’t smile much at anyone anymore because I don’t trust them.
   I believe introverts are this way too, not because they don’t like to talk, but more because they don’t dare to open their hearts to anyone.
   Unfortunately, sympathy, kindness, etcetera are weaknesses that are perceive by most of our population, as they are feelings which makes us vulnerable, and no one wants to feel this way because they don’t want to get hurt.

My employer forced me to miss out on the birth of my daughter

I have been dealing with terrible communication from my boss since recently starting new employment. For reference, I work in the pharmaceutical industry.

I was in the middle of work when I got the text from my wife that she was on her way to the hospital, with the baby on the way, even though she was due to be induced in a couple of weeks.

I tried to call a coworker and got no response, of course, and my boss threatened to fire me if I missed my shift.

Is it really that important? My boss made me choose between losing my job and seeing the birth of my daughter. And because I’m desperate to keep this job, now with a baby, I chose work.

To top it all off, even though I make decent money, I won’t be getting any paid time off with my daughter. That’s what it’s like being a worker in America, I guess. Just needed somewhere to rant.

Netizens’ comments

1. I know a accounting/finance guy working for a big employer who got a call that his wife was in a car accident. The manager wouldn’t let him leave work to go check on/help his wife. yah. Screw that.
2. I would do everything in my power to make that bosses life a living hell during your time left there. I would immediately start searching for another job. I’d leave a glassdoor review detailing your experience and I would probably go to HR to throw your boss under the bus for being a subhuman piece of s-.
3. If you being at work is so critical that you cannot miss any work, you are highly underpaid.
4. Never pick up your phone or answer a text when you’re off the clock. F them. You gotta play the same game back. When you’re ready start looking for something else and give those people zero notice. F them.
5. I have two kids and was there for the birth of both of my kids. I didn’t even tell my employer I was leaving work, I just left. I work hard an am a valuable employee, my time is worth a lot more than I’m making. Don’t let anyone dictate what you do