Found out my friends introduced me to my girlfriend as joke, they’ve all slept with her before. I’m incredibly shocked and don’t know what to do

I’ve (22) been with my girlfriend (22) for 4 years now, and it’s been the greatest 4 years of my life. She’s the sweetest person I’ve ever met. She’s hilarious, insanely creative (she’s an artist), goofy and just the happiest girl you’ll ever meet. She’s always smiling and very out going, she’s so energized & I’ll admit it’s sometimes hard to catch up with all her adventures. But wow, it’s been so amazing being with her. My friends introduced me to her when we all graduated from school, and we immediately bonded. We’re both into comics, anime, marvel/DC, dungeons and dragons – we had so much in common, we just because super close very quickly. The fact we had so much in common made it easy for us to spend time together, going to conventions, anime events, game tournaments, superhero films – this all of course led to us officially becoming a couple, and the rest is history. My parents also are in love with her, which is honestly the cherry on top. It’s nice to see my be so welcoming towards my girlfriend, although they’ve gotten a little protective towards her like parents lol.

I plan to propose to my girlfriend later this year, as we always joke about getting married, having a weird geeky wedding & starting a family – and I really want that so much, so proposing to her is my main goal of 2022. Fingers crossed she says yes! I really hope so.

Now this is where my friends come in. I have 3 close friends of mine, friends I grew up with. We all split up a few months after school, they left to further their studies so right now we all either just talk through zoom chat or I go visit them once in a while. I decided to be close to family and my girlfriend. Well I told my friends that I plan to propose to ashley, that I’m believe I’m 100% ready to start a family with her & how excited I am to see how it goes. They kept asking if was serious, even calling me a dumbass. They really were going at it with me, quite roughly. I just figured they hated the idea of marriage, so I ignored their comments. That’s when they told me the truth, and holy crap the proof they had made it even worse.

They all said they met my girlfriend 8 years ago at midnight bowling, they met her through a friend of theirs that invited her that night. I don’t know this other friend at all, so I can’t say who it is. That’s how they all met, they thought she was hot and cool so they stayed in contact with her. After that my friends still continued hanging out with my girlfriend, playing video games, anime – and of course, bedroom activities. They told me they’ll “pass her around the group” for fun, and that’s practically why they were friends with her. They kept using the word slut, which crawled into my skin in such a negative way. So pretty much they just kept my girlfriend around for intercourse, all 3 of my close friends have slept her plenty of times.

This lasted a good portion of school, but of course I didn’t know my girlfriend at this time cause she attended another school. They decided they’ll introduce her to me because they wanted to see if I can also “get lucky”, that it was all a joke to see if I can also end up sleeping with her. I didn’t believe any of it, but my heart completely shattered when they showed proof from instgram messages. It was nothing inappropriate like pics or anything, they just showed me that they all indeed keep in contact with her in the past.

And you know what they did? They made me the “dumb guy” and made all this a joke. They said I’m a dumbass for dating her, that I should’ve known better. They didn’t expect me to date her at all, that my girlfriend was going to act “slutty” towards but they were surprised she didn’t. How the hell am I suppose to have known better? Friends introducing friends to a boy/girl is a normal thing, that’s how i interpreted all of this. Also I had no idea about their history with my girlfriend, so them saying “I should’ve known better” is ridiculous. I didn’t see my girlfriend as an object like them, I saw her a friend that I ended up falling in love with. She treated me very kindly, comforted me whenever I was sad, told me how much she loved me – we fell for each other, It wasn’t just intercourse. The only reason my friends told me this was because they think me getting married to her is “too far”, so they expected me knowing the truth would lead to me dumping her. “She’s too much of a slut man, just let her go” one of my friends said. I just got off the chat, and they’ve been sending me non-stop texts ever since. I haven’t replied, I don’t feel like talking to my friends at the moment.

I approached my girlfriend about this, and I instantly regretted it. She broke down completely, which I’ll admit kinda teared me up. I’ve never seen her panic so much, she was freaking out as if someone died. She kept apologizing, telling me she’s never slept with anyone else while with me & saying she didn’t know about the joke my friends were doing. She told me my friends simply invited her to hang out, and during the hang out they introduced her to me. That’s how it all went, she says she wasn’t aware of a “plan” or anything. “You probably think I’m a slut, right?” Is what she kept saying, which just hurt me to hear. She told me she loved me, that to please just ignore my “friends” to to not break up with her. I just told her I loved her as well, and that what I know doesn’t change my feelings towards her. She still thinks I’m going to break up with her, which I won’t ever do. I just kept her in my arms, that’s all I could do. I didn’t want her panicking, so I just comforted her. I’ve been with this incredible girl for 4 years, created beautiful memories with her & I’m not going to let what my friends have said to me ruin what I have with her.

I’m not mad at my girlfriend, why should I be mad? She didn’t do anything wrong, her past is her past & it’s not of my business. Who she sleeps with is none of my concern, my feelings towards her haven’t changed – I love her with all my heart, i always will. I’m mad at my so-called friends, because one being they’re taking all of this as a joke, speaking of my girlfriend awfully – and the other being that this all started as a little joke between them. They didn’t have good intentions when they introduced me to ashely, they simply “passed her to me” thinking I was going to treat her like a toy or a piece of meat.

I’m just shocked, that’s what I am. This whole thing has been mentally stressing me out, and I wish I didn’t know about it. I love my girlfriend, but I’ll admit the thought of her with my friends hurts me. I’ve cut all contact with my “friends” these past couple of days, I’ve been ignoring their calls and texts – and there’s a ton of them. I just don’t know what to do, I really don’t. Also the thought of my girlfriend immediately sleeping with my friends kinda bugs me, because me and her took it slow. Maybe she did care about me compared to my friends, and didn’t want to hop straight into bed. I also think this because even my friends said she didn’t act “slutty” towards me, that she actually cared about me. You see, these are the stupid thoughts I’m getting in my head & I hate it.

I’m personally still going to propose to my girlfriend, I’m not leaving her. I plan to cut contact with my friends and simply focus on my future. If any of you have any advice to share, I’ll greatly appreciate it. I definitely need to relax my mind, that’s for sure.

Happy national day Singaporeans! Kicked out of my hse, really have no idea where to go

Having some trouble here, got into a big argument with my parents on my bday 8 aug and my parents continued arguing with me today 9 aug and forced me out of the house, I really dont know where to go now.

Any place to lepak until maybe midnight? Also idk if i want to go far because i am having some intense back muscle pain due to lack of sleep, i live in west area(Jurong)

Netizens’ comments

1. Ironic since Singapore got kicked out on the same day as you.
   But the better thing is to try and make amends with your parents instead
2. Libraries all closed today. Airport is 24hrs and got aircon… lots of places to chill with food places etc…
3. Changi Airport for air con and comfy seats? Food might be a problem due to price though, but you can always ask where’s the staff canteen
4. I have a flat in Sengkang, with a big couch in the living room. DM me if you can’t find anywhere else.
5. Hit up any of your friends see if they can let you stay for a day or two, then go back to your parents once their heads have cooled and apologize.
   Doesn’t matter who’s wrong or right, you need their roof so yea, got no choice.

A netizen shared how he was shamed by an old classmate for using his parents’ money to pay for his uni degree.

He said that it seems like quite a few people are judging him for using his parent’s money to pay for his degree, and asked if there is really a need to shame others for not going the same way as them.

He added that he took an interest-free loan from his parents to pay for his degree and that he would be paying them back.

Here is what he said

Recently I caught up with an old classmate of mine and I was talking to him about my PhD journey soon (I got accepted with a scholarship). The first thing he asked me was if I paid it myself and I said yes, I have a scholarship.

We talked a bit and he left for another appointment. Although obvious, it seems like quite a few people judge you based on whether you use your parents money for degree/studies. I don’t really understand why they do so though. Like I get that you paid for your degree studies yourself (and you are proud of yourself for doing so), but is there really a need to shame others for not going the same way as you?

Many ex-students (like myself), take an interest-free loan from parents (to tide through uni) and pay the principal back over installments, which is a much better idea than loaning from banks.

Can someone enlighten me on why some financially independent students feel the need to shame others? I don’t really get it, like does it make them feel better than the other person or something?

Edit. For some context, back in our uni days (bachelor), I mentioned I was taking a parents loan and he said that he took a bank loan. He proceeded to call me spoilt. I later clarified that I intended to pay them back, which he took back his insult.

Netizens’ comments

What, u guys didn’t have to tap rubber or work the padi fields b4 going to school every morning?

Yr parents paid for ballet, swimming, abacus and tuition classes after school?? U didnt have to cook and clean and look after your 12 younger siblings???

What do u mean u took mrt n bus to school….. u didnt have to wade across a river and walk 10km each way? How did u do yr homework then…. not under the moonlight but gasp, led lights…. on your study tables?

Oh the shame! Snowflakes, the lot of u! Shame!!!

A netizen shared how he is in debt of about $10,000 and earning a monthly salary of $1,500, and given the current rate of his repayment, it would take about 1 or 2 years to repay his debt.

He broke down his salary and monthly expenses of about $800 for his rental, leaving him with $700 for food and utilities.

The rest of his salary (presumably goes to his debt repayment).

Here is what he said

$10’000 debt with a $1500 monthly salary

+ Has no Diploma
+ Has no Degree

+ Lives on a rent with $800/month (including utilities, thank god.)

Never had I been so thankful that I’m not a big spender.
But still, this debt will most likely take 1 to 2 years of my life to pay off. (Im 25 years old, no kids; No sickly parents (thank god again. :’) )

Truly, Wish me luck.

Netizens’ comments

1. You’re really not doing to bad. Work your way up in your job / career path. Make good decisions, you’ll be fine.
2. In the grand scheme, you’re doing great! My advice is to make a plan so that your timeline is not “1-2 years”. You should know exactly when you’ll make that last payment. It’ll help keep you motivated.
3. What are the types, totals, and minimum payments on each debt?
   Aside from rent, and above minimums, what are you monthly expenses?
   Is that full-time (what state if so?), or do you have the option of a side hustle?
   Sorry for all the questions, but I spent the last 4 years paying off a mountain of debt, and answering all the above was how I got started.
   Little jealous of that rent.