AITA? Do I really deserve this treatment?

I hope you all can help me understand. It’s a long one, but I appreciate it if you read till the end. Will do my best to keep it as short as I can.

I used to be close to this person (I’ll call her Manda for reference) and she was one of my close friend for years. Not sure if it’s important, but, I’m a guy. And no, Manda is not my crush, or gf, or more. Just a very close friend, pure platonic.

In 2016, Manda excitingly told me a great news about her studying in the UK. Thing is, I was excited, but, at that time when she told me, lots of bad things happened to me. My university struggles, my toxic family problems, financial issues, and my pet nearly passed away and I struggled to find the money to bring my pet to the vet, etc. So my response towards her news isn’t exactly the best, but, I didn’t react that bad. All I said was “That’s really great”. She tried to keep the excitement, to which I responded “That’s good”. I then told her “Listen, I’m happy for you, I really am, but, I need some time alone for a bit. So much bad things going on with me now.. I’m sorry. I hope you understand..I am happy for you, but, I’ll get back to you about this as soon as I can”. She didn’t reply after that.

Days, turned to weeks, everytime I texted her about her day, or anything to do with her studies, she gave me the cold shoulder. She responded harshly and sarcastically. Mind you that I don’t understand social cues as fast as anyone. But when I noticed the passive-aggressive response, I asked her, “Did I do anything wrong?” to which she said “Oh. Refer back to the text when I told you the great news of me going to the UK”. So I did and… I still don’t see anything wrong really.

She then said “I was so excited to tell you the news, you were the first one I told, and yet, that’s your response? You were being rude and you hurt me a lot.” I’m still…confused. I then asked her “Just because of that? I mean…why didn’t you tell me before? It’s a small thing, we could’ve talk…I did told you bad things were happening to me, but, I didn’t say I wasn’t happy for you though”. She then generally just lash out on me. Saying I’m not a good friend, saying that I’m a horrible person.

I begged her to meet up, or at least talk to me about this, but she refused. There’s still many bad things happening to me that time and I don’t understand why she wants to add more…she doesn’t even bother asking me what I was going through…yet, I apologized to her, I said its my fault, I was begging so hard, but she decided to ignore me all the way. She decided to cut me off. Months passed, and she still ignores me.

The day comes when she’s gonna fly to the UK, and I found out one of her bestfriend couldn’t make it, which made Manda sad. I contacted her bestfriend and planned on something crazy, to which her bestfriend agreed. That day, in the morning, I drove all the way to Melaka, Malaysia, picked Manda’s bestfriend up, and drove all the way back to Singapore. At the airport, I was scared to see Manda cause of the tension we had. Right before her flight, everyone gathered (but not me, I was a lil hidden while keeping distance), and Manda was so surprised to see her bestfriend present that day. Her bestfriend said “Oh, it’s all thanks to him (me). He drove all the way to pick me up so I could see you”. Manda…didn’t say a word about it. She saw me, but she didn’t bother saying hello or…anything…not even a smile. She was just with everyone else. Hours later, she flew to the UK. I didn’t get to say goodbye… I then send Manda’s bestfriend back to Melaka, and drove all the way back to Singapore.

Days later, Manda blocked me everywhere, and I found out she had been bad mouthing me to everyone. No one believed her description about how bad I am to her, but still…why would she do that…I cried and cried for months, wondering what exactly did I do so bad…

7 years passed, her bestfriend got married recently, and invited me. I went in the wedding hall, and…I saw Manda. She saw me, rolled her eyes, and walked to a different direction. I immediately just leave a gift for her bestfriend, took one photo, and walked away from the hall. I didn’t eat anything there. As I reached home, I cried till my heart feels like stopping.

What exactly do I do wrong…please be honest with me…do I deserve to be punished this way…I have apologized, I even tried to make it up to Manda by driving all the way to pick her bestfriend up to see her on her day to fly to the UK…is that effort not enough? In the past, Manda can hurt me so much, but I always forgive her and give her the chance to talk…why is it when I do it one time, I’m the bad guy?

If you read all the way, thank you for your time. Please do tell me if I’m the one who messed up..please let me learn..

My wife cried when she asked me this

For context, we are Singaporean couple in their late 30s, living in a HDB with one kid.

My wife has always been obsessed with details. From vacation plans to grocery shopping lists, things need to be structured. I on the other hand, am absolutely happy to arrive at a foreign country and figure out the rest of the holiday.

When she asked me, what is our/your goal in life? I absolutely drew a blank. I can be quite rightly described as a sheeple. In the recesses of my mind, all i wanna do is do my day job, pay off my hdb, retire at official retirement age, live with what I have.

She has aspirations. We sell our hdb, upgrade to a condo near our ideal school for our kid, then we sell it off again and downgrade it with that cash as retirement funds.

She asked me, whats the roadmap for our life ahead?

And im wondering how many of us have got this planned out, are working towards this road map of their lives? Or am I the only lost unguided soul here?

Here are what netizens think:

• There’s nothing wrong with your wants. You want a simple life, but your wife wants something more. Such talks should happen before marriage. However, all I have to say is a simple life is not necessary a bad one – you may be better off financially for it. Wealth is what you can’t see. All these upgrade to condo, sell off etc- talk is easy, most people lose money. In short, it is a trap. Which most people like to chase so that they look good in front of others; but lacked the wisdom to see and then end up financially worse off.

• You are the type who prefers to coast along and wing it. Your wife (like most ladies I think) prefers security, in the form of a hubby who plans for the family. I’d say, why does the onus have to fall on one person only? This is a marriage. And you have a kid. Both spouses are in it together and both need to plan together. She might have her own plans or is feeling insecure for whatever reasons. So, the best way to see where the problem lies, is to have an open and honest communication.

• Absolutely nothing wrong with u. Just different breeds. Our instincts will take us where it serves our mental-wellness. The world is now flocked with nervous/impatient peeps, it may be due to fear of the unknowns. I dun plan my holidays, this feeds my creativity and spontaneity, and i love surprising myself.

I’m not sure what to do now. In a relationship for almost 1 year, and he turned away from me. I found out recently from his phone that he wasn’t gambling.

He was actually sending money to other BOYS. Also found out that he had a private chat in telegram, while we were hanging out together (I glanced on his phone). I suspect that he had turn gay.. His IG feed and stories are full of muscular man body & we didn’t have S at all throughout our relationship.. Furthermore, there’s one time we were hanging out with his friend. His friend wanted to tell me something regarding boys in his past (?). Im confused and lost. I dont want to lose him…

Here are what netizens think:

If that’s what he wants, then it’s better to go on separate ways. Painful as it may be, better to face it earlier than later…

I’m really sorry to hear that you’re going through a difficult and confusing time in your relationship. It’s essential to communicate openly and honestly with your partner to address your concerns and understand the situation better.

Acceptance

Here are some steps you can consider taking:

1. Initiate a Conversation: Find a suitable time to sit down and talk to your partner about your feelings and concerns. Choose a comfortable and private setting where you both can openly express yourselves.
2. Express Your Feelings: Let your partner know how you feel about the recent discoveries and your suspicions. Use “I” statements to communicate your emotions without placing blame. For example, say, “I feel confused and hurt by what I’ve discovered,” instead of making accusations.
3. Listen Actively: Give your partner a chance to explain their side of the story. It’s important to listen attentively to what they have to say and try to understand their perspective.
4. Ask Questions: If there are aspects of the situation that you don’t understand, ask your partner for clarification. Be open to receiving honest answers, even if they might be difficult to hear.
5. Seek Professional Help: If the conversation doesn’t provide clarity or resolution, consider seeking the guidance of a couples therapist or counselor. They can provide a safe and neutral space for both of you to discuss your concerns.
6. Reflect on Your Own Needs: Take some time to reflect on what you need in a relationship to feel happy and fulfilled. Consider whether your partner can meet those needs and whether you are both on the same page about the future of your relationship.
7. Respect Boundaries: It’s important to respect your partner’s boundaries and privacy. While open communication is crucial, invading someone’s privacy can create more issues in the relationship.
8. Acceptance: Be prepared for the possibility that your partner’s feelings or orientation may differ from your expectations. It’s important to approach this with an open heart and mind.

Can anyone help me understand my situation?

Ever since I’m a kid, I’m always unwanted by girls, probably cause I’m physically unattractive. It’s understandable really, so I accepted that I’ll be with no one.

In university, when everyone else got into a relationship, I was always the single one. My female classmates often made fun of me, saying my face is a wreck and I’ll never be able to attract anyone with my look. They always insult my looks everyday. It doesn’t hurt me cause I’ve long accepted it. I never fight back.

One day, a coursemate , who happens to be my crush, that I’ve worked together for years, confessed to me that she liked me. Of course, this is new to me. I asked what about me that she likes, and she said that I have a great personality, a “husband material”, and for some reason, she said a bonus for her is that I have a great physical look. Of course, I was shock. Things like this never happened. I decided to open up my heart even more and start a relationship with her.

But here’s where I don’t understand. Months after I got into a relationship, suddenly, my female classmates has been…different. Like they were flirting with me, asking me out on dates, and giving me gifts. Some other woman from different course flirted with me too. My female classmates even tried to sabotage my relationship but failed. They even fought againts each other cause they were trying to win my heart.

I’m really not trying to brag. This is new to me. So my question is, why do I suddenly appeared to be attractive when I have a gf? Aside from the fact I have a gf, my looks are the same, my personality are the same, and I’m not rich either. My gf accepted me for the way I am and we’re building things up from scratch.

So like…what changed really? What’s the difference in me when I have no gf vs when I have one?

I met a girl, and we hit it off straight away. The second date we slept with each other and it was hot af. We dated more, got to know each other more, had a blast. Every time in bed is phenomenal, in awe of each other. Both open-minded and communicative, we play each other’s fantasies and have loads of fun.

We both started out not wanting anything too serious, but feelings started creeping in. Both trying to be a bit guarded, I maybe showed more than her, but it’s teasing and flirty and just a hint of vulnerability.

Relatively remote relationship, we see each other at weekends (both work ft) and the occasional midweek booty call, Oh Yeahhh

We have a wonderful weekend together, romantic walks, fine wine, great “exercise”, awesome company, even joke loads about falling for each other. Genuinely have a great time.

Following weekend she has a night out with friends.

Everything changes.

I go see her on the Saturday after, hangover cures inbound, snacks, drinks etc. She is cagey and distant, cites mental health issues. I am cool, we play boardgames and eat food and she feels better. I feel like a good boyf.

Next two weeks she is off point and my instincts are screaming, we “did it” again but the fireworks are gone. We hang out but its a bit awkward. Since then she put me aeroplane twice.

I repeatedly ask her if there is something wrong, something on her mind. She fobs me off.

By this point it’s obvious to me she is guilty of something, written all over her face.

I have to ask flat out if she cheated, she comes clean, slept with a random night out with her friends. I end the relationship there. Not here to be cheated on, that’s properly bad behaviour.

But I can’t for the life of me figure out why? Why would she do that? When genuinely things were going great and we were having an awesome time together?

Having good looks is a curse.

I know, npnt.

I’m being told that I’m pretty all my life. I’m blessed with height and am also slim built with an ample bosom. Tbh, I don’t see what others see in the mirror. I’m just me. I’m an introvert so I don’t open up easily unless I’ve spent time knowing a person. I don’t socialise a lot too. I always try to blend in but shit always seem to happen.

In pri and sec school I was bullied so much by other girls. When I reached the age when boys started to notice me, it got worse. I get prank calls from boys asking me to be their gf and their current gf would gang up with others to confront me and make my life hell. Once they even threw my school bag into the boys toilet, vandalized my desk, drew on my uniform. I was so afraid of going to school and couldn’t focus in class. I dreaded being approached by anyone especially boys who wanted to get to know me. It’s very uncomfortable when people keep staring at your chest instead of looking you in the eye when talking. I feel like a piece of meat. I mostly wear baggy clothes from then on.

When I thought those days were over, jc and uni aren’t better. I thought I made some friends only to overhear them telling others they just wanted to know what’s the fuss about me. Said I’m just some stupid flower pot plus other very mean and hurtful things about me. So basically they weren’t really my friends. I started to keep to myself even more.

I finally entered the workforce and unknowingly dated a married man for a few months. I ended the relationship when I found out. He didn’t wear a wedding ring so I assumed he’s single. How stupid of me. I’ve also dated a guy who actually have a gf and I only discovered it much later. I was so broken after that. Whenever someone tried to ask me out again I just said no. I thought of trying dating apps but I fear it’s worse.

All that talk about looks. Sometimes it’s a curse for some people you know? You wonder if the person is really interested in getting to know you or is just desire or lust.

I had a crush a guy recently and I think he noticed, he told me he finds me intimidating to be with. What does that even mean? How much of myself should I change to have a guy who is willing to look past my physical appearance and treat me like a normal person? I also want an authentic love with an authentic guy.

From a heart broken girl.