My friend made a disturbing joke, how do I proceed?

Today, my friend was going on about how he likes The Walking Dead. He then proceeds to talk about his favorite character.

He told me his name is Negan. He wanted to show me this villain so he went on YouTube and showed me the scene where he killed two characters called Abraham and Glenn.

During the whole thing, he kept saying “yo look at how he is laughing, that is so cool” ,”look at this savagery”, and “what an amazing character”.

Now as I was seeing the pummelling, where Negan used a baseball bat with barbed wire wrapped around it to smash Glenn in the head until his eyeball popped out, I felt sick to my stomach and felt angry about the barbaric scenes shown.

As he was pummelling, my friend jokingly said “I want to pummel you like that”. Now Ik he is joking with no bad intentions. Even if he tried, he can’t do anything to me.

The problem is, One, I am sick with what I saw so how do I deal w that. I can handle gore but it was the lack of humanity and how he continued even after death is what vexed me.

And two, should I be concerned with the joke he made and his infatuation of this sick character

Netizens’ comments

Your friend was ok, until he said he wanted to do that to you, i like Negan too, he’s a funny character and has some entertaining scenes in the comic and television series, but i’d never tell my friend i’d do what he did to them.

Him showing infatuation with this character is fine, people like The Joker, Darth Vader, Thanos, Jason Voorhees, and they are ok, the difference is, those people don’t go around saying “yeah i wanna kill half the people in the universe, that was so awesome.”

My wife (35f) revealed to me (34m) during a playful debate that she told her best friend (34f) my manhood size. It’s been bothering me for a few different reasons.

1: When I was in my early 20s and casually dating, I worked at a restaurant with one of the girls I was seeing.

After we stopped seeing each other, she went on to tell a bunch of girls working there that I had a big manhood.

A few days later, I have a bunch of girls who were previously uninterested in me, now hitting on me.

This bothers me because it’s objectifying. I couldn’t articulate in my 20s why it bothered me, but now that I’m 30+ and understand the situation better, I realized why it irked me.

I have thoughts like, “if these women are only interested in my little brother, why wouldn’t they just leave me for the next bigger one?” So I never took any of them seriously.

2: My wife told her best friend, who we see often. And she’s married. And she’s flirtatious with me. I brought it up with my wife that she flirts with me, and my wife brushes it off, “that’s just how she is, that’s just her personality”.

Another time I tried to be more firm and said that, no, I really do think she wants to bang me and that my wife has blinders on because they’re best friends since middle school.

They are ‘ride or dies’. I also would hate for my wife to lose her only best friend over some dumb thing she said that I’m possibly blowing out of proportion.

I thought my wife was different, but when she told me she revealed my size to her friend, it just reminded me of the restaurant girls all over again.

I hate that a lot of weight on my value as a man is based on how big an organ is.

My father told our family he had another son.

I assumed that it was a like a kid no more than five, it turns out he was 16m almost the same age as my younger brother who was 15m at this time.

After this announcement our family’s hasn’t been the same, which to be fair our family was never normal anyway. I had already held a lot of dislike to our father because the way he is.

Anyway when he told us he swore he didn’t know anything about the kid till recently. My mother went along with it even though it was obvious he was lying. So since then my dad has been in contact with this second son.

We had a meet up with family that had adopted him. My dad talked to both us, and the kids dad’s about wanting to bring him into the family and how this could be his home. I think he’s on his self-righteous bs, but my mom really believes him. The problem is it’s clear the kid doesn’t want that.

Recently we had him over for dinner and I could tell he was visibly uncomfortable around the family. He didn’t talk much, he didn’t touch his plate, and he would disappear in the guest room (where he was staying) for an hour at a time.

It turns out the kid is vegan and also has peanut allergy.

So I went to get him a meal from a vegan food place, and when I gave it to him his face lit up with happiness. It was the happiest I had seen him around us, and he seemed to had relax around me. When spent the rest of night talking and I learned a lot about him.

He’s a music prodigy and plays piano and violin, and overall is a really sweet kid. He showed me a picture of his mother that he keeps with him.

After that our relationship has been really good, but the problem is right now is that my dad is still pushing the “join the family” rhetoric.

The kid is shy, so how exactly can I go about tell my dad to step off about the subject?

He moved in with me a few weeks ago, and asked me to help him ‘learn’ how to certain things.

I started with cooking, I figured that would be one of the most useful skills to know for him. So every night when I’m cooking he ‘helped’ a bit, with me explaining why and how I do things. That has been the first two weeks or so. This week I told him to try himself without help, I found some easy recipes of foods that he likes, and left him to try things out.

Every single night this week I’ve had to do a big part of the cooking. Because he “doesn’t know how to cut this”, “doesn’t know how to do this”, or “it tastes better when you do it.” I’m tired of it. And that’s just cooking, I’ve been doing almost all the other chores myself too.

So I told him I’m done. That he’ll do his own laundry, cook every other day, and do the dishes on the days he doesn’t cook. That he can ask certain things, but only if he can’t find the answer himself, and I won’t show him / do it for him.

He got upset because ‘relationships are about helping each other’, but I feel like he doesn’t want to learn and just push things off on me. I’ve shown him how to make French toast twice, but he still claims he ‘doesn’t know how to do it’. I even wrote down the recipe! I just want him to put in some effort instead of expecting me to do it all.

I’ve talked this over with my mom, and she said I should be grateful he’s even asking to learn. My boyfriend thinks I don’t want to help him with anything. I think he’s a grown man and shouldn’t need his hand held the entire way, especially with simpler stuff.

My husband and I feel like we failed as parents

We took our daughter ( 15F) to her doctor’s appointment and, while we expected the number on the scale to be a bit on the heavier side, we were not expecting her to be nearly 220 pounds.

This didn’t seem to shock our daughter at all.

How she got to this weight, we already know. I work late hours often, as does my husband and for years upon years, it was a case where dinner for her was something microwaveable, frozen, order pizza, or, wait until one of us was home for a quick minute and we’d rush through a fast food drive thru.

As we reflected on it, we realized we’d been sleepwalking essentially, through plenty of things that should’ve alarmed us, like how often we’ve had to let out her pants for school, or how even getting off of the couch has become laborious for her.

We are a bit shocked that after seeing that number, she isn’t more alarmed and seems fine continuing a sedentary lifestyle.

My husband and I are lost as to what to do next with her.

Netizens’ comments

Start exercising as a family. Walking outdoors, at the park. Dancing is a fun activity as well. Try new recipes together as a family that are healthy but flavorful. Make sure to have a weekend treat like pizza, ice cream, etc.

Most importantly, don’t make her feel bad. Motivate her, encourage her. But tread lightly. My mom destroyed my self esteem when I was younger by harping on me. And I wasn’t even heavy.

Am I a bad child for not taking care of my parents?

Since young, I’ve never had any affection for my parents. I find it weird that when my dad was working, he can spend his salary on gambling and other extra activities. As a result, I never had a nice childhood. Went to school, they told me I need to get specs as I was short sighted, my parents insist that I was fine. Even the dentist told me to get braces for my crooked teeth, they still insist it was fine. Even I was pulled out from swimming classes because he had to sign the waiver of responsibility from the consent form.

My whole childhood is practically a nightmare. I can play with toys, only because my relatives gave them to me. My parents don’t buy for me anything because my aunties are nice enough to buy for me. I want to read books, but my parents told me they can’t afford it. But they can enjoy their lives. Even when I have fantastic results for PSLE, they told me to go to a good secondary as my sister, going to the likes of RI can be expensive. Even when I wanna go to poly after that, they insist on me to go to JC because uniform is cheaper. Don’t get me started on my own clothes, I practically grew up on just a rotation of few clothings. And my underwear will only be replaced once it’s badly worn and tattered. So, every year, I get a few bursaries, either from the Union, govt and such. Guess what? My father will take them all, and insist that he’s paid for my upbringing. Don’t get me started on upbringing. I eat shit food since young. Now that I’m older, I practically grew up on the cheapest food available. I eat white bread on its own without any spread. My mum cook, but never beef or fish, just scraps of chicken, either made into a soup or fried to be eaten with sweet soy sauce. It totally make sense now why I totally enjoy eating normal food. Eating laksa or mee siam is soooo enjoyable for me now even though it may seems nothing to you guys.

As for discipline, I realised I probably had ADHD or something. I had trouble listening to instruction and I was super hyper active. On hindsight, it was probably because I was mostly cooped up at home. As a kid, I usually go out with my relatives more than my family. My relatives didn’t have any trouble disciplining me though. But at home, I was more of a punching bag. I knew when was their salary date. Because closer to the date, my dad will always be angry and fight with my mom, and somehow, I will trigger either of them, either my dad will whack me with things, or my mum will slap me to appease him. Thinking back, I felt like I was an offering for either of them to ease their anger. If there’s free balloon outside, I will only take the string ones cos it will hurt less later. That hard metal pole to hang clothes, yeah.. It bent, I was stronger than that soft metal. I was surprised that I made it till an adult without any serious injury. Even called the police once, they did nothing to help me.

After JC, my dad told me to work. nahh.. I went back to study. Somehow in anger or something, he sold the house to take most of his money. What a pathetic loser. I was actually homeless, even the school didn’t believe me that I was homeless. Since then, I got married and was out of his life. Eventually, my mother divorced and remarried. I hate her less than my dad but I still blame her for being an enabler to his actions. How dare she let those 20 years of mine be in suffering? Probably as a result of that, my next 20 years are kinda stunted. While others are making families and moving up in their career, I was just happy being free, enjoying the simple things in life. Sure, I got a decent job now, but I wasn’t doing as well as my peers. Most of them are high flyers, I sometimes compare to them and wonder if the difference between us are probably supporting parents.

For my dad, I didn’t keep track of him if he’s alive or not. He could be dead for all I care. That’s how deep my anger is still now. People may say, it’s okay, let go and forgive and forget. He’s your parent afterall. I prayed to God for help as a kid. Heck, I even prayed to Satan for help. Both didn’t even help me at all. That’s probably why I’m not so religious. Most of my friends told me, I shouldn’t do that, and I should take care of them now that they are old. For me, if given a choice, I rather not to be born at all. Probably the same reason why I do not want to have kids. Am I wrong not to take care of them? To those who might be in similar situation as me, how do you cope?

Hello, I’m a 22F. I had an issue where I was ‘scammed’ by someone last year. I was going through a really rough time and was vulnerable, and this person promised to offer me ‘help’ when I was looking to get out of my situation.

To keep things short I met up with this person when they claim to have a job opening for me. I was wary and did not want to meet at first but the person kept pressuring me to, saying things like ‘I’m just helping’ and ‘why are you so afraid to meet up? It’s just for a talk’

I then sort of seek advice from a friend and he said to give it a try. I ended up meeting with this person in a public setting and we talked for a while. This person asked me a few questions about my life and my situation. I wasn’t thinking clearly at the time as I had only calmed down from a mental breakdown a few hours prior and ended up saying more than I should.

This person spent the next 2-3 hours gaining my trust and said he’d offered me a job. Just before we left he got a ‘call’ from a client and said he needed to urgently borrow 1k sgd because his bank has reached the daily transfer limit. I was unsure but also pressured as he was waiting on me with someone on the line, so in the end I transferred him the money. 5mins later he walked me to the bus stop and I went home.

We kept in touch for a while and he said he’ll drop in a cheque for me. I informed him to update me when he does and he did the following day. But he said he ended up writing an extra 1k for me and asked for me to transfer it back. At this point I was very suspicious, and told me I’ll give it to him later.

On the evening of the same day he started asking me for the extra 1k, saying he had an urgent order he needs to pay for. My trust at this point was very low as my gut was telling me something was off. This then turned out to be true because when I kept refusing, he started to become very aggressive, pressuring me to go on call with him (which I did) and started cursing me out. Saying stuff about how he’s helped me with a job but I couldn’t even bother to give him his money back. I kept saying that if he was as good a businessman as he claimed himself to be, then he should have his own money to pay. Not having to take money from a fresh graduate like myself. He later ended the call saying that he’ll wait until the cheque comes in and get his money back. But of course the money never did come in.

I also did give him another $500 because he claim to have a studio apartment for rent but I’ve never been to the place because he kept insisting he was doing a sale for someone else (stupid, I know. But I was desperate and it was within my budget). So in total this piece of garbage of a human being took 1.5k from me.

He then lied to me for 2 weeks saying he sent another cheque or to give it a week for it to come in. I called the bank to confirm and customer service informed me that it only takes 3 days. On the Friday of the 2nd week I went to make a police report because at that point he had stopped responding to me. All of this took place on Oct 2021.

Fast forward to now, I had a call with the IO in charge of my case, and was told that this is considered a ‘Breach of Agreement’ and not actually a crime. The lady on the phone told me that there was nothing they could do other than keep an eye on this person should a similar case come up or enough prompting has happened for them to actually start an investigation. She also told me if I wish to see anything come out of this I will need to go to a small civil court and take matters into my own hands.

My concern is just how should I go about this? Is this going to cost me a lot of money? I don’t have a lot of savings myself, and I think this issue requires a lawyer. I would like some legal advice on this if anyone has knowledge on it.

As for some wondering why I’m not seeking advice with my family on this, its because of them that I was even having this issue in the first place. So as of now only my close friends know of this problem.

Netizens’ comments

• Can’t really offer legal advice per se, but I’m going to assume you don’t have the scammer’s personal information? Like a copy of his NRIC for example. It will be tough to pursue a case without the person’s name.

I’ve reported a scam once, police said they can’t do anything without personal information.

• I don’t think OP’s situation (loan gone wrong) would fall within the jurisdiction of small claims tribunal though 🙁

Says here https://www.judiciary.gov.sg/civil/cases-eligible-small-claim that the case must fall in one of the following categories:
• A contract for the sale of goods.
• A contract for the provision of services.
• A tenancy agreement for residential premises not exceeding 2 years.
• Damage to any property not arising from or in connection with the use of a motor vehicle, or caused by a neighbour.
• A dispute against a supplier for an unfair practice under the Consumer Protection (Fair Trading) Act.
• Refund of motor vehicle deposits under the Consumer Protection (Fair Trading) (Motor Vehicle Dealer Deposits) Regulations.

Hi, would need some advise on how to deal with noisy neighbours…

At first, the unit living directly above us (they are PRs, not trying to mean anything here but for context purpose) makes pounding sound every morning at about 6am onwards and it can last about an hour. This disturbed our sleep and we tried to went up to talk to them about it, but they turned their backs at us and did not to talk to us. So we filed a complaint to hdb.

Then they stopped the noise for a few weeks and do it again. This time, they added more noises like dragging of chair from one end of the room to another and stomping loudly around the room. Probably they are unhappy that we complained about them.

We endured for a few weeks but it seems like the noise is getting louder so we wrote back to hdb again. But it seems like of no use because each time we write the complaint, they will stop for a while then come back again with more noises.

This is very frustrating as we want to solve the issue but the other party is unwilling to open up… please help.

Netizens’ comments

• Make friends with the unit above them and ask for their help to make noise at unreasonable hours. See how they feel.

• Like good old days, just knock back the ceiling with a pole.

• The only way is for you guys to move out. Honestly, first hand experience here. My family moved out eventually because the noisy neighbors won’t stop.

You can call the police, go for mediation at court, and get help from town council or hdb or your MP etc. Your neighbours will quiet down for a week or so. And then they will start again. Because to them, they are making noise in their own house, it’s their right. The authorities unfortunately cannot do anything to help you. They will seek your neighbour’s understanding to lower their volume. But if your neighbours don’t wanna listen and follow, the authorities cannot do anything. They cannot possibly stand at your neighbour’s house 24/7. So really, trust me, nothing can be done if your neighbours don’t care at all.

If you are adamant to continue living there, your only way is to call police every time they decide to make a lot of noise in the middle of the night or wee hours of the morning. Get the police to go knock their door every other day. But honestly this will end up being too tedious for you and you will ultimately just be like… let’s just sell this place and move elsewhere.

My wife (35f) revealed to me (34m) during a playful debate that she told her best friend (34f) my manhood size. It’s been bothering me for a few different reasons.

1: When I was in my early 20s and casually dating, I worked at a restaurant with one of the girls I was seeing.

After we stopped seeing each other, she went on to tell a bunch of girls working there that I had a big manhood.

A few days later, I have a bunch of girls who were previously uninterested in me, now hitting on me.

This bothers me because it’s objectifying. I couldn’t articulate in my 20s why it bothered me, but now that I’m 30+ and understand the situation better, I realized why it irked me.

I have thoughts like, “if these women are only interested in my little brother, why wouldn’t they just leave me for the next bigger one?” So I never took any of them seriously.

2: My wife told her best friend, who we see often. And she’s married. And she’s flirtatious with me. I brought it up with my wife that she flirts with me, and my wife brushes it off, “that’s just how she is, that’s just her personality”.

Another time I tried to be more firm and said that, no, I really do think she wants to bang me and that my wife has blinders on because they’re best friends since middle school.

They are ‘ride or dies’. I also would hate for my wife to lose her only best friend over some dumb thing she said that I’m possibly blowing out of proportion.

I thought my wife was different, but when she told me she revealed my size to her friend, it just reminded me of the restaurant girls all over again.

I hate that a lot of weight on my value as a man is based on how big an organ is.