Advice on dealing with a sensitive husband

We are parents to a bb.

My husband likes to be the best. He is sensitive to criticism whether it is direct or implied. He will strike me physically if he feels that I am criticising him

. He has done so already, at least once every one to two months. I continue to stay with him because I have no family and afraid of being alone.

Our baby is cries a lot these days. We try to soothe him by 8 pm so that bb can sleep. My husband wishes to play with bb around 7:30 pm so I pass bb to my husband. He aggressively bounces bb or have bb lie down on his lap. Bb is frequently unhappy and cries. I have to spend time soothing the bb and eventually bb settles.

My husband is mad at me. Calls the baby names and scolds me for not letting him play with the baby. I ask him to stop calling bb names, it’s akin to bullying. My husband loses it.

I am worried that my thin skinned husband will not be mature enough to parent our child responsibly. I worry for bb’s safety. I fear that my husband will interpret bb’s cries as rejection and lash out at bb. I don’t mind being hurt anymore but my child is important.

If we separate now, he might still receive joint custody – not an option atm. Any advice welcome. Is this a totally irreparable relationship?

Here are what netizens think:

• Honey, lets call it as it is. U are not dealing with a “sensitive” husband. U’re dealing with domestic abuse. First step for u is to stop making excuses, both for him n for urself. It doesn’t matter whether he’s like this before or after marriage. Its wrong.

• a baby is a still human with his/her own mind even though he/she cannot speak yet. he doesn’t know how to respect the baby and you. there’s nothing to repair because he simply thinks he is superior.

• Aggressively bouncing baby may cause shaken baby syndrome. He has also physically hit you. You can seek help at a shelter.

Relationship question from a newbie

Thank you for reading my post.

I have relationship question and I hope you can offer me some input. This is my first time stepping out of my comfort zone to woo someone and I have no experience dealing with romantic relationships as I have never dated before.

If your crush says/does the following:

1) He said I made him feel touched with feelings

2) He’s more comfortable with me after I confessed

3) We messaged more frequently than before

4) He generally cares for me

5) We share our daily activities with each other

6) We say “I love you” to each other before we sleep

7) We have nicknames for each other

But also does the opposite:

1) Mentioned that he is confused with his feelings towards me

2) He rejected me recently

3) He said anything can happen in the future

4) He is afraid that his family will disapprove / judge us

5) He doesn’t want to hurt me

6) He said I have no chance with him

It’s very confusing to me, and I don’t know if I should carry on with my romantic advancement or walk away. If you were me, what would you do? Would you carry on try and woo him, or would you just walk away? Your input is greatly appreciated and thank you!

Here are what netizens think:

• Guess you both very very very young and immature at this stage. Leave him alone and move on. Get your career build up first and you might meet your Mr Right later. Don’t hang on with this guy cos he don’t know what he really want

• Breadcrumbs, he’s leaving breadcrumbs to keep you. Nothing to do with him liking you .. just like you chasing after him. Like the attention. He already has eyes on someone else. Don’t waste yr time and youth. He never ask to be yr bf means you are never together. Find someone else who loves you back .. Don’t waste yr time, youth and other potentials

• Your confession should help to make things easier for him if he also feels for you. Some guys fear rejection (nothing wrong) and thus, having the other party to confess first would be like an affirmation for them to pursue the relationship. The point about him being afraid of disapproval or judgement from his family can be another very real hurdle if he cannot be firm about his feelings for you, like how things currently are.

• Do you realize out of the 13 things you mentioned, none of it is an action of interest? Seems like he is not interested at all (already mentioned that you have no chance with him) but still occassionally throwing bait at you to keep you hooked for idk what reasons.

Am I obligated to 100% believe anything my loved ones say about someone?

For example, say you have a bestfriend, and your bestfriend started to rant about person X, like “Omg do you know person X is such a b**ch. Person X is such a weirdo and has hurt me many times” And so on more general rants.

Based on the above example, are you obligated to 100% be on your bestfriend’s side? Serious question.

Cause if it’s me, I never will be 100% on my bestfriend side. Yes, I listen . But I don’t 100% believe. In other words, I don’t blindly believe. I’m not saying my bestfriend is a liar. I am inclined to believe my bestfriend, but as long as I don’t experience it from person X, did not witnessed such thing from person X, and no one else can verify the thing said about person X, then I won’t blindly believe. Especially when I don’t know person X at all. If I knew person X, that’ll be different story cause at least I can verify.

What I’ll do is, wait till the real truth comes out. Or, find out on person X’s side of the story without making it obvious, or find someone else who knew about person X and social engineered them to find out the truth. 99% of the time, your loved ones tend to overexaggerate their rant about anyone, and cherry pick the truth without admitting their wrongdoings in the ranted issues, all in the name of gossiping. Sure, person X can be wrong, but your loved ones are wrong too but they just don’t tell you. While seeking the truth, I made sure to gather concrete, undeniable proof.

And most people, will just blindly believe 100% all because the person ranting is their bestfriend / family / spouse etc. Yes, I’ve lost many loved ones all cause I don’t 100% believe them. They got mad when I found concrete proof that they’re wrong too in the issues they ranted about someone.

Thing about me, I don’t care who you are. You can be my bestfriend, my spouse, my siblings, my parents etc. If you’re wrong, you’re wrong. I’m not gonna support you and blindly believe you just cause you’re considered my loved ones. A real friend is the one that tells you when you’re wrong.

Not sorry at all, but I don’t like nor want to slander people when I don’t know the whole truth. Everyone should start learn to seek the truth rather than believing in the lies.

Everyone has read the news about salary increment for junior doctors but their working hours are horrific.

It’s common to work more than 100 hours a week (a week is not a typo) with all the 32-hour on calls and they under report their actual working hours to not get flagged in the system since they are not remunerated for the extra hours anyway. The so called at least 1 day off in 7 days is non-existent because my husband has only gotten 1 day off out of 32 days (32 days is not a typo too) of continuous working.

Sometimes I wonder if my husband will die from overworking.

Here are what netizens think:

• He can. Just three years ago, the SGH Head of Surgery passed from a heart attack before he was 50. What a tragic waste.

• I think the healthcare industry has been set on a pedestal for so long that generations put up with the overwork. With the justification that previous generations had it worse (terrible excuse) or that you don’t work continuously through the 32 hours (except when you do). There’s also a blinkered focus on patient care when actually the long term sustainability of the healthcare workers is just as important. Finally, the issue may also be because nurses, who are accredited professionals themselves, are not raised leadership positions such as CEO, leaving all the work for the doctors.

• Life gets better as your husband increases in seniority. Good luck

• I hear that life gets better as your husband climbs the food chain and perpetrates the same system on his juniors, because “he made it, so will they”

• Yeah he sure die. Ask him to quit.

• Will you look for other guy

• Nevermind u get a lot of inheritance next time. haha

I’m a foreign masters student in NUS for a year.

Something that has been bugging me for some time. Part of the reason I came to Singapore for my postgrad is hopefully to make some Singaporean friends.

However there seems to be very few Singaporeans who take master degrees. Most of my classmates are in fact from China.

May I know why?

Here are what netizens think:

• I’m Singaporean part-time masters student and I perhaps may offer some perspective here. Depending on your major and for the case of mine in Computer Engineering, I make a similar observation too that Singaporeans form a tiny minority of the cohort and indeed many are from China. MOE has terminated the subsidies for many masters programs over the past years even for Singaporeans. This means the cost of doing masters locally is very steep and close to foreign universities. If the costs are only marginally different, many prospective master students choose to head abroad instead.

• Most people can find jobs with just a bachelor’s. also, it’s the same in the us, very few Americans in the masters course.

• Is this full time or part time? For full time masters most singaporeans need to work and thus can’t afford to do it full time.

• If the course is full-time, then maybe that explained. Most Singaporeans may be doing Masters part-time.

• Same in PhD bro. Met only 2 Singaporeans in 2 years as a PhD student in NTU. Most people are from China or other Asian countries.

• Not only spore… msia too facing same prob…So many students fr china…

• I hired a developer for my project. Indian national from Tamil Nadu, did both his Bachelors and Masters here.
• Works in Integrated Circuit design, a supposedly very lucrative field. His salary after 1-2 years of working experience with his Masters degree is $5,000/mth. Atrocious prospects.

Became a doctor for the wrong reasons, feeling disillusioned

I used to do relatively well in school, so when the time came to choose a course, medicine was a natural decision for me.

Natural not because of some gravitation towards helping people or other noble desires, but rather it was more of just a question of studying the best course available to me at the time.

I guess it was partly ambition. With many friends and family members scrutinising my every achievement, I needed to show that I could do it, I could make it, I could be somebody and have a nice title to prove it.

As I progressed in my studies, it became increasingly apparent that many aspects of the field just did not appeal to me. Often I just faked interest to blend in but did the bare minimum in the things I hated just to get it over with. I found myself repeatedly questioning myself about my decision to go into medicine if I’m really cut out for this etc. (Though after speaking to some close doctor friends, I realised I wasn’t the only one who harboured such thoughts.)

Nevertheless, I pulled through with my studies because I had already sacrificed too much to consider changing courses.

Now here I am, a clinician who hates clinical practice, who loathes having to stick things up people’s butts and pretend it’s normal, who dislikes doing any kind of procedure on a patient actually. It’s not that I don’t care about them – I do want someone to help them, I just don’t want to be the one doing it. Some patients are nice and I can suppress my dislike a little bit better, but when a patient is rude or demanding, I would have no qualms about telling them to f*k right off. (Not in those words exactly, but just enough to not be held accountable for it) I mean there are plus sides too for sure, I don’t have to worry too much about cash, job security is rock solid, I get substantial attention from girls, people respect me for what I do, and the field is dynamic so it never gets boring.

All things considered, I don’t know if I’m being unreasonable to think about switching careers, especially after having spent so much time and effort in medicine.

But I mean what else could I do? I don’t particularly like research, and none of the clinical fields I have encountered thus far appeal to me either…

It was a normal Monday morning, or so I thought. I was running a bit late to work, but I figured I still had a few minutes. Little did I know, my boss was waiting for me at the office, ready to give me the worst news of my life.

I was fired.

I was late to work by only 1 minute and it was my first time being late ever. It was a ridiculous excuse to fire me. I knew something else was going on, something that had nothing to do with my tardiness.

My boss had been eyeing my girlfriend since I started at the company, and I had a feeling that was the real reason why I got fired. After I started dating her, his subtle advances towards her became more and more obvious. I could tell that he was jealous of our relationship, and he was doing everything he could to get rid of me.

I had worked at this company for 3 years, and I had never been late to work before. I was a hard-working employee and I was always on time. But this was the straw that broke the camel’s back.

My boss thought he could get away with this. He thought that I would just accept his decision and move on. He was wrong.

I was angry and I wanted answers. I asked him why he fired me and he told me it was because I was late to work. I knew there was more to it than that.

I confronted him and asked him why he was really letting me go. I ask is it because of my GF he pause for a moment before denying! WHAT AN A!!!

I was shocked. I couldn’t believe that he would go to such lengths to get rid of me. I was a good employee and I had never done anything wrong. What he did was wrong and I wasn’t going to let him get away with it.

I tried to talk to my boss and his boss, but they refused to listen. They didn’t care about the truth and they just wanted me gone. I had no choice but to take legal action.

I contacted a lawyer and we started the process of filing a wrongful termination lawsuit against my former employer. After a few months of going back and forth in court, the judge finally ruled in my favor.

My former boss was ordered to pay me a substantial amount of money in damages, and the company was forced to change their policies regarding firing employees.

My wrongful termination lawsuit was a success and it made me realize that I was worth more than my boss was willing to give me credit for. I was worth fighting for and I wasn’t going to let someone get away with bullying me like that.

My story is a reminder that no matter how unfair the situation may seem, if you stand up for yourself, justice will prevail.

I was really surprised when my boss announced that he was shuttering the office.

I mean, the rent was expensive, and I knew that was a major drain on our resources. But I didn’t expect him to go so far as to close the office entirely and have all of us move to work from home full-time.

But what surprised me, even more, was that he was offering us a bonus of $150 a month for the privilege. A bonus! That’s unheard of! I couldn’t believe my luck.

My boss is damn smart, I thought. He was able to cut costs dramatically by closing the office and yet still make sure that his employees were taken care of. He was able to get the same productivity from us and still save a bunch of money.

The change wasn’t all smooth sailing, though. We had to quickly learn how to communicate and collaborate remotely, which was a challenge for some of us. We had to get used to managing our own time and focusing on our own tasks without the structure and guidance we had in the office.

But as time went on, we realized that the transition had been worth it. We were able to save a lot of time, money, and energy by not having to commute to the office every day. We were also able to work more efficiently, as we weren’t distracted by the office environment.

The bonus was really the icing on the cake. We were able to save a bit of transport money and still get the same pay + extra $150 a month.

It was a win-win situation.

My boss is definitely smart. He recognized that the office was a major cost and was able to come up with a solution that cut costs while still taking care of his employees. He was able to make sure that everyone was happy and still save money.

I’m really glad that my boss is so smart. He was able to make a tough decision and make it work. He was able to save money and still make sure that his employees were taken care of.

That’s what I call true leadership.

We were abit tight on budget that’s why we shared a hotel room with 2 single beds.

My friend and I had just finished our first year of uni, and to celebrate, we wanted to go on a holiday. We were both a bit tight on budget, so we decided to search for a cheap hotel and shared a room with two single beds.

The holiday was going great until the second night. After dinner, we decided to go to bed early since we had been out all day. Little did I know that this was going to be a night I will never forget.

My friend was already asleep when I got in bed.

I think he dream his ka-cheng kena poke

After a few minutes, however, I started to hear strange noises coming from his side. At first, I thought he was just snoring, but then I heard him moan in between the snores. I was so horrified and confused at the same time.

I tried to ignore it and eventually fell asleep, but I was woken up a few hours later by the same noise. It was even worse this time because he was snoring and moaning at the same time. I was so dulan and didn’t know what to do.

I tried my best to keep quiet and just let him sleep, but it was so loud I couldn’t sleep.

The next morning, I confronted my friend about the noise. He said he was embarrassed too and apologized. He explained that he was having a nightmare and was snoring and moaning in his sleep. I was relieved to know it wasn’t intentional and told him that it was ok.

We both laughed about the incident the next day and moved on.

But I must admit, the incident ruined my holiday. I had spent the whole night without sleep.

Next time go JB need separate rooms.