First of all, context. Family is very well-to-do. Mom doesn’t work (though she has a law degree) but dad ran his own law firm for 30 years, recently retired.

This is an issue with parents not paying for my wedding.

Mom doesn’t get involved in things. Dad has refused to speak to my girlfriend since we started dating and it’s all because my girlfriend is a Chinese-speaking, practicing Taoist from a poor family in Malaysia, and a vegetarian.

My dad is a banana. Doesn’t speak Chinese at all, read law at Cambridge (PSC scholar), freethinker. Doesn’t think I should marry this girl because she has a large low-income family and an even larger low-income extended family and he thinks I am getting myself into a lot of trouble by marrying her. My girlfriend doesn’t know English very well, so she prefers to speak Mandarin with a heavy Malaysian accent. She’s from a small town in Malaysia. She came to Singapore to work but her family are all still back in Kedah. She goes back often. I’ve been there a couple of times.

My girlfriend requested if we could have two banquets, one in Singapore and one for her extended family and friends back in her hometown. My dad told me if I had chosen to marry a middle-class Singapore girl from an English-speaking family he would’ve paid for everything. He would have also bought us a condo and a car. But since I have decided to marry this girl, which to him isn’t a very smart thing to do, he will not pay for anything.

My older brother married his JC sweetheart from Hwa Chong and my dad literally paid for a Fullerton Hotel banquet, an entry level Lexus, and they are in the process of looking for a condo, will also be paid for by my dad. Besides the point.

I don’t have money right now for a wedding, let alone 2. My fiancé said that the wedding in Malaysia is a must, and my parents have to go to Kedah for a bride price negotiation ritual that my dad has categorically refused to participate. Called it idiotic. My mom has also called it “incredibly stupid” and refused to come with me to Malaysia without my dad. My fiancé’s parents said they wouldn’t agree to the marriage if all of these formalities are not done. My fiancé is powerless. She has a rather meek personality.

My fiancé doesn’t want to register our marriage before these formalities are done because she feels she needs her parents’ blessing or else she wouldn’t be able to face her family. Wants me to find a way to convince my parents to participate. My dad has repeatedly used the phrase “third-world bullshit” and I don’t think he’s ever coming around. One way is to convince my mom to do it alone but she’s as much of a banana as my dad is and she also hates tradition.

I feel stuck because my fiancé’s wants her parents’ blessing, her parents will only give us their blessing if my parents participate in the rituals and come to an agreement, but my parents do not agree to my marrying this girl in the first place. Even if this first part is done, I still have no money for a banquet.

Advice?

started a startup, declined an acquisition offer last year and the business is growing. This is not about the startup, this is a tribute to my parents.

When we decided to not get acquired last year at the last minute, we had run out of money. It was a gut decision and we did not have backup options for fundraise. I felt it was right and my parents supported me. My dad said I should not think about anything below $100Mn.

Since we were not profitable and I was hearing NOs from investors, I was worried about how to pay salaries. My parents stepped in and gave me some cash which helped support the team. All this while, they have been paying my living expenses (I stopped taking salary of course). They paid me to fly in the region to meet customers.

I had a dispute with my flatmate and they paid for my rental when he decided to make me pay for renovation etc. upfront. They told me to stand up for myself and not get bullied. They transferred me the money and got one of their friends to bring some cash for me next week to help with living expenses.

My brother is in SF and works for FAANG, so all my groceries and grab are on his card. My parents would not let him pay for my rent etc. and he is free to live his life. He lives in a luxury apartment with a cat and does not have to worry. He can spend all his time and focus on his work.

The thing is that my mom is a housewife and my dad is a salaried employee in a developing country. They already used some of the savings to get me to NUS. I had a full scholarship at NTU but I really wanted to go to NOC, so they let me go to NUS. I never could qualify for NOC (rejected 4 times) and my parents never mentioned it once. My dad stayed with me for 15 days when I first came to Singapore thirteen years ago because I was only 15 and made sure everything was okay.

They supported me in continuing to live out my entrepreneurial dream. I got slightly disillusioned in between and gave some interviews to FAANG and had one very good offer. When I shared this with them, they would just tell me to do what I want. And I could not convince myself to take up a job because it would prevent me from having a shot at being somebody who history remembers.

I did not know earlier but know now that they actually sold off their property and took loans to pay for me. I would never have known had I not chanced upon the opened post on our dining room table while I was home. I have no idea what I did in my last life to deserve such parents. I do not. And I do not know what the future will be. We are profitable and growing now but I still do not take a salary. We have a lead investor etc. and I likely will be able to pay myself a little bit in the coming months.

I am not sure if I will ever be able to repay them. I screwed up so many times in university life and even while doing the startup – slacking off, doing random things like picking up chess, not showing up to meetings on time etc.. They would scold me a little for all of this but would never ever tell me money is a problem. I never had that burden and if I knew about what they have done, I would have taken up a job. My mom always asks me if I am eating and exercising right, never about how much I am spending.

If you see someone trying to be successful on their own, don’t just think of their work or preseverance. The real MVPs might be their parents. They would never get the glory. And they would never ask for something in return. I love my mom and dad so much, and I will still be pulling their leg or not calling them. They would not want me to know and that is how it shall be.

I (M24) was seeing this girl (F23) for about 9 months, known each other for close to 2 years. Reason why we broke up was because my parents disapproved of our relationship quite strongly, and we’ve been through multiple break ups because of this. But this time when we patched things up we were not officially boyfriend/girlfriend but we were still emotionally committed to each other. So I thought.

Just yesterday, I received an IG follow request from someone with a unique name, and based off what my girl told me in the past regarding her exes and their names, it seemed odd to receive a random request (I usually don’t get many requests and my account is private with a unique handle) from someone that vaguely sounded like my girl’s ex so I asked her about it. I was expecting a “oh its not him”, or a “omg it’s him, why is he following u on ig” reply, but what happened next shocked me.

She replied: “Oh hahah yea he was just curious, just ignore him”.I was like “you’re still talking to your ex????”Her: “yeah occasionally, just casually mentioned you a few times”Me: “You’re talking about me, the one you currently have unresolved feelings for, with your ex, whom you’ve supposed to have no more unresolved feelings for??”Her: “we aren’t even dating officially atm, why are u being so controlling”

That was the last straw that broke the camel’s back. I recognize gaslighting when I see it, I was not even trying to control her actions or who she sees or talks to, I simply was taken aback and shocked, and somehow adding 4 question marks to my reply makes me a controlling person. I told her it’s over, and she said “ok wtv”. Blocked her everywhere shortly after.

Theres alot of backstory to our relationship and it’s complicated, both parties have made mistakes but we were working on them, I was determined to fight for her, for us, and talk to my parents once I got past a busy stage in my life (in 3 weeks). But this was too much for me. I blocked her on everything, and I don’t want to see her ever again. I know I did what I thought was the right thing, but I wanted to ask:

Is it ever okay to still be contact with your ex, when you’re (granted, not in a committed relationship, but still) emotionally committed to someone else (me), and not tell me about it? Even if she swears they are just friends? Also, how do you reasonably bring that issue up without sounding insecure?

P.s. she works in marketing/IT where basically alot of success rides upon having good and cordial connections with people, her ex happens to be a software engineer, so idk why she thought it was a good idea to keep him around. Please make this make sense.

I never knew what I was getting myself into when I started dating my girlfriend. I had never been in a relationship with someone who was so adamant about her class and status.

My ex-girlfriends weren’t like this and I had never encountered anyone like this before.

At first, it was cute and amusing to me. She would always dress up in her designer clothes whenever we went out and always ordered the most expensive items on the menu. She would joke around about how she was “too good” for certain things and it was always lighthearted and funny.

But then I started to notice her behavior when it came to her drinks. She would always order the most expensive bottle of mineral water and would turn her nose up at any other kind of drink. I thought it was strange at first but then I realized that she was serious.

She would always say things like “tap water is so low class” or “I only drink premium mineral water, it’s the only way to stay hydrated”. She was adamant that anything else was beneath her and she would always look down on people who drank anything else.

At first, I thought she was being silly and I would laugh it off. But soon enough, I started to feel like she was being serious and that her behaviour was starting to bother me. I didn’t like the way she was judging people based on the drinks they were having and I was starting to feel uncomfortable.

I eventually confronted her about it and she told me that she thought she was “too good” for certain drinks and that she wanted to maintain her image of being high class. I told her that I didn’t think it was fair to judge people based on their drinks and that I thought it was wrong.

She didn’t seem to understand my point of view and she only seemed to become more adamant about her views. I eventually gave up and tried to ignore her behaviour. But it became difficult because no matter where we went, she would always order the most expensive bottle of mineral water and look down on anyone who was drinking anything else.

It was becoming increasingly difficult for me to deal with her behavior and I eventually had to end the relationship.

My greatest regret was losing her

I thought she would come back to me, considering how we have great moments and memories together.

I went on an overnight trip with a female friend without telling her. She was just a female friend and nothing more.

When she found out, I was pissed that she didn’t trust me and wanted to break up with me. We were together for almost a year. I thought she overreacted.

It’s been 11 months since she left and I still cannot forget her. It seems like she has met someone new. I really regret not apologising and trying to win her back but it’s too late.

I dated several girls but I don’t have the same frequency or chemistry with them. I keep thinking of you every day and every night.

XY, if you’re reading this, I’m sorry to hurt you and not think from your POV. I’m envious of the guy who now receives all your love… Your random handwritten notes, the way your eyes light up when you are surprised or happy, your adorable laughter and the way you hold onto me when we sleep. I miss your cooking and I miss you very much. Although I wish you happiness, I really wish I was the reason to make you smile and laugh again. Ilyvm and I’m sorry.

– AB.

Here are what netizens think:

• Yeah. Went on an overnight trip with a “female friend” without telling ur gf. You mean she’s your “friend with benefit” and nothing more. Lmao. You deserve it because u didn’t even feel the need to say sorry when she found out. The audacity.

• I hope you have a good life with the other girl that you went for an overnight trip with without telling me. The thing isn’t about whether you did anything, you probably hoped something happened, too bad it didn’t? The moment you tried to hide it, it goes to show how much you value our relationship. Did you and that girl not work out? That’s why you’re here?  Good bye, I wish you happiness too (but not with me, I can’t give that to you). You won’t be the reason for my smiles and laughter because you’re the reason I have trust issues now. Having said all these, I’m not the XY you’re looking for.

• Same bed but it feels just a little bit bigger now

Parents that cant afford to have children should not have children

Here’s a little background about myself and my family:

We are a family of 4 and earn just enough to not qualify for any financial aid, however we are also in debt.

My sibling and i are matriculating into nus this year.

I have watched my parents work so hard to bring the both of us up and I am very grateful for that. Recently, I decided to find out how much does it take to raise a child in Singapore and after factoring my parents’ income and the cost of living in Singapore, i was devastated. We literally scrapped through every month with little to no savings. I feel like such a burden to my parents, stopping them from living their lives. They were really living just to support me and my sister.

Now having found a full time job whilst waiting for my matriculation, I’m really glad that I’m able to give my parents allowance to make up for their support while bringing us up. However i am worried that they will be pressured when i have to quit working and start studying this coming August.

Hence i feel that if a couple can’t afford to have children, they shouldn’t have kids. When the child finds out about how hard their parents have to work to bring them up, it really takes a toll on their mental health.

Here are what netizens think:

• If your really want to contribute, take up a part time job. It will teach you, even more, the value of money. You can give some cash to your parents while supporting yourself. Things like buying your own food, drinks, getting yoyu driver ‘s license or your mobile phone using your own money. They probably will be using their CPF for your education. Take a loan on your own if you don’t want to burden them. You just need someone to be your guarantor. You can also ensure you excel in your studies and get some scholarships and paid internships (though i don’t think these exist anymore). You’ve been very lucky and blessed to have not gone through hardship.

• Bringing children up especially if the parents are not well -to- do is a noble sacrifice. One does not have a give the child the latest gadget, lots of pocket money, plenty of enrichment classes, go eat at restaurants, etc. What children want is their parents’ time, care and concern. Most of all, a safe home where they can go back to, with food on the table.

• Are children of wealthy parents happy? Conversely, are children from impoverished families necessarily unhappy?

• I believe that children are our future. Teach them well and let them lead the way. Show them all the beauty they have inside. Give them a sense of pride to make it easier. Let the children’s laughter remind us how we used to be.

• Everybody’s searching for a hero….

• Learning to love yourself (have a healthy self esteem), it is the greatest love of all. – The greatest love of all

• If you can’t love yourself, how the hell are you going to love anyone else

I have been in the corporate world for a long time now and it seems like the HR department is never on my side. I have worked for many companies over the years, and it seems like the HR departments are always the same.

They are always slow to respond, taking their own sweet time but expects a reply from me fast when they ask me for something

They take their own sweet time when it comes to answering questions and processing paperwork, but when they need something from me, they expect an immediate response.

It is incredibly frustrating to work with an HR department that is so slow and unresponsive. I have had to chase them multiple times just to get the simplest of answers.

Even then, they often take days to respond and provide me with the answer I need. Yet, if I don’t answer them right away, they are quick to remind me that they are waiting on me.

I have always been a person who strives to be professional and to do things in a timely manner. However, it feels like the HR departments at the different companies I have worked for do not extend the same courtesy.

I understand that they have a lot of paperwork and processes to complete, but I wish they would respect the fact that I am a busy person too.

It almost feels like the HR departments don’t take me seriously or value my time. I know that I am not the only person who feels this way.

They need to have a more efficient system in place

I have heard similar stories from other people who have worked with the same companies. It is a shame that HR departments don’t seem to care about how their actions affect their employees.

I think it is time for HR departments to start taking their employees seriously and respecting their time. They need to understand that their employees are busy people with lives outside of work, and they should not be expected to wait around for an answer from HR.

I think it is important for HR departments to communicate more clearly and promptly with their employees so that everyone is on the same page.

It is also important for HR departments to have a more efficient system in place to ensure that they are responding to their employees in a timely manner.

They should also make sure that their processes are streamlined so that paperwork and applications can be processed without delay.

I understand that HR departments have a lot of work to do, but it is not fair for them to expect their employees to get back to them quickly when they need something and take their own sweet time when it comes to answering questions and processing paperwork.