How tf are we supposed to react to insane “compliments” like this?

I was at the airport last month, buying a water in one of the stores, and the older (60s) male cashier literally said this to me. And it wasn’t in a threatening tone, he thought (???) he was complimenting me. Like being stalked and maybe murdered is a compliment? That was the most surreal part of the experience for me; those threatening words delivered so casually, with a smile and wink. I even made him repeat it, because I thought I had gone temporarily deaf. Nope, he happily repeated himself. I just stared at him and quick stepped it to the baggage claim.

I wasn’t going to do anything about it, but my husband and two of my friends were horrified and told me to report it, so I went to a police officer at the baggage claim and told him what happened. I was freaked out for a few days after that, though; not because of the initial encounter itself, but because I was worried the guy would retaliate. I used a credit card to pay for the water.

Many older men are like this, they think just because they are old they can say or do whatever they want.

Just a PSA that if you’re a dude, and you think “compliments” like this are flattering, stop. and being older is not a hall pass. It’s not cute.

During the talk he says that he does not want a relationship (fine I guess) then the matter of birth control comes up and I tell him not on any. The first thing he ends up saying is “looks like it’s time for someone to get the injection” while he’s basically laughing. My first question to that is what about rubber. He says rubbers are a no for him.

Obviously, pregnancy is not my only concern here. I don’t know if he’s clean and he doesn’t know if I’m clean yet still he is ready to go rubber free while trying to tell me what to do with my body. His explanation is that there is no male birth control.

Now all that is replaying in my head is that this person cares more about their comfort over the health of both of us and he knows I already have health issues and I truthfully can’t manage any more at this point. I feel even if we both were to get full panels and he was to agree to the rubber but it’s still a no go for me.

I know I’m clean because of my pre-existing health conditions my doctor’s run the gamut every year…just in case someone wants to tell me I should know my status regardless of whatever.

Rewind to around 12 months ago. I had just lost my job and money was tight. Nonetheless a friend was leaving the country and we organised a bit of a get together over dinner – needless to say I didn’t want to miss it, and set aside some cash to get the cheapest thing on the menu. I ordered a salad and tap water, relaxed in the knowledge it only came to $15.

All around me, my friends were ordering lots of cocktails, starters, mains, deserts, steaks etc. They were giving me weird looks when they saw I had ordered a salad, and more weird looks since I was driving and therefore not ordering alcohol. The time came to pay and without any discussion we split the bill. It came to around $70 each (reminder that I ordered a dumb salad and water). When I raised this I got disgusted looks from some of the people at the table, a couple of people told me ‘dont be such a tramp’ and I sucked it up, as mortified as I was.

Fast forward to last night when I was faced with a similar situation. Again, money was tight, I was driving and therefore didn’t order any alcohol. Again, we split the bill and I had to fork out around 60, despite ordering the cheapest thing on the menu with water. My friend said ‘look, if you can’t afford to split the bill, don’t go out for f-ing dinner’.

A highly embarrassing situation to be in, and now I feel like I can’t go out for dinner with my very well to do friends unless I’m prepared to go all-out and order everything on the menu.

My partner insists that splitting the bill is the done thing and I shouldn’t go out for dinner with my friends unless I’m flushed with cash.

Am I the wrong one here? I kinda feel that if someone at the table isnt ordering wine, cocktails and steaks then it shouldn’t be expected that they pay for everyone else’s. Am I being miserable here? I wouldn’t expect someone else to pay for mine, in fact I would step in and say ‘that person literally ordered a salad, how about they just pay for theirs?’

Some advice would be appreciated, including tips on how to deal with these scenarios in future (no stupid answers please.

My friend was complaining because Ellie had a meltdown yesterday after swimming because apparently someone was being mean to her. All she did was take her to her mom’s work and explain what happened, then my friend was given an hour off (paid) while the mom took care of Ellie. She only had to deal with the meltdown during the 5 minute drive to Ellie’s mom’s work.

I told my friend people would kill for that kind of job where most of it is driving a kid around and waiting for her to be done with one activity or another and that if she really hated it that much, she should quit so Ellie could be with someone who doesn’t obviously despise spending a couple of hours a week with her.

She yelled that she should be able to vent about her job, which is stressful because she has to remember what activities to drive Ellie to and when to pick her up, to her friends. I told her if she can’t handle a job that easy and is constantly complaining about the kid, she shouldn’t be working with kids.

Now she won’t speak to me and our friend group is kind of divided so I wanted to know if I was wrong to talk about it.

Previously I took a five day solo trip across Europe to celebrate turning 30, and I had a great time. It was some of the most relaxed I have ever been. I love going on vacation with people I love, but it was so nice to be able to do exactly what I wanted when I wanted and not have to be considerate of what someone else wanted to do as well.

After my solo trip, about two weeks later, my husband and I took a trip just the two of us for about five days as well. It was great, we had a lovely time.

Lately, I have been super stressed at work and feeling burnt out. I feel like I need to take time off and just go somewhere and disconnect. I’m not someone who can be refreshed by taking a week off and sitting around at home. I’m very fortunate that I have the time off I do, and I have weeks of time off I can use. My husband is not so fortunate. He used to work at a job that he had a lot of time off, but a couple years ago he switched to a mostly commission job and won’t get time off until around September.

I let him know that I want to take a vacation by myself,  and then we can take another vacation to somewhere neither of us have been when he gets time off in September. He got upset and kept brushing off the topic. I should add, last year he actively encouraged me to go on my solo trip. He later told me that of course he was jealous, but he knew if he didn’t encourage me I probably wouldn’t have gone and he wanted me to go.

After talking about it again he started accusing me to find men overseas.

I would be paying for my vacation with my own savings that he does not contribute to. We do not have kids, just dogs. I frequently travel for work, so it’s not uncommon for me to be gone a couple days at a time and he takes responsibility of the dogs during those times. I would not pick a destination that was some where he has ever talked about wanting to go to.

Am I wrong for still wanting to go?

I haven’t lived with my father for over 30 years (my parents were divorced when I was 8). I have one sister who lives overseas from my father and I live about 60 mins away. My stepmother’s kids both live in the nearby as her and they assist her and my father with things as needed.

Anyway early this year my grandmother finally passed away at a quite advanced age. I helped handle the cremation arrangements (my stepmother and father didn’t want to have a funeral for her). After that, the will (a 50/50 split between me and my father) went into effect. My stepmother told me I wouldn’t get any money from the joint checking account (“because that’s not ‘the inheritance’, ‘the inheritance’ is other money that your grandmother had” as she put it), and that there was no money to get anyway (from this account) since they had to spend a lot on my grandmother’s end-of-life care (no receipts provided). Another note: I don’t care one bit about any inheritance money.

My stepmother wanted me to get named estate executor because she believes my grandmother has large amounts of hidden assets sitting in several banks. So I did that, going through a lawyer (at considerable personal expense) and probate and finally being named executor about 5 months (probate takes a long time) after my grandmother’s death (Note: I don’t believe these assets even exist).

I just got the executorship this month and haven’t looked for these supposed assets yet. I took a short vacation (my first in 2 years) this past week and was coming home when my stepmother called me and chewed me out again for not calling my father enough and ‘not caring about him,’ and told me she won’t be notifying me when he passes away, that “you can find out he’s dead when you read his obituary in the paper”.

She then reiterated how great her own kids are and how much they do for her and my father and that I do nothing for him/them. Then she hung up on me.

I really don’t know what to think anymore.