Toxic boss at work

I work in a nice company with great dynamic staff. However, we have a micromanaging head with a “yes man” number 2. Real bloodsucker who always thinks he is right no matter what.

He has his own perspective all e time and would mark and target employees. He is also known to ‘Roti Prata’ on his decisions.

Why are there such aholes in e society and make pple dread working? Very cheeky and all smiles with SYTs at work though but grim black face with the rest. Not even a greeting when greeted or walk by invisibly. HR also plays his tunes with their political toxic dept. Long timers sitting in their position not knowing siht and making life shitty for the rest.

Here are what netizens think:

• To be honest.. at work.. its all about being able to manage ur bosses and their expectations. If he is a micromanager, then do things in such a way that he will be impressed. He will never let u have freedom.. but he will speak up for u during appraisal.

• People mistake this as bootlicking but I think it’s how the working world is. U conform to your bosses…

• The problem nowadays is…people expect the bosses to conform to them. As much as a healthy work environment is good, we deal with the cards dealt or just look for a new pack of cards (new job).

• Move on to another company and with more people realising what’s going on, they’ll move on as well..

• Amuse yourself by playing clever and unsuspecting pranks on them to make them look stupid and incompetent. That will brighten your day.

• If you can survive, play dead and be neutral, don’t judge anyone. If you hate it, find another job. If you can change your mindset, you might be happier working there.

• Whoa……. you’re one unhappy square peg trying to fit into a round hole. If you have what it takes, show your unhappiness towards this man. Otherwise move on. Unless your skill sets are not marketable.

What should I do now? Please help.

Today I went to Suntec mall with my partner (different race), and after lunch, we were planning to do some shopping. While walking near the food court `Big Appetite`, a guy (maybe in his 40s) stopped me from behind and told my foot touched him while he was walking, I apologized by saying sorry and continued walking. He stopped me again and replied, “You better take care in the future, or I will see you”.

I apologized again and minded my own business. To my surprise, instead of leaving us alone, he continued shouting at me from behind. My girlfriend went to him and said sorry it will not happen, but his only target was me. He continued shouting at me and followed me for nearly 200 m inside suntec. Whole time he was shouting racial statements, speaking how one country is good and other is bad.

I already had realized that he don’t want my sorry, he just wants to harass me, so all I did was ignore him and mind my own business. I don’t feel like replying to a mental guy who is ready to fight, so I minded my own business.

I am writing it here to clarify few things and to ask few questions:

1. If you were there and witnessed it, please don’t think that I was wrong, since all I was doing was ignoring him. For me, it was tough to make any decision as first time I faced such racial harassment in Singapore and don’t want to escalate it. Please let me know if you were a witness.

2. Given the incident took place inside Suntec mall, I am pretty sure everything was recorded, is it wise on my side to file a police complaint? I am not sure how it will go but as a foreigner, it can even risk my job. I strongly discourage such incident, and will be glad if it helps a bit to stop racism in Singapore.

3. How the guy was so confident shouting at me in public? What kind of confidence he has that he will be protected, hoping it was not the first time he was harassing someone?

4. If your friends visited Suntec today at around 2-3 pm, please ask them whether they witnessed any such thing.

I always had option to move to other country but chose Singapore because of its cultural integrity and racial harmony. I have many local friends who love me and with whom I spend weekends together playing sports or enjoying dinner. Singapore always felt like a home to me, but today’s incident hit me hard.

Please help.

Thank you

Excluded from inheritance?

So I’m the eldest son, I have 2 younger brothers. I’m married, they are not. So my parents are already old and they told me that I’m not inheriting the HDB flat since I already have my own HDB flat.

They don’t have any savings nor cpf since I’m the one giving the most allowance all these years. It hurts to know that at the end of it all, I get nothing.

It’s not because I’m greedy, I’m sad because I felt used and I’m disappointed. I don’t feel loved by my parents. I didn’t asked to be first born. As a first born, I take care of them the most including my younger siblings. I contributed the most and the longest. I have my own family too.

I have to take care of my wife and my retirement. Am I bad to feel lost and sad for not inheriting anything? Not only my parents, my wife’s parents also told her the same thing. Since she has a flat, she won’t be included in the will. I don’t know of any stories out there having this issue, maybe nobody’s parents done a will or something. But I’m just sharing with all of you.

I regretted a little, not to take care of myself more, and be a little more selfish to my parents and in-laws. Should I start being more selfish or should I pretend this is not hurting me and continue to give large allowances and presents? It’ll be very obvious if I do that.

What do you all think?

Here are what netizens think:

• It’s never easy to attain fairness as parents. In a positive way, they might feel that you are in a better situation than your siblings and less worry about you. And that’s what we hope to achieve as children, to not give our parent so much worries. Again, parents’ love is not always measured by how much inheritance they assign.

• In this world nothing is fair. What we think is fair may not be fair to others. Being the eldest does not mean we get the most love or money. Do what u think is right. I told my late parents the hse , money all belongs to you and you have the say. But if u choose to give it to your nieces or nephew I will be hurt because when u are down who cares and look after u. If u want to donate to charity or will it to your grandchildren I’m ok.

• I think your parents might not be good in phrasing their sentence. Every parents loves every single child that they have. From what u mentioned, I feel it’s cos u r very independent u can support on your own. You are trustworthy and they do not have to worry for u at all for your future and they know they can always rely on u. Whereby your younger brothers, they are not independent and they might not be as reliable as you. Maybe they are always constantly worrying abt them and one day they are gone, they do not have the $ to support themselves.

Uncle in a Dilemma.

I am in a dilemma.

Am single (52/m & a super introvert). And I have a very close female business associate (40 & single). We known each other for 16 yrs. Not only the basic “know”, but we are what the youngsters today term as “bff”.

Our r/s, other than work, is platonic.

We shared alot emotionally. Somehow we connect very well. At times we are physical, but no in the sexual way. Things like she will hug & hang on to me if she gets drunk/high coz she knows i will protect her always. She is extremely pleasant looking, in fact an eye candy too & other guys will try to establish physical contact when she gets high on alcohol. So each time this happens, i will send her home (holding hands like a couple) & nothing else more.

I have seen her in several failed r/s & it broke my heart each time i see her getting hurt. In all her r/s, i am also very close to her partner.

Currently, she is going thru another cycle of a failed&shaky r/s. She have been abused emotionally. It was heartbreaking for me to see it.

Now the dilemma comes in.

I have a liking to her..in fact I think it’s love for her. Tbh, i have this feeling for more than 10 yrs. But i just couldn’t bring myself to express in words other than showing concern, protecting her & supporting her everytime when she goes thru a bad phase. I am like always there for her. And she knows I will always be there coz she did told me before recently.

Should i tell her ? And Yes, there is a 12 yr gap.

Feel kind or weird asking here coz during my days, we use to have an “Aunt Agony” column for such advise….lol

Hope i don’t get nasty comments..

Thanks..

: Marriage-Phobic for Some Reasons

I always have/had phobia towards marriage because of these reasons:

1. My cousin married a rich man but the guy ended up straying round so I have been advised since young not to marry a man for money.

2. My sister married for love but divorced after just two years, because she was very career-minded but did not have a supportive and understanding husband whom could give her the moral support she very much needed.

3. My beloved grandma told me if I get married early, I would most likely end up in a divorce.. and my mum always repeated to me what my grandma said until after I was like, 30 years old. (I have lots of good memories together with my grandma, I remember when she worked in his brother’s arcade as a cashier, I would spend the whole afternoon with her in the arcade playing in it.. she doted on me a lot, she would literally scold anyone who tried to bully me including one of her daughter in laws, very cute, haha).

So I waited, waited and waited until I had no choice but to get married already. Even then, I still didn’t think I was ready for it.

After I got married, I almost instantly regretted it because I don’t think I’ve married the right person (and the right family, even though I had spent a lot of time with them before marriage). After I got married, my MIL suddenly became very demanding, rude, or I would say controlling. (And I didn’t take a cent of her money, I didn’t take any dowry though I deserved it (to me it equates having to listen to your MIL if you take their money/things, as my MIL mentioned also), didn’t use my PIL’s money for house renovation).

Though I settled my MIL already (no longer allowing her to mess with me), my experience with her somehow still affected how I interact with people now, II became very protective of myself and would literally revenge anyone who tries to step on my boundaries.

Of course, my partner also does not behave like how he used to be anymore because the mother pitted him against me (which is understandable, since she likes to create chaos in people’s life, she loves creating drama and watching it, the whole extended family became broken apart because of her doings and endless gossiping).

Though my partner has an admirable career, he also took up many hobbies which are not compatible with his social status. Which somehow affected my mood also, as a result, I always have self-doubt – doubting how come I have chosen this person to be my husband, even though he was my only boyfriend since young. I still love him of course, otherwise, I wouldn’t have still stayed with him.

Moving ahead, I feel like I am just gonna deal with it. Not complain anything to him about what I don’t like about him/MIL, ignore everything I don’t like about him, only look at whats good about him (and ignore my overwhelming MIL), and be sure to make a better choice in my next life.

Ranting here won’t change anything, but still, these thoughts need to be let out, somewhere, somehow.

My conclusion for my life is – If you think you’ve married the wrong person, just suck thumb and live with it.

Don’t tell me otherwise. Either way, people are going to criticize your choice.

This is life.

Stubborn old dad

How do you get an elderly person (mid 60s) to go for a hearing test? My dad has hearing issues for a few years already. On and off I have been trying to convince him to see a doctor for it. But he refuses to do so. He kept saying he can hear us. But we have to talk loudly or shout.

It’s also a safety issue and i am at my wits end. Because he cycles on the road. And can you imagine if he can’t hear the oncoming vehicles?

I have tried being nice, being respectful, being angry, scolding, sayang. Everything! He simply refuses to do so. Nowadays it is even worse because he sometimes shouts at us, cause he cannot hear himself. Money is not a problem if he needs hearing aids and he knows that. So that’s not the problem. He is just stubborn.

I dno what else i can do man. It’s been 5 years. Help!!

Here are what netizens think:

• Hi, it can sometimes be challenging to get someone to take action, especially when it comes to hearing loss – which is an invisible disability.

• You should consult an Audiologist and discuss your options for getting your dad’s hearing tested. Options can be an Online hearing test, a home visit, or things you can do to bring him to the clinic. Hearing better is essential for brain health as well. Studies have shown that when hearing loss is ignored, it can hasten cognitive decline and the risk of dementia.

• Say that there is a 1-for-1 promotion for the hearing test and you want his company. That said, how would you expect him to react if you simply brought him to the clinic? Also, do you have any inkling why he is resistant to getting a hearing test? Such as, he does not like healthcare settings such as hospitals.

• If it’s not likely that he will wear a hearing aid then there’s no point to a hearing test as you already know he has lost hearing. Maybe just talk to him without sound to psych him out more? But basically there’s nothing you can do lest something happens to make him decide to go. So just accept it rather than stress over it. And stop shouting at him and let him not hear you. He needs to experience the consequences more.