I proposed to my girlfriend and she said no. I feel so stupid

I don’t know how to feel. I’ve been dating my girlfriend for five years. I love her so much. Not to get into it, but I lost someone I loved so much when I was 23 and I was sure I’d never love like that again.

It took a while but then I met my girlfriend and I fell again. We understand each other so completely and I’d do anything for her.

The only positive, I guess, is that I proposed at home so there was no public embarrassment.

She started crying when I pulled the ring out and told me that she couldn’t and that it wasn’t my fault, she loves me, on and on.

She was sobbing so hard. I was crying too, which is even more humiliating I went to stay at my sister’s. I can’t talk to her about it yet, it’s only been like two hours. I feel so dumb and unlovable.

When I was 23, when I lost that person, I thought that was the worst day of my life. It still is, but this comes so close. I’ve been chain smoking and I haven’t smoked in years.

Netizens’ comments

1. Buddy. Put that cigarette out go brush your mouth out. No need to start smoking again. Quitting sucks lets not do it again.
   Im sorry she said no. That would be shitty to hear. You should give yourself a couple days to mourn the future you thought you had then talk to her and decide what the next step for you two is.
   You are loveable. You’ve got this.
2. God five years and she said no? Man, I hope y’all have a chat and can work things out. Maybe it’s a “not now” type of thing. Wishing you the best
3. I am so sorry for you. I proposed to my husband partly as a joke, partly serious and was extremely hurt when he said no. It took him a couple of years to get his thoughts sorted and now we have been happily married for more than ten years. He proposed.
   Sometimes it is difficult to admit that you love somebody so much that it hurts. The fear of being rejected is terrible, and this might be the reason she declined.
   Take a few days and talk, talk and talk. The situation is probably as horrible to her as to you.

I just celebrated my first Valentine’s Day with my boyfriend of 8 months. I was very excited leading up to it, because I’m 25 and never had a boyfriend to celebrate Valentine’s Day but now I want to break up with him.

I’m a big romantic girly girl. I like romance movies, love poems, public displays of affection (nothing graphic, just stuff like holding hands and kisses on the cheek), romantic dinners, and affirming words. Red roses are my favorite flower. All I wanted was a bouquet like the ones my dad gets my mom every year. My boyfriend knows this, but if he doesn’t like or care about something then he thinks nobody else shouldn’t either.

If I try to hold his hand or kiss his cheek, he pulls away and tells me to wait until we get home. I can count the number of times he’s called me beautiful on one hand. He likes to act like a jerk because he thinks my reactions are funny.

He got me some daisies and made a big stink about never getting me flowers again because he thinks they’re stupid. He got me dark chocolate bars and I don’t like dark chocolate. One of them had a love poem printed inside the wrapper. I thought it was sweet until he said he regretted buying that one.

We watched tv for a few hours instead of getting intimate, but I’m honestly fine with that because he’s terrible in bed. His idea of foreplay is squeezing my boobs so hard that they bruise.

And if that wasn’t enough, he still hasn’t told his family about me. We’ve been exclusive for 8 months, he has met my parents, and all his family know is that he’s “talking to some girl.” I found out because he invited me along to pass his parents something but told me to stay in the car. He didn’t want his parents to see me, but sure enough, they saw me sitting in the front seat because they’re not idiots!!! But I guess I am for staying with him for so long.

He couldn’t stop being a belligerent a-hole for one day. I can’t do this anymore. If he doesn’t want anyone to know we’re dating, then I guess we don’t need to be dating. I’m done.

EDIT: Wow. I did not expect this to blow up like it did. I’m reading through all the comments and want to thank everyone for their kindness and reassurance.

A lot of ya’ll are asking why I’m even with him, so I figured putting it in an edit would be easiest – I started dating him because his personality was completely different. He was sweet very affectionate with me, if a little shy. He was so eager to become exclusive, claimed to agree with every value I had, and was the first one to say “I love you.” It’s like his personality slowly started to change (or I guess the mask was slowly pulled away) after I fell in love too. I figured work was stressing him out and things would eventually get better. And they are getting better, for me at least because I’m breaking up with him. I don’t need a man, and I don’t want one who doesn’t make my life better.

1 year ago, I (26M) and my wife (34F) decided to take a break from each other. Now we are trying to get back together but apparently she slept with over 30 men during our break and I don’t know how to deal with it.

I( 26M) have been married with Lisa (34F) for 8 years. 5 years ago, we had our daughter, Ann.

Around 2 years ago, me and Lisa were having some problems with each other and 1 year ago we decided to take a break from each other and try to fix our marriage and become better people.

Her issues with me can be summed up in: I was too cold and apathetic. Since I was a kid, I had been thought that it was useless to whine and rant about problems that cannot be fixed. If our family had a problem, I would try and fix it in any way possible. If the problem cannot be solved, I would simply accept it and move on. It’s not that I didn’t care, it’s that until recently, I didn’t understand the pro of spending time venting on something that cannot be changed. I was also the kind of person who bottle up his feelings. I always thought that my problems and my negative emotions were something I should have dealt with myself, without anybody else’s help.

I know now that this kind of mentality was a problem. I went to therapy and it helped me understand that being able to vent and talk with someone can help you deal with your problem and lessen your stress. Now I’m not perfect but I’m surely better than I was 1 year ago.

My issues with her are not important for this post. Let’s just say she isn’t the most responsible person in the world.

When we decided to take a break, we agreed that we were still married so we would act accordingly. This break was to allow us to grow as people before trying again as a couple. We agreed Ann would spend time with us 50/50 and we agreed to see a therapist together twice a month.

A year passed and we decided to get back together. We agreed on one final session to talk about it with our therapist before actually doing it.

During this session, he asked us if we had dated someone else during our break. I said no, as to me, even though we were not living together, we were still married. She tried dodging the question but ended up admitting she has dated other men and, under mine and the therapist’s insistence, she admitted that in the past year she slept with over 30 men.

I cannot describe exactly what happened next but I think I had a panic attack (never had one before so I’m not sure). I felt like I couldn’t breath and I had to rush out of the therapist office to get some air.

I went back inside after some time but the rest of the session was basically her trying to explain her actions and me staying silent and trying not to crumble into pieces.

I’m actually in a self-employed job but things haven’t been going well for me in this line of work.

When I first started I had difficulty finding clients, and I also feel that it could also be a problem of me being too nice of a guy in this industry, according to my colleagues.

I have a friend who said that he wanted to be my first customer, but later, he did not settle his payment and to top it off, he also borrowed money from me which he failed to pay and kept delaying the payment from weeks to months.

He also gave me the expectation that his referrals to my business helped me out, but out of the 5 people he referred to my business, i’ve only managed to clinch a deal with 1 of them.

I wasted a few months with this friend and as a result, my production ended up being terrible with no luck in my prospecting methods.

I hate to tell people about my problems but I really don’t know what I should do as im currently down to my last month of expenses and i’m drifting from my very own goals.

I feel that I wouldn’t be in this state if i’d actually made the right decision from the start if I didn’t lend him the money.

How should I resolve this?

Something is giving me a big headache. My gf earn much more than my dad and during cny when my dad met her & found out about it, he secretly called my gf a sore loser.

But deep inside I just know it’s because he feels inferior that a lady can earn so much.

He couldn’t accept the fact that a fresh graduate could earn much more than what he had taken over 20 years to achieve.. How do I make my dad more open minded? Also I do not want my gf to know this mindset that my dad has, it’s really embarrassing.

Please help, need some advice.

Here are what netizens think:

• He should be proud that his son can find such a talented gf. Not everyone can be so gifted. Tell him that if someone is doing well in life, we should feel happy for them instead of being jealous. That’s a loser mentality.

• Aging parents… We should try not to take their words into heart. Sometimes, old people gets too emotionally unstable. They may blame us as a thief when they misplaced their items, or unappreciates our cooking…

• Hope your gf is matured and understanding enough to ignore your dad at the same time respects him, for -bringing you up.

• Why don’t you laugh and call him the sore loser? And if he doesn’t like it, ask and explain why he shouldn’t think so. After all, your father takes pride in his experience – so reassure him that his experience is still far more valued, it is just unfortunate that time has changed. He is valid to his feelings, but remind him that although your gf earns more, she has a future full of bills to pay for too. And so do you. “Isn’t her paycheck more beneficial for you in the long run, hmm Dad? Rising medical costs are a concern for the pockets you know.” Did he really expect the world to be the same in his generation? Let’s be realistic dad

• If that is his mindset for the past 50 60 years, I doubt anything can change it