Why attached men seem to be more attractive than single ones?

I’m female, in my late 20s. I take care of my looks and health and hold a decent job with good long term prospects. I’ve always believed that I do not need to depend on anyone.

I grew up in a single parent environment which probably explains why I feel the need to be independent and self reliant. My mother never remarried and we have upgraded to a new home nearer to the CBD area after I’ve been promoted twice in my current job. I wanted my mother to be proud of me and I wanted live nearer to my workplace too.

I’ve been on the dating scene for a while. I notice I enjoy being pursued but somehow I lose interest quickly. Somehow I just find some men are noobs or do very cliche dating tactics to try and win me over. One incident was a guy bought me the latest phone model when I casually mentioned my phone was damaged. Somehow I wasn’t impressed and I feel suspicious instead.

I did accept the phone and resold it as I don’t like that model. Is a phone gift enough to make me want to open my legs? No. I know my expectations are high. A guy must earn more than me before I would even go on a date with him.

I do find attached guys more attractive. If a woman wanted him, did I miss out on something about the him? I find myself secretly envious and looking at some of my friends’ choice of men in a different light when I hear them talking about how sweet and loving their partners are.

I find myself drawn to this particular friend within my social circle. He got married not long ago. Reason was his gf of a few months got pregnant so they rushed through the engagement and got married before their child is born. His wife is rather pretty. He did tried to ask me out years ago but I had rejected him as I don’t find him attractive. But somehow now I find him very handsome and hot as a new husband and father.

It’s like if no one wanted this guy, I’d better stay away from him too. Do some men think the same way too?

Need help on a tricky issue regarding MOM and a company withholding pay

Not mine, but a friend of a friend. Even though I said I’d asked my brothers for their opinion, I thought I’d expand the issue here as well.

Basically the issue is, her friend has just finished studying and this company decided to take her in and let her work for them.

However, due to certain issues that she was having with her employers (think verbal mistreatment), she decided to leave said company.

This company then decided to withhold her pay and from what I’ve been told has been refusing to give it to her?

Anyway, this is the tricky part. I had initially assumed that her friend would be a citizen or PR. No, she’s not from here and even worse, she’s on her student visa.

So my friend’s concern is that by complaining to MOM, ltvp would be revoked.

How would you guys approach this situation, or at least have it solved?

Netizens’ comments

1. Check if the friend is legally exempted from requiring a Work Pass or similar. If legally exempted, and there’s a contract of employment, should be able to report to MOM. Make sure the friend also didn’t breach contract. Some contracts have clauses where if the notice period is not given, have to pay the company.
   If not legally exempted, gotta be able to handle the consequences of getting caught working without Work Pass if report to MOM. Better to just suck it up if cannot, and learn the lesson.
   Just my 2 cents, not based on any anecdotal evidence of mine.
2. Check the approved list of institutions that are allowed to work without work pass, meaning only with student visa.
   If on approved list: Vacation can work largely without restrictions. During school term, either industrial attachment or max 16hrs a week.
   As a foreign student, if need money, work at part time job that pays cash daily. Else, just assume worse case that she is doing it for experience only.

MOM’s guidelines

Work pass exemption for foreign students

If you are holding a Student Pass in Singapore, you are only allowed to work if you meet specific requirements. Find out if you are eligible.

Not allowed to work
You are not allowed to work if:
1) You are not studying in any of the institutions listed below.
2) You are an exchange student doing study modules in Singapore.

If you are a foreign student or trainee coming to Singapore under a training attachment programme, you should be holding a Training Work Permit, a Training Employment Pass, or be in the Work Holiday Programme. It is an offence for a foreign student to work in Singapore without a valid work pass.

I’ve got a really hairy legs and arms and everything, and my parents have never let me shave my legs no matter how much I tell them(they let me shave my armpits).

I know what you’re all thinking this situation is no big deal it’s just shaving legs and stuff but for me it kinda is,

going to school everyday with hairy legs really tears my confidence down having to see all of these girls and some boys have no hair on their legs just made me feel insecure

and all and also I have more leg hair than the most boys in my school.

One time I was in my class when 2 of my classmates went up to me and asked me that do I shave my legs and I said no then one of them said that I was nasty and how even he shaves his legs, that really put me down.

Since then I kept on telling my parents just to let me shave but they just won’t let me, my mum keeps on saying that it looks fine and if I do shave it without there permission she would beat me.

and every time I tell my dad he would just say that I’m crazy and how it’s gonna grow back thicker, and I did tell him that I know that but he just won’t let me.

I told my younger brother how I feel and all and at first he didn’t really care (I have more leg hair than him and you can’t even see his until you go super close) but soon he understood how I felt and just tried to make me feel better by saying that it doesn’t look bad and stuff, but it didn’t work I still feel bad.

I don’t even know what to do anymore just a while ago I told my dad if I can shave and he immediately said no to and I don’t know what got to me when I went in the bathroom I just burst down crying

I don’t know If I’m being dramatic and all but it’s just not school to it’s everywhere, every time I wear shorts it really makes me feel insecure just by looking at my legs and I know people look at me like I’m weird for not shaving my legs and how some of my classmates talk about me in their gc about how hairy I am, I’ve also heard strangers, schoolmates and all talk behind my back about how hairy I am.

Just to tell you guys my parents are amazing people especially my dad but it’s just that this really make me feel insecure and they can’t even help me feel better about myself.

So I don’t know what to do, isn’t it my body guys? why is it so hard to stand up to them every time they say no to shaving my legs, I really wanna shave. Are my parents entitled because of this situation? Please help me with what to do.

My fiancee and partner of 9 years (27f) cheated on me (28m)

This is a post more so to vent my frustration than anything else. I found out my fiancee of 9 years has been cheating on me for the last 3 months and iv no idea what to do… we also have a 1 year old son together.

I was using an old phone of hers because mines wasn’t working and a load of notifications came through on Instagram dms from a guy she work with, and the messages were saying what they would do to each other.

Wanting to confirm my thought rightly or wrongly while I was feeding our son during the night I went through her phone and seen intimate details of stuff they have done when and where.

For past 3 months I have basically been a single parent as she’s been ‘working late’ and isnt back untill iv put him to bed. I have sent it to myself as proof and will confront her tonight.

What am I meant to do. We were due to get married in August our son has just turned 1 year old 2 weeks ago.

My head is all over the place as I had a deadbeat parent. It isn’t in myself to leave my son with someone who clearly doenst care about us as a family. I’m just … I’m just hurt.

Netizens’ comments

1. First, thank your lucky stars that you found out before you got married.
   Second, I don’t care how convinced you are that he’s yours or how much he looks like you, get a damn test. My dad’s ex-wife’s bastard looked exactly like him and my dad paid 18 years of child support for a kid that wasn’t his.
   Third, TEXT YOURSELF ALL THE EVIDENCE AND TEXT IT TO PEOPLE YOU TRUST. Do this asap because it’s unlikely she’ll just leave all the evidence there.
   Finally, do what you can to get out.
2. I couldn’t even forgive a one night thing to be honest, so there would be no chance of forgiving a 3 month affair. I’m really sorry, but do you want to live in doubt for the rest of your life. It’s a horrible thing to do, especially when you have a young son. Shame on her. No one deserves to be treated like that.

Cancelling my son’s birthday party because my Mother-In-Law left poop on my toothbrush

My mother-in-law watches my three kids. They are age 5, 3 and 7 months. My mother-in-law usually watches them and drops them off from school. The kids are battling a stomach virus so everyone was home on Monday.

The little one had a poop explosion so my mother-in-law washed her butt in our bathroom sink. However, she did not clean up after and there was poop all around the sink, on the toothpaste, on the toothbrushes and the little cups that the kids use when brushing their teeth. I have pictures if you guys really want to see. (editor’s note: please no)

This has happened before but it’s the first time we said anything. When my wife called her mom to be more careful because it’s absolutely disgusting and gross. However, once her sisters (both in their 30s and single for good reason) caught wind that my wife ‘belittled’ their mother, all hell broke loose. The sisters began defending the mother, calling out how dirty/messy our house is, calling my wife fat and basically just saying how lucky we are to have the MIL in our life and it’s no big deal. In fact, were the a-holes for being upset about this.

I guess the sisters got to my mother-in-law because then MIL came back and started parroting the same talking points about how messy our house is, how ungrateful my wife is and how my MIL cleans our house and cooks for the kids all of the time. My 5 year old son was also at her house this weekend and had an accident where he pooped on the bed cuz he’s sick. That was also thrown in our face multiple times. They also referred to watching our kids as FAVORS which is weird because they always ask to take them.

My mother-in-law says she won’t come ever again to watch the kids. She no-showed today so I had to apply for leave to watch the baby which is fine. However, I don’t like how the MIL is affecting my job and career with her pettiness as I had some important stuff scheduled today. Keep in mind, we pay her $300 (cash) a week to watch the kids. Now I’m going to pay about $150 more per month for someone to watch the kids which is no big deal really.

However, my son’s birthday is tomorrow. They had a big ol party planned at my mother-in-law’s for Saturday. However, I have told everyone that we will not be attending the party and we have barred her family from seeing, giving gifts or even speaking to the kids for the time being.

Touch starved: How to live without intimacy (31f)?

Im a 31 year old woman, never dated, never had a boyfriend. In my 20s i had some sort of on-off fwb relation with a man, so i at least am not a virgin.

I feel like my situation is fairly unique, especially for a woman and im quite ashamed for my lack of experience.

I feel quite behind in life and like im missing out a lot. In the last 3 years i started to suffer from skin hunger (lack of touch) and it’s really dragging me down more and more.

I suffer from mental health problems (already since being a young adult) and the lack of intimacy makes it even worse and harder.

At this point i feel like i have to live like this all my life and it’s killing me slowly inside. I dont know what to expect from this post. Probably just had to let it all out. Maybe someone deals with something similar, dont know. Thanks for reading.

Netizens’ comments

• First of all congratulations on being brave enough to talk about your situation. I applaud you! If more people were open about what they where feeling you probably wouldn’t be feeling that way. I get it. I just got out of a 3year relationship and suddenly overnight no intimacy with no closure. I feel angry and lost since my relationship ended, I guess 2 months ago. The only thing working for me is going against what my head is telling me, ( go back asleep, you will never find anyone, your a looser, you get the point.) I have to ignore my head and lead with my heart in everything I do. This has been a struggle, but it is getting a little easier each day. I hope this helps, and know you are not alone.
• When my last boyfriemd (who I was living with 3 years) broke up it was especially hard to not get that daily tough It was hard for way worse reasons but yeah this sucked
• I am going to echo that you should seek therapy. If not that, find someone you trust that you can talk to in real life about these things.
• Don’t put yourself down. I didn’t lose my virginity until 35. I am 41 now and have zero regrets about my experiences. It took some work to flip my perspective and find confidence and happiness. I know you are capable of that too.
• I’m kind of on the same boat. 27M, also touch starved and in a depressive episode. Physical touch is my love language.
  I think the first thing to do is to interact with friends/make friends. Just hugging people and being near people honestly helps a lot.
  I say not to rush into a relationship, especially because not everyone understand the struggle we face. I learned to be vulnerable little by little, as things feel safe.
  Dating can be scary, but I don’t think there is any shame in taking your time or not having much experience. It doesn’t matter the singlest bit, at least for me.

I was feeling pretty proud of myself. I had just recently purchased a brand new Rolex watch and I was excited to show it off to my friends.

I had always wanted a Rolex and now that I had one, I wanted to flaunt it.

I was due to meet my friends for a day trip into JB and so I decided to wear the Rolex watch that very day just to show it off to them.

When I finally arrived at JB, I was met with a whole different atmosphere.

The streets were crowded and there were a lot of people around. I saw some people who looked suspicious and I immediately felt a bit uneasy.

I was suddenly aware of how valuable my Rolex watch was and how easy it would be for someone to take it from me.

But I shrugged off my fear and decided to ignore all these and continue showing off my Rolex watch and talking to my friends.

My friends and I continued to talk about my watch for a few more minutes before we decided to head back home.

As we were walking near the customs, I noticed a few people following us.

They were obviously up to no good and I could feel the fear rising up inside me. I knew that they were after my Rolex watch and I started to panic.

We ran as fast as we could into the customs building because there were authorities over there and finally this people gave up following us.

I have always heard of people getting robbed in JB but never had that experience and I am lucky that it did not happen to me this time.

I now know better than to show off by wearing my Rolex watch into JB.

Money over pride

At primary 4. I had to start helping out my mother at the hawker centre. Age the age of 15, parents divorced and I had to start working part time after my O levels. I supported myself thru part time job, juggled between PT and poly school days, paid for my own daily expenses, school fees and etc.

I met my boyfriend when I was 18 and we got married when I was 24. My husband was very nice to my mother, seen thru gifts (here and there, not in cash). Egg tarts, snacks, fruits, and anything else he buys for his mum, he will buy 1 for my mum.

At the age of 26, I gave birth to a baby girl. Since then we spent lesser than sending “snacks / small gifts” to my mother. Of course, occasions like birthday, mothers day, we still bring her out for a meal. My mother don’t celebrate Xmas when I was young as I never receive Xmas pressie from her. Somehow as we age, my mum has expectations on this. For CNY, she expects gifts, money to buy CNY goodies, money to bao angbao and money from AWS received in Dec. (PS: my company don’t practice AWS so I hv none).

My elder sister recently got married and my new brother-in-law shows no respect for our family at all. BUT, since his family is rich and he often gives my mother money (probably $50 or $100 each time they meet, erm 2-3 times a week), my mother grew to like him despite him being disrespectful to our family. (Actions like pulling a black face every time we meet, demanding us to crawl and avoid his webex when he is having video call while working from home, treat me and my husband transparent, pulled black face and walked away when asked to take family photo together and etc).

I feel tired reaching out to my mum now. It seems like money is the solver for everything and I cannot afford to fill up her pocket with it, my husband and i are consideded as unfilial.

I cannot understand why my mum doesn’t understands that I have my own financial burden as well when she herself has been thru thru the path? Though I’m seen with having a BTO flat, car, helper, 2 kids, everything costs me money! Every month I give her $300 allowance and she is still asking for more.

Some people told me my mum probably is just lonely. But honestly, when my husband and I bought her “snacks” like the old days, she doesn’t appreciates anymore. She will find it as “cheap food”. She prefers to eat atas food where she can take photo upload on Facebook to show off to her friends. CNY we bought her goodies, she doesn’t even take a glance at it.

My husband tells me to just ignore her, there’s nothing we can do when she is just looking at more money = the more filial you are. As much as I told him “ya I don’t care alr la”, deep down in my heart I’m pretty affected by it. I cannot just pretend that I’m OK…