After working for 10 years, I think young uni students need to remind themselves that the industry is nothing like school.

People who do very well in school will generally do much better than the average income earner, but there isn’t any reliable metric that we know of to predict how far up the corporate hierarchy you can go based on how well you’ve done in school.

I work for a multinational, and the most successful Singaporean in the company, in fact one of the only non-American partner at the firm who is based in Singapore, was a poly student who graduated from Tasmania. One level down, and many of my Singaporean associate directors come from an enormous variety of backgrounds, none of whom did particularly well in school.

In Singapore, it is not uncommon to hear of young graduates from Cambridge or Oxford or an Ivy League university and it is easy to think that the competition is overwhelming.

In reality we honestly don’t know how well these people will do. Being a very good student comes down to two things, natural intelligence and discipline. At work, many other traits are rewarded. It isn’t an asset to be sociable in school but the managing director of sales at our company made 700K last year. I worked on her team for a year and our job was primarily talking to customers and building relationships in the industry. Nothing technical. In school, if you’re the most technical person you’ll end up at MIT; at work, if you’re the most technical person it is rare that you will make management. If you do make management as a genius engineer it would have been for reasons other than your engineering skills.

Success in the world of business is even more varied. I have met owners of a small family business that make close to a million in profit every year from just managing rental properties for landlords. They clean, they market, they find tenants, and they earn a fee from doing it. I have met a marble dealer who made 2.5 million profit last year. I meet a lot of business owners because of my work in consulting.

It’s fine to be proud of scholastic achievements. It’s fine to pursue it hammer and tongs. But know that the world is enormous and people are rewarded for many skills and traits that many people would deem useless.

Just something that I thought might help people who went through or who are going through something similar:

I am someone who went into a relationship rather quickly, I don’t consider much so long as he fit my criteria and the feeling is mutual.

Right now, I am in a healthy relationship myself and I would like to share with people that it’s easy to recognize a toxic relationship after you take a step back and see it from a third person POV.

I am pretty sure when people are in a bad relationship, they too know it as well, be it whether you have invested too much (like my case before), or you don’t love yourself well enough and hope that someone will save you (also my case). After ending a few relationship that’s bad for me, I realise what those have in common is each time a break up happens, I am the one who’s begging for them to return to me, which is very degrading for myself, I put them in pedestal and forgot that I am someone who’s deserving of love.

I wasn’t in a good place to receive and yet I kept giving till there was nothing good left.

Most of my friends can see that those relationships are slowly eating me away and yet I couldn’t see it myself, I invested way too much emotionally, and I got comfortable to a point that it wasn’t good anymore.

Cheating, emotionally abuse, especially the latter, isn’t something that I am familiar with until I read up myself, it got you to thinking that maybe, there’s something wrong in myself after all.

What I hope to put it across is, don’t be afraid to step out if you find yourself in a toxic relationship or you suspect that you are abuse emotionally. Walk out, and I can guarantee that it may not be on the actual day that you will feel it, but weeks or months later, you will feel that it’s easier to breathe, you will be smiling more.

I met my current boyfriend on dating app and he’s the best that can happen to me after I have cleared my head well and being in a emotionally well place to receive love and also, to give love. He’s everything that my ex isn’t, he calls when he says he will, he sends me home late at night even it means he has to cab home himself, he stills do those things that he did when he woos me, basically his actions speaks volume. He’s still the same as he is from the start till we are a year into the relationship now.

To everyone who’s suffering in their relationship, walk out now, and I hope that your next relationship will be the one that makes you smile more.

Is scolding in the workplace normal?

I am in my first job after graduation. Have been working in the firm for 2.5 years now.

I was previously from a team with a boss who would scold me till I tear and then call me back after working hours to apologise. I do not believe my work is bad because I do get good reviews and am promoted with healthy increments.

However, I had enough of the team’s work and manipulative boss that I opted to jump to another team.

In this new team, I am now getting hammered by my current boss once again. With harsh phrases like “This is on you, I want you to feel bad about this. Don’t make me drop you off this task…”

I am beginning to lose faith in this company’s leadership and am thinking of leaving but yet I am scared that it will be like this in my new workplace. Hence the question – Is workplace scolding normal?

Also, should I change job because of this?

Netizens’ comments

• No, it shouldn’t be normal. It’s only professional to point out problems without going into personal attacks.
• Sounds like a very poor management. I would not work in that kind of environment.
• I know of a family-run company in Singapore that has this very culture. They pay really well but it is just pure toxicity. I know a couple of friends who worked with them before. The nearer you are to HQ, the more severe this was. One of my friends was on their scholarship and had to be bonded for 3 years. It was pure nightmare. There was once when the manager needed a simple piece of information and he called the entire team just to see if they picked up the call. At that time, which was 8pm and after office hours, my friend went to the gym without his handphone. He called back 30mins later and was berated over the phone. He dreaded going into the office the next day. The madness continued the next day. The manager rounded up everybody who did not pick up and did not dial back within an hour, lined them up and scolded them for half an hour because apparently, “the company could have been in serious trouble with such irresponsible staff!!” My friend was spared but half the office was not. Morale was terrible.

Met this guy a year ago through tinder, the photo that’s being used was a side profile one, height stated was 171 which is way shorter than my expectation, but since the chat on tinder and/or tele is not bad, I decided to give it a go and met up with him after chatting for less than a few days, to my horror, he look way different than his profile pic.

One day before meeting up, we didn’t text for a day and so I texted him in the evening to confirm if we are still meeting, he said yes and he’s glad that I texted him instead cause he didn’t want to double text me and look like a simp.

How’s that double texting when I responded to his goodnight but just so happen that the last text was by him? So yea after meeting up, I have never felt embarrassed to walk beside anyone before and I felt it, I cut it short by making an excuse that I need to go right after dinner.

What actually makes me go was that he can say it to me that everyone thinks that he looks way better in person than his picture, but unless his ‘everyone’ is his mom, I wouldn’t believe it.

I thought I made it clear that I have to go urgently and I even said I wanted to go to the herbal tea shop alone, yet he still follows me.

Guess what, after the dinner I didn’t text him, and he triple text me, what happens to not wanting to be a simp or whatever it is about not wanting to double text someone?

Here are what netizens think:

• Long story short, he wasn’t handsome enough for you right, sista? If you ghost him on text, he’s surely going to wonder why and text you to ask. Just find a nice way to reject him and say you are not feeling the connection.

• Since he dun wanna dbl text. He triple texted.

• Always always always ask for a picture…a selfie taken right there and then before the date, heck, even before u get the convo going. And don’t give BS such as beauty is in the eye of the beholder, just give chance first or whatnot. The act of swiping left or right based on how a person looks is already an act of superficiality by itself. Save everyone’s time….and ‘horror’ stories.

• Cucumber

I used to think that I could do it all. I was working full-time, but I had the idea that I could supplement my income by driving for Grab on the side. I had heard stories about the success of others who had done the same, so I thought I could do it too.

Boy, was I wrong. I soon found out that having a full-time job and driving for Grab on the side was a lot more work than I had anticipated. I was exhausted all the time, and it started to take a toll on my job performance.

I would wake up early to drive for Grab before work, then spend my day at my job, and then go back out to drive for Grab afterward.

The hours of driving began to catch up to me. I was more exhausted than I had ever been before. I was so tired that I was having trouble staying awake while driving. I started to worry that I would get into an accident because I was too tired to drive safely. I knew I needed to take a break and get some rest, but I also needed to make more money.

I decided to try and make the best of my situation. I cut back on the number of hours I was driving so that I could get some rest and still make a decent amount of money. I also started setting myself a time limit for each ride so that I could make sure I was getting enough rest.

It made a big difference. I was still tired, but I was managing my exhaustion much better than before. I was able to focus more on my job and had more energy for my side hustle. I was able to make more money, and I was able to do it in a safer manner.

I learned a valuable lesson from my experience. I realized that it’s not always possible to do everything at once. It’s important to prioritize and make sure that you’re taking care of yourself. If you don’t, you’ll end up exhausted and unable to perform at your best.

While I thought I could do it all, I found out the hard way that I couldn’t. I was too tired and it was negatively affecting my job and my side hustle. I’m glad that I was able to recognize this and take steps to correct it.

For anyone who is considering driving for Grab on the side while working full-time, my advice is to make sure you’re taking care of yourself. Don’t overwork yourself and make sure you’re getting enough rest. There’s no point in trying to do everything at once if it means you’re too tired to do anything right.

It had been months since my breakup with my ex-girlfriend, but I was still finding it hard to move on.

I guess it was only natural that I was feeling jealous and angry when I heard she had started seeing someone new.

It made me feel like I was no longer important to her, and the fact that she had moved on so quickly was hard to swallow.

I was so frustrated and hurt that I decided to lash out at her new boyfriend in any way I could.

I started badmouthing him to everyone I knew, spinning lies and exaggerating stories to make him look bad.

I wanted to make sure that her new relationship didn’t last and that she would realize what a mistake she had made by leaving me.

I was doing a lot of damage with my lies, but I didn’t care. All I could focus on was getting even with my ex-girlfriend and her new boyfriend.

I started spreading rumors about him, telling people he was a bad influence and a poor choice for her.

I made sure to talk to everyone I could, from mutual friends to strangers, anyone who would listen to my stories.

The more I talked about her new relationship, the more I convinced myself that it was the right thing to do.

I was still hurting and I wanted her to feel the same way. I was so angry that I didn’t think about the consequences of my actions.

I never imagined that my lies could hurt her new relationship, or that I might even be breaking the law.

I was so wrapped up in my own pain that I failed to see that my lies were only making things worse.

Eventually, I had to face the truth and admit that my actions weren’t helping me move on.

I was also called out for my lies from people that know his character and stood out to vouch for him and that was really embarrassing for me and a slap to my face.

I realised I was being very childish and framing someone with a good character with my lies.

I knew that I had to stop badmouthing her new boyfriend or I was going to do more damage than I had already done.

I took some time to reflect on my behavior and realized that I had been acting out of hurt and anger rather than out of love.

I was finally able to let go of my pain and focus on my own life.

I stopped badmouthing my ex-girlfriend’s new boyfriend and started focusing on my own future.