Husband still finds my body DISGUSTING so I asked for a Divorce.

I just need to write here because I feel like I’m going insane.

To start with the beginning, I ( 30f ) met my husband ( 35m ) 8 years ago and were married for 5 years. I pursued him at the beginning, but then he pursued me back and we started dating. Our relationship was not perfect, but we enjoyed each other company. We do not have any kids. I make more money than him, we live in my apartment. We’re saving money to buy a house.

The issue: During our dating period and marriage my husband expressed disgust for my body. It started with just disgusted glances ( which I ignored ) and then it evolved into comments and suggestions about my diet, jabs at my body etc. I cannot include a link, but my body looks very similar to Selena Gomez now body.

Not fat, not thin, just not a supermodel. I know that my body is not toned and does not look the best, but it never changed during our relationship. He met me this way, I did not gain any weight. He also complained that I do not look polished and don’t take care of myself, but I was the same when he met me. I never used a lot of makeup, do not wear high heels/elegant clothing or fancy hairstyles. At the beginning of our relationship, he always said that he preferred natural girls that look like me.

We always fought when he criticized my looks, because it was a big insecurity of mine ( because of other people ). I never considered myself ugly, but had some issues in the past with boys that made me feel unwanted and unattractive so I was determined to find a guy that will love me for who I am. And I thought that I found him when I met my husband. Now you can imagine the heartbreak when he started to ask for these changes.

Last week we were having a chat about body image and he mentioned again my body. So I confronted him and he admitted it and said that he is STILL disgusted by my body and doesn’t understand why I don’t want to make an effort and change how he asked. I would’ve done it if I was like that in the beginning, but I wasn’t.

My heart sunk, because it all became real. I couldn’t run from reality anymore. He is really DISGUSTED. I sometimes ignored his glances and comments, but this time I couldn’t ignore anymore. I asked for a divorce. I never imagined that we will divorce because almost everything was resolvable in my head. Even cheating ( he never cheated, neither did I ). But this is something that just killed me.

He did not take me seriously at the beginning, because we always made up quickly. But I’m serious and I never mentioned the word Divorce until now. I asked him to move out and he is dragging it out. Not even once since then has he apologized. He doesn’t understand what he did wrong and is still in denial. No remorse, nothing. I’m flabbergasted. I wasted 8 years for this.

Some people from the previous post accused me of being selfish to divorce over such a superficial motive. He also accused me of being selfish and dramatic. Am I being selfish? I feel like my head is continually spinning. I feel very hurt and my self esteem is destroyed. I haven’t slept in 3 days. I feel unwanted and disgusting.

I apologize for such a long rant, I just don’t have anyone to talk to until I start therapy. Every opinion or similar experience it’s welcome. Thanks for listening.

Everyone, every couple can make their choices about how they want to live and what makes them happy.

Your friend could have gotten married early, applied for BTO before their income increased above income ceiling, spent minimal on renovations/furnishings, spent minimal on their wedding & thats his choice.

Some people choose to have loads of savings in the bank and be debt free rather than going for the material things in life and that makes them happy.

As I sit here, I can’t help but look around and reflect upon my life choices. While most of my peers are out there buying the latest gadgets or luxury items, I’m content with having an abundance of savings and no debt. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Having an abundance of savings has given me a newfound sense of freedom, security, and control. I no longer have to worry about how I’m going to pay for the things I need or want. Instead, I have the power to make sound financial decisions without having to make sacrifices. It’s an incredible feeling, and one that I’m truly grateful for.

There is something to be said for having a healthy relationship with money. Having a healthy amount of savings means I can allocate my money towards what I deem important. Whether that’s investing in my retirement, taking a dream vacation, or even just splurging on something I’ve wanted for a long time, I can do it without feeling guilty.

In addition to the freedom and control that comes with having an abundance of savings, there’s also the security it provides. Having a cushion of money in the bank means that should any unexpected expenses come up, I can take care of them without having to worry about how I’m going to pay for them.

It also means that if I ever lose my job or experience any other kind of financial hardship, I’ll still have something to fall back on. That security has been invaluable to me, and it’s something I wouldn’t trade for the world.

Of course, there are some people who may think that I’m missing out by not going for the material things in life. But to me, having an abundance of savings is worth much more than having the latest and greatest technology. Sure, the gadgets and luxury items may be nice in the moment, but in the long run, having a strong financial foundation is much more rewarding.

It’s also taught me a lot about myself. I’ve come to realize that I’m not driven by material things, but rather, by experiences and moments. I’m much more likely to opt for a great experience over a new gadget, and that’s been incredibly liberating.

So, while some may think I’m crazy for not going for the material things in life, I’m quite content with my decision. Having an abundance of savings and being debt free has greatly improved my life and has given me a newfound sense of freedom and security. And, it’s taught me a lot about myself and what makes me truly happy.

The same goes, you can choose to have a nice wedding, get a nice bto location, have a nice reno on your dream home, but that also means living with debt probably for the next couple of years or more.

Whatever makes you happy works. No need to compare and make yourself upset over nothing.

How do you live with regret?

I met her when we were in school. I was in my final year while she’s a freshman. It was love at first sight. I pursued her furiously and we got together a few months later.

She was the entire package and my ideal type of girl. But a few months later I lost interest and left her after I graduate. I admit it was entirely my fault and I broke her heart. I thought our interests would no longer align and I believed I would move on to focus on my career. I started to play the field as I decided I’m not ready to settle down yet. I have to say, she was still the best out of the others that I’ve met.

Fast forward a few years later. I met her on a flight on one of my business trip. I thought fate brought us together. We went out of a meal while overseas as we have some free time before I start my work. I can feel sparks flying the entire evening and I believed she felt the same way too.

Everything was smooth until I asked her if she’s seeing anyone. My heart sank when she said she’s attached.

Nonetheless, I wished her well and we continued to keep in touch even after I’ve returned to sg. I couldn’t get her out of my mind. I was actually casually seeing someone else but I quit it after meeting my ex. My ex doesn’t post much on SM so I couldn’t guess who’s her bf.

Even though years past, she’s still the perfect girl in my eyes. I’ve never met anyone who can make me laugh as much. I felt very protective of her. Her charisma, confidence, I looked up to her as she’s someone who’s very knowledgeable, supportive and caring too. Not only that, we come from the same background plus we still have common interests. I believed we are perfect for each other. I still enjoyed hearing from her after all this time. Who can forget their school sweetheart that easily? We continued to text each other like friends. I never thought to confess as I didn’t think it was appropriate as she’s attached and I also believed I can be happy for her as long as she’s happy.

Imagine how elated I was when she suddenly asked me out one day and said she had news. I thought she was going to tell me she broke up with her bf or confess to me. I thought it was going to be a date.

I still remember how beautiful she looked. We talked as though time never left us. Talking to her was so easy. I never had to worry about what to say next. When we finished our meal then she told me the news.

Her bf proposed. She’s engaged. And this will be the last time we see or speak to each other. She confessed she wanted to meet and tell me instead of texting because she wanted to see me for the last time. She also said she needed to let me go and apologised for being friends again. I was devastated. Not only am I losing her forever, I can’t even be in her life anymore. I didn’t know how to convince her I’m fine but I guess she already knew.

Eventually I found out her bf was actually someone we both know from school. So I guess that guy went after her after we broke up.

I felt so stupid for letting her go. My feelings for her were stronger than before as I thought she is the one. Some nights I wish I can turn back the time and not break up with her. I know I’m no saint. I still do casual dating. I end up comparing my dates to my ex and this frustrates me.

Probably that’s why my ex never chose me again as I may have given her the impression I’m not serious to settle down. Soon I realised I didn’t want to settle down is because I only wanted to settle down with her.

Dear S,

I’m sorry for hurting you. I know I can never turn back the time. You’ve always been the one for me. A part of me will always love you. I deeply regret letting you go and I understand why you removed me from your life. You deserve the best. I wish you a blissful, happy and longlasting marriage with J. He is a lucky man to have your love and I hope he cherish you forever.

My parents have been living seperately for quite a number of years now ever since my dad got chased out of the house by my mum. My dad is currently working in a job that pays around 1.5k but my mum still wants my dad to give her 80% of his salary.

She is using me and my siblings as bargaining chip by saying that if my dad does not give, she will immediately divorce which will lead the house to being sold and the children will not have a place to stay.

This is despite the fact that my mum is earning a salary that is higher than an average fresh graduate, has a third party (extremely rich old man) outside of marriage that gives her a sizable monthly allowance (I think 1-2k) and taking money from me (she forced me to give 20% of my income or else I will have to move out of the house and even then, she will sue me for money if she need).

My mum wants to divorce in future but my dad still has hopes that the relationship can continue despite me saying that it is impossible. I am trying to convince my dad to plan for his future but just recently, he also asked me to give him and my grandparents money occasionally for filial piety. However, I don’t earn a lot as I am just starting out and I am already very tight on my finances.

I just gave my dad some money recently when we met up as he is dead broke and I don’t wish for him to take a bank loan again like he did in the past (He would secretly loan money and end up we have to pay for it) but it’s been affecting my own finances so bad that I am left with just 200 in my bank account and I need to last till the end of the month.

I been like the bank for the whole family for years now and I am starting to get really annoyed as I need to plan for my own future. I would like to know how can I try to get my mum to stop being greedy for money as her greed knows no bounds with her thirst for branded goods and shopping because she say it helps her destress.

She will go crazy if I prevent her from her shopping which sound ridiculous but she is crazy enough and has done a lot of crazy shit before. I also want tips on how to convince my dad to plan for the future as he see the children as his gateway to retirement and my financial advice to him always go ignored and he would do the opposite of what I say.

For example, he would rather go out drinking with his friends (when his health is in a state that he shouldnt drink) then save more money. He just thinks very short term and only care about the present at the expense of the children while my mum is just selfish and only care about her own happiness. Financially, if they follow my advice, there shouldn’t be an issue but no one wants to listen.

For example, I told my mum I save for her but she rather put the money I give her in the bank because she can see the money and is in her name so she feels more save but I am very angry that she is storing a lot of money in the savings account and the money is losing value to inflation.

Yes, she has a lot of money and I seen it before but she still want more from everyone and continue to spend like a rich tai tai because she wants to be one.

Lastly, my dad’s side of the family also keep insisting on a wedding banquet for my future wedding because all the relatives also had one and was rather grand (because they are rich and live in landed properties) but we just cannot afford it.

I told them to pay for it if they want it but they say I should handle my finance better and if others could do it, why couldn’t I. I really want to ignore everything and just move out and cut relations but it is really hard as resale is so expensive now and BTO is a lottery that need another few years even if you get it.

Even then, they probably going to sue me and harrass me for the rest of eternity which is pissing me off. I didn’t choose to be born, I didn’t choose my parents. I am just so tired of everything.

After working for 10 years, I think young uni students need to remind themselves that the industry is nothing like school.

People who do very well in school will generally do much better than the average income earner, but there isn’t any reliable metric that we know of to predict how far up the corporate hierarchy you can go based on how well you’ve done in school.

I work for a multinational, and the most successful Singaporean in the company, in fact one of the only non-American partner at the firm who is based in Singapore, was a poly student who graduated from Tasmania. One level down, and many of my Singaporean associate directors come from an enormous variety of backgrounds, none of whom did particularly well in school.

In Singapore, it is not uncommon to hear of young graduates from Cambridge or Oxford or an Ivy League university and it is easy to think that the competition is overwhelming.

In reality we honestly don’t know how well these people will do. Being a very good student comes down to two things, natural intelligence and discipline. At work, many other traits are rewarded. It isn’t an asset to be sociable in school but the managing director of sales at our company made 700K last year. I worked on her team for a year and our job was primarily talking to customers and building relationships in the industry. Nothing technical. In school, if you’re the most technical person you’ll end up at MIT; at work, if you’re the most technical person it is rare that you will make management. If you do make management as a genius engineer it would have been for reasons other than your engineering skills.

Success in the world of business is even more varied. I have met owners of a small family business that make close to a million in profit every year from just managing rental properties for landlords. They clean, they market, they find tenants, and they earn a fee from doing it. I have met a marble dealer who made 2.5 million profit last year. I meet a lot of business owners because of my work in consulting.

It’s fine to be proud of scholastic achievements. It’s fine to pursue it hammer and tongs. But know that the world is enormous and people are rewarded for many skills and traits that many people would deem useless.

Just something that I thought might help people who went through or who are going through something similar:

I am someone who went into a relationship rather quickly, I don’t consider much so long as he fit my criteria and the feeling is mutual.

Right now, I am in a healthy relationship myself and I would like to share with people that it’s easy to recognize a toxic relationship after you take a step back and see it from a third person POV.

I am pretty sure when people are in a bad relationship, they too know it as well, be it whether you have invested too much (like my case before), or you don’t love yourself well enough and hope that someone will save you (also my case). After ending a few relationship that’s bad for me, I realise what those have in common is each time a break up happens, I am the one who’s begging for them to return to me, which is very degrading for myself, I put them in pedestal and forgot that I am someone who’s deserving of love.

I wasn’t in a good place to receive and yet I kept giving till there was nothing good left.

Most of my friends can see that those relationships are slowly eating me away and yet I couldn’t see it myself, I invested way too much emotionally, and I got comfortable to a point that it wasn’t good anymore.

Cheating, emotionally abuse, especially the latter, isn’t something that I am familiar with until I read up myself, it got you to thinking that maybe, there’s something wrong in myself after all.

What I hope to put it across is, don’t be afraid to step out if you find yourself in a toxic relationship or you suspect that you are abuse emotionally. Walk out, and I can guarantee that it may not be on the actual day that you will feel it, but weeks or months later, you will feel that it’s easier to breathe, you will be smiling more.

I met my current boyfriend on dating app and he’s the best that can happen to me after I have cleared my head well and being in a emotionally well place to receive love and also, to give love. He’s everything that my ex isn’t, he calls when he says he will, he sends me home late at night even it means he has to cab home himself, he stills do those things that he did when he woos me, basically his actions speaks volume. He’s still the same as he is from the start till we are a year into the relationship now.

To everyone who’s suffering in their relationship, walk out now, and I hope that your next relationship will be the one that makes you smile more.

Is scolding in the workplace normal?

I am in my first job after graduation. Have been working in the firm for 2.5 years now.

I was previously from a team with a boss who would scold me till I tear and then call me back after working hours to apologise. I do not believe my work is bad because I do get good reviews and am promoted with healthy increments.

However, I had enough of the team’s work and manipulative boss that I opted to jump to another team.

In this new team, I am now getting hammered by my current boss once again. With harsh phrases like “This is on you, I want you to feel bad about this. Don’t make me drop you off this task…”

I am beginning to lose faith in this company’s leadership and am thinking of leaving but yet I am scared that it will be like this in my new workplace. Hence the question – Is workplace scolding normal?

Also, should I change job because of this?

Netizens’ comments

• No, it shouldn’t be normal. It’s only professional to point out problems without going into personal attacks.
• Sounds like a very poor management. I would not work in that kind of environment.
• I know of a family-run company in Singapore that has this very culture. They pay really well but it is just pure toxicity. I know a couple of friends who worked with them before. The nearer you are to HQ, the more severe this was. One of my friends was on their scholarship and had to be bonded for 3 years. It was pure nightmare. There was once when the manager needed a simple piece of information and he called the entire team just to see if they picked up the call. At that time, which was 8pm and after office hours, my friend went to the gym without his handphone. He called back 30mins later and was berated over the phone. He dreaded going into the office the next day. The madness continued the next day. The manager rounded up everybody who did not pick up and did not dial back within an hour, lined them up and scolded them for half an hour because apparently, “the company could have been in serious trouble with such irresponsible staff!!” My friend was spared but half the office was not. Morale was terrible.

Met this guy a year ago through tinder, the photo that’s being used was a side profile one, height stated was 171 which is way shorter than my expectation, but since the chat on tinder and/or tele is not bad, I decided to give it a go and met up with him after chatting for less than a few days, to my horror, he look way different than his profile pic.

One day before meeting up, we didn’t text for a day and so I texted him in the evening to confirm if we are still meeting, he said yes and he’s glad that I texted him instead cause he didn’t want to double text me and look like a simp.

How’s that double texting when I responded to his goodnight but just so happen that the last text was by him? So yea after meeting up, I have never felt embarrassed to walk beside anyone before and I felt it, I cut it short by making an excuse that I need to go right after dinner.

What actually makes me go was that he can say it to me that everyone thinks that he looks way better in person than his picture, but unless his ‘everyone’ is his mom, I wouldn’t believe it.

I thought I made it clear that I have to go urgently and I even said I wanted to go to the herbal tea shop alone, yet he still follows me.

Guess what, after the dinner I didn’t text him, and he triple text me, what happens to not wanting to be a simp or whatever it is about not wanting to double text someone?

Here are what netizens think:

• Long story short, he wasn’t handsome enough for you right, sista? If you ghost him on text, he’s surely going to wonder why and text you to ask. Just find a nice way to reject him and say you are not feeling the connection.

• Since he dun wanna dbl text. He triple texted.

• Always always always ask for a picture…a selfie taken right there and then before the date, heck, even before u get the convo going. And don’t give BS such as beauty is in the eye of the beholder, just give chance first or whatnot. The act of swiping left or right based on how a person looks is already an act of superficiality by itself. Save everyone’s time….and ‘horror’ stories.

• Cucumber