Future advice, I’m with my boyfriend for 7 years and are planning to BTO. However, we had a serious conversation regarding our future recently.

His “life goal” is to have a kid in future, and since he’s the only son, he’s family is also expecting him to have kids in future. But I’m not considering to have kids (at least for now) as I want to have my freedom and not be tied down by kids. In terms of personality, I’m also more adventurous and likes to travel around but he will nag at me for being dangerous and also not willing to try things out. Ofcourse I’m able to accept this difference but now the thought of our future becomes something I have to think twice.

I’m not sure if I should continue staying with him because there’ll definitely be pressure from his family in future.

I still love him but this is a concern that I have to think about as we will definitely face this challenge a few years down the road.

Here are what netizens think:

• Discuss bout your priorities with your bf. Be transparent. He should prepare his family about your priorities and you should update yours regarding his priorities. It’s better to discuss and made known, then to marry and argue daily as you both have different values and priorities. But again, if you truly love each other, you should only plan about your own happiness, not your parents.

• All these have to be trash out before marriage. I had seen my friends having problems with their husbands who refuse their share of parental responsibility other than sperm donation.

• Decide. 7 years means you are likely 25 at very least. He can easily drop the 7 years of investment into the relationship, date someone younger, and still have the kids he wants. You on the other hand, don’t have the luxury of time to restart everything again if you decide you want kids after all.

• Don’t ignore this topic anymore. He may assume you will change your mind which is dangerous. You aren’t sure, but you may be more sure of being childless as you age. Which will surely result in conflicts in the future.

Work dilemma, Need some advice!

I recently started a new job 5 months ago. It’s a “big company” in Europe and recently started operation in Singapore as their Asia hub and has less than 10 employees working.

I’m starting to dread myself going to work everyday. Firstly, when I interviewed for the position, they told me it was a hybrid job and 3 days before I started my first day, they told me I have to be in office everyday.

I was bummed but it is what it is. Then when I started the job, I basically became everyone’s PA and doing administrative things which the position I applied for was not an admin position. Whenever there’s an event or campaign, I’m told to purchase first and expense my claim which I did but they only reimburse back at the end of every month and the reimbursement is not consistence.

Some days it’s within a few days. The longest was a month and a half to reimburse back and it’s not small amount – it’s bout more than a thousand each time expense.

Whenever everyone is out for business, I still need to be in office. Alone all by myself. There’s a lot more to this I could rant and it’ll never end. Basically, I’m not happy at my job. I have no friends here and the work is really miserable.

Im thinking of finding a new job but don’t really know what to say whenever a recruiter or company ask why im leaving my current company despite only being here for less than 6 months.

Can anyone advise if I should stay and push through to see if it’ll get better or should I resign immediately without a job secured first?

Here are what netizens think:

• No employee should ever outlay for their company especially not in the thousands or even be asked to! If you do continue there, please tell them they need to give you a company credit card and that you will no longer be paying for their expenses. If they don’t pay for it, you can’t buy it…simple as that. Start looking for something better and don’t worry about what recruiters will ask you – just find the best way to tell the truth eg. You are often alone in a small office and you prefer a busier environment or that your skills are more suited to xxx and not an admin based position. Keep working but find a way to get out ASAP.

• Different people will have different answers… Some value happiness higher than money while some will do whatever it takes for money. What’s your answer?.

• You can say that your learning has plateaued and you don’t feel constructively challenged .. all the best with your job search

For the guys out there who have never been in a relationship or dating before, as a guy myself (25 yo, NUS alumni), I want to share on some important notes before you start dating or a relationship.

1) Actions from girls are more important than words. Yes, a girl may claim she misses you, text you good morning, say will bring you you to xxx, say will do xxx. If they are just saying without any actions done CONSISTENTLY, then it is just plainly talking.

2) Please don’t accept a relationship just because you are afraid to be alone or already in the so called “typical age range to get married” or most of your friends are attached. Rather to be alone than to be in a relationship/marriage suffering!!

Side track: according to book I read, the most important things in life for a guy are:

A) Health

B) Own savings

C) Family and Guy Besties (see girl is not in the list)

3) Watch out for her body language. If a girl CONSISTENTLY:

A) Keep her phone/phone screen away from you

B) Disallow you from using her phone

Explanation for A and B: she does that because she has something fishy to hide.

C) Never want to put your couple picture as her dp or post on social media or even discourage you to do so. Delete your couple photos on her phone.

Explanation for C: She considers herself to be in the “spinster” market. Means she is still looking around for her partner or even scared of people seeing you two together.

D) Always talk about herself and rarely entertain you

Explanation for D: One sided. She only want companionship. There should be give and take.

E) Always online on WhatsApp/Telegram but take 10000 years to reply your messages

No need to explain you should know why.

F) Say “none of your business”.

This is a major red flag. In a relationship, you all are supposed to work and listen together, not one don’t care about the other.

G) Don’t know what she wants in a relationship. Even after months.

H) Flirting and Cheating. When someone flirted and cheated although she has you, it means that your relationship is not that strong enough to begin and typically she will not suddenly change her heart overnight. So please do yourself a favour to distance away from her. Why tolerate someone like that?

I) Always texting a lot of male friends. Go to male friends’ house alone and not with a group of people.

J) Not willing to fork out money for meals/trips on YOU. If a girl is cash stripped because of her family situation (eg. Take care of family/pay loan/debt), it is understandable. Otherwise, the typical girl will always have more than money to spend on you on meals. Imagine a girl having difficulties parting with her money at the dating stage/while in a relationship, and imagine if you were to have kids with her, she definitely want you to spilt/pay for the hospital bills and baby accessories expenses. Would you ever want that?

Side note: a typical girl will chat with more than one guy online/in person. Please keep your eyes open and don’t put 100% heart into the relationship unless you feel reciprocated. Otherwise you will get hurt.

4) I suggest men to watch videos from Andrew Tate YouTube Channel (yes I am a fan of him). From his channel, I learned that a girl who truly wants to be with you would put 100% effort and her heart to be with you. She will be willing to spend money and time with you. No excuses. No mind games. You will be her priority other than her job.

Thanks for reading up to here . I have been in the above situations blindly until I woke up finally. It has been very heartbreaking for me since I put my 100% heart into it. I cried a lot and felt depressed and I am recovering from it now. At least I am thankful for recognising it at the start of the relationship.

I feel depressed because I was rejected by a girl on a personal level, most likely due to my financial background.

So I’m a guy, fresh into uni and new to relationships. Last semester I somehow get the courage to ask out this girl in the same year as me. Long story short, we hit off very well.

We met up 5 times over a month, most times for an activity and not just a meal. On the 6th meeting, I sense the vibe is strong and I confess my feelings for her.

Up to this point I’m 100% confident she likes me back. But then to my utter surprise and horror, she says, “let’s just be friends, I’m not really into dating.”

I’m taken aback and I ask her why. She is surprisingly amiable and she takes some time to explain that it’s nothing to do with me but her, that she’s ‘just not into dating’ and doesn’t feel the need to get into a relationship. She also claimed that she honestly thought all those outings were just as friends and she didn’t know they were intended to be dates and apologised if she sent the wrong signals.

Regarding the “I just don’t want to date” line, I’ve heard countless times before that such rejections are actually personal. Among my friends, there’s this saying: When a girl says she doesn’t want to date at all, she’s just trying to let you down easy, but actually she just doesn’t want to date YOU personally.

It’s basically common knowledge.

Knowing the rejection was personal was so depressing. I suffered a mental breakdown over the next few days. It hurt like hell and got me agonising over what part of me is so bad. Some part of me must be so repulsive that I would get rejected on a personal level, especially with that cliché excuse of “I’m just not looking to date”. This excuse that covered up an unknown reason pained me to know that I had some personal problem that was so severe the girl must have deemed too hurtful to say out.

I agonised over why she didn’t like me. I narrowed it down to the 3 main common reasons: looks, education level, or financial status.

Now I know there could be other reasons, such as not feeling a romantic connection, incompatibility or mismatched personalities, which are completely possible and valid reasons for rejection, but I don’t think that’s the case here, otherwise the girl could have just told me she felt we didn’t click / were not compatible / I’m not her type; and such reasons are good and not hurtful at all. Furthermore we went out so frequently. Since she used the “just not into dating at all” excuse, she’s most likely lying to hide a deeper reason, and is trying to be nice because the real reason could be too hurtful for me to bear. So I think the reason is unlikely to be incompatibility or mismatched personalities, not least also because we shared a lot of similar hobbies like painting, music, etc. to name a few.

So such a hurtful reason has to be either looks, education level or financial status (I can’t think of any other reason too hurtful to say out).

I agonised for weeks after that, wondering what was wrong with me. It sure as hell cannot be education level as we were in the same year and taking the exact same course, down to the same minor. We both said we were aiming to continue doing a masters after our degree. As for looks… it’s very unlikely to be my looks as we went out multiple times. Also my friends all agree she was within my league in the looks department. And she was shorter than me.

So, that just left financial status.

As full time students who are not earning a steady income of our own yet, I once thought financial background didn’t matter much as long as I was still decently dressed and able to pay for dates. After all, we were in the same course, and it should be our future prospects that mattered more, right? Apparently, not in this case. I got the feeling she’s from a richer background than me and she probably realised it too. Because through our conversations, I found out she attended an expensive private high school, lives in the central area of a major city (she is a foreign student btw), and travelled to more Western countries than me. Doesn’t take a genius to figure out who is from a more well-off background. To clarify, I’m definitely not poor, I’m middle class. I don’t have student loans and both my parents work decent white collar jobs, but my background is definitely not as wealthy as hers.

And I’m pretty sure she knows I’m middle class because she asked what my parents were working as, and also asked what countries I’ve been to. And yes, I also paid for some of the ‘dates’ at decent eateries. But perhaps her financial standards were just too high.

Now I’m not saying that girls are gold diggers, but I heard that even in todays day and age, well-off women with their own money still want to date guys of equal or higher financial background compared to them, not because they are gold diggers and want the guy’s money, but simply because a higher financial status makes one look more successful and attractive overall.

So yeah, the girl most likely lied that she’s just not into dating to hide the hurtful truth of what she truly felt, that she thought my financial status was too low for her. Furthermore she is a foreign student from a country whose citizens have a reputation for being highly materialistic and judging others based on financial background. Deride me all you want for stereotyping or generalising, but like I mentioned earlier, rejection based on financial background seems most plausible. Furthermore, I have friends from that particular country who always specified that whenever girls from their country say “its not personal, I just don’t want to date in general”, the rejection is in fact personal and the other party is bullshitting.

So yeah, it has to be financial status. The only reason that is both personal and too hurtful to say out. Either that or there’s something else so repulsive about me that I’m hit with that cliche excuse.

And now I’m hurt like shit. Especially because of that girl’s excuse.

Even if you don’t agree with my assessment on it having been due to financial background, you can’t deny that the rejection was personal towards me, and some part of me must have been so repulsive to the point she would use that ‘not into dating at all’ excuse. Either way, the rejection sure was personal. And the reason hurtful and terrible enough for the girl to use that cliche excuse.

So this happened months ago, but I still feel pained by it. Sucks to be rejected on a personal level, and judged for your financial background. My self esteem has been shattered and I am depressed. Trying to get this off my chest before the next semester…

I was a scholar, did decently well, went on to management associate programme then completed my Masters. Wife is few years younger, attractive and I started dating her when she was an undergraduate.

I’m few years older than my wife (hence more mature in life) and somewhat successful until early career. I’m also expected to have a higher earning potential than her.

My role has been nothing but supportive to her, and in her words, she won’t be here if not for the guidance, advice and support for her.

I’m struggling now in my personal life and career. When Covid hit, we were badly hit. While she was able to pull through and managed to land a job in something like Big Tech (with awesome benefits package etc). She is also being valued at work, and is poised for promotion soon.

On the other hand, I feel like my life has been in a downward spiral. To name a few, I became obese (BMI 30) and past year attempts to lose weight haven’t been successful. My career seemed to have become those do minimal at work and already plateau. How I ended up here is another story. Trying to find job has been unexpectedly bad. I don’t know if I can blame the economic condition. I’m struggling to find motivation. Sometimes I just want to stay home and take care of our kid. The more I think about that, the more depressed I feel. I don’t think I’m clinically depressed.

I love my wife very much, and I am proud of her success and at the same time jealous that she is going to live the career dream I want and I’m no where near. Jealous to the extent that I’m whining that she is so busy with work, and wants more attention. I am using the term ‘jealous’ instead of ‘envious’ because I feel that I may start to sabotage her career by guilting her to spending more time with family etc simply because I am spending more time at home.

At times, her company has functions that I have not participated as her spouse. I feel ashamed of where I am, and not worthy of the rising star in the company. She has many colleagues who are even more successful than her (earning a million every few years). I just don’t see how I could fit in with them unless they are a bunch of housewives.

I know gender roles are pretty ingrained in me, and that’s also the case for my extended family. I want to be supportive of her but the stark difference in our career is creating a huge imbalance in me. While I have been “leading”, I have often thought I should just be the “smaller” person, and quietly supporting her.

But I feel sad, that I am not even 10% of my full potential. We communicate very frankly and openly with each other. I shared these thoughts with her, and she just still believe that I can still “make it” and once I do, I would be in much better career than her.

To be honest, I feel battered especially after the past few years and all I’m seeing is me being more and more left behind.

I (f27) work in a company as a sales person, not much more info needed. There’s currently a vacant for a promotion which I’m applying for.

The issue I’m having is there’s another coworker (f30 ish) who’s also applying for the position, she has also worked here for longer than me, so I think she might get the job.

But she’s very irresponsible, she’s late 3 out of five days. She claims it’s because she has to drive her kid to kindergarten, but sometimes she takes more than 30 minutes to arrive.

HR has already opened a complain about her. She excuses herself saying she’s a single mother and has to take care of her daughter, however I think she should hire a nanny or ask someone else to drive her kid around if she can’t because of work.

Yesterday she arrived around half an hour late again. She asked us not to tell our boss, but I did. She got scolded and apparently she lost her chance for the promotion.

I don’t know when did she realized it was me who told our boss or who told her, but now her and some other people are calling me a snitcher. She told me I’m a bitch who only cares about herself and started ranting about how I don’t know how hard it is for her and such.

All of this happened in work hours so I was thinking on filling another complain about her for harassment but I spoke with some friends (they don’t work with me) and they agreed that I shouldn’t because I did acted like an asshole so I’m here to hear some outside points of view.

My chinese parents disapproves of my interracial marriage with my indian (local) fiance even though he was already significantly well-to-do.

What else can I do?

Met my fiance back during internship and he was my supervisor. We hit it off really easily as he was really friendly and gave me lots of guidance. He was very beta and defintely the kind of guy I am looking for. We continued keeping in contact after I graduated, and we eventually started dating.

Now, I’ve recently accepted his marriage proposal and we have met both side of parents. His indian parents were very accepting of me, but my chinese parents were very disapproving.

They had the impression that since I’m a relatively slim and good looking chinese girl, my beau should be similiar.

My fiance is fat, has a beer belly and was 10 years my senior (40 this year). But it’s only 10, and he is relatively well-to-do, reporting directly to the c-suites at his company.

I don’t really get what is wrong given that the world should have been more liberated to interracial relationships.

What else can I do to help my parents accept him?

Here are what netizens think:

• When parents dun accept it.. is legit gone case in long runs.

• Their disapproval is not because he is well to do or not, is because they love you and they don’t understand the other race well. They disapprove because they don’t see anything they know, they are lost too. They are not like you, have been knowing him long enough. Your parents are also not as adventurous like you where dare to accept. Have you ever put yourself into their shoes and find out what’s the real cause of it before saying they do not agree. Learn to listen and communicate first.

• Do you know how much you have to pay for the wedding and dowry? Don’t take what you can’t swallow.

• Age is just a number.. Me n my late hubby was 17 years gap.. but my mum can tell that he really dotes n love me.. so yup..

How do people not even work at all their whole lives and live comfortably?

I have a friend who never held a full-time job his whole life before, and he has a degree, but however he just stays at home and plays computer games like maplestory and lives comfortably, going to posh places to eat.

When asked how he gets money he told me he earns from selling his game items, which really makes

me wonder if he is lying or he is really earning enough by simply selling his virtual items.

Funny thing is his family isn’t rich yet he can afford a Rolex and doesn’t seem in a hurry to get a job at all, while most of us here immediately go for interviews when we graduated from university.

Does anyone else have friends who don’t work yet are rich without depending on their family?

Here are what netizens think:

• Maplestory items can go for thousands FYI.

• Lesson: You will never really know someone’s financial status. You’re only seeing what others allow you to see.

• How would you know he isn’t working from home? In the current climate, I have many friends who are working from home remotely and go in to office at most 2 to 3 times a month. A Rolex could be fake, or could be an investment. I didn’t know much about watches but earlier on when the kermits were going for like 8k, my friend told me that they would probably appreciate in value and at worst hold their value, I took my house, down-payment and bought 10 kermits and 5 daytonas. At the peak of the bubble, managed to sell them off and instead of only paying for the down-payment, I almost fully paid off my bto already.

• Maybe he tio toto?

• Hes thinking outside the maplestory box.

Depressing storytime. You know how in school your teachers tell you that hard work is most important than intelligence?

I used to believe that until I got into uni.

My PSLE 100+ almost went NT but got into NA stream. A lot of my classmates are typical pai kia, smoke in toilet, don’t go school and fake MC, have S in school.

I’m the more guai type, study hard, attend all my class but just bad at study.

Maybe I stupid, idk, sometimes I see my other classmates sleep in class all day, never go school, never do homework but exam time results is same or better than me and it make me very angry, why I just cannot understand how to study??

My father kena fired that time, no money send me tuition but my teachers always offer help, give me extra tuition after school. My outside friends all also very help me, give me their school notes and past year exam papers. They all very smart, go atas school and express.

N level ok, O level not bad can go poly. At first want to challenge myself, purposely choose harder course. School alumni team even ask me go back talk to the NA NT tell them about my success into going poly.

Few months in results like s*** again, lecturer also advice me maybe this course not my calling, not suited for my skills so change to easy course, close both eye also can pass that kind. Again study very hard, go to all my lecture always ask question and after school mug until last bus home then go home.

Everyone told me I age a lot. My outside friends all also ask if I ok because I look like shit. No matter how hard I also pia because my family not rich, cannot afford change course then drop out, unlike my outside friends can go overseas do masters do this do that idw sound jealous but actually I quite jealous them.

Meet up with outside friends, all grad already, always talk about their work life, their job, marriage plan, BTO. I sit there like idiot because I 3 years behind everyone. They not purposely make me feel like shit, also give me a lot advice like do internship, do online course and build up CV all. Meanwhile I still over here studying like dog no time do internship or online course.

After mugging like for years, surprise surprise, average result. F! 90% my course mate don’t even go lecture, always ask me and others help take attendance, but still results come back half of them better than me. F**. Really F, IQ 0 EQ also 0.

Reaching 30 years old finally got 1 gf at 20+++ actually is I feel like I just anyhow settle for a gf because parents worried I gay or cannot get married so I shoot my shot with every girl. After that find out she also feel the same, just settle with me like I’m rebound because she just break up with her bf and want get back at him. We still in rs but sometimes feel like we just lonely together aiya that’s another story for another time.

Keep applying job, kena rejected by 99.999% company, only lanjiao insurance scammer give me call back. All the company tell me I no experience so cannot. Eventually bo bian settle for internship $800 a month while my outside friends working lawyer, doctor, banker all making 5-10 times more than me, probably even more.

How? Hard work? PUI! Hard work can put food on table? Can do well in school, get good job? Joke. I accepted already I just stupid. Think my big take away is the reason why is call “success story” because it almost never fucking happen.

Maybe make me better person? Can eat a lot of shit 吃苦大王 too bad in life king of eating shit get shit eating job and shit eating life.