I used to think that being agreeable was the way to go.

I was raised in a strict household, where I was taught to be respectful to my elders and always act with grace and humility.

This mindset helped me to get along with people and find some success in life, but it also caused me to become a bit of a bootlicker.

Whenever I was around someone who I perceived to be more successful than me, I would go out of my way to flatter them and agree with whatever they said.

I would treat them to meal and drinks, go out of my way to make them feel comfortable and even be at their service every time they call me.

I thought that this would make them like me, and maybe even give me some of their success. Little did I know, I was playing myself.

Sure, this strategy worked for a while. People seemed to like me, and I was able to get some recognition and a few good opportunities.

But then I started to realize that people were only using me for their own gain. No matter how much I brown-nosed them, they never seemed to care about me as a person.

It was almost like I was a tool to them, to be used and discarded when they were done with me.

It was disheartening to realize how much of a fool I had been. I had wasted so much time and energy trying to please people who didn’t care about me, and yet I was still no better off than before.

That’s when I started to understand that bootlicking wasn’t the way to go.

It might be a good way to make a few acquaintances, but if you want to build meaningful relationships and real success, you need to be genuine and honest.

You need to be true to yourself and make sure that the people you interact with know that you care about them.

People I thought were my friends have been making fun of my dad

I (f16) have a dad who has a mental disability. My biological mom took advantage of my dad and got pregnant then after she had me, she left. My grandparents took care of me, and my dad still was and is a big part of my life. He just couldn’t take care of a kid. My dad and I spent a lot of time together, he also lives with my grandparents.

My dad always goes to all my different activities, definitely my biggest supporter. When I play volleyball and basketball he’s the loudest one always cheering me on at games, or my orchestra performances after it’s done he talks a LOT about how good I did and he naturally talks kinda loud.

My main friend group knows that my dad has a mental disability and at my events see how he gets but they’ve never said anything to me.

This morning I got a text from a guy who is somewhat part of my friend group but I don’t know him that well said I need to see this. It was a video of my whole main friend group making fun of my dad, and how he acts and talks. They were hysterically laughing at him.

I can’t stop crying, I thought these people were friends but I guess not.

UPDATE: so I ended up talking to my grandparents, showed them the video, and asked what I should do. They thought it was best if I didn’t confront them and just block their numbers / on social media.

My grandparents are going to contact their parents and see how it goes from there. I also thanked the guy who texted me and sent me the video

unpopular opinion here. as a girl, i think it is not necessary to a guy to pay for first date.

a first date can be at hawker centre. tbh, hawker centre and coffeeshop food represent good value for money.

i dont think it is necessary to have a car too. in fact no car equal no liabilities. public transport works great. wedding can be small scale.

tbh nobody cares after the wedding. that being said, a 12k monthly salary for a guy is a deal breaker, as this is min salary to enable the guy to get a 75% bank loan for a typical 900sqft condo at $2000 psf.

Here are what netizens think:

• The question is not about what you want, the question is about what you can get. If all else is equal, and a man with options has to weigh between you and another woman. And you have the upfront difficult KPI to meet, you can be assured you will be placed lower on his priority list of commitment.

• 12k means each of you earn 6k can liao. Most importantly partnership & common goals, babe. If partnership fails, he earn 12k also won’t fork out a single cent

• While you are choosing people, people are also choosing you at the same time…

• HDB income ceiling is 14k. If he earns 12, then unless you not working, you guys can only buy condo. But to buy condo and raise a family with less than 20k, will be tough.

• In short, you just want a relatively rich guy, knowing that the super rich is probably out of reach.

• It is not wrong to fantasize about a rich guy. But what do you offer? The relationship has to be equal give and take.

My boyfriend suddenly becomes “sick” whenever I’m sick and it’s driving me insane

The title pretty much says it all. We’ve been together for two years and every single time I become sick my boyfriend starts complaining about being so much sicker than me.

For example when I had tonsillitis, he suddenly was dying from tonsillitis. When I had a uti, he’s suddenly dying from a uti. Every single time I get better he magically gets better too.

I got very sick on the 23rd of this month and have been in bed for all of Christmas. I’m really upset over missing the holiday and I cant even complain about it to him as now he’s suddenly DYING sick with the same thing but it’s somehow “worse”.

This virus has had me bed bound for 4 days and he went out last night drinking and is currently going to work, but insists he’s just as sick as me. How can I get him to stop it’s driving me mad??

I need to make something clear. This has been the happiest relationship of my life and this is one problem in it.

He doesn’t run for the hills when I get sick, he simply tells me he is also feeling off within 24 hours of me saying so. He’s a hypochondriac that thinks he’s after getting the same illness that i have and it’s driving me nuts.

He goes above and beyond in every other aspect of our relationship. I just want a simple way to explain to him that it’s annoying me where I don’t look unsympathetic.

I currently have a chest infection and he thinks he’s after getting one off me as well. There is no need to call me a “naive child” because I don’t want to break up with him over an issue that annoys me.

Thoughts on having 1.2k-1.4k leftover savings every month. I am currently staying with family and save about 2k+ every month.

However, I want to try living alone and assuming that rental cost is 800-1.1k per month, I forecasted that I would have about 1.2k-1.4k left (before investment, after subtracting additional food, transport costs etc).

I want to get Singaporeans’ sense check on whether this amount is too low, average or still on the higher side in term of monthly savings.

How much do fresh graduates save per month typically? I have been in the work force for 1.5 year by the way, if this context helps.

Netizens’ comments

• Don’t forget about food costs, laundry, personal hygiene stuff. Still need to put down deposit.
• You need to factor your food and transport costs on top of the rent.
• Sounds like an underestimate for rent considering prices these days
• Factor in any room maintenance (aircon servicing)
• 2k – 800 = 1.2k, math checks out
  What do you mean by low, average or high lol. That’s the amount you originally save and you deduct rent so you will have what’s remaining lor. Not sure what you’re getting at here.
  If you want to save more then earn more or spend less. That’s it
• What are u on about? Save what u can. There’s no minimum or maximum
• I generally encourage people to wait till they are late 20s to move out cos they’d be earning more then and can rent AND save money
• Bruh, sorry for those unhelpful comments from some. Don’t feel pressured to compare your monthly savings with others. If 1.2k is sufficient for you then go ahead.