MIL won’t stop commenting on my weight

I have always struggled to gain weight and for most of my life I’ve been 45kg or under, until a year ago when I finally managed to start gaining a healthy amount of weight for the first time.

This was obviously a huge personal goal health wise and I was thrilled about it.

My partner mentioned it to my MIL in passing conversation and since, she has negatively commented on my weight every time I’ve seen her.

She tells me I need to “eat more” and when she sees me eating she makes comments about me not finishing meals (something I have struggled with in the past) and constant comments about my “tiny clothes”.

There have been a lot more but that’s the gist.

It makes me feel so infantilised. I’m so fed up of it and I don’t know what to say to her as it’s such a hard subject for me to talk about.

Netizens’ comments

Hard or not this may be a conversation you need to have. Is MIL the sort of person who’d think it was ok to tell a fat person to go eat a salad? If she is then there’s probably little point in a conversation but if she would be genuinely horrified by that then there may be a chance you can get through to her.

For a lot of people (especially those who struggle to lose weight) the concept of struggling to gain weight feels like a non-issue issue. Explain that struggles with weight are just that – struggles with weight and while the exact nature of the struggle may by different the struggle remains. If you can make her see that “eat a pie” is the same as “get a salad” and just as insensitive you may be able get her to stop making those sorts of comments.

My boyfriend cheated and I couldn’t be happier

I had been with my boyfriend since we were in school and we are currently 25. We were DEEPLY in love with each other and we both knew that we were going to be together for a long time. Genuinely thought he was my twin flame or soulmate even.

About a year ago, he told me that he ran into his ex. I didn’t think much of it since I trusted him and they dated a long time ago. And he even told me about the little interaction making me think that he wasn’t hiding anything from me.

A couple months ago, I went over to his apartment in the morning on his day off to drop off some food and surprise him with a figure he’s been wanting. I had extra keys to his home so I walked in and didn’t see him anywhere until I walked into his room. I saw his ex in bed with him peacefully sleeping together.

My entire stomach dropped and my mind was RACING let me tell you. But I just left the food and figure on the kitchen counter and left.

When I got home I immediately blocked him on everything, instagram, number, snapchat, etc. I deleted all of our pictures and videos.

I told all of my friends and family to block him and I would explain why to them later. Every single thing he ever gave me I eventually ended up giving away or throwing out like clothes and trinkets.

It’s been months now and I seriously have never been happier my whole life. After almost 9 years of being so happy in love and being together, it all went down the drain in a snap.

I think not dwelling on it has made it a lot easier for me to get over. Of course there were times where I realized he wasn’t in my life anymore and it would give a sense of dread.

But I have come to a stage in my life where I am completely fine if not BETTER without him. I am so grateful I did everything I did back then to get past that situation and move on for the better.

Boyfriend quit his job and is not looking for a new one. I’m getting desperate.

We’ve been together for 5 years and living together for 3 years at my home. He’s caring, thoughtful and more loving than i ever hoped someone would be with me.

For the past two years he’s been at his first job and resented it. This job took a stroll on his mental health and it lead him to be unmotivated in finding a new one. One day in August he called me to tell me he quit his job, which I am not going to lie, made me feel a little sad because he hasn’t consulted me before, but I supported his decision because I knew that job was sucking the life out of him. He was also eager on having more time for finding a new better job.

Forward to now, he has been jobless for almost 3 months and has not applied to a single new job yet. He does basic house chores and spends most of his day on his phone. His savings have dried up so I support us now. Still, my fulltime and part-time jobs added are honestly not enough for both of us to live confortably.

Issue is, there had been a few job opportunities in his field that I found and shared with him these months. He was excited for a moment and said he would apply but never did. He also doesn’t want to involve me in his (inexisting) process of finding a job or talk to me about his issues.

He is extremely sad and I tried everything in the book to make him feel better: be supportive, take him on walks, confort him, even be naggy at times. Nothing works. I offered to pay for therapy but he didn’t accept.

I don’t know how to help him and while I hate myself for it, I am becoming resentful too. I am tired all the time from my jobs and seeing him doing nothing to help out our situation financially is starting to get to me.

I don’t know what to do to and how to help him.

I shit myself on my bus home from work

I finished late. 2am. Before clocking out I felt a vague need to use the bathroom, but I thought I wanted to get home faster and catch my bus. And it was only half an hour anyway.

I got on the bus which was luckily empty, I sat right at the back and started feeling nauseous. I’ve been through worse so I thought I would be fine.

I was not fine. Halfway in I felt like I was about to burst. I started thinking of ways out but this early in the morning there’s nothing. I let it all out 5 mins out from my stop. Bus driver didn’t notice I think.

The walk home was so shameful. I feel so disgusted with myself, like such an animal. The poop was smushing all over as it dripped down my legs…

I’m home now and washed it all off. So freaking gross. I obviously will never tell ANYONE about this. Hence the post

I’m just grateful everyone I live with was sound asleep when I got home. But my shower probably woke them up. It’s not normal for me to have a shower after working late but I doubt they suspect this

I admit that I’m still grieving and may not be thinking clearly.

So my Dad was a great Dad to me but not to my sister. He cheated on her Mum with mine and got pregnant with me maybe a year later.

We moved away and he didn’t have much contact with her after that. Our Dad hadn’t seen her in about a decade when he passed.

So when he did pass away, his house (which my Mum co-owned) and it’s contents went to me and the money (savings and insurance) was split 50/50 between the two of us. The first payment was received earlier this month.

I have absolutely zero issue with this arrangement but she didn’t even attend the funeral. She didn’t offer to help with the admin stuff. I did all of it on my own. On the day of the funeral she tagged herself and a bunch of friends at a restaurant.

I get that my Dad let her down. He routinely bailed on plans, forgot birthdays etc but it just doesn’t sit right with me that she took his money but didn’t even show up to the funeral.

I met her for lunch on Boxing Day and told her my feelings. That I thought it was disrespectful for her to take the cash but not offer to help me with any of the arrangements or even show up to the funeral.

I wasn’t angry and I didn’t raise my voice. She did cry and left rather abruptly. That night she sent me a bunch of messages calling me unbelievably rude and that I’m an a-hole for making her feel bad for being mad at her for taking what she is owed. I really didn’t think I was being rude but perhaps I’m too close to the situation.

I’m a Grab driver in Singapore. I’ve been married for 8 years, and for most of those years, my wife has been making a lot of “on-bed” demands.

She’s always asking me to do things to her every night, I am reaching my 40s. I am no longer a young man that has the power to do it everyday.

It’s gotten to the point where I feel like she’s taking advantage of me and I just don’t want to do any of it anymore. That’s why I started driving part-time for Grab. I figured it would be a way to make some extra money and give me some time away from my wife’s demands.

At first, I was only driving at night, when my wife was sleeping. That way, I didn’t have to worry about her knowing I was out working. But then I realized that I actually enjoyed the job and I wanted to do it more often. I started driving during the day as well, while my wife was at work. That way, I was able to make more money and I was also able to avoid her demands.

I soon realized that driving for Grab was more than just a way to make money. It was also a way to give me some much-needed time away from my wife. I was able to focus on something other than her demands, and it was a great way to de-stress. I also got to meet some really interesting people on my trips, and I even made some friends.

Driving for Grab also gave me some financial independence. I was able to save up some extra money and use it for things like vacations or small investments. I was able to make my own decisions and felt like I had control over my own life.

But she has been complaining that I have been coming home late and started to accuse me of cheating. I even showed her the trip records on my Grab app to prove that I am really working.

But deep down she doesn’t know I am just trying to avoid her demands at night.

I’ve been working for ~8 years and doing well enough in life, hence I donate $500~ every month to various charities such as food bank, giving.asia, WWF,etc. But never NUS giving.

Here are my reasons:

1) I want my donations to go towards something impactful to society or for a worthy cause. Honestly giving a lower income student who scores good grades are the very last of my concerns – there are other government channels for that, and the student can jolly well work part time and take up a student loan. I did that previously btw, it builds up grit that a lot of younger students are lacking – got me to where I am today.

2) I want to know specifically where my money is going to, such as feeding the less fortunate or helping a particular person with a disease they have never wanted. People who actually do not have the means to get out of their predicament without external support.

3) No clear visibility on how the money is used and who gets it. I’m a true blue Singaporean, I don’t want my money to go to a foreigner, especially PRCs – from my time in NUS, yes I’ve heard and they bragged how our government and universities basically sponsor their studies just cause of their grades, where they intend to leave after whatever bond or scholarship ends.

Until then, I’ll just continue to donate to other charities and use the mailers from NUS giving to pick up my dog poop.

Here are what netizens think:

• Always remember to be contented and appreciative, even for your school that you study in. And if you feel that its not working out for you, find another worthy cause that links up with your donation interest. Bad-mouthing (whoever you are) doesnt look good on you. If you feel there is a case, build a worthy case to bring it up. If not, move on and be happy about what you do.

• I agree with point one but I believe that the best money given is to build up education and healthcare, especially in the areas of infrastructure like hospital and learning institutes. Things like those will benefit generations and improve standards of living from the next generation onwards. Giving money to pet societies and kidney dialysis centers will of course help with pain and suffering among Singaporeans but that doesn’t help the next generation, pain and suffering will continue and that hole will continuously require money to be plugged in.

• You’re letting a few bad eggs deprive the rest that are deserving. But it’s your money and your choice on how you want to make yourself feel good.