The guy I’m dating slapped me while we were doing it in bed and I don’t know how to feel about it.

So I (23f) started seeing a guy (44m) last month. I should also mention this is my first ever relationship. After the third time of meeting he asked me to be his girlfriend and I said yes.

We’d spoken about the stuff we’re into and I’d said that pain wasn’t really something that turned me on, he seemed accepting of this but the last few times we’ve met up he’s started to bite me down there/on my thighs and then last time we met he slapped me across the face.

I was in shock and didn’t know what to do.

I’m not sure how to deal with this. I know that I don’t like this stuff but out of the bedroom he’s really lovely. I think everything has moved too fast and he’s taking advantage of the fact I’ve never been a relationship before but also I don’t know if I’m just overthinking this all.

Apologies for the rambling and if this doesn’t make sense, I just don’t know how to process this.

Update: I just wanted to give an update.

I broke it off. I’d already kind of made my mind up about the situation I think I just needed someone to validate that I wasn’t overreacting. A lot of other thoughts and feelings I’d been having bubbled up to the surface after I posted and I realised that this really wasn’t the direction I wanted to be going with this relationship.

He took it surprisingly well, which then made me think I hadn’t done the right thing but it’s been a couple of days since we last spoke and tbh I’ve realised I don’t miss him as much as I thought I would so know I’ve definitely made the right decision.

20F. I quitted my full time job 1 month ago, even though I am currently “living the life” being at home everyday working on my hobbies/side jobs. Despite that, situations keep popping up in my brain and I still find myself very angry and hurt by the people from my ex company.

Some context: I converted from intern to full time in a creative agency. Internship was not bad and I actually left on a good note and grades, mostly cuz i stuck to my mentor during it. It was only until full time where people show their true colours. An example is the mentor and a suck up playing office politics, where they bring down people to climb the ladder. An incident was when my “Mentor” told my close colleague gossip and when I confronted him (because they said communication is key) he act blur say “where got? Got meh?” In which afterwards he sent a long paragraph to my colleague saying she tryna stir gossip by telling me what he say. I did bring this up to my boss in a talk afterwards but she told me im “victimising myself”.

Things went downhill when I failed my probation and my boss thought I was against them, since I asked the other bosses out for lunch to seek opinions (as I worked with them more). During the talk she kept making blown-out of proportion accusations and I felt very wronged. I tried to reason with her but she kept putting me down, insisting on her narrative. Since this was my 1st job, I thought failing probation was a pretty big deal and felt really disappointed.

The next week she called me, and a bunch of other colleagues upstairs where she screamed at me such that other colleagues downstairs could hear. I felt very embarassed. Afterwards I chatted with my close colleague and did decide to work harder to make them proud. However, shit just kept getting absolutely worse from there.

I felt absolutely burnt out as I OT everyday, some days till 5am. (No OT pay though) They sensed that I “wasnt happy” and kept assuming shit based of it even though I just want to do my work and go home. I once had a meltdown and one of the bosses asked “i dont get why you are so burnt out” and compared me to another co worker which was damn fucking irritating as its not a competition.

The rest of my time there was just being screamed at and gaslighted. It took me a month after leaving this toxic workplace when I realised how fucked up some things are. Phrases that came out of her mouth like “why are you so sensitive?” “Get over it” “im getting the impression you are victimising yourself” “you are being toxic” “dont go around telling people [ex company] is a shit company” I WAS JUST A 19 YEAR OLD WORKER, THE LOWEST OF THE FRY! I actually doubted myself many times. I now learnt that these are textbook signs of gaslighting. Of course I screw up from time to time, but if they keep screaming and blowing up matters, it really takes a toll.

My mental health was the worst during those months and everyday otw to work I thought how nice would it be to be banged by a car with many intrusive suicidal thoughts. The only people who kept me going are my colleagues and some of the projects. Sometimes took up to 5 xanax a day to prevent breakdowns.

Anyways a month has passed by and I still feel intense resentment towards them which I know I should get over. It just sucks that there are so many things I want to say but will never get across to them. This will never work against narcissists. As much as I hate them for this, there are still good parts such as learning lots about the industry and I appreciate my intern days and the chance for a full time job.

If you read till the end, really appreciate it. I just need to rant

Should I reconsider going to university after my family’s sole breadwinner has passed

Hi All, good day!

I’m posting here to look for advice on my current situation. I’m a 25 y/o student completing my poly internship in Feb; graduating in April, and have completed NS. My late father had passed on a month ago and he was my family’s sole breadwinner < I do work on the weekends but it’s only sufficient to pay my own bills and monthly expenses >.

I am living in with my mum and two younger siblings. The house has been covered by HPS. My youngest sibling has not started school, while my other sibling is also completing her internship.

The dilemma that I am facing right now would be to work or further my studies. Would it be selfish of me to further my education? I’ve looked up regarding tuition fees and it can be covered by Mendaki TTFS, however I have concerns for my family expenses. I can apply for scholarships and bursaries but I won’t know the outcome of my application.

Should I work, I can provide for my family but my chances of pursuing part time degree would be slim because of the costs of the tuition fees.

If I may ask for your opinion, and advice. I truly appreciate it, thank you 🙂

Can’t sleep comfortably at home. What should I do?

I live with a family of 8 including myself, 6 females and 2 males. There’s only 3 rooms in the house. One for my parents, another for my elder brother and last room for me & the other females (5 of us).

So my sister has been sick these few weeks, kept coughing here and there and obviously I can’t sleep in the same room as her if not i will get sick.

Don’t think she will recover anytime soon, she kept getting sick. So i resorted to sleeping in the living room.

However my youngest sibling having A levels, so she tends to study late at night with the living room’s lights being switched on, means it will be bright for me to be able to sleep peacefully at night.

Also with a big family, my living room tends to be noisy at times with the conversations here and there. Sometimes if fortunate enough, I’ll get to sleep in my brother’s room when he’s not at home due to night shift.

So I find myself having difficulty sleeping peacefully and especially when i needed the rests after every tiring day at work.

I need my rests so bad so that i have the energy to wake up early in the morning to work everyday. What would you do if you’re in my situation?

I 47m, still think about a gf from 30 years ago…

So I’m a married guy with two amazing kids & have been with my wife for over 20 years.

In my last year of school, I met this girl who absolutely knocked me off my feet. We had a whirlwind romance up until her father told us we weren’t allowed to see each other any more (he was a religious guy and wanted her to concentrate on her studies which I totally understood)

I remember I had this whole plan of how I would get my girl back, that was until this other girl who liked me, interfered and told her we had become an item (which is a lie).

Keep in mind this was 1993-94, there was no social media or any way to contact my ex gf to explain myself or anything. Her father forbid us to talk on the phone which made communicating really difficult. My mum even went to try and talk to my gf’s father to no avail. I was devastated.

Fast forward to 2022, I still think about her a lot. I can honestly say I’ve never felt love like we had back then, It was incredible.

I feel like such an a-hole at times when I find myself thinking about her, but I get this kind of warmth in remembering those days. It feels really good to open up & talk about it with you guys too.

Netizens’ comments

• It’s totally ok to think about it but never and I mean ever tell your wife. Go somewhere where you can be alone (for example fishing) and think about her all you want.
• Do you think it might just be wanting what you can’t have? Thinking is fine. Like I tell my hubby, you can read the menu but you can’t order!
• Don’t worry about it too much. I’d say this is likely to happen considering your memory of her and time spent with her was short lived and by description- amazing. Just remember that there is the possibility that had you two reconnected or stayed together, it might not have worked out. You may have discovered stuff about each other that changed your perspective on the relationship.

I am a foreigner living overseas. I just interviewed with one of IT companies in Singapore.

Everything went well in technical interviews and final HR interview was scheduled to make an offer. The HR asked me for expected salary and I got confused because I was unable understand her Singlish accent properly (I am sorry, I am not judging Singlish accent, I just don’t have much interaction with Singlish).

In my confusion, I said 8000 SGD and they accepted the offer happily. Now contract is signed and I came to know from some connection that for fresh PhDs that the company offers 10,000 SGD for graduates with similar credentials.

Since the contract has been signed and they have initiated the EP visa process. What could be good options for me to consider now?

In Singapore, do we have options for negotiation during probation period? Is 8000 SGD fair salary for fresh PhD graduated of Electronics Engineering? Thank you!

Netizens’ comments

• What is so difficult to understand about “expected salary”?? Nothing to do with singlish or English….
• Since you don’t know singlish, it’s best for you to leave the country altogether. Your performance might be affected due to your sub par communications skills. Go somewhere else where you can put your Permanent Head Damage to better use.
• Contract wasn’t written in Singlish, and 8000 SGD is not Singlish. Please don’t push blame when it was mutually agreed on the salary.

I hate being intimate in bed with my husband

My husband claims that as his wife, it is my duty to satisfy him, and Give him What he want when he wants. He throws a tantrum when I say no, and keeps naging and pressuring me.

Its just… easier (?) to do it, than to listen to his talk about moral and loyal wifes. But oh do I feel dirty afterward…

When I try to talk to him and explain my side of things, he refuses to acknowledge me and my feelings. As a woman it is my responsibility to take care of my own needs.

Netizens’ comments

• My wife has told me a few times she wasn’t in the mood but we could do it for me. I have no interest in being in bed with her when she’s not into it, where is the fun in her not enjoying it also.
• That is the one thing I could never do and have never understood. I work with other males who have this same mentality. “It’s my wife and she needs to be available for when I want it”. I disagree and even find it disgusting.
• Nagging and pressuring is not okay, and it’s not right for him to do that. Throwing tantrums, and claiming he has no obligation to make the experience pleasurable for you, is also wrong.
  Personally, I think you would be better to leave your current marriage. Don’t settle for someone with no interest in your pleasure.
  Assuming you do leave him, it’s worth considering what you want instead. It would be a good idea to figure out if you are attracted to men, or women, or no one at all.