How to deal with a colleague who’s a slacker
Question
This one person (new joiner) in my team is very unmotivated and negative at work. He doesn’t do much because whatever he does is not very helpful. He comes to work at 12pm, takes 2 hour lunch and leaves at 6pm.

During work meetings, he asks a lot of insignificant questions (asking if the client is a scammer or complains how the client was rude in an email).

He never does the actual work but pretends like he “knows” things. I used to entertain his questions before but now I don’t have the patience.

I think some of my other colleagues noticed this but I don’t think my boss knows. Should I inform my boss about it? Whatever he’s not doing is picked up by other people including me.

Netizens’ comments

1. Yes. Collate some evidence first (don’t just go to the boss empty handed, will turn into a he-said-she-said) and show to your boss. Let your boss settle it. It’s not your problem to get him to do his work correctly.
2. How does he come into work at 12pm and not get scolded by the boss for coming in so late? Because my boss doesn’t keep track of what the employees are doing as long as the work is done
3. Why pick up his work? The last time someone tried that on me I arranged enough work for myself so the other party had to do the work independently (which of course imploded). Then afterwards the blame game started but it’s clear who screwed up to everyone

no matter what i do for my gf, her family n friends has never approved of me.

Since we started to date, she felt that her life quality as dropped. She said she given up a lot of things for me and she been feeling quite mentally exhausted. She been wanting me to proposal to her and getting our marriage but i feel that currently, we’re not ready yet. We’ve also been quarrelling for even small matters, she always think that she’s in the right and i’ve been purposely finding faults to argue with her.

She always get angry for no reasons. That day her mum asked me to help her buy stuffs and since she said she tired from sch, so i picked her up and send her home first. But she get angry that i didn’t told her that her mum asked me to help buy items and she felt that buying those stuffs unnecessary. She argue with me said that i don’t bother telling her what’s happening and then she throw mine items on the floor, take scissors cut the shirts that i owned. While picking those items she thrown on the floor, she been raising her voice until whole building could heard the arguments.

Sometimes she love to play “cold wars” with me for no reasons, suddenly block me for hours/days then don’t want pick up any calls/messages. She allergies to crabs so when we eating, she insist of eating crabs but i said no. She angry and then walked/dump me there while we’re dinning.

She also angry that i don’t share salted eggs potato chips with her when i ordered like a bulk of it and she probably ate like 90% of it and i eat probably like half a packet. Saying how ” I don’t love her anymore, don’t cherish her anymore after we’re dating”. She said how in her family, what she wants to eat n etc, ppl will always ask her, share with her and they don’t snatch with her snacks to eat.

So one of the days, i requested her to walks the dog as i was busy with presentation and since for the past few days, it was raining so the dog didn’t manage to be out of the house. She said i’m treating her like a maid, asking her to follow my order. She never touched dirty things in her life. for example, when the dog shits. i’m always the one picking up the poops. In her family, she ate alr just dump the plate/bowl at the sink/basin, for someone in her family to wash. She also don’t tidy up her room, sweep floors and etc, was always me when i go her house to help her housekeeping her room.

She also have a bad habits of wasting money on unnecessary. She always like to go cinema to watch movies , probably like every week. But i’m the one paying for it since she doesn’t have any income. She also rant that i am unlike other ppl bf, buy for their gf accessories.

–

What would you do if you strike the $8m TOTO?

I’ve always dreamed of striking and always told myself what I would do etc.

When I was younger I thought that I would give like 100k to each of my immediate family members. However in the current stage of my life I feel that I shouldnt announce my winnings at all.

Reinvest everything in a commercial property and get rental yield every month. It could be something that I pass down to my children and their children for generational wealth. My wife will probably quit her job while I continue to work but at a much more relaxed pace.

Just wondering if I’m the only one dreaming about it because my wife always complains that I dream too much

Netizens’ comments

• Back to sleep and continue my dream.. 🛌
• 1st rule
  nvr let your family members know, children esp
  tell some people and before you knew it, more ppl will know (big mouth), ppl will be guilt tripping you and sucking money left right
  if both you and your wife quit jobs, will arouse suspicions lol. Just keep the job but work at slower pace, or find something w gd wlb.
  anw dont need to think cos will nvr happen to me lol, I nvr dreamt of winning toto. I just want to be healthy.
• 50% to my mother, my only parent in life and life giver. No matter what she did, it’s a fact I am here because of her whether good or bad. Always remember your roots and repay what is owed.
  10% to my brother, because I hope he doesn’t have to keep worrying about his daughter’s upbringing costs.
  10% to charity, it’s always important to give back.
  Remaining 30% is for myself only.
  10% for whatever I want to splurge on.
  10% for withdrawing slowly, bring in the ‘long run’ effect
  10% for investing or sealing the deal towards owning a small little apartment for myself, likely 3 room HDB.

I have been in a relationship for 4 months but I haven’t introduced my family members to my GF yet.

Lately, she has been using this topic to question my commitment to our relationship.

The truth is I’m afraid to let her know that I have a mother who works as a beer aunty. When I was young, the people around me would say nasty remarks about my mother and make me feel inferior. This is the reason why I studied hard and end up in a prestigious course in NUS. Ever since my

NS days, I refused to take any allowance from my mother because I feel that her money are dirty. These money came from low class, old and despo drunkard who touched her hands. Ironically, it is these money that funded my university education.One of the shame and humiliation which cannot be erase from my life.

Until now I had been lying to her by saying that my mum is a busy business women. My gf came from upper class society, if she knows that I have a mother like this, I’m afraid that she will leave me. What have I done in my previous life to deserve a shameful mother!

Here are what netizens think:

• U felt ashamed/disgraced by your mother’s ‘less than glamorous’ occupation. As an undergrad, you struggled with the circumstances & faced the fact that her ‘dirty money’ were used to raise & provided for your education.

• Hahahaha I can’t wait for the heartbreak that will ensue when your girlfriend finds out you’ve been lying to her over such a petty reason.

• If you can’t even appreciate what your mum is doing to make a living and raise you from young, you don’t deserve to think of your future with your gf! Respect your mum and be thankful for what she had done for all these years to raise you up! Selling beer isn’t something shameful, I have seen mom’s who’re doing sex worker to raise her kids, I would respect them for their occupation, at least they earn themselves a living without conning, or Robbing!

• Be glad you have a mother who dotes on you (even though she does not explicitly say it out) and work to put you through university. There are people who are not as lucky as you. They lack of a mother’s love, and had to forgo their further studies because of financial issues.

Is my man using me for my money?

People say it’s hard for a woman who makes a lot of money to find a partner. I did not want to believe this but I am now beginning to see some truth in this statement.

I now make around $22k a month. Some time ago, I met and got together with a guy, A, who makes a fraction of what I make. He is only younger by about 2 years but his take home is about $3k a month. I am 35 this year.

At first, I did not find it an issue that he makes so much lesser, and really, come to think of it, a meagre amount for someone his age. After all, I myself did not come from a well to-do family. I worked very hard to get to where I am. In any event, I thought that as I make enough to support myself, it is not important how much he makes as long as he’s able to take care of himself.

In my early twenties, I made a meager $1.5k. I did not get to spend all my salary. $500 would go to my family as allowance and $500 would be set aside immediately as savings. With my savings and a scholarship, I was able to obtain the required qualification to pursue my current career.

A has been making around $2k-3k the past 10 years, doing various freelance jobs. He gives fitness training and is a graphic designer. Often, he wouldn’t be able to explain where he sees himself in 5 to 10 years time. He maxes out his credit cards on “wants” more than “needs”. He would throw away his Clothes after a few wears only because they are starting to look worn when they’re still in good condition. As the only son of 2 siblings he is unable to explain how he plans to take care of his parents in the future for “that’s their problem”. As for his career, he would often talk about starting his own fitness / design company but when questioned further he’s unable to verbalise how he plans to realise that.

Recently, he started to drop hints about things he wants but cannot afford (travel, a new watch, phone etc.). He’s never travelled before and his phone and watch are old. Even though these are things I could afford and as much as want to give it to him out of love, I did not do so. I felt that if he were more careful with his monies, and planned better, these are things he could afford himself. I did not want to set a bad precedent. When I refused, he threw a fit and questioned my love for him.

Eventually I did get him the things he wanted. I followed with a conversation about his management of his finances. After all, I didn’t get to where I am without the help of the people around me who’s made it. And everyone needs a leg up from time to time. Some encouragement.

But things went from bad to worse. He now expects it as of right (even for me to pay for all our meals) and even barked at me on “how easy” it is for me to do these things given how much I make and I shouldn’t make an issue out of non-issues.

Everything is beginning to make me feel like I am with a person with no intention of carrying his own weight and is with me for my money.

I don’t have a choice but to leave him. Not because of how little he makes but how different we are in terms of how we manage our finances and plan for the future. And mostly how I do not like to feel like I am being used.

I want to think that money shouldn’t be an issue when it comes to love but the truth is where someone is financially says a lot about their choices and judgement too.

MIL is a gold digger?

My mother in law is always asking for money from my husband.

My husband already gives her an allowance monthly. She will always request for more money using various reasons. On her birthday she requests for money to buy expensive gifts like once she said she wants to buy a 1000 branded bag and requested for the money as a gift. My husband and I are very frugal people and do not spend that much on gifts.

Another time she request for a cash advance from my husband citing that she does not have enough to spend and told him that he does not have to give her allowance for the rest of the year. He agreed and gave her 3k in total. She used the money to go for holidays overseas. 3 months later she told him she did not have enough to spend so he had to continue giving her allowance again.

Then once she said her relative was scammed and they needed money desperately to sustain their business, she asked my husband to remit 5k over to her relative and promised to pay back by pawning her jewelry. In the end she only paid back 1.5k to my husband. However this year she asked her children to sponsor her the money to buy back her pawned jewelry as her birthday present! That’s just too much!

My husband is not her only child, he has a brother as well and I’m sure she also requests for the same from her other son.

By the way she never raised her sons. She divorced my father in law when her sons were in primary school and my husband and his brother were taken care of by their father. While she remarried and had another son with her new husband. I am puzzled if the husband gives her money as well?

She is now staying with her new family. The only times she comes to visit my husband and his brother is on special occasions like their birthday or mother’s day etc. Often she promises to visit on a weekend but ends up changing the date or cancelling it causing trouble to me and my husband as we already arranged not to do anything that weekend to prepare for her visit. This has caused us to feel disappointed each time especially once when she cancelled on his birthday. She only contacts my husband when she needs help like to book flights overseas for her (making him pay again).

We are just middle income earners. Why does she expect him to keep supporting her like that? She is over spending out of what she can afford and she even told us that she does not intend to work anymore and wants to enjoy her life since she worked so hard last time. She is only 50 this year. She also had a gambling addiction last time and my husband had to ban her from entering casinos.

Now that my husband and I just welcomed our first child, there is going to be alot more expenses and we need to save and plan for our future and retirement as well. She rarely came to visit our child since birth and only came once so far even during my pregnancy she was not heavily involved while my family bought us lots of gifts for the baby and my parents also gave us money to help with the baby expenses. There is such a huge difference between my husband’s mother and my family I can’t help thinking that she is a gold digger.

Am I being too stingy and sensitive regarding her requests for money as this is his mother?

Should i continue to give my father money

Recently my father, a widower just sold his 5 room flat and downgrade to 2 room flexi. After minus everything he got back 300K cash.

I have my own family of 2 kids. Just last month he continue to ask me for $400 allowance which I have gave for past 20 years.

Can I tell him that since he have 300K now can i cut his allowance. What if he tell relative that I am unfilial or anything.

Netizens’ comments

• Give $400 without increment for the past 20 years. So it becomes an issue after he got some money? He got 30k or 300k should not be a factor. If you are really struggling just negotiate with him. He don’t really want the $400. He wants to know that you still care about him.
• $400 is not too much actually. Make your parents happy, they are getting old already. Give them good memories. They raised us up after all.
• How much you gives your parents is not whether they are loaded or not. It’s an appreciation as well as showing filial piety as their child.
• Next time ur 2 kids also do this to you when you old lor
• You gave him a total of $96,000 for the past 20 years. I think he and your mother probably spent more than that raising you up. Shame on you.