I have a degree and i’ve gone through 11 different jobs from 2020 to 2021 (sometimes working 2 at a time).

Most paid between $1.7k and $2.6k a month. It feels like if I try to be nice and accommodating to others I get stepped on repeatedly or picked on.

If I try to speak up or distance myself from those people then I’m a problem or not a team player. If I’m quiet then I get told ‘are you sure this is the job for you’ why do I have to try so hard!!!!

What is up with English speaking in the heartland?!

SG guy here, married to a UK lady recently and moved in together in my flat in Boon Lay. Initially she thought the area was okay and was quite impressed with Jurong Point. Then she started trying to use the place and everything fell apart.

Salespeople either try to talk to her in Chinese or mess up her order when she speaks to them in English. When I’m with her they’ll speak to me and ignore her rather than let her in to the conversation.

I’ve seen her try to order dessert at the McDonald’s. She asked for two Hojicha McFlurries. The counter staff just stared at her blankly until the auntie who was with him instructed him to get one plain McFlurry and three cones for some weird reason. I had to step in and correct the order. She even used her fingers to indicate two and they gave her the wrong order. She tells me that she’s had just as much trouble when I’m not around.

I was under the impression that it was entirely possible for a monolingual English speaker to get by in Singapore. What is going on here? Are we just unlucky to live in an area where less people understand English? Will we need to move so my wife is able to communicate with the people around her? Where can we go? It’s got to the point where she’s avoiding Chinese staff and deliberately seeking out Indian and Malay staff so she can be understood.

PS. What also is up with the ladies’ toilets in Jurong Point? She’s encountered one toilet with poop backed up to the rim, another with maggots eating whatever was dumped on the seat, and has refused to use them ever since.

Wife forces herself to vomit to avoid gaining weight during pregnancy

Please help. Any advice is greatly appreciated.

My wife and I (29M) have been together for 11 years since we were both in JC, and finally got married in 2019. Currently, she is pregnant and nearing the end of her second trimester.

Since young, she has always suffered with confidence and self-esteem issues, and they were mainly about her weight. She is slim (about 48kg and 160cm if anyone is curious) but have always called herself fat. For many of our dates, I’m the only one eating while she just orders coffee. This has been going on even before 11 years ago, so nothing new. She counts her calories, and does both restrictive eating and binge eating. Sometimes she goes on water diets (0 calories for 1 week straight), sometimes she does a “500-calorie per day” diet, and sometimes she eats so much to the point she is so bloated.

Overall, everything was considered ok. She is a very cheerful person and not the type to dwell on negative feelings too much. Since her disordered eating and ‘extreme’ dieting was the ‘norm’, it didn’t affect her too much. She still mostly ate whatever she wanted, but just restricted either the portion or the number of meals per day. Again, all these are nothing new and have been happening for years.

The first trimester was ok. She didn’t gain much. But by the second trimester, that was when shit really went down. So far, she has gained about 5kg. She cries every time she steps onto her weighing scale, and has been starving herself. She hates herself so much right now for having cravings and strong urges to binge eat. She is also very disgusted with how her pregnant body looks, and forces herself to vomit as well (she did purge during her uni days, but have since stopped and only relied on restrictive eating to control her weight. Now she has started purging again).

To put things into perspective, someone with her BMI should ideally gain about 25KG. We are at our 6th month of the pregnancy and she has gained only 5kg. She’s worried that her actions may greatly affect the fetus’ health and development and has been trying to stop starving herself. However, she cries almost everytime she has to eat. I’m so worried for her and her mental health. The expectations placed upon her from my parents, her body changes, increased cravings, etc. also makes things worse. Her personality has completely made a 180 degree turn and she has become generally disengaged, depressed, lethargic, and has lost interest in many of her hobbies.

Honestly, I wish she just aborted the baby during the first trimester. We should have seen this coming. I guess she felt pressured by both our parents and maybe societal standards to have children after marriage. But she is and has always been my number one priority. I don’t care if we never have a child, so long as she is okay. I can’t stand seeing her like this. It pains me to think that she has to suffer everyday and that she is no longer her cheerful and bubbly self. Her dieting is even more extreme than the ones before her pregnancy, and I hate that she has started purging again. I’m really worried for her and the baby. She is lethargic and weak almost everyday, and honestly I’m surprised she hasn’t miscarried yet. She cries everyday, and normally she rarely even cries. If I’m being REALLY honest, a small part of me wishes that she’d just miscarry so that this whole ordeal will be over.

I am planning to get a vasectomy some time this year, so that this never happens again. It’s a reversible procedure anyway, so if she does get better and wants a child, we still can. I’m also planning to WFH more if my boss allows, as we prepare for the bigger incoming shitstorm that’s about to hit in the third trimester. I also don’t want her to be alone at home, even if that means taking a hiatus from working to be there for her (we have plenty of savings in our emergency fund so it should suffice for a while).

This whole situation is screwed up to say the least. Any comforting words or advice are appreciated

Need a career break but in debt

Hi. I am 44yo lady who have work more than 20 years. I suffered a burnt out during pandemic and would seriously need a career break (a year or so) to recuperate.

Problem is I still have a 100k HDB mortgage debt. Since i have only around 100k savings now, I still feel insecure to resign so soon.

So here i am in a limbo, working but my heart is dead. I don’t feel alive. Should i be bold and resign?

Netizens’ comments

• Can you switch to a part time or flexible time with your company? Some companies do allow that.
• How about a sabbatical leave? Or leave without a pay for a month or two
• If you resign and spend your saving for your expenses and mortgage, you will feel insecured and stress too.
  Working is stress AND Not working is stress too. Because we need income to live comfortably.
  Try to balance. You might not need a year to recharge. I resigned before bec my job was stressful and stayed home, within 2 months, got too boring. All friends were working weekday, everyday. I was alone.
  So…be sure to know the root cause of your burn out. If it is this current job, then changing job may be the answer. Not just entirely take a break.
  If it’s your mental health issue and don’t feel you want to work for now. Then, calculate your financial status, how long are you allowed to not working. If your money says max 6 months, then you can hv 6 months break.
  Not suggested you to break without your fall back plan. Sometimes, you might run out of your money too soon.
  Do a good plan…how are you going to spend your time and money? Not just resign without having a good plan or direction. Break smart or you will face more stress and burn out frm other issues e.g. loan debts, etc.
  Take care and good luck
• What’s the most important thing to you? Your debt? Your money? Your health? No right or wrong answers. Just personal priorities. Decide which one, stick to it and be responsible for your actions and consequences.

Can HDB build faster so I can move out from in-laws

Wah I v tired leh

My mother in law v pushy. She expects us to tc of baby her way. If we don’t, she keep nagging & say should do her way, is better. TOH. Feed baby fries good ah? Crazy leh.

She has a habit, like to secretly feed baby things when we are not looking at her. So I cannot trust her to spend time with my baby without me around to eyeball. V sian leh

She v stubborn. I very tired. My husband also tired of her nonsense. But she don’t listen. Our house only coming in 2 years, cause delay. My sanity is taking a toll.

@HDB, can faster build please? If not I think just help us cancel and refund our deposit can? So I can just apply for resale, faster. If I have to spend another 2 years with this crazy woman, idk if my children’s stomach & my sanity can tahan

Here are what netizens think:

• I was having the same thought as everyone else, just rent. Since u don’t mind buying a resale which is so expensive, why not just rent and stay away from your in law

• I’m like the same as you before. My mil fed my baby prawns when I was away when I specifically said not to. End up allergy. I moved back to my mum’s place. End of story. But still waiting after 5yrs for bto also

• Can hit the streets if u are feeling so uncomfortable with your mom-in-law! I believe she’s not doing any harm either beside the nagging..that’s really nothing!

• I dunno what she did that you call her crazy woman. But since you are staying HER HOME, u should be the one accommodating and accept situation. If her behavior is unacceptable, burn your pocket and rent, buy or whatever. I guess you don’t pay her rental. Else, likely you will move out and let another landlord earn the money.

A netizen, @potatosalad-_-, shared how his landlord is wanting to increase the rent for every Saturday and Sunday that the tenant stays home, by $30.

Here is what he said

landlord wants to increase my rent 1 month after I just moved in if I stay home during the weekends

It’s not legal, the audacity is ridiculous. But I have to negotiate with her instead of confronting her about the law as I do not want to burn bridges and she might try different ways to make my life here difficult.

editing an update to this comment for visibility: THANK YOU SO MUCH everyone for the tons of concern and advice.

to answer some faqs: I’m from Singapore, I have a year long lease/contract, I’m renting a room and the landlord stays in the same house.

She is not legally allowed to raise my rent and I’ve told her that several times but she just keeps pestering me non-stop. I can ignore her text messages but she started knocking on my door today to “inspect” my room and what I do in my room – which landlords are allowed to do in Singapore.

The law does not state how many times she’s allowed to “inspect” my room a day so for all I know she could keep harassing me and that’s what I’m stressed over.

I don’t have the money to engage a lawyer or sue her – lawyer fees would likely be more than my $30 increase in rent. Also for all those who have been constantly calling me a troll/karma farming – you have no idea how much I wish I’m trolling and this isn’t my reality.

Please stop thinking I’m trolling just because I’m not online the whole day. I came back to an overwhelming 700 comments and couldn’t reply to all of them but did my best to reply to as many.

p.s. in my original comment I was talking about how I didn’t want to confront/burn bridges but when she “inspected” my room I got so mad and just confronted her lol but yeah she refuses to budge and just kept poking around my things and was like “what’s this delivery package” / “what did you buy” / “what are you doing in your room”

Life is too much of a discovery.

I recently changed from a high stress corporate job to a lesser stress job in a new industry, partly to have more time for my kids and not to bring stress home.

Viola! The new job is indeed much less stressful and more freetime. Interestingly, I feel rather empty. Not sad, not happy, not excited, just emotionless and waiting for time to pass by and chores to be done each day. Most people would feel contented as pay is roughly the same for both jobs. My philosophy used to be, using the minimum effort (work) to get the maximum output (salary). I’m fulfilling this philosophy but why isn’t there a sense of euphoric?

People are into bailan culture and while I think I’m partially into it, it doesn’t feel right leh. Feels like something is off but I’m not sure what is it.

Now there’s an opportunity to go back to the corporate function and I’m considering it. Am I nuts to think that way? I feel like I’m so indecisive and current job gives so much free time though not much prospect. What if I changed back to corporate job but I have no time for kids? How do you manage to find time for your kids when they were younger while u and ur wife were driving out a career?

Here are what netizens think:

You miss the adrenaline rush and perhaps the sense of purpose and importance from constantly doing things in your previous job.

This is common, people can get addicted to a certain type of stress. Take some time to adjust, relook at your schedule and take some time out to constantly learn something new. That should challenge you and give your talents some outlet.

you go back you will find ways to get out after that. you stay here you’re bored and feel unproductive. maybe you can find some other hobbies or develop new skill out of your current job. eventually you will still want something like your current job when you dont have the energy anymore.

A man posted an unfair comparison on Crypto and equities, stating how one can lose more money in stocks than crypto but the comparison is too specified on two financial products.

Netizens call it an unfair comparison.

Here is what netizens think:

People think that Crypto is worst than Equities.

That cant be further from the truth

if you bought $1 of bitcoin at the peak of 64400usd on 12 Nov 2021, you would be left with 30cents (at the current price of 19294usd) – a loss of 70%.

If you bought $1 of the top Singapore ride-hailing firm Grab at a peak price of 16.37usd on 12 Nov 2021, you be left with just 17cents (at the current price of 2.70usd) – a loss of 83%.

Therefore mainstream tech stock can be riskier than mainstream crypto.

But both will bounce back.

Here are what netizens think:

• Equities tend to perform well from medium to long term period. An Apple stock was at a mere $38, 5 years ago. Today it’s worth $138. Yes the market will go up and down. But over a long period of investing, and with dollar cost averaging, one can mitigate volatility risk in equities unlike Crypto which can fall to zero over night.

• I wouldn’t think Grab is a good example. It’s a troubled stock even before they listed. It didn’t boom before and after covid. Don’t know when will they bloom for themselves and the investors.

• Why use bitcoin? Use Terra and Luna to compare lah. Lol

• This is called data-cherry-picking to suit agenda “crypto better than equity”. It doesn’t prove anything