My husband went out with his direct coworkers – 2 male and one newer female (24 y.o.).

He had a bad day at work so he texted me at 3:48 pm “hey we’re going to get a drink. Today was trash”.

Me: “Aw I’m sorry. I’ll go to the gym then. Let me know when you think you’ll be home okay?”.

Him: “No it shouldn’t be that long I’m still going today”

Him: “Actually yeah go ahead and go but I’m also going today”

Me: “Oh really?! Yay!! I’ll wait. I’d rather go with you even if it’s later!”

Him: no response

5:18 pm Me: call him but no response so I text “Hi dear how’s it going? Are you going to leave soon? If not let me know and I’ll go to the gym” Him: no response

6:44 pm Me: “I love you, please be safe. If you drink too much call me and I’ll come get you!! Hope you’re having fun!!”

7:50 pm Me: “Just checking in – any update?”

11:00 pm Me: call twice but no response so I text “Hey it’s 11pm – I’m getting worried I haven’t heard from you in a while”

I call in between bc I’m getting worried

1:25 am Me: Please name what is going on

At this point I drive down (we share a location on Zenly so I didn’t worry about not knowing where he was going).

After a few phone calls from me again, feeling like they are purposefully being ignored at this point (hoping he’s just too drunk to see them), I see his location go somewhere and then back to the parking lot. At this point I’m convinced he’s in the car (which I’m upset because that means he’s just not answering my calls or texts trying to check in).

At about 3 am, he starts moving. I get it out of him that the one male drove home, and after asking where he was sitting in the car (I had this weird gut feeling), he said the other male coworker was passed out drunk in the back seat while the girl was driving. They were sitting in her car (him in the passenger seat and her driving) with the drunk guy passed out. They were sitting in that parking lot for over AN HOUR. My problem is that even if nothing happened, he was with a female coworker alone at 3am in her car for over an hour. It feels like an unspoken boundary – she’s single with makes it worse, but even if she were married, I’d feel weird.

To add on to that, I told him I know for a fact he saw my calls and I asked why he didn’t answer – he said “because I needed time away from you”.

My argument is that I’m worried about him and didn’t know when to expect him home. I got worried so I called him but he refused to answer anything and leave me in the dark. However, he decided that he wanted time away from his wife at 3 in the morning to spend it with another woman alone. I feel so hurt and disrespected. I’ve never felt like he has ever cheated on me before, but this pain in my gut feels like there is something I don’t know. I asked to go through his phone and he was trying so hard to deny it – saying that our relationship is over if we are at that point. I told him I have never thrown around the D word (divorce), but the phone is what is standing between us. It all just felt so off and he didn’t seem like himself when i was talking to him. I feel like I was basically emotionally cheated on, even though I have no clue what actually happened. It’s the combination between the disrespect and the female coworker.

After I only saw a text from the male coworker at 2am asking to let him know when he gets home and to tell the female coworker the same thing, it just confirmed my timeline.

Now he’s saying that I messed up by going through his phone (for reference he’s gone through mine before). He’s a little drunk so I’m going to let him sleep it off, but he said that our relationship is over. He said “I don’t love you anymore after that”. His ring is on his computer desk…

Edit: I forgot to add this in – while I was there, I started blaming myself and thinking that I did something to make him want to reject my calls. At 2:35 am, I texted “NAME I’m sorry if I upset you in any way. I’m very sorry and no matter what I love you. Please just let me know you’re okay. I’m so sorry if I upset you”

Please, if anyone has any advice or encouraging words, I’d appreciate it. I’m in so much emotional pain right now, I just don’t know what to do.

Thank you all

My (M31) girlfriend (F35) cheated when she was extremely drunk…

She came clean and told me what happened. She has offered to quit drinking, be completely transparent, has localtion map turn on so I can see her location, will allow me to check her phone anytime I ask, among other things.

She has been very remorseful about it.

This is the best relationship I’ve ever had and I really do love this girl but I’m so angry and hurt and conflicted, I don’t know what to do…

Here are what netizens think:

• “This is the best relationship I’ve ever had” I know you like to think that but, well, ut isn’t,bro

• Don’t fall for her lie. I cheated because I was drunk. That’s number one cheater’s excuse. I’m sure she would have remembered her father and brother. She came clean because of the guilt. Do you really want to be in relationship where you’ll always have trust issues and look over your shoulder what’s she has been upto and where she is at. You could never trust her completely. Break it off and move on.

• The question is did she come clean because he caught her somehow? Or did she immediately confess to him. There is a big difference. Because mistakes can happen.

• Some mistakes are so huge that you can’t come back from them. This will always be there in the back of his mind. Always.

• That is true for a lot of people and that is perfectly fine. Then there are also couples that deal with it how they feel that they need to and continue their relationship. No solution is one size fits all. 

I accidentally pooped on my boyfriends bed last night.

Me (F25) and my boyfriend (24) have been dating for about a year now. We have this stupid joke where we say we are going to poop on each others furniture.

I don’t really know how to explain it or when this joke started, but it’s just a dumb thing that we say to each other.

The joke progressed to us squatting on things like the couch or carpet (fully dressed) and saying that we are going to poop on it.

Last night me and my boyfriend were taking a shower and I got out before him because I was already done. I was squatting on the bed and giggling that I was going to poop on the bed when he walked in.

I thought it would be funny to let out a little fart cause I felt it coming up, but it turned into horror.

I pooped on his bed, not a lot, just a little bit. He tried to comfort me and tell me it was fine but I completely froze as the reality of what happened sunk in.

I started cleaning it up immediately but that doesn’t take away any of my embarrassment.

I don’t mean because of the software you’re writing that other professionals are using, I mean because of your jobs.

The salaries, the advancement opportunities, the perks (stock options, RSUs, work from home, hybrid schedules), nearly every single young person in a white collar profession is aware of what is going on in the software development field and there is a lot of frustration with their own fields.

And these are not dumb/non-technical people either, I have seen and known *senior* engineers in aerospace, mechanical, electrical, and civil that have switched to software development because even senior roles were not giving the pay or benefits that early career roles in software do. Accountants, financial analyists, actuaries, all sorts of people in all sorts of different white-collar fields and they all look at software development with envy.

This is just all in my personal, real life, day to day experience talking with people, especially younger white collar professionals.

Many of them feel lied to about the career prospects in their chosen fields. If you don’t believe me you can basically look at any white collar specific subreddit and you’ll often see a new, active thread talking about switching to software development or discontent with the field for not having advancement like software does.

Take that for what it’s worth to you, but it does seem like a lot of very smart, motivated people are on their way to this field because of dis-satisfaction with wages in their own. I personally have never seen so much discontent among white collar professionals, which is especially in this historically good labor market.

I’m thinking of dating a former student.

I (24F) married my husband when I was 20. I was absolutely in love and so excited about our future. About a year and a half ago, my husband died in a car accident. I was in the middle of teaching my first school. Due to my grief, I resigned.

In the last six months, I have been trying to become a person again. I am teaching at a new school, trying to make friends and maintain a social life. I have been set up on dates in this time, but my friends keep setting me up with guys who are looking for something serious. I had my love, if I’m dating I want fun right now.

This brings me back to a month ago. While at our a local restaurant/bar, I ran into a former student (19M) from my first school. We chatted for about an hour and a half-not like a teacher catching up with a former student, like two friends who haven’t seen each other in a while. It ended with him leaving his number on the back of a receipt for me and telling me to call him.

We starting texting back and forth all this time. I get butterflies when I see he texted me, I’m excited to hear from him. As pathetic as it sounds, I go frequently to where he works just to see him. Anyway, last night, he asked me out and I’m thinking of accepting. It’s weird, I know. I taught him for a semester, I know his whole family through my role as his teacher. I don’t want to be accused of something happening while I was his teacher, because that is so far from the truth. Now that I’ve seen him as an adult, I do find him attractive and interesting but I’m worried about how others will perceive this.

Does it make it better that I lost contact with him since being his teacher? I want fun, and he is fun, but is it worth the judgement I will probably get? Could I be actually jeopardizing my career by going out with him?

I M(25) have been with my girlfriend for 5 years. We’re both part time university students and full-time workers.

I lucked out and got a decent job making around $60-65k a year depending on sales and also have a rental property that nets around $300 a month.

My GF works as a Dental Assistant making and work 36 hours a week equates to roughly $30k a year with bonuses.

I’ve always usually paid for things because I knew I made more money. Recently we moved in together and I was ok with paying for most everything because I was under the impression my GF had no money so I wanted her to save up and didn’t want to burden her, as her schooling is more difficult than mine.

She would always say that she has no money because of the bills that she has to pay. My GF got her car paid for by her dad, gets university for free through work. So she pays car insurance and whatever she spends on her credit card.

I on the other hand had to put down all the deposits for the apartment. I currently pay $2k for rent plus roughly $400 for all other utilities. On top of that I still have to pay my car note and my college tuition.

My GF does helps out buying some groceries and helps with laundry. But groceries for the month don’t equal $2400.

Recently my GF left a bank receipt out and I with her total savings amount that I happened to take a glance at which turned out to be $40k in a savings account.

Now I’m questioning why I’m paying so much more of our living expenses. We recently got into an argument of money and I brought up her savings account. My GF got mad that I found out and is accusing me of snooping around her stuff. And now is trying to say that I make almost double so I should pay for most of the expenses.

So i need to know if I am wrong for asking her to help pay more?

Wife (30F) wants me (27M) to quit my job to go with her to Disney for her birthday.

My wife and her family planned a trip to Disney for her birthday, since thats the place they go for vacations sometimes multiple times a year.

Not a fan myself in the least, but it’s for her birthday so I was happy to go for her. Early this year I put in the request for the week off, and was told by work the trip falls within a blackout period for requests off, and I was denied.

I’ve been working for the majority of the year trying to get the days off approved by any means I can, but I am still being denied.

My wife tells me I need to quit or go on the vacation and let them fire me because her birthday is important, which I understand it is.

But while it’s not a professional career, my job pays pretty well (around $60K annual after overtime), and it would hurt us a good amount for me to lose it, especially since we have a mortgage.

I could try to get a similar job afterwards, but it would not be a good look to have been fired from my last job because I took a week-long vacation I was weekly explicitly told was denied far in advance.

I’m really concerned about our future, and don’t know what the right move is at all. My in-laws agree I should lose my job, citing that unemployment will be high due to inflation, but I feel sick at even the thought of anything keeping me from working other than my wife telling me to.

I have been working for 5 years since my graduation, and got together with a girl earlier this year.

Every month I will save a sum of money and used my bonuses to buy myself a Rolex or some watch I like as a present for myself.

This hobby started 4 years ago and I am on my way to buy my fourth luxury watch. Doing so will mean I cannot buy an expensive gift for my girlfriend’s birthday.

She told me that it was dumb of me to buy the Rolex as they had no value and it will better if I could use the money to make her happy and told me to sell my Rolex.

She wanted a Chanel Bag.

I then told her: “dumb? I don’t wear the Rolex so they are mint and I can resell them for a better price in the future. So the bag you wanted to use and flaunt to others has value?”

Here is her “genius” justification:

“It will make me look richer and therefore get respected and eventually mixed with people that have more money”

I am lost for words, I don’t know how to talk to such a dumb person and the worse part of it is she doesn’t see it. I have no idea why I got into a relationship with this woman.

Probably used my little brother instead of my brain. But this is overboard, “make her look rich”?. How dull and shallow is she? If your rich your rich if your poor your poor.

I went MIA on her and she started to appear at my house but I have been telling my family to not answer the door.

This has been going on for a week. I send her text “It’s over”. But she is still coming to my home.

How how? I don’t want talk to stupid people.

Dude(43m) I’ve(32f) been seeing picks on me a lot, and tells me “When I stopped picking on you, that’s when you’ll know there’s a problem”

So, basically, I’ve been seeing a guy for about 7 weeks now… He’s a clinical psychologist, and I work in psych research (this is important within the context)… When we first started seeing each other, he was super sweet to me, like, very complimentary, very affirmative, and seemed genuinely interested in me. He’d constantly tell me how “impressive ” I am, and how he felt like what we had was effortless and nice.

However, over the last few weeks he’s become more critical of me. He makes weird comments about how I try too hard, how I care too much, and how I’m basically too optimistic. It’s bizarre because these were qualities he claimed to have enjoyed when we started dating… now it’s starting to feel like he doesn’t enjoy being around me, but when I bring that to his attention, he says I’m over thinking everything… and he’s told me “when I stop teasing, then you’ll know there’s a problem… things will have stopped being fun…”

When he said that, I was sort of caught off guard, because as two people in psych, we work with or at least are aware of, toxic relationship qualities and it just makes no sense to me that he would see this behavior as appropriate or funny… unless he’s a narcissist.

The pros: We have the best conversations, the best intimacy, and we have a lot in common. He’s been an incredible source of support for me while I’ve been transitioning into a really emotionally draining career.

I really hate the overgeneralization of narcissistic personality in our society… frankly, it’s overused, but… I’m actually starting to worry that I am, in fact, dating a narcissist and I keep telling myself “you would know for sure…” but he assures me that my anxiety is making it hard for me to just…have fun and relax.

I don’t know if I’m looking for real advice or just a space to vent and get some perspective… what do you guys think? Am I being paranoid? Or am I being manipulated?