Anyone feels like people with a big social circle tend to be much harder to be friends with?

I notice this aplenty of times with such people. In person, they have incredible social skills in talking and being friendly and joking…

But they’ll never stay around long. They’ll only stay in a meetup a period of time before saying they need go off somewhere else. Then when you try to jio them out again, they’ll make up 101 excuses not to come.

It’s such an ironic thing. I’ve come to call this the ‘Social Circle Limit’ hypothesis. Basically, once a person’s social circle gets too big, the person will stop actively trying to make friends and will never open up to anyone outside of their existing established social circle.

But they’re smart about their situation. They’ll only go for hangouts or meet with new people when it benefits them somehow, but never for plain socialisation. They see it as the lowest priority in their life.

Whereas a person with few friends have the mentality of ‘I’ll be open to making friends with whoever!’, these people with too many friends have cultivated the mentality of ‘I’ll be extremely selective of who I want as a friend’.

Now why am I making this weird post? It’s advice actually. For those of you out there trying to expand your social circle, please learn on who you should invest your efforts in and who you shouldn’t.

Basically, avoid people who already look like they have a ton of friends. You’re never going to be actual friends with them… I had to learn it the hard way.

Netizen’s comments

As a friendly introvert, socializing is the lowest priority and I don’t see anything wrong with that. I just don’t have the energy to hang out with people everyday.

I mostly hang out with people with mutual interests and even then, our schedules have to match. I do make an exception for childhood friends though and they tend to surprise me with random interests.

Recently, we’ve developed an interest in birds separately and I think it’s hilarious yet amazing. Why do you find the need to socialize for the sake of socializing?

A netizen, @starryeyes224, shared how a Chinese man in his 40s had allegedly died after falling from height and landed right outside her window yesterday morning (20 August).

Here is what she said

This morning at 6.10am exactly, a 40+ year old Chinese man jumped down and he landed right in front of my toilet, kitchen and master bedroom window.

He was face down with arms outstretched, but he probably fell from less than 10 storeys because everything was intact.

We live on the second floor, so it’s really close to us. I wasn’t home when it happened but all my family members and neighbours saw his body after they heard a loud bang.

The man’s wife and son came down and they didn’t even cry or look surprised. They said their father is like that and he likes to drink a lot.

My brother took a photo of his body (covered already) and I saw the photo. I’m utterly traumatised by this incident because it happened right outside our home, and I walk that path almost everyday.

And every time I shower now, I’m going to think of that spot right outside my window. I hope the man is at peace now but I just can’t get over how cavalier his family members’ reactions were.

How can I get over this? Now I’m afraid to shower, or even go home and walk that path because of what has happened.

Update: When I told my boyfriend’s father what happened, as I stayed over last night, he wanted to buy 4D with my block number.

He also told me whenever i walk past that place, I should internally wish the man peace and tell him not to disturb me

Netizens’ comments

• OP it’s ok to talk to friends or family about it, maybe seek professional help if you can.
• Hey, I’m not a mental health professional, but if an event happened that makes it such that you are afraid to do daily activities, or associating non-dangerous activities with “danger” (i.e: showering = scary), you should see a therapist about it. If you treat the trauma response ASAP, you might not need a lot of sessions to reframe that incident in your mind. If you let it fester, it could become a more serious form of trauma that is PTSD.
  You can go to a polyclinic and explain to the doctor what happened, and ask to get a referral for a therapist. Explain the symptomps you have (scared to shower, can’t walk the path etc) and they will guide you. I’m so sorry that this happened to you—but know that there is help available to you!
• Talk to your family and maybe see a therapist. That sounds incredibly traumatic.

Hi guys, I see here and there, and heard it from a taxi driver, that Singaporean are not really happy to have expats in singapore. From my understanding they especially don’t like the privilege we may have when it comes to salaries.

I speak for myself, but while I personally understand the problem with the salaries being higher for expats (although it’s similar in many countries) I don’t feel any negative thoughts from locals against us. It is even the clear opposite, I feel welcomed by all locals and truly appreciate it.

I am an isolated case? Is there really this type of mindset?

Netizens’ comments

1. The short answer is no, expats in Singapore are treated and viewed no differently than expats in other cosmopolitan countries.
   As with all other countries, there will always be a ‘base’ layer of people that will telegraph their frustrations and troubles of life onto expats simply because they are a convenient group to target (not my own people). You will find that in the absence of expats, these folks will find other targets. Thankfully, this is really the minority although social media has allowed the voices of such folks to be magnified – ‘vocal minority’.
   With that being said, over the last 2 years, I am also seeing a growing anti-expat sentiment. This layer ebbs and flows with the wider economic situation. Just like citizens of any other country, Singaporeans expect their needs to be prioritized in tough periods. Expats, whether rightly or wrongly, are naturally seen as the first sacrificial layer to be cut.
   I don’t think these perspectives are unique to Singapore.
   Just another thought too: outside of bread and butter issues, what might be perceived as being ‘negative’ could simply be the growing confidence of Asians of their place in the world. With an increasing appreciation of our own values and practices, the perceived unwillingness of western expats to assimilate and adopt (to some degree) to local culture could be off putting. I won’t say this point applies to all locals but it is one for me.
2. The negative always attract more attention than the good ones. I have expat friends but there are also some that I will avoid.
   We (locals) are not jealous or envious of that lifestyle. We do not care too much about your salary or how luxurious your life is.
   My friends, that happen to be expats, are humble and generous. I avoid those that are arrogant and too busy showing off their privileges here. Those that think being an expat is an important characteristic to making friends. Those that are lucky, but never tried to see/understand the others who are struggling.
   You see, expats are also humans. If we strip away that title, what is left of them?
   It’s not that we have a contempt for expats. But if they can’t get down from their high horse, why should we bother with them?
3. Thai here. Dont know if we are an exception but people’s faces generally brighten up once they know where I’m from and starting to brag how they fly to Chatuchak 3 times a month (pre covid) but a few would not shy to openly share their negative views about our ..other neighbors.
   Overall, I find it heartwarming and feel right at home because I can easily blend in (minus accents), unlike some places in Europe.

So I recently graduated from Singapore Polytechnic with a diploma in Media & Communication and I’m a Burmese national. When I was on Student Pass, I worked a few jobs with ease, part-time then full-time until the expiration of my pass. Now I have applied to more jobs and went to interviews that went really well until I see the interviewer’s face drop when I told them I need a Work Pass. Instant no.

The obstacle is…well, very inescapable and I’m constantly disappointed at the fact I may have gotten a job if it wasn’t for my foreigner status. Not gonna cry about it, obviously, there will be a local preference and I don’t do anything that’s high in demand. And often the companies I apply to have no foreigner quota.

I come here to ask for advice. What do I do? I cannot go home to Myanmar. I don’t have the option. There is no possible way to advance a career there at the current state, let alone find a job. I had the option of going to university in the UK until I decided over 20,000 pounds a year was way too much for a path I wasn’t even terribly excited about. My goal is to literally just support myself in Singapore, to pay for rent, food, survive, yanno?

Is there anyone on the same boat? Would appreciate any advice. I keep on applying to jobs, aiming for bigger companies but there isn’t a lot I qualify for although I think I have a decent portfolio and amount of experience. Thanks everyone.

Here are what netizens think:

• there are some jobs which ask for a specific language like Burmese, Thai etc.

• Startups might be a bit hard bc they do not have the resources to pay for and process the work passes with the current policy… once you get a job offer make sure your boss advocates for you or the pass might never get through!

• Most of my foreign diploma friends had to leave because of the work pass minimum pay requirement. Sadly it’s precise because foreign students were willing to take very low pay to stay in Singapore, so the entry-level pay as a whole fell. Certain industries were worse off as there were way more candidates than jobs available.

Buying a Rolex is a large expenditure but many people described it as an investment.

But there seems to be a grey area in local watch dealers that “forces” customers to buy a lower end model before they are allowed to buy better models.

Here is the story:

Just want to share my experience with a particular AD here in Singapore – it’s one of the biggest chains here. I got recommended by another AD which does not carry Rolex.

In order to be allocated any Rolex pieces, I’d have to buy an equivalent amount of watches of that particular Rolex piece’s market price. For example, for them to allocate me a Daytona, I’d have to spend $70K SGD (market price of a Daytona) on other brands they carry. There’s no “waitlist”, “relationship”, purchase history whatsoever.

I’m not surprised hearing this to be honest, with the current surge in demand for Rolex but… Is there anyone who does honest and fair business anymore in SG?

Here are what netizens think:

• Nope. That’s how ADs work in mainland China nowadays too. They don’t even care if you have previous purchase history or whatever. Want a Rolex? Sure you just have to buy it along with a bunch of undesired tudors from next door. I hope the ADs in the UK don’t become this blatant…

• I was at a Rolex AD on Orchard Road 2 months ago. The Boutique Manager blatantly asked me to buy a fugly diamond studded lady DJ circa 120K SGD before they would entertain the idea of putting on a waitlist for a sub…She further added that I should have gone back to the AD where I’ve got my 116505 which I was wearing at the time…… ADs are so arrogant these days!

• There are a lot of Singaporeans who have built up a massive purchase history, who regularly buy Rolex and other brands. They too want Daytona’s. From what I heard, you just need about 50k in your purchase history to qualify for allocation pieces. To qualify for popular non-allocation pieces, any recent purchase history is required.

• There goes my hopes of getting a submariner.. (I have almost 10k in recent purchase history with one of the bigger ADs in SG. Wonder how long I have to ‘wait’.

I’m currently 19 years old in poly doing an internship. Due to reasons, I currently am living in a rented place with my father over 60 years of age. He’s going to be out of his hawker job in a month, and we are getting evicted because the lease is ending in the next 2 weeks. He doesn’t own a house of his own, and I’m not legal enough to do so.

His CPF has less than 10k and his savings are unknown. It seems that he is counting on me to support him. I resent that, but will immediately start working after poly. I have no plans for further education.

I’ve tried appealing to HDB and they got back after 28 freaking days telling me they couldn’t help me, period. No BTO, no rent. I’m SOL.

So, I’m feeling pretty down right now. I’ve been in this situation since I was 16, and I feel beyond stressed and upset. Every year we pack up our stuff and move. I want to do a lot of things, but space is always an issue and I never get around to getting the equipment and doing them. I try to be positive, but I can’t see a good future and feel like no one can help me.

In any case, I’m appealing for advice. To make things feel less heavy. Is there any organization or people that can offer help?

I’ll try to get in contact with the relevant authorities and see if anything can be done, dragging old pop’s to meet the MP tomorrow.

“From now on I’m counting on you.” “There are other kids your age who are so good at talking.” “Do you know what to say to the MP later?” Yes, shove your 60 years of life experience and leech off a 19 year old.

As you can guess, the coronavirus is pretty bad for enterprises.

Many businesses have already thrown in the towel and I have no doubt that many more will go belly up before the crisis is over.

Many more may not be facing bankruptcy, but still face cashflow issues due to the previous lockdown period – you can’t complete jobs and earn revenue during this period, but still have to pay salaries and other fixed costs during this period.

I am struggling to make it with the pile of debts that dragged me since that period.

The gov aimed at extending credit to SMEs to protect local businesses and local jobs during this crisis..

This includes generous subsidies on loan programmes for SMEs. If you look at the MAS website or check out the websites of various banks, you’d think it’s pretty accessible – you can apply in as little as 5 minutes.

Bank Loans

But in my experience, not all banks are as helpful as they purport to be. One of the Big-3 banks I approached straight up replied to me that they’re only offering loans to businesses with annual turnover of half a million or more.

This automatically rules out most startups and small businesses. It’s bamboozling because there’s no credit analysis process – no 5Cs, no credit scores. They don’t care whether you’ve made a profit, they don’t care how long you’ve been in business, what your business model is, or whether you have ever defaulted on a loan.

If you’re not big enough, you’re not worth their attention, period. And they don’t even tell you this when they advertise for you to apply with them.

Now, I normally wouldn’t be so miffed about being denied credit. Banks tend to close their umbrellas during crises. That’s typical behaviour. What’s disgusting is to know that they’re suckling on the sweet teats of generous government subsidies – Ah Gong is bearing 90% of the risk of SME loans obtained during this period. I’m not sure how this subsidy is going to be passed down to SMEs. And they’re milking off the insincere PR by advertising all over that they “care” and profiteering over this crisis.

Now, I haven’t yet heard back from the majority of lenders. But seeing a Big-3 bank behave this way during a real crisis is utterly disheartening.

Just last week, I was approached by one of my friends who I had not heard from for a long time. He texted me saying how long it was since we last met and he wanted to meet up.

Knowing that he was an insurance agent, I told him upfront that I already had someone looking into my finances and I would meet him as a friend and not as a potential client. He agreed and so we met.

We had dinner at a restaurant at a mall nearby my place. Dinner went well and we caught up over the last five years that we had been apart.

And then it came. As we spoke about what had been happening so far, he started talking about how he was privileged to be put up for the Million Dollar Round Table (MDRT) and being one of the top earners every month in his firm, to which I congratulated him genuinely for.

He then asked if I was willing to trust him to review some of my financial and insurance plans. I said no and changed the subject, which he complied with.

However, as we talked about getting hitched, it started to Segue way back into how I should be planning for the future and whether (again) he could have his input in my financial and insurance plans.

Again, I repeated my stand and said I wasn’t interested, and reminded him that I was a friend not a client. He apologised again and switched the topic.

It wasn’t until we were talking about parents and how they were retiring that he began saying how important it was for me to look into their financial health, suggesting again that I can trust him with their plans.

That was the last straw for me – I looked at him and held my ground. No means no, and I really hope you can respect my decision as a friend.

He became very apologetic, and the rest of dessert became very brief. We said our goodbyes and I never heard from him again.

I’m all for celebrating success in your careers and how you’ve achieved your potential. But if this is how you attained it, I honestly feel for you.

If you choose to surreptitiously get business from people around you in the guise of friendship, you’re standing to lose a lot more than you’re gaining.

Please respect my choice and keep the friendship alive. But I still have faith that the industry is bigger and better than these methods, and I wish you good success and achievement in your career.