I am honestly insanely scared. I go stiff at the thought yet loads of people have told me that actually having a relationship and going through with it with someone I trust will help the situation.

But I’m so scared, I can’t let anyone touch me. I don’t open myself up at all. I post a lot on different channels because I need to let it out sometimes. A lot of people have contacted me offering to teach me more about S . I’m not an idiot, I’m fairly sure they’re taking advantage of me.

But should I be doing it? Is that the solution? Texting strangers about S online?

Is there any hope for me? I’m scared it’ll hurt and me horrible and literally that I’ll ask the person to stop and they won’t. Or that I’ll just lie there frozen.

Because in the past I’ve always kicked into a freeze response. My brain just shuts downs. My clothes have always been on, except unfortunately in March when a man handed his hands under my shirt and on my breasts while taking my ‘measurements’.

I’m such an idiot, I just trusted him and I thought the bad feelings were residual from when something similar happened when I was 14. I have to block it out all the time. My breasts were the only place no one else had touched me till now. And this recent weekend I’ve been trying to update my wardrobe and I’ve been getting so stressed out buying clothes and I think it’s something to do with what happened. I got a bra fitting done and I started crying in the changing room.

Gosh, sorry about the ramble. I can’t sleep and this has been on my mind for weeks and I thik I just needed to say it. I’m in therapy but it’s all new and they’re still trying to figure out if they can help me. I’m wondering if I need to drop out of therapy and just deal with it myself. I’m so confused, I feel I’ll never be safe with men.

Now for the story: I have had a S toy for over a year, but it recently broke and I had to order a replacement. I was hoping I would be able to get to the package before anyone else could, and nobody would find out. (When I bought the original S toy, it was shipped to my friend and she gave it to me, but I have also had one S toy delivered to my house without anyone finding out.)

Unfortunately for me, my mom got to it before me and must have assumed it was the Amazon package I had been expecting and opened it. I found out that she opened it a few hours later when I realized that the package wasn’t at the front door, and when I asked my brother if I had gotten a package, he told me that mom had opened it.

I was freaking out inside, but my mom was pretending nothing had happened. I eventually found the package in the room we use for storage and brought it to my room once everyone was asleep, and then shoved it into the bottom of my closet where it remains.

The next day, my mom said nothing aside from casually asking me if I had gotten the package that was delivered the day before. I simply said yes, and that was the end of it. I was still freaking out of course, but I felt relieved as I assumed this was her way of saying that she was okay with it, and that we didn’t need to talk about it.

My mom often doesn’t talk about things that she finds out I’ve been hiding from her, so I was hoping this would be the same. Also, my mom is fairly predictable about most things, but because we almost never talk about S, and certainly never talk about doing it “DIY”, I had no idea what her views were on the subject.

It’s been a day since then and I still feel horrible. I can’t stop thinking about it and how this all feels like a literal nightmare. Worst of all, I feel like I can never masturbate again because of all the shame and embarrassment. I’ve already had a weird relationship with “DIY” for a while, to the point where I try to go as long as possible without masturbating because whenever I do, I feel horrible and often end up crying. I have a therapist I can discuss this with, which I will, but I’m not looking forward to that either as I’m extremely uncomfortable with talking about this stuff.

So basically, most of my friends still have a curfew, although their parents let them go out but not till very late, they mostly stay at home but I’m not having a curfew, which means I (17M) don’t hang out with them as much as I did before and I don’t go out as much as I did before.

So my mother arranged a small vacation to the beach and we stayed at a hotel for a few days, there would be five of us going, Me, My mother(49), my aunty(50), my cousin (17F),and my grandmother (69), the thing is, I feel kind of uncomfortable considering the room isn’t small, but it would be a bit packed for all five of us, and I will be the only guy there.

I won’t lie, the only person besides my mother I’m really close to there is my grandmother. So I just felt kind of uncomfortable going, my mother is already going through enough and I really don’t wanna burn her out because I could tell she was when I told her, and my sister said I was being selfish because they arranged this up for me.

My father is on my side and said he understands why I would be uncomfortable, so we could just have a man weekend where we would do some BBQ and fishing, while my mother had a ladies’ weekend with her family, I feel more comfortable with that than the trip to the beach.

So should I tell my mother beach is for girls thingy and I don’t feel like going or just hold it and go to the beach?

My last period was roughly around a year and a half ago. They’ve always been irregular but since the start of my 20s (now 26F). I mentioned this to the female doctor I had at that time and she said that I need to be having at least 4 periods a year or I could be at risk of my womb lining building up and getting womb cancer as a result.

After a few appointments with her, she left the clinic and I was changed to a male doctor who referred me to have a further examination and blood tests. They couldn’t find anything irregular and I can’t take the contraceptive pill due to migraines so he didn’t have an answer as to what I could do to have a period.

He told me not to be concerned about it and that if I want to have kids IVF is an option. I’m more concerned and worried about the cancer thing and that the first doctor told me.

But the second doctor told me not to worry at all. Does anyone else have experience with this? I’m likely going to get a third doctor at some point but nobody I had ever met has had this issue.

My best friend is dating my fiance’s friend (a rich man’s son).

They’ve been together for a year and she’s already talking about marriage. She said he has made lot of promises about where they will stay, how many children they will have and how she will be living like a princess once they get married.

It’s the only thing she likes to talk about and I feel sad for her because I know they are all empty promises.

Recently we had dinner together and she brought up how he was going to propose to her any day now. I asked her if she was sure and she kept insisting she had a gut feeling. I tried to gently explain that I didn’t think he was going to propose and she shouldn’t get her hopes up but she got angry and told me I didn’t know anything and that he was going to marry her.

It turned into an argument and I told her his family wouldn’t let him marry a girl like her so he would never do it. That it’s well-known in their social circles that they can date and have fun with whatever girl they want, as long as they marry the right type of girl. I have seen it happen so many times with the men in these circles and they always marry the type of girl their family approves of in the end.

I understand what I said wasn’t the nicest thing to hear but I felt someone had to say it to her before she got hurt even worse later on. She ended up telling me I was jealous before leaving and has been complaining about me to our mutual friends. She told her boyfriend, who complained to my fiancé that I was trying to ruin his fun.

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