My family wants my cancer to beat me, but..

I (23,F) got diagnosed many months ago and it has been the most difficult time of my life, the physical pain I experience is hard, the loneliness is much harder.

Cancer destroys anything in your life that is already broken, and damages what’s left.

In my household, my mother and sister ignore my cancer, when they’re mad they say it’s good I got it, when I suffer they ignore me. My family wants cancer to win. They said it. My mother and my sister say it everyday.

I underwent surgery and am currently on chemotherapy and I almost gave up, I almost let them break me and make me wonder what the point of being alive would be if nobody actually wanted me here. Why do treatment if I was so useless. I almost resorted to breaking my razor to finish the job. Almost.

It’s my boyfriend, He’s always there, always my biggest supporter, always cheering me on, his smile is the most beautiful lighthouse I’ve ever had to keep me pushing through it all, his teeth are shiny like lights too! He doesn’t even know just how much he means to me, I can’t put it into words at all, love is too small a word.

he told me the other day “don’t you know you’re in everything, everywhere I go and whatever I do, I see you”

I don’t even have to be strong with him, he let’s me lean on him, cry, sob, laugh joke and share silence with. He thinks I’m beautiful and kisses my face when I feel the ugliest with my hair falling out. The love I felt at that moment when I realized how deeply I felt for him, how everything comes in waves. Happiness. Sadness. Pain. Joy. Anger. Cancer. It will pass.

I felt such an overwhelming guilt at possibly leaving this beautiful, beautiful person or making them sad by giving up, a realization that family can be made here in this world and there’s probably more found family of mine out there, waiting for our paths to intertwine.

I will one day be free from this pain, maybe one day my family will heal and change, who knows? I contacted my aunt to go stay with her and be safe until that day comes or I recover and can live on my own.

My boyfriend makes cancer feel like a common flu, that you’re so sure will pass, that you know will end soon. What he said was enough to snap me out of it, I’m not giving up, I’m going to marry him one day, and I’m going to be cancer free when I do it. I can’t wait to let you all know when those days come.

Not that anyone should tether themselves to another person just to find a will to live, that’s not it, sometimes we need a tether to pull us back to earth before those moments take control and prove fatal.

I will make myself the tether that holds me to this world, I just need to see myself through his eyes.

My [28M] GF [28F] texted me while out with friends if she could flirt for drinks

So, me and my gf have been dating now for a year, but have had.off and on flings for about 5 years now. I’ve been cheated on twice now, and she knows this.

Tonight she went out with one of her new friends and then texted me, asking if she could flirt with dudes for free drinks.

Frankly, this triggered me. I immediately asked her if I could flirt with someone for drinks, or that if there was someone was there that she wanted to flirt with.

She ignored the first part and said no. We just moved in together, and I don’t want to make mountains out of mole hills just because of my past.

This isn’t a relationship killer imo, I just want to know if I am reasonably upset or overeating..

I feel anxious & paiseh to remove my face mask around (new) people. Am I the only one feeling this way?

I have always felt inferior with my looks. I’m below average-average looking. I have been bullied for being ugly and quiet when I was in secondary school.

In university, I was being teased by some guys for not being chio compared to the other chio girls. I grew up avoiding social interactions and thinking lowly and negatively about myself.

From 2020 (when masks were mandated), I have not met any new people. I hang out around the same classmates/friends. They already know how I look like before 2020.

This year, I had an internship so I had to meet new people. I feel very anxious and uncomfortable about removing my mask in office. We eat/drink at our desks but we can see one another’s faces from where we are (open concept kind of layout).

I feel very paiseh to remove my mask because I’m afraid that they think I’m uglier than expected (when we see someone with mask, we kind of picture or have an expectation of how they actually look like). And I agree that I look better with my mask on.

How do I overcome the anxiety about removing my mask especially when meeting new people? Am I the only one feeling this way?

I ignored bil leers and pervert vibes for the first few years.The thing is he didn’t just look, he also brushed or bumped into me, always the sensitive areas. For a while I thought it was accidents.

Once when we were alone (not by my choice), he groped me several times while I was busy with my baby, pretending that I was in the way. 

I finally realised what he’s been doing all along. My fil never accidentally bump into me so I never had uncomfortable vibes with fil. And bil never bump into me when his wife is looking. The realization bil had been doing it on purpose all this while made me sick with rage. Fyi, I was never attracted to bil. So there is no way I sent any signal that I wanted to be touched. 

My husband tried to downplay and ignore it until I no longer tell my husband anymore. It damaged my marriage tremendously. My husband downplayed until he thought I must have misunderstood or it was a one time accident.

Gradually I start to reduce and avoid meetings. I didn’t let my kids go without me should my bil gets a chance to touch my kids too. I lost a lot of weight over the next few years as times when we still have to gather I was brushed or bumped again but a few times I managed to block him or elbowed him off. I really dreaded being in the same room with him. I don’t look at him in the eye when he talks nor do I give him any respect when he’s around. I think others noticed I am very cold towards bil.

My mil even asked a few times over the years if things are ok because I was very distant as time past and I lost so much weight.

The final time my bil swiped my body area, I could no longer hide it anymore.

I told my husband for the final time. He tried to downplay it again then for the first time, I asked for a divorce. That’s when my husband woke up and decided to support me 100%. My husband finally accepted what happened to me.

When I told my mil they believed me and didn’t doubt what I said. I told them, as my children grow, I fear my children will be molested by bil. They know their own child and said nothing to counter my words. They told me even when he reach his death bed, he will deny touching me. So no point talking to him, he will never admit it.

Of course my bil denied everything and accused me, saying I was crazy and that I was the one who was attracted to him. Even claimed I tried to seduce him. No one sided him.

I did finally cut bil out from my life, sought therapy and I am much better than before. But at what cost? My husband does not talk to him anymore nor does my bil is brave enough to face my husband. My mil and fil are heart broken there is no more happy reunions. Chinese new year and birthdays are filled with sadness. My fil is very conscious in how he behaves with me and the children. My fil doesn’t hug my children anymore, maybe worried I am sensitive to my children being touched in anyway.

I hope you will never reach such a situation similar like me. I was conflicted that I broke my husband’s family and at the same time I know the touching will not stop. So many times I wished I had put an end to it right from the very beginning. But I cannot change the past. I can only change the future. I don’t care for people who say I deserve it because I did nothing to stop it. How to stop it? Not everyone is strong willed and perfect. I’ve gone through stages of denial, confusion, anger, and it took years to finally have the courage to put an end to it.

I hope you can change your future. Try whatever means you can to stop this leering from your fil before it escalates to something else. Don’t end up like me. It almost ruined my everything.

To people who think this is joke, I wish this never happen to you or anyone close to you. This can destroy many lives. Try being the wife of a man others accused of being a molester. Try being the one who voiced out a family member close to you had been touching you inappropriately. Try being told that the brother you grew up with had been molesting your wife. Try  watching your adult children never see or speak to each other again.

Confession from an insurance agent willing to do anything to hit my sales target

I am an insurance agent who is willing to do anything to meet my sales target, even sleeping with my clients.

Although this is not ethical, but I need it for a living. It works. To people who find it shameless, I can’t stop you from looking down on me.

I have even heard of other methods like even becoming agency’s wife or gf or xiao san to hit sales targets. Not bad.

In this industry, we do what we need to do to be considered a good worker. Others can judge all they want.

Netizens’ comments

• Do continue if you think is ok. No one has the right to judge u. U choose your own path.
• Your mum must be proud. Making full use of the hole she given you, period.
• “although this is not ethical, I need it for a living.”Boy, u must suck terribly at ur day job to feel this way.
• You are just telling people working in that line is another role “prostitute “, or worse a free hooker.
  So you will help me assume that all who work this line are not insurance agent, but a hooker, a destroyer, and a homewrecker.
  Must as well you go stand at the geylang street there to pull clients, even better.

I pay for everything in the house but it’s not enough for my mum

Recently I found out my mum has been going around telling people I gave her very little allowances and refused to let her retired. I used to give her monthly allowance 600 which 200 goes to my dad and 400 goes to her. Pub bills, Groceries, anything you name it I am the one paying for it. That include bringing her for nice restaurants dining and travelling. 

I got a brother who does not work for past 4 years and a sister who married off.

If my sister came home, I’m expected to “entertain” her kids or sometimes bring the kids out and eat all expenses on me. My mum will tell me your sister they are not doing so well plus having 2 kids so money not enough to use, I need to spend on them.

My brother who does not work did not take money from me but I paid every single things at home. He just idle at home doing some housework or watch YouTube, Netflix eg

Since, my mum express her wish to retired so I tell her just retired, and I start giving her 1.6k per month and she still feel her money not enough she now saying she don’t want retired till I give her more.

She goes around telling my relative and friends I’m very spendthrift.

I’m single 41 this year, I earning 12k per month. Investment and saving I put aside portion of money, and I don’t spend on top end branded clothing/bag. I love good food I spent quite a fair bit on good restaurants with my family and friends and holiday.

My mum tell my relative, her brother last time use to work and pass her most of his salary to save which is why he can afford not to work. I rolled my eye because he never paid a single cent to the family which is why can pass her lots of money to save. I even paid for his mobile after he graduated and his holiday expenses when we goes on family trip.

I can’t be giving her all my own money for saving in the event if anything happen to her my brother and sister will want the money to be spilt among them. I’m single I still need own money for old age.

Because of this family I been giving in a lot my ex bf cannot take it we always argue till we broke off 8 years ago and I also single thereafter.

I always wonder I’m doing too little or too much for my family. Till I deserve my mum going behind my back telling tales and my auntie will come tell me.