Need some advice please. I am a female. I have a female friend and I do cherish her, but she have issues in her life choices.
She wants the sky but doesn’t want to put effort. And when she doesn’t get what she wanted, she will be sad and tell me about it. This cycle has been going on for like at least 10 times and it was getting hard to just watch/listen to her complaints, hearing her blame her “sad” life about everything. So I was blunt to her about it because I think this cycle won’t end, unless she changes her mindset. This is the situation:
She is a single mother, never got married, only finished PSLE, face is ok but upper body is big in build and has pretty bad stretchmarks (basically not hot model body anymore after giving birth).
The new job that has now, she went for her 1st day of work and she is thinking to quit already. She said that the environment there is dirty, and that’s unbearable for her. There’s no place to sit for lunch (all seats taken), and even if there are seats – the chairs are disgustingly dirty. She cannot take it.
On the other hand, the job scope is good and easy (just charging and uncharging phones to see if they work, or paste stickers etcs), and it is only a 15 mins walk from home. Working hours are what she wants too, Mon to Fri, around office hours. So that she can go home and takecare of her son after work. But the dirty environment is a BIG issue so she wants to quit.
To summarise, with just PSLE, she wants a job that is:
1. No people gossip about her (she cannot take it if any colleague don’t like her or talk about her behind her back)
2. Near her house (walkable distance)
3. Clean environment
4. Easy job, not too physical
5. Got place to go chill for lunch
6. Must be Monday to Friday office hours
And for a single mum with a big build, she wants a BF that is:
1. Tall and handsome
2. Look like bad boy (with tattoos etc) but change to be good boy for her or his personality is good and is loyal to GF
3. Can takecare of her
4. Can accept her son and treat her son well
5. Must be able to listen and comfort her whenever she is sad about her life, don’t tell her to change
I told her that for her life, be it work or partner, nothing is perfect (she gets depressed over one imperfect thing, like the seats are dirty and she want to quit already). I told her, to be happier, there are only 2 options in life, be it work or relationship.
Option 1: Accept the flaws (imperfection) and tahan/deal/accept it.
OR
Option 2: Improve herself so that she has a better chance to get what she wants.
I told her that she is aiming for the sky everytime without the qualifications or “资格” to match it. I.e. Want good job but no education, want tall/handsome bad boy look BF with a heart of gold or change to be loyal to her, but she is not supermodel and she is a unwed single mum (I was very blunt, I admit, but I think she needs to wake up to break out of this, and it is for her own good).
I told her that the above job and BF requirements – when she can’t get it, she gets depressed every single time she tries (and fails) and this is bad for her mental health. This depressing cycle won’t end/she will never be happy this way unless she changes her mindset that when things are not what she wants; she can only choose to do Option 1 or Option 2.
Maybe she can aim lower (Option 1)? Try tahan the dirty chairs? Everything else is ok ma, and fits her requirements.
OR if cannot nevermind (she said she really cannot take the dirty chairs) and wants better for her next job, I told her maybe she can try to improve herself (i.e. Maybe go back study or something) so she can have better job environment (Option 2)?
As for BF, maybe find a normal guy, don’t need to be tall or handsome or look like “bad boy”? Even hot models that aren’t unwed single mums can’t find what she wants for her “BF requirements”. I told her it’s hard. She basically wants to win Toto in everything.
She got angry with me and said I don’t understand. TBH, I really don’t… Then she say I LUCKY, cause my BF takes care of me and is there for me emotionally, whereas she is alone.
But… Ironically, my BF is the kind that she will NEVER even give a chance to date. The first time she saw him, she asked me “You can meh?” (Because my BF is short, fat, and unattractive).
She also said I’m lucky cause I got maid also (Free meh? Also need to study hard last time, then work hard to earn extra and pay for the maid ma).
Basically I told her, nothing is free, everything is an exchange. You want the sky, but what do you have to offer or put on the table?
She is pissed at me and ignored my messages after that conversation. I do cherish her but I don’t know, I am just NOT the kind of person that can just tell her lies and courage her that she can definitely get what she wants next time or on her next try (Job or BF requirements) without changing anything. It is just she “unlucky” la, just try again can one!!!, etc.
I think like that very fake, very tiring if I can’t speak the truth to my one and only friend, if I have to always lie and sugar coat my words… But then again I do cherish her as a friend for many years…
What should I do now?
