We’ve had several discussions on the topic of consent over the years, and several discussions of the dangers of alcohol. Recently the intersection of these two topics come up directly. In that conversation, my son was very quick to affirm/understand that a girl who was pass-out drunk couldn’t give consent and how, in his own words, “it’d be pretty f’d up to even try doing something with someone in that state.”
However, he seemed a little less sure-footed when certain aspects of the scenario were modified. E.g. “what if the guy is really drunk too?”, “what if the girl is just drinking alcohol to loosen up a bit?”, etc. My responses were starting to feel like “lecture-mode-dad”, and I felt like I was giving legalistic-sounding advice that might be hard for him to connect with in a real-world situation.
But in a flash of inspiration, I said, “Think of it this way. You and [his friend’s name] might agree that getting a hold of some alcohol and getting drunk at a party would be a lot of fun. You guys would definitely agree that going sky-diving would be all kinds of fun. But what would you say to [friend] if he called and said, ‘Hey! I got some beer and two passes to go sky-diving! Let’s get really drunk and then go sky-diving!'”
My son actually laughed aloud at the sheer idiocy.
I continued “Right!? I mean, first, sky-diving while drunk would be Darwin-award levels of stupid. But even if you survived… what was the point? You’d remember almost nothing about the experience itself, probably puke half-way through, have a crappy landing, and find yourself lying on the ground, bruised and battered and covered in vomit, wondering ‘what the f just happened?'”
He was nodding along, still smirking at the absurdity of the idea, when I connected it back to the topic at hand. “Think of having S with a girl you’re into as something you’d want to be like sky-diving: an exhilarating and memorable experience. Something that was done with all precautions to be sure nobody got hurt. Basically, a positive experience, shared between the two of you, that left you both feeling like, ‘Wow, that was great! We should do it again!'”
I could see his expression shifting into “OMG my dad is talking about S, the awkwardness, it hurts!”, so I wrapped up. “Just think of drinking alcohol and having S as an either/or proposition. Treat your decision – or that of a girl you’re with – to drink alcohol as being the *same* decision that you’re going to have that kind of fun that night, and forgo any sky-diving adventures until some other night.”
One can never know with teens… but I *think* this analogy really connected for him, so again, I figured I’d share it here for others to use.
Backstory, I was maybe sexually harassed? last night by a friend and his friend. My friend and I just got to know each other a few months ago through a club and the conversation very quickly turned sexual. I was fine talking to him about it because I know I’d talk to my non-binary and female friends without an issue and I viewed him purely platonically so it never bothered me.
That being said, he kept mentioning how he had a friend who’d love my body and kept joking about me texting him every single day for WEEKS. He’d even send me blurred out nudes of his friend that I’d expressed I didn’t want but would give into because he kept asking me. Essentially to get him off my back I’d play along with everything sometimes but seeing as he would never stop asking me, I finally agreed to text his friend last night.
Within the HOUR this friend of my friend had asked to send me pics of his D multiple times and then started to describe touching himself to my texts? This is where I turned my phone off and started crying.
The next morning I texted my friend that I blocked his friend and would not be entertaining any more of this. He let me know that his friend would still pester him about me but I asked him to set a boundary as my consent is not there.
Despite all of this, despite knowing it’s not my fault … I feel like I asked for this to happen to me. I have been assaulted before by an intimate partner and this made me feel so similarly – but even then I blamed myself.
I feel like I just should’ve known better than to text in the first place or to engage in any of this conversation with my friend when he clearly did not understand my boundaries. I’m so worried about my reputation in this club we’re both part of, especially as my ex was ask a lady of iy, and I know that’s a huge reason I tried to brave through it and pretend I was ok with it.
Why I’m posting this here is also because I genuinely feel like this event will cause anyone new I date to feel repulsed but me and my actions. It’s causing me to spend any texting interactions with the guys I’m talking to thinking about how I need to tell them what an awful and weird person I am to have facilitated something like this.
Does anyone have any advice for me? I’m so sorry if this is the wrong sub but it’s literally making me feel like I have this awful secret now that I need to tell people. Will people I date actually be repulsed by what happened? Have I even done anything wrong?
Those who frequent orchard road must have seen the ‘Beads Uncle’, he is often seen busking in the streets with hula hopping the beeds around his neck and waist.
According to the obituary posted online, the ‘Beads Uncle’ is known as Oh Ow Kwee, he passed away peacefully on 5 June 2022 at the age of 80.
Previously he stopped performing due to COVID-19 restrictions but after the restrictions were lifted he was back again.
A video of him performing at Orchard Road earlier this year was also uploaded to Youtube
According to Today News, 40-year-old Er Chern Siew pleaded guilty to 7 charges, 6 of which were cheating charges and 1 immigration charge.
He was first remanded back in October 2021 and his sentence has been backdating to then.
The last time he entered Singapore was through Woodlands Checkpoint in 2015 and continued to remain in Singapore even after his 14 days visit pass has expired.
He took on several jobs living in Singapore including a salesman and an unlicensed real estate agent.
In 2021, he cheated 14 victims in a span of 3 months from July to August, telling victims to pay him a rental deposit in order to “secure” the rental units located in Geylang.
Each payment was between $800 to $850, five of the victims were Malaysian women who were working in Singapore and looking for a place to stay.
This is not the first time Er has committed a crime, back in 2020 Er took a debit card that was left behind at an ATM located in Harbourfront Centre and use it to buy various items totalling $336.58.
The offence of Cheating is under Section 420 of the Penal Code, is punishable with an imprisonment term that may extend to 10 years, and a fine.
So I leave for a work trip about 4 months ago for 2 weeks. Somehow my husband cheating, while I was gone, is my fault because I can’t keep him interested enough. OH IM SORRY. (Heavy sarcasm) Was S every other day not good enough for you because you were an addict and admitted you were so I pushed myself to have S with you so you wouldnt run?
Was I just supposed to be a good little wife and let you try out other women because “you didn’t know I was the one until after trying other options?” Get the f out of my life, have fun with the undergraduate student of yours PROFESSOR.
You’ve changed your profile to now dating as of 5 months ago. CONVENIENT TIMELINE BUDDY.
Why is it when women cheat they’re called names and socially exiled but when men do it it’s somehow the woman’s fault?!
You said that I did not provide you enough and you needed an alternative source to fulfil your needs. I can’t even go out to work properly thinking that you might be doing something behind my back.
The only one that is going to suffer now is not me and you it’s going to be our kids who are still so young.
Here are what netizens think:
Consider being a nun, you will never be cheated
No choice sometimes you got the wrong on and you have to face it.
HIV is a scary disease but it can be treated and drugs can be used to make it undetectable and suppress.
However, having HIV and doing it with another without telling them will face consequences.
According to Today News, a 48-year-old man pleaded guilty after he engaged in sexual activity with two other men without informing them that he is HIV positive.
Due to a gag order, the man cannot be named, the 48-year-old was diagnosed with HIV in 2017 and has been receiving treatment.
A doctor from NUH said that there was no risk of HIV transmission even if contraceptives were used during the activity.
The accused assumed that there was no need to disclose what he had during two encounters with two other men.
He did with the first man without telling him that he has HIV, the victim made a police report stating that he was sexually assaulted.
Investigations then began, about 18 months after the first case he engaged with the 2nd man after some alcohol but the 2nd man only agreed to do it after “some resistance”. Similarly, a police report was made.
The 48-year-old Singaporean was eventually jailed for 12 months.
According to the Infectious diseases act:
A person who knows that he or she has HIV Infection must not engage in any sexual activity with another person unless, before the sexual activity takes place —
(a) he or she has informed that other person of the risk of contracting HIV Infection from him or her; and
(b) that other person has voluntarily agreed to accept that risk.
A man recently shared screenshots between himself and a seller where the seller claims that a magical amulet can bring great fortune.
He said that the man makes empty promises and he did not get any good luck, only losing $888.
Here is the story:
I was recently cheated by this amulet seller for my own stupidness, I tried to buy an amulet and get lucky and all I got was nothing but a pack of lies.
The man claimed that the Khun Maan Tong (Baby Ghost Amulet) will give me luck if I continuously gave it offerings and pray to it.
I questioned him a month after getting it I feel I getting poorer and poorer, need to buy what toys, Fanta red and even Yakult.
I take myself to drink better, everyday spend $2-4 that’s like $100 plus a month leh.
Plus I buy the amulet itself total already more than $1k.
Later then I realised got many such sellers on Carousell, maybe all of it is that one person who keeps switching accounts after cheating their customers.
I only just realised after looking back at the messages there were no certificates at all.
He always advertises online stating can win 4D win Toto or win back your ex-girlfriend or boyfriend.
Going to the beach is a normal activity but getting filmed by weirdos is another.
A TikToker recently posted about how she was filmed by a man on the beach.
She confronted the man calmly and asked him if he took a photo of them and asked if he could delete it, the man feign ignorance by showing his phone, but her photos were in his gallery.
His post has since gained traction on social media with over 200 shares.
Here is his story (Copied from his Facebook post):
Come 2025 , 25 percent of Singapore Aged population will be over 65. As we age , we will need to find a reliable hospital to take care of our future healthcare needs. If you have chosen Tan Tock Seng Hospital (TTSH) , beware and be on alert. If there is anything amiss , please consult your advocate fast. Because the hospital is protected by the “LIMITATION ACT”. This act is very new to me. I humbly hope the Honorable Law Mr. K Shanmugam will explain to us what is actually this act. I will like to share my bitter experience that I had with TTSH with the good intention my social media friends , brothers and sisters alike , will not end up in the state I am now. My true story to the best of my knowledge.
Today is 06-06-2022. And this story happened 7 years back. In 06-06-2015 , i went by taxi to TTSH to treat a fever of 39 degree Celsius. The A&E doctor put me on observation that night. The next following day Dr Sadana and her team of doctors approach me and told me the fever was due to infection of the wound below my left foot. I told her my wound was taken care by a private nurse. She convinced me if I allow her to treat , she can save my leg. Because the wound is still new and raw. Seeing her confidence , I agreed. I went through ballooning , bypass of the vein , even allow a plastic surgeon a portion of my skin. Everything went well until one fine day at Level 2 TTSH. When I was doing dialysis , the Filipino nurse showed me a small bottle of drug. She was told to induce the drug into my blood system during dialysis. I told her I was not informed. But she told me she will follow the doctor’s order and ask me to ask the doctor the next day. But i never made it. I woke up 4 months later. After i woke up , i realized after the drug was induced to me , I had to be rushed to ICU and put on a life supporting machine almost 2 months. After 4 days in ICU , the doctors told my family , that my survival chances are less than 5 percent. But my eldest son was adamant. He refused to allow the doctors to take me off the life support machine.
Due to the medical negligence , I , a 55-year-old Senior Citizen , had to be rushed to a ICU and put on a life support for almost 2 months. After 2 months , I managed to regain my conscious. With the grace of the almighty Allah , I came back alive. But I have to pay a high price for it.
1) They created a hole in my throat : it made me speechless for months
2) A tube is inserted through my nose : I had to be fed with milk and liquid food for months.
3) My leg had to be amputated : this is the leg they promised to save.
4) My 2 hands were damage : Dr Sadana said it was due to the recklessness of the ICU Unit
5) After doing all this misshape , to bring me back to normalcy , they charged the hospital bill to my account.
After I was discharged from ICU , I went back to my normal ward in TTSH. There the business office approached my family. And told them , my initial Medisave of $35,000 has been used up and they require my family to top up cash into my Medisave Account. I told them we have no money to top up cash. Due to that , they forcefully , shifted me to Ren Ci Community Hospital.
There a porter brought me in a wheelchair to the MRI suite in TTSH. The porter and the MRI attendant quarrel because i should have been brought over in a bed. The porter left angrily , leaving me behind. The MRI attendant , called 7 of her friends. All 8 tried to carry me from wheelchair to the bed , in the process , my right leg was stucked to the bolt of the bed and was torn. Due to that , after 2 months of discharge , due to gangrene , I had to amputate that leg. But I was shock when TTSH told me , they are not responsible for the right leg , claiming that it was under Ren Ci. But i find it difficult to believe. Everything was under TTSH from the porter , MRI Suite , the doctors. And worst of all , after 323 days of admission , when i was discharged , I was only issued one and one hospital bill under TTSH. Ren Ci did not provide me any bill. In total , i was in hospital for nearly 1 year. Due to all these incidents , i became total and permanently disabled , two legs amputated(a.k.a).
I will like to ask Tan Tock Seng Hospital these few questions.
Question 1
I went for a left foot treatment. I was active and agile. And was ask to do left foot exercise , daily with my Malay Therapist and was under the watchful eyes of specialist and professional doctors. Then why did i end up in ICU?
Question 2
Your doctors caused me this misshape. Then why was I ask to pay for the mistakes done by your doctors? Our Honorable Prime Minister , Mr. Lee Hsien Long , assured Singaporeans , that our medisave will be wisely use by the doctors. Why in my case for a treatment of a left foot , I was charged a hefty bill of $51,000?
Question 3
I was ask to stay in hospital for 323 days for a treatment of a left foot. Is this normal?
Knowing the Limitation Act , you purposely buy time. To make the case over in May. You acknowledge my letter of complaint in Early January 2019 and “pretend” to arrange a Doctor-Patient on 24-02-2019. I called it “pretends” because only Dr Sadana and I was invited. The coordinator Rachel , disallows any video or audio recording. No medical expert was present nor were there any MOH official. The judge of the day , Professor Glen , was missing. He did not even attend the meeting nor meet the patient. Shamelessly the Professor gave his written judgement in May.
Legal Aid Bureau(LAB) represent me for 8 months and they quit. Making a mockery of my poverty. But later they claimed , they could not forward my case for a trial in a open court because my case has been nullified.
I was supposed to take a Raid of Summon in May 2019 against Tan Tock Seng. And that’s when I realize Tan Tock Seng made a fool out of me by arranging a Patient-Doctor meeting. To pretend as though they are investigating the case.
Tan Tock Seng Hospital handle human lives. I nearly lost my life. Tan Tock Seng should not conceal the Truth and defend the wrongdoings of their doctors. Instead, they should provide full security and be accountable. Be socially and morally responsible for the welfare and wellbeing of their patients. Here I trusted the hospital. At the end of the day , I lost my 2 legs and 2 hands. And was made a permanently disabled man. They refused to pay me compensation using the Limitation Act. And they also overcharged me by asking me to pay for the damage they did to me. To amputate my right leg , they took less than a week. Can TTSH tell me in detail why they took 323 days to amputate my left leg? It was the same doctors. Why the stark difference? If they were to amputate my legs , why did they assign a plastic surgeon to graft a portion of my skin , informing me they need it to cover my wound below my leg? In fact , before these incidents in 2015 , I never had such incident any time before my lifetime age. Now after 6 years of discharge , I never had a relapsed again. Then TTSH , why are you claiming you are innocent? Due to this case my cpf MediSave is zero. My new Medical Social Worker , Ms. Belle ,is harassing my children to activate their Medisave and pay for my medical arrears. And she refused to activate my Medifund outpatient. I tried to ask my MP to appeal. But she sarcastically replied , you can ask MP to send 100 of letters , the Hospital won’t entertain.
That is why I am writing in this Facebook post to share my agony to everyone that I was victimized and hope TTSH and together with MOH will jointly do a thorough investigation again on my matter. Conscience matters. Justice prevails. I still live till today hoping I will get the justice I deserve.
The only thing kept me going till now is the help given by National Kidney Foundation(NKF) , Tzu Chi Foundation for assisting my Ambulance Assistance , previous TTSH Social workers who were understanding and assisted to provide me with outpatient medications for last 6 years. They never left me without any medications. But now I am left with no medications. I bless everybody. I pray and wish no one to go through what I went through. May God bless us. Takecare.
