About to get married but don’t want to let go of my fwb

I have a f-buddy whom I meet occasionally to meet physical needs. We literally just do nothing except to f the shit out of each other. No emotions, hardly any conversation.

It’s been going on for years, and I’ve had serious committed relationships at the same time (of course I kept it a secret). I feel it’s like just to get some release, since your partner isn’t available for that all the time.

She is not marriage material and she doesn’t like to be tied down, but is perfectly ok with using me to satisfy herself as well.

But things have gotten a little complicated recently. I’m about to marry the most beautiful woman in the world. My fwb knows about this and I could sense her jealousy every time we sleep together.

The way she kisses becomes more and more passionate and “emotional”, instead of the usual wild but emotionless f.

It’s as if she is trying to communicate that she loves me. Even though we agreed to have this arrangement after I get married, it still seems like she is somewhat different and affected. I don’t wanna raise the topic with her, because it might open a can of worms and affect our NSA relationship.

I also feel a little guilty about keeping this whole fwb thing from my wife to be. Think she will be devasted if she finds out.

But I don’t want to tell her now out of fear that she might call off the wedding. And I guess this will remain a secret for life, or for as long as I can keep it.

I know this sounds selfish, but my f buddy is the kind who really fulfils every fantasy I have. Making love with my fiancé isn’t quite the same… she is a wonderful person and I love her for who she is, but she doesn’t have as hot a body and has much lower libido than my f buddy.

What should I do?

I just want a sanity check. I was talking with my friend recently, and we were catching up with each other’s lives. My friend is a Chinese man and an Indian woman. He was talking about one of his cousins, we can call him Tom (27), and mentioned that Tom is getting married soon. I was surprised, I hadn’t known Tom had been dating, but my friend explained that he had been seeing a girl for about a year now. My friend then mentions that the girl is 19. When I expressed my surprise at the situation, my friend just shrugged and told me that “these kind of girls get married early.”

I grew up in a normal neighbourhood so I know that his statement isn’t really true, or is a non-informative generalization at best. But for the rest of the night, I couldn’t help but feel weirded out about the idea of a 19-year-old woman marrying a 27-year-old man. I can’t help but look at Tom in a new light–a creepy light. Several friends of mine have been equally weirded out, but weirdly, not many of my male friends have found it strange, no matter what their ethnicity.

Am I getting worked up over nothing? What would your reaction be in this scenario?

Here are what netizens think:

• I’ll never understand why other guys who do this. I once had to work with a dude who was like 45 at the time (I was like 24 for reference). Once on a lunch break he asked me if I knew any cool spots to pick up chicks, I told him I didn’t and asked if he was into clubbing. He told me he was, which surprised me cause he had a very “homebody” aura to him.

• I don’t understand why it’s not weird to some people. Yeah, it wouldn’t be weird if a 30 year old married a 38 year old. But that’s not because of the age gap itself ; it’s because of the amount of life experience already had by each. 19 has no experience at all. Nothing. Likely can’t even regular her own impulses yet. It’s not okay.

• I’m married to a man who’s six years younger than me. I would never have dated him when he was 19, he would have annoyed me like it’s no one’s business. His own mother describes him as being 35 since he was 15, but even with that he still woods have been too young. At 28, when we started dated he had a really good idea of who he was and what he wanted in life. He had done things and wasn’t being taken advantage of. We were both adults, and I didn’t have any power over him due to an experience gap. We’re equal partners in our marriage and parenting our children because we treat each other as such. I don’t think anyone should aim to have an experience gap over their partner, it really makes things unbalanced.

My wife puts zero effort into my birthday, Christmas or our anniversary but expects me to go all out for hers.

I’m turning 39 on Sunday. My love language is gift giving and I love giving people I love gifts of all sizes. I truly get joy from doing it.

But the flip side is that I kinda build up my birthday, Christmas and our anniversary in my mind. It’s not just a lust for stuff, as experiences are amazing to me.

It just means a lot when someone puts in even a fraction of the thought but I do when it comes to the gift. But since the beginning of our relationship and the nearly 6 years we’ve been married, my wife is put in next to zero effort when it comes to giving me any kind of gift.

Almost every time I’m told that “it just kind of snuck up on me and I had to find something last minute“. While I can understand that random gift-giving is not her love language, those three dates don’t move. They are the same every year and I don’t understand how they can just “sneak up on you“.

But when it comes to giving her gifts on those days she makes it very clear the expectation is that lots of thought and sometimes money goes into it. And I love giving her gifts. Big, small, expensive or free. When something pops into my mind of something I can get her, it brings me so much joy to get it and see her face.

It just hurts that I feel she doesn’t care how it makes me feel to be an after thought. Because she is not that way with her brothers her parents or her cousins. With them, she goes all out. Plans parties, really maps out and plans extremely thoughtful gifts. It just doesn’t seem that she thinks I warrant the same.

I’m sure people will think that I’m whining or beating greedy. And I can understand how it might look like that. But I don’t care if she got me something from the dollar store or even found on the side of the road.

It’s much more about the fact that little to no thought goes into things and it seems like getting me anything is more of a chore than a joyful experience. And it really, really hurts.

my job is horrific. I work in an extremely toxic environment with extremely toxic people. I work 12-16 hour shifts as essential personnel, see no sunlight, and chained to my desk. We get extremely passive aggressive emails from our leadership encouraging us to quit if we disagree with their choices (promoting people to leadership positions with no experience or time on, offering people special positions without opening to everyone, etc). Everyone but my immediate team (of 5 of us, 3 of which who have been here 5+ years) got $1k raises; we received nothing.

In my 5 years here, I have only seen 1 pay raise of 2% when I became a trainer after 4years. We just got a 15% pay cut since they deemed we are out of covid. I already made no money and can barely afford bread or a simple meal.

I have been here with this bs for 5 years. I am drained physically, mentally, and emotionally. I have been trying to get out for years now, but covid threw a wrench in that.

I was offered a position for life-changing money on a phenomenal team (they all have been so lovely to work with) with a world-renowned company. I cannot begin to express how eager I am to leave this workplace for them. I’d give 1 hour’s notice for quitting if I could today.

My offer is contingent on my background stuff crossing over to them correctly. My PM said it would realistically take 5-7 business days if he had to guess. Today is day 7. I have heard nothing yet.

I am desperate to get the ball rolling and on my way out of hell. I have had a breakdown every day of week. It’s destroying me, it’s destroying my relationship.

How do I remain patient? How do I eagerly follow up asking for a timeline so I know how much longer I have to suffer for? There’s no light at the end right now and I need something to hold on to.

Here are what netizens think

• Definitely follow up to see the status of your application. I’d also put applications to other jobs just to keep your mind busy. I was in a situation exactly like yours only I couldn’t wait any longer. I left with no job prospects, and honestly couldn’t be happier with my decision.

• Stay strong, keep the passive aggressive emails to a minimum, and try not to cuss anyone out! Also if you can, fwd those micro managing damning emails that make you want to flip your desk and burn the place to the ground to your personal email. I like to read these every now and again to re-affirm my choices. Or some could even be useful in a lawsuit one day!

• Hang in there, and applying for other jobs isn’t a bad idea. When it comes to jobs, your backups should have backups. Recruiters have people drop out mid-process all the time. They’re used to it. So keep looking pretty much until you start your new job.

• Mass application of jobs