Seeking advice on overthinking about the smallest things

I somehow believe I overthink and worry too much into the things I want to do, that I ask myself a lot of questions, thinking about scenario that can “possibly” happen.

Pulling in a simple example, Lets say I want to get a contractor to install something at my toilet, can consider it as an upgrade.

I will overthink things like

1. what if the contractors comes at 5.45pm, when 6pm is the cut off for installation,

2. will they get denied entry by the security

3. what am i going to say to the security to convince them to let the contractors to continue.

4. when will they come back to install again,

5. do I need to take leave,

6. are they going to charge me extra for the 2nd trip.

7. If they can make it in time, (in terms of installation) where are they pulling the water from, how much changes are they going to make to the existing installation.

8. Are the changes going to look nice, if nice, how nice, what is the definition of nice..

9. if not nice, what do i need to do to make it look nice, how bad it is that installation is deemed as bad.

10. How about the old installation, are they going to throw it away for me,

11. where are they going to dispose it, a random place? then will anyone come look for me because my contractor did not dispose the waste material properly,

12. will i get fined.

13. am i going to claim the damage from the contractor,

14. what am i going to say to them to make them pay for the disposal.

15. if they refuse to dispose, where do i throw it at, do i have the capability to even dispose it away by myself,.

16. How are they pulling in the power to my installation, do I have an electrical outlet or any spare power lines above the partition.

17. What if the contractor say they are unable to install due to whatever reason, how am i going to make a decision.

18. if the size is wrong, then what can i do, rebuy the stuff, how much time it will take,

19. What should be the basis for my decision….

20. Am i going to engage another contractor (extra money) or what am i going to do.

It is just a trivial installation matter, which may eventually take about 2 hours or so. I will ask so many questions like these to myself and feel stressed when unable to answer them. So I will just start to worry worry worry.

Eventually, I will end up giving up on the idea and don’t dare to proceed, and forget about it.

I really just want to carry out my ideas without worrying so so so much stuff.

Netizens’ comments

This is definitely anxiety and it’s more common than you think! Some of us just mask it better.

Ignore the advice : “don’t overthink, just do it!” because they don’t understand our brains are wired differently.

What helps me sometimes would be someone else who reminds me that there are so many “what ifs” and those questions would only slow me down, and sometimes cutting your train of thoughts by focusing back on the goal helps too. I also redirect all the “what ifs” by planning and making plan Bs for different scenarios as well. It takes time and practice but gotta always keep in mind that action has to be made.

Lastly, if its too overwhelming, do seek some help!

Good luck!

So my wife, F (26) and I, M (33) been married for 2 years. I admit that she is a hothead and can be a bit much especially when shes mad at me. I take responsibility for any mistake i make like not cleaning the bathroom after the shower or filling her car with gas after using it. I even stand there and let her unload her anger and frustration on me BUT only at home and not in public. She tends to start arguing with me in public instead of waiting til we get home.

Recently she’s been coming to my workplace to berate me over something I did the night before like not getting the stuff I said I would get or doing the stuff I said I would do. It’s embarrassing and humiliating,iating and has been affecting my job to the point where I started getting a warning after a warning from my superiors who, I believe have been very patient and understanding especially when my wife makes a fuss at the office.

Last week I was in the middle of a 2hr meeting and next thing I knew was seeing my wife barge in while yelling at me asking why I was keeping my phone turned off (I had to turn it off after getting warnings about I since she forbid me from turning it off). I was stunned, because my superior and co workers AND potential clients were there. I didn’t even move my superior dealt with it and called security to get her out. My wide started arguing with him telling him she came for me then started urging me to get off my seat and tell them to back off. But I didn’t I just watched as security escorted her out. It was horrible because I had a fear that my job was lost. She yelled at me repeatedly to get them to stop but she got kicked out eventually.

I got told she’s no longer allowed there and that this was going to be my final, last warning. I apologized then went home. She was there waiting then yelled about me watching and doing nothing whole she was getting mistreated and kicked out. I finally snapped and said she was over the line, made a scene that risked my job over few missed calls. She started crying saying I still should’ve defended her after getting humiliated infront of my co workers but told her she didn’t have to worry about it because she’s no longer allowed there. She got more furious and went to her mom’s to stay there.

I lost a close friend of 10 years, whom we first met in secondary school after coming out to him that I am gay just last week.

He suddenly just distanced himself away from me and just blocked me on Insta and telegram yesterday (he used to put all my messages on read).

When I called him today, he said that this friendship is over and hung up. It was quite shocking as I remembered that when I first came out last week, he said he won’t treat me differently and he’ll still be my friend.

But after finding out that he cut all contact lines with me, I am heartbroken and lost. Not only I was slapped with a lie, but also witnessed a behavioural change in him, that he prefer to have straight friends.

Was it a bad move to disclose my orientation to someone I know for so long? Is he afraid that I’m trying to flirt with him? I knew he has a girlfriend and I respected that. I wasn’t intending to date him, I just wanted to be accepted for who I am. He seems to be living in this bubble on what gays are ‘supposed to be’.

Now I have this fear of telling my other friends that I’m gay as they might have the same reaction. Should I just forget that ‘friend’ and move on, or give him more time to move on.

I know now many young ppl are open towards the lgbtq community, but I still can’t handle what I just encountered. I lost a part of myself there.

Here are what netizens think:

• A friend who can’t accept who, what and how you are, is not worth your time anymore. Time-length of a friendship doesn’t define anything. That’s why there’s a saying of 患難見真情. Put this down and move on. Don’t be surprised if ever a day you heard that he has been letting people know what you told him. Such is human. Life sucks sometimes. Take care!

• If they don’t accept you, they don’t deserve to be your friends. Join an interest club, put yourself out there meet people. You’ll realized the world is big enough to know that there are people you really get along with and accept you for who you are. They won’t ask you to change and will be supportive of you.

• He isn’t worth your time and effort. Now you can focus on others who actually care about you as a friend.

• I am sorry you are going through this. He must have meant a lot to you as a long time friend and you must be feeling really hurt right now. Bear in mind that he might be uncomfortable with his own orientation. It’s call projecting in psychology…nothing to do with you. In this day and age, there will be a lot of other people who are accepting of you. Chin up, you’ll have better experiences